• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2020
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

BlackBlackwatch


A fan who likes story about Sunset Shimmer, especially Anon-a-Miss, or FlashShimmer

T

Anon-a-Miss succeeded. Sunset Shimmer no longer hangs out with her loved ones. One day, the creators of the account realize that Sunset doesn't show up for class. Worried, they went to her house and discovered sad news.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 190 )

Hello done to death idea. And nope, nothing here hasn't been done before. As in, literally all of this has been used before by someone else.

You're not copying someone else's work. But all of these ideas are nothing new if you dig deep enough.

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For now. But I think it will change. You ll see.

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Let's hope so. Judging by past Anon-a-Miss stories I've read, the only thing that's remotely original so far is Sunset actually having been employed by an AaM victim relative and getting fired from her job as a result. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

I look forward to see how this story will go, I've gotten inspired to do my own take on this story idea but it will be a video game crossover and have taken my time to write down possible ideas that I'll use.

Anyways I enjoyed the beginning and look forward to more, keep up the good work.

Like stated by the other 2 commentators, Anon-a-Miss is done to death. But so far, I don't mind this story...but I feel like this chapter could have been done over a longer period of time to let things set in a bit better. Like Sunset being kicked out of her apartment. Plus, such would help with the reader's emotional experience and sympathy for Sunset.

There's a few errors I spotted, like occasionally referring to characters by the wrong gender. I see a few 'he' and 'his' in reference to Sunset during the chapter for example. I think it had with Firefly as well.

But for now, I'll keep reading out of curiosity.

Thule #6 · Nov 6th, 2020 · · 3 · Chapter 1 ·

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While there are some Anon-A-Miss stories out there, some times there pop out one that is on the better side.
If this is the very first reaction you have to Anon-A-Miss stories, why are you here?

Too many time I see comments like this at the VERY FIRST chapter.... Just because the theme/trope have been done before.
If it's just because Anon-A-Miss have been done before several times (''done to death''), do you also respond in such a way to:

  • ''Soldier in Equestria''?
  • ''Human turned into X''?
  • ''Human transformed into a pony''?
  • ''Human being treated as a monster/villain''?
  • ''Kid being adopted''?
  • ''RGRE''?
  • ''Gender bent''?
  • ''Displaced''?
  • ''Fallout: Equestria''?
  • ''The Conversion Bureau''?
  • All the other ''What if'' stories based on episodes?
  • .......

Nearly all of the stories here on FImfiction are (starting to become) tropes...

If it is constructive criticism, good news for the author, because they get something to grow from....
But if it's just criticism.... :facehoof: It's just that. More or less just complaining.
You could just as well just write ''I don't like this, so don't write it!''

Or is there another reason for the dislike?


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Keep on, you are an okay start for now. Not much that distance you from the rest of the litter.... yet.
That the Staff have not joined the bandwagon is a good start. :eeyup:

The violence seem a little over the top, but not overly so and not unrealistic in my eyes.
I personally don't belive a whole student body would turn so uniformly against a singel individual. The majority sure, but some would be neutral in some way and at least few would give her the benefit of doubt.
In this case Flash and Derpy.


Some rhetorical question that may help you flesh out the story....

  • What are Sunsets legal status in this story, do she have citizen status or an ID there?
  • Will you concentrate on a specific POV, other than Sunset?
  • Do or did Sunset have any romantic feelings before she was framed?
  • Will there be legal actions taking place, further down the line in the story?
  • Will you refer back to the time...:
    Before/while she was Celestia's student?
    She just came to the EQG-verse?
    She was the schools Queen-bee?
    She was with one or more of the the humane 6?

Other than that:
Watch the pacing a little more.
Some awkward sentences here and there.
You've spaced out the text well enough. No Walls-Of-Text here yet.
Grammatically, I don't see anything grievous standing out to me. But then again, English is not my main language.

And I would advise you to not release updates too often.
If you write extra, let your pre-readers and editors give feedback and space the releases out, so the readers don't lose too much of their interest in the story.
Having a new chapter pop up in the tracking page, every 2-3 week or so, will most likely keep your readers there.

