This story is undergoing revisions and editing as it was my first story.
Twilight and her friends have protected Equestria from countless foes. From dark magicians to ancient beasts from Tartarus, they have conquered all. The elements of harmony are the perfect weapon to be wielded by Celestia and Luna. What happens though, when your own weapon is threatening to turn against you? What happens when your darkest secrets bleed out into the open for all to ridicule. What happens, when the enemy, is also your friend?
Dark tag does not mean grim dark. The story can get serious and involves death and violence, but it is not extreme.
In this world ancient Equestrian history has been altered a great deal, however, this story follows mlp fim until season five The Cutie Remarking. All content after that is not included in this story. The story itself picks up around a year later. Equestria Girls is only included to allow Sunset Shimmer to appear, all other characters from the other dimension are irrelevant.
This chapter is meant to be a preview/hook to get you wanting more. Please let me know if you liked the story, or not. Either way. Though I would prefer you shower me with praise I think I can handle criticism.
-OYL
This was interesting to read.
I'm new to writing myself, so I don't really have any advice, but maybe try spacing out the paragraphs, (like putting more spaces in, it might be easier to read.) Other than that, I liked it! Please continue writing.
10508847
Thanks for the advice!
Ya I would say have more paragraphs spacing, other then that good job.
10535916
Thanks, I will add some more paragraphs breaks when I have some time! I appreciate the feedback!
Interesting. I enjoyed this chapter. It was nice seeing Starlight, Sunset and Trixie interact. And if I were in Twilight's situation, I'd probably freak out a bit too.
Going to point out if you are altering the shows lore, setting this past a certain season of the show but nothing past that season is Canon then you might want to tag the story AU.
10547011
Thanks! I will do that.
I tried to add in more paragraph spaces, let me know if it is still not enough!
Interesting chapter. Just one mistake
Alicorn
10564506
Thanks, I'll fix that.
Great story! The characterization is well done and I am curious about what happens next.
Celestia should probably be more specific if she wants Twilight to avoid the vault, but it is in character for Celestia to be cryptic.
Twilight must be truly curious if she is planning to disobey Celestia. She has certainly done so before, but generally when Celestia's orders would place Equestria in danger. I do admire Twilight's dedication to knowledge. Additionally, perhaps she thinks Celestia's lie could harm Equestria.
Didn't this story used to have more chapters?
10565653
Thanks for the feedback, I am glad that you are enjoying the story!
10565765
Not that I know of............