Rainbow Dash's Awesome Nightmare Night Haunted House Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Adventure

by TheDriderPony

You Have Nothing to Fear...

You open the door to a fancy dining room.

Running down the center of the room is a massive and a very expensive-looking table. High-backed chairs run down each side, their velvet backs ripped open in more cases than not. Four chandeliers hang overhead, each with a constellation of dripping candles that have grown both stalactites reaching down and matching stalagmites rising up from the table. It's fully set with plates, cutlery, glasses and all the little odds and ends needed to host a fancy function. All of it is incredibly tarnished and dirty.

All except for the head of the table. The spot closest to where you stand has no chair and actually has a very new and clean-looking set of silverware.

There's even food prepared and you can smell it from where you stand.

The scent of cheese and spices wafts across your nose, beckoning you forward. You obligingly follow the heavenly scent to the table. It awaits you there; a crisp tortilla, oozing with four types of cheese, stuffed with peppers and mushrooms. Next to it is a sign that says "Eat me".

You'd normally be incredibly suspicious of such a delectable-looking treat... if it weren't for the fact that you immediately understand what's going on.

"Okay, so I guess this is a special room just to mess with Twilight, right?" Of course Trixie would resort to pulling such a cheap trick against the mare she used to call her rival, but you're surprised Starlight agreed to go along with it. Someone using a knowledge of a friend's specific fear against them seems kinda un-friendship-y.

But, whatever. You're not Twilight, so for you this is literally a free lunch.

"Don't mind if I do!" It's not exactly Nightmare Night food, but that's no reason to turn it down. All this walking has made you a bit peckish anyway.

You polish off the quesadilla in under two minutes, though almost half of that is extra-slow chewing to savor all the rich flavors. Whoever's doing all the cooking for this event really knows what she's doing. It's supremely cheesy.

"Ahem."

You half-choke, caught mid-swallow by the sudden voice. You look to your left to see Spitfire's piercing gaze.

"Well?" she says, a note of irritation in her voice. "They're all waiting."

You look out across the room. Every seat at the table is filled with ponies in uniform. Grizzled veterans with more medals than free space on their breasts. Rising newcomers whose steely eyes gauge you for weakness. Politicians, financial backers, influential ponies of every stripe.

The entirety of the Wonderbolt High Commission.

You break out in a cold sweat as dread wells in your stomach. What have you done? Eating before everypony else? And just before your big speech? What is wrong with you?!

Spitfire's hot breath tickles you ear as she leans in to whisper. "Just so you know, rookie, I called in a lot of favors to get all these ponies here tonight to listen to your big proposal to completely overhaul the Wonderbolts structure, facilities, and marketing strategy. You screw this up it's my flank on the line just as much as yours. So don't."

Of course. You speech! Your... speech. Which you totally remember and hasn't completely flown from your mind. But you practiced it. Over and over in the mirror. Just... start talking and surely it'll come back to you.

You take a deep breath and begin. "Eshteemed 'aties an' 'entilmn." What was that? You clear your throat with a cough. "Eshtaemed 'agies-" No! Even worse! What is wrong with you? You try to clear you throat again, but why isn't it working?

Horror dawns as you realize. The cheese. The cloying delicious cheese is so thick it's coating your mouth, your tongue, your throat! You can barely speak a word till you get all this cheese out of your mouth.

"E'cuse meh." You reach for your glass, but it's empty. Everyone's is empty! There's nothing to drink!

"Dash," Spitfire says, and the barely concealed anger in her voice is palpable. "We're waiting."

---

What are you going to do?! You have to clear your throat somehow! Or maybe there's another option?

Author's Note:

What Will You Do?

[Use Item: Experimental Formula]
[Use Item: Bucket of Well Water]
[Use Item: Paperwork]
[Bail]