And most importantly!
Write what you want, because what you WANT to write will most likely motivate you the keep on writing.
Advices on 'how to write' may be good for you, but 'what to write' needs to be what you want!

Thank you for the chapter.
Have a thumbs up from me.👍

Giving dislikes because a concept is overdone is just stupid because you're not accounting for the quality of the story when making the decision. This story isn't badly written. If you've seen this story a million times, just ignore it. You didn't have to click the story and dislike just for the heck of it.

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Hear Hear!
You could say they might be :ajsmug: judging the book on it's cover....

Dear Princess Celestia.

Today we learned...

Sincerely yours
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Well said my friend :twilightsmile:

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I Personally like Most Anon A Miss Stories. Although, I do Hate some tropes so I might sound a little Hypocrite. But, anyone hates something. So, I really Specifically hate stories with the Stupid Misunderstanding First Contact with a Human Protagonist/Displayed.

And be hated for a stupid reason, or Celestia, Luna, Rainbow Dash, and any other of the Main Six act very OOC, and just being Racist/Xenophobic Idiots and Ass****!


And don't get me started about the Conversion Bureau. Although, I DO like some AU's where Humanity Won, or other Heroic/Anti Hero and even some Villain Forces that Protect Humanity, and despise the Tyrant Celestia, and the Ponies for the Attempted Genocide/Xenocide. And I love to watch seeing the OOC Tyrant B**** get what she deserves!!!! :pinkiecrazy:

While not a dead beaten horse as A Canterlot Wedding, it's still echoes a lot of previous versions.

You know what would make this stand out from the rest? If the CMC weren't the ones behind it (given this whole thing is extremely OOC for them), or if they were, have it be unwilling.

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Ratchet and Clank series.

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Indeed. And to me; as I always say to these Anon-a-Miss stories, the one thing I always look forward to in these stories: the realization mistake and broken spirits of the CMC, the students of CHS and the five bimbos who f:yay:ked up.

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Actually, I read some other Anon A Miss Stories where the CMC DIDN'T do it. Sometimes, it's the Dazzlings wanting Revenge, sometimes it's Diamond Tiara with Blackmail. ( A Repeat Deja Vu Version of Gabby Gubs, but Equestria Girls.) Or even a OC CHS Character that has a Petty Grudge with Sunset, and they take it too far with some Insane Maniacal Scheme.

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Cool. Is it based on the Original, or the Recent "Reboot"? And when do you make the Ratchet and Clank X MLP: EQ Girls: Anon A Miss Crossover?

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Nevertheless, I like to see where this goes. And maybe have Sunset get Trust Issues, but have TRUE Friends/Family that believe and even Love Her. And both Sunset and her Real Freinds Hate the Rainbooms for their Sinful Betrayal!!!! :twilightangry2:

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The original trilogy series. I'm not really sure when I'll upload as I've yet to get started on the first chapter 1 as I've bene mostly focused on story ideas and would really love to get myself motivated to work on it.

It's been many years since I've last worked on a fan fiction story and have been motivated to do different stories in the past but I never really gotten myself motivated to get past the first chapter. xD

It's very frustrating dealing with procrastination and countless ideas of what I'd like to put into the story.

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But those are the exceptions as opposed to the norm, which you wouldn't think would be so when it came to fixfics.

I say that the story is definitely well written, but it may need to be edited because of either spelling mistakes or incorrect grammar, such as “That's not true, Sunset. We are here, us.” or “A problem? No! Why this question?” (which could be a mistake on my part).
This story is pretty good in my opinion, so I do hope that if you find time in your day/night that you are able to keep writing.

It seems like you have some great plans for this, I have faith that you’ll do well with this story, as much faith as Arthur should’ve had.

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That’s my most anticipated part of the Anon-A-Miss stories, specifically the realization of the Rainbooms that they were wrong and completely screwed up a friendship, again!

*My Wolf Eyes reaching the end of the chapter* is it just me? or does anyone else want to help Celestia and Luna 'talk' to the students?

