Guiding Light

by archonix

Always Darkest

Always Darkest

Derpy. She was coming around to that name again, though it had once been an insult. Now it felt like the only part of her left from the time before; the only part of herself that she even recognised when everything else felt more and more alien and unreal, like the half-remembered dreams of another pony an entire lifetime away. It was no wonder her own daughter couldn't see who she was.

Her study was absolutely silent. The expensive clock Celestia had maintained there had stopped working the previous day, and she'd yet to find a way to fix it. Derpy didn't mind all that much, though. She liked the silence. It gave her space to think without—

Dinky. She'd thought about Dinky without even a hint of panic or grief. It had taken this long to even realise. Derpy bit her lip and carefully trawled over the last few hours, and her last meeting with her daughters. No anxiety, no fear of loss ran through her mind, just a peaceful acceptance of what had to be.

Sparkler had thought she was acting odd.

It was wrong. Derpy wanted to be frustrated and angry about this strange new turn of events, but the feelings just weren't there, or were almost completely flat. It was like being wrapped in a woolly blanket.

Without conscious thought she moved to the door, the instruction to summon Twilight Sparkle hovering on her tongue, but something stopped her. Doubt assailed her mind. Derpy withdrew her hoof from the door handle and stared uncertainly at it, her mind slowly going over the possibilities. She knew she should be upset at this lack of worry for her foal, but it seemed so distant and unnecessary now. It wouldn't serve to drag Twilight away from her other business.

Derpy idly wondered how long this state would last. With little to occupy it, her mind moved to the place she'd found, the realm where she'd first met the sun. It seemed calmer now, more inviting and friendly, for all it was alien to everything she had understood about the world.

The sun still hid from her. Everything around her was bright and open, but no matter where she looked the sun didn't appear. Now she could see far into what had been the darkest parts of that strange realm, the deep valleys and troughs of an impossible landscape. Lives flitted around those places, tight knots of being and essence that shone like a thousand stars.

It felt as if she was starting to understand how it all worked. The lives around her weren't tied to any particular place. She couldn't look over there and see Ponyville, or over here and see Manehattan – though, truth be told she'd never been to Manehattan. For all she knew, it might look exactly like this in real life.

Instead she saw how close they were to her. All her friends were nearby, hanging around the little peak she stood on, or floated over, or whatever she did. Beyond that she saw first her delivery route, then everyone she'd met, and after that, a great glittering mass of distant others. From one to the other she was connected to what looked like every single pony in the world. She could dimly perceive the web of interaction between them, a constant flow of something familiar. It felt like the love she had for Dinky and Sparkler.

The thought of her daughters drew Derpy toward them, just close enough to see they were there. Now she had begun to understand, she could see the bond between them and the one they shared with her; a tightly-knit loop of shimmering closeness. It was almost perfect. Almost. As long as she stayed back, her youngest would keep her love. If she came too close...

The pain in her heart returned then, bitter and sharp. Derpy collapsed back into herself and opened her eyes onto the lonely, silent chamber that once again held her prisoner. She let out a quiet sob but manage to hold back her tears, aware now that whatever Twilight had done to her was starting to wear off. Derpy looked around the room, not really seeing anything until her eyes came to rest on the great doors leading to the balcony. It was the one part of her new residence she hadn't yet visited.

She shouldered through the doors and stepped out into the cold darkness. Her coat bristled against the chilly night and Derpy instinctively ruffled her feathers for more warmth, despite knowing it wouldn't help too much. The tang of an unseasonable frost hung in the air, carried on a steady breeze from the west that burbled and eddied around the broad tower that was her home.

The balcony stretched around her tower, grand doors leading to each of the three rooms that backed onto it. Derpy marched to the centre and faced the missing dawn with her eyes closed, willing the sun to appear, but nothing happened. She raised her wings as she'd seen Celestia do. When she opened her eyes, the sky remained resolutely dark.

How long she remained, she wasn't sure, but her wings were beginning to stiffen from the cold when the door from her study thudded open and a pony's hoofbeats echoed across the broad, flat stones of the balcony. Derpy didn't need to turn to recognise her eldest daughter. The young mare paused a short distance from Derpys side.

"Dinky again?"

"She had another nightmare," Sparkler said quietly. Derpy lowered her wings, groaning at the stiffness of her limbs. She fluffed her feathers against the cold once more.

"Did she see a scary mare again?"

"No... no, this time she said the sun was chasing her."

Derpy nodded, as if the words somehow made sense. The nightmares of foals and fillies were as incomprehensible as her last tax return. Derpy filed away a brief idea to have those infernal things simplified for ponies like