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The Man. The Legend. The World's Strongest Writer

Comments ( 48 )

Is this based on Ghosts Can't do It, by any chance?

10509141
Interesting. This story and that film have the exact same premise, so that's a remarkable coincidence!

10509171
To the interwebs!

Ghosts Can't Do It
A 1989 American romantic crime fantasy comedy film written and directed by John Derek, and starring Bo Derek and Anthony Quinn.

Plot
Scott and Kate are happily married, despite their 30-year age difference. After Scott suffers a heart attack and is unable to have sexual intercourse, he commits suicide and becomes a ghost that only Kate can see and speak with. To make it possible for Scott to return as a human, they conjure up a plan to have a young man drown, so that Scott can take his body.

This story and that film have the exact same premise, so that's a remarkable coincidence!

Um... barely. Really the only similarity is the 'possession for sex' aspect.
This fic has no suicide or murder, and I assume the the young man in the film isn't her son.

Sees there’s a new story: You have my curiositiy.

Sees what it’s about: but now you have my erection

10509183
I was referring to the posession bit, but now I feel rather silly. Sorry.

10509187
It's okay. I appreciate you giving it a read.
And I'll have to check out that movie at some point, if only to laugh at Donald Trump's acting abilities.

10509192
Thanks. Seriously, he called Meryl Streep a 'second rate actress' yet has a Razzie for worst actor!

Like it was done by a great author

10509199
To be fair to Trump, Streep is a supposed professional while he's just a guy whose lawyers were clever. Anything that shows one of his hotels has to at least film a scene with him in it. Theoretically I'm pretty sure it actually has to contain such a scene, but most of them cut it and nobody bothers to check.

10509136
Going just by this stories description, It's more like the anime Natsuyuki Rendezvous, but with incest.

10509224
True. The Razzies are notoriously flawed.

10509239
I have since recanted this opinion, given that the only elements this story and Ghosts have in common is the possession bit.

But to do so, he must first possess somepony's body.

:facehoof:
:rainbowlaugh:
Why am I even surprised?

Ok. Good start. We have death as well as a creepy mystery.

Oooohhhhh. Really good read. This was one of the things I was hoping to read, wishing it had come out just just an hour before I posted.

The haunting was a little chilling, including Night Light's cutie mark showing up. I think the only thing I would have added or changed was having the dildo appearing in the bed or something similar. As for the sex it was passionate, but wishing we could have seen the results of the act:ajsmug:

Since I don't want to take away the rewards of the others, sort of, I give this story a spiritual and honorary second place

10509399

but wishing we could have seen the results of the act

Originally there was going to be a whole pregnancy, and Velvet fearing that it was Shining's incestuous foal the whole time. And then she was going to give birth to a foal that looks exactly like Night Light, implying that it is him, reborn. But the contest deadline was already looming, and the whole pregnancy chapter was just a completely different shift in pacing and tone. Not to mention that the story already had enough time-lapses crammed into the first chapter. So having it end with the paternity mark reveal was more in line with the supernatural theme, implying as much as it needed to without dragging things out too much. Sometimes less is more.

10509444
Ok. Once again sorry. While this was my first time hosting this, it's no excuse as I should have set up a clear end time. If I ever do this again, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.

Aww, that was actually really sweet, and kinky of course.

10509444
I think this endings better, it’s very sweet despite the tragedy

10509683
... which one?

The one as written, or the alternate ending in the comment?

Is it weird that I was expecting Shining to wake up and say something like "Hm? Oh surprise roleplay again, Cady? And my favorite to boot."

10510306
That ending was a possibility I played with, to have Shining wake up fully at the end, and realize what had happened. Velvet would try to explain what had happened (ie. the possession). But the kicker would be that now, because of that night, Velvet becomes attracted to Shining, and she routinely asks him to stay the night to roleplay as Night Light's ghost. But as with the other alternative ending I mentioned, it was a completely different departure from the central tone and pacing of the story as written.