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Well, I'm with you! 🥊 :pinkiecrazy: 💣 🏏 🛠

I'm using this items NOT to use for Sports or "Repairing". I'm just giving the Rainbooms and the Terrible CHS Students a Painful Remainder NOT to Scapegoat or Hurt a Innocent Person like Sunset for any reason.

10519327
Hey can I get the recipe for the spicy curry please?

Perfect.

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Thank you for your advice. They will be useful.

This story has my interest!

I really hope Sunset doesn't forgive them!

Honestly? I have to ask is English your First language? I am not trying to be mean, Just that my following Criticism is based on that not being Correct and English IS your first Language.

Ok so first, yes AnM is a bit beat to death, but I honestly don't care. I will take Beat to death plots over original but dead fics any day.

Second, you really do need to edit your stories better or find someone who will. There were so many mistakes that I can't add them all here and expect this post NOT to be the length of a mid range one shot in word count.

Third and Fina, Ignore the Detractors. If you are having fun writing this, then that is all that matters in the end.

Hi! I see a few corrections that I would make, as a writer, but I don't want to put them here because I don't know how you might react to them. :twilightsheepish:

Maybe I can be your editor/proofreader? If that's okay, of course. (If so, please leave a comment on my user page!)

Bye for now, and happy reading!

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No. English is not my first language but, in a way, I'm trying to.

As long as there is zero forgiveness, I'm in.

Hey there! Just want to say I like this story!! I always like seeing where people take the Anon-A-Miss story. I hope to see more of this!

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Good, I am loving the story and would hate to see it die in the Craddle.


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We have only seen three of the Five, but given their reaction to Dumbbells assault......Well we will have to see if they are all of the same mind set or if the last two are just following behind the other three due to fear or intimidation. Honestly, I felt that the AnM episode made out Pinkie and Fluttershy to be uncaring and down right evil when they would be the two of the five to at least give Sunset a chance.

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Congratz btw, you made it to the top of the Main Page!

Okay. This story is officially the BEST Anon-A-Miss I have ever read!!

“That's not true, Sunset. We are here, us.”

Funny that Ditzy, the one with the strangest sight of all, can see something that everybody else has seemed to miss.

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Ironic huh. That's why Ditzy/Derpy is the Best! :derpytongue2:

While I am personnaly not that much of a fan of the EQG universe, it's always stories like this that catch my interest. :twilightsmile:

I am honestly curious how this will continue, so please, keep up the good work.:twilightsmile:

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Don't worry. I'll continue.

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a diffrent perception of the problem can help you see more about it. also in most storys she isnt in a big group or miss popular so she would be more likely to not be swept up completly in gossip and group perceptions

I need updates quick suspense is killing me please

and made her way back to her math neck.

What in the world

I know it's probably already been said but this story needs some heavy editing.
But beyond the grammar mess is a interesting story.
I hope sunsets problems are starting to turn around

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Congrats on the top spot on the feature page!
Screen shot

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Give it some time, the issue with the Anonymous story line when adapted to fan fiction IMO is the first chapter or two always recaps what everyone always knows which seems to be the issue for most people (retreading the same thing over and over again). This falls into the same "issue" for example if you write a fan fiction of Harry Potter in the Triwizard Tournament, the setup is always the same because you have to set up a story before you can then take it off course. Give the writer a little while to set the scene so they can develop their own take on the story line.

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The possibility of this happening is exactly why I fear anon-a-mis stories. The entire show is about friendship, so not forgiving goes against everything the show stands for. It also makes sense for the gals to blame Sunset as far as I understand the actual comic. Didn't they discover one of the anon-a-miss messages was send with Sunset's phone with a secret that was just shared with her during a sleepover? How can you then blame the gals for their conclusion?

In addition, anon-a-miss fics that do go the zero forgiveness route usually become basically torture pr0n, the gals can't be punished enough and what they have to go through is completely disproportional to what they did. Usually by Sunsets new friends who tend to be characters that have done way worse (like Trixie or Gilda) so the stories tend to be extremely hypocritical as well.

For the record, this is my general experience with these kind of anon-a-miss stories. Nothing I said here has to apply to this story, I haven't actually read it. It sounds like it might though, which I why I'm not going to read it either.

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