Rainbow Dash's Awesome Nightmare Night Haunted House Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Adventure

by TheDriderPony

You Have Nothing to Fear...

"Ooooohohoho no you don't," you say, not taking your eyes off the suspicious cake. As appetizing as it looks, you're no dummy. This is a haunted house. There's no such thing as a Room With Free Cake.

You circle it, looking for clues. "Alright, trick cake. I can work with this. Come on Dash, puzzle it out. Just like Daring Do."

You observe the cake from all sides and learn that it looks equally delicious from all angles. The rich aroma of chocolate and pumpkin is starting to get to you, making you wonder if there really is any danger and what the harm would be in just a small bite.

You clamp down on that thought the moment you notice it. That's exactly what the cake wants you to think! But you're too smart to fall for its trap.

You slam a hoof onto the table, making the platter jump and quiver. "So what's your gimmick? Filled with hot sauce? One of Pinkie's mini-party cannons in the center? Going to turn into worms in my mouth? Tell me your secrets."

You narrow your eyes as that last thought metastasizes. "Yeah, I bet that's it. You're not even a cake, are you? Just some kind of monster mimicking one." Your assuredness grows as you nod along with your own deduction. "That's why there's no knife and fork. I bet the minute my mouth or hoof got close you'd spring to life and try to bite me back."

The cake, for its part, says nothing. It only continues to sit there deliciously.

"Is that it?" You raise your voice for the benefit of any observing ponies that might be listening. "Did I solve this room?" There's no reply.

"No," you decide. "It's not enough to just call out a monster. Monsters have to be defeated."

On one hoof, you could probably spend hours poking and prodding at the "cake" to figure out exactly what it really is and what the best way to attack it would be. On the other hoof, that sounds incredibly boring and more like something Twilight would do. But you're not Twilight, you're Rainbow Dash. So you do a very Rainbow Dash thing.

You smash the cake.

Frosting goes flying with he force of your blow, coating the top of the table and peppering your face. As you're wiping down your tongue of any monster cake specks, you hear a small 'pomf', like a pillow hitting the ground.

On the table, placed awkwardly among the wreckage of its predecessor, is a new cake.

"Aha! I knew there was something fishy about this!" You smash this one as well, sweeping to the side and splattering it across the wall.

'Pomf!'

A third cake appears even more quickly than before. With a wing assisted jump kick, you send it sailing into the far wall.

And thus, you fall into a peculiar rhythm. For each cake you smash, buck, or kick to smithereens, a new one appears in its place. Each tries to tempt you to give up your crusade and taste it, but your will is like iron and you destroy them just the same.

It doesn't take long for the gooey sugary remains of countless cakes to start piling up. After a barely a minute the floor is decently carpeted in confections. Within five, most of the walls are covered as well. After fifteen minutes of near continuous cake-smashing, the mess has built up so high and so thick that it's hard to walk. Undeterred, you take short hovering hops, each one placing you higher and higher on a platform of compressed cake.

Your pride yourself on your stalwartness, your dedication to not giving in to your cakey foe. This lasts right up until you land on a particularly soft and deep patch of cake.

The instant you close your wings and try to get new footing, you plunge into the cake like it's water. The shock snaps out out of your smashing trance. When had the old cakes built up this much? How did the mash tower high enough that you could sink so deep that there was only a tunnel above you?

You try to move your wings but they're encased in cake, pressed down from all sides. Your legs are equally stuck, the compressed cake as firm as concrete.

A quiet 'pomf' drags your attention away from your rising panic... as the light suddenly vanishes from the top of your tunnel.

You look up just in time to get a face full of raspberry cheesecake. The cold sludge of it presses into your nostrils, your ears, your mouth. You try to breathe but only get a mouthful of cake. Each struggled gasp brings less and less sweet oxygen.

Colorful spots dance at the edge of your vision briefly before they too fade into the all-encompassing darkness, leaving you with nothing but the intense pressure across your body, and the pervasive smell and taste of cake.

[Death by chocolate was never more apt. Add one (+1) to your Fear Meter]

---

"You interrogated the cake." It wasn't a question, but an accusation. "And then you attacked it. Why in Luna's name would you attack a cake?"

Your senses return to you in a nauseating swim of colors. When they finally settle, you recognize the shape and furnishing of the foyer, back where you started.

"It worked, didn't it?" you shoot back as full recollection of the nature of your experience returns to you. The fact that it's hard to remember that you're in the middle of a staged event really changes your perspective at the time.

"No. It didn't." Trixie remains a constant in your adventure, though her costume does not. Since the last time you saw her she's changed it out for a pair of white overalls with oversized buttons. Her mane peeks out from under the green wig, and you can make out patches where she's applied the orange fur powder too thinly to hide her natural color. "The cakes duplicated to the point where there was no more room for air and you suffocated."

"I died?"

"Figuratively. Starlight put in too many safeties for you to get really hurt. Still, you lost the room."

She sighs and gives you a look laced with irritation. "You know I had a whole song ready? Choreographed dance number with illusion duplicates and everything. But you managed to fail so ridiculously that I can't even be asked to bother."

Deciding to ignore her theatrics, you decide to take that as the end of the conversation and get back on track. But before that, there's something that's been bugging you.

"Why was that even in a haunted house? Seriously, who's afraid of cake?"

"You'd be surprised. It came up pretty high on our survey. Fun fact: Did you know the average Equestrian will eat eight times their weight in cake every year?"

That sounds... not really that unbelievable, now that you think about it. "What about—"

"Pinkie Pie is obviously not an average anything," she responds before you can even finish the question.

You give Trixie a look that shows exactly what you think of her before continuing on your adventure.

---

There doesn't seem to be anything to interact with in this room, but there are three hallways that branch off that head LEFT, FORWARD, and RIGHT.

If your Fear Meter is full, you must select the fourth option.

Author's Note:

What Will You Do?

[LEFT HALLWAY]
[CENTER HALLWAY]
[RIGHT HALLWAY]
[BAIL]

Congratulations! You've found a hidden collectible! Trixie Costume #11 ["Candy-Making Indentured Servitude"]

Try to find all 20 of them!

Art provided by Shaslan