... maybe as a sequel.

10510535
I would like to see that as I found the very end to make no sense what so ever.

10511259
It's meant to be supernatural. Even though it was Shining's body, Velvet got pregnant by Night Light.
But I feel ya. I will keep the sequel in the idea pile.

id like to see a epilogue where she gives birth to nightlight as like a reincarnation type deal and she has sex with colt nightlight

10511336
I understand wanting the supernatural bittersweet angle, but in reference to Jojo's while Dio may have been who did the deed it was still Jonathon's body and Giorno and Dio's other children are all biologically Joestars. I also like the idea of in supernatural tales like these of there being some kind of consequence or price to pay for experiencing something that almost no other would.

Evidence collected, cum disposed, and EMF detector cleaned off - now back to the truck to get paid!

Well done shake, this was the last for me before NNN.

This was an excellent read! I really like that idea of a paternity mark appearing on the mare (in this case of course our dear Twilight Velvet). I might need to steal that sometime.
Either way, a very good, sexy read!

Ironically, out of anyone in the MLP universe... Cadance would probably be able to look at it all and say 'Yea, that's love magic, I don't blame you"

iji

I don't see where the "kinda" comes into it.

Even if Shining Armor is unaware of what's happening, from Twilight Velvet's perspective she is fucking her son's body. That's incest, no "kinda".

10509444
As my name implies I'm VERY picky about what I fave and upvote.

This ALMOST got it. With Shining being unconcious of the whole thing, and the bit about "it's just a rental" with the analogy to the tux and the bit at the end with Night Light's Cutie-Mark...

Well, I only downvoted because of the pre-martial stuff not being regretted.

What you described with the longer version would have made it worse, so I'm glad you left it out.

Definitely going in my hidden "Mildly Flawed" folder.

10514195

Well, I only downvoted because of the pre-martial stuff not being regretted.

Why should it have been?

Totally expecting a bit spooky and weird with some clop. Did not expect all the feels that came with it. :twilightsmile:
Your use of forbidden magic long forgotten was a nice gateway. Night and Velvet's conversation between all the clop elicited so much more passion, eyes glued to every morsel. Late Night is a lovers last passionate fling that surprises till the last word.

"Are you really going to say that in this room?"

Too late! No backsies!

a vary sweet story grate righting team i love it.

Guess Shining wasn't wrong when he confused necromancy with necrophilia.

A damn shame Twilight was all but forgotten about in the end, because I REALLY need to see how she reacts to this cruel twist of irony.

10514195
Regret pre-marital? Downvote rebirth? You honestly rate literature using your religion rather than the writing skill (spelling, grammar, diction) of the author? That is an example of why user ratings are 'mildly flawed.'

This was a fascinating read, but I can definitely see the rush-ed-ness. Writing competitions are a real double-edged sword. :pinkiesad2:

He whispered, "There is no Shining, there is only Night Light."

Uh-oh. Somepony gotta call for the Ghostbusters. :pinkiehappy:

"Neighagra,"

:rainbowderp:

Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

i.ytimg.com/vi/-fP-0-dEHhA/maxresdefault.jpg

Seriously, though. I know that many authors kill the spouse, but you literally did it with viagra. This almost calls for a 'Comedy' tag instead of a 'Tragedy'.

Had a lot of fun reading this. Great job! :yay:

Still, I can't help myself but bemoan the fact how the story wanders off in different directions.

If it wants to be a wholesome, relatively lighthearted, bittersweet romp then why Velvet constantly reminds us that she's not okay with sharing a bed with her son? It's realistic, but... Ya know?

If it wants to be spooky, then it gives us all the answers way to quickly. So many possibilities wasted.

... maybe as a sequel.

You have my curiocity, sir.

Twilight dear, WHY DID YOU SAY THE WORDS OF CURSED FORSHADOWMENT!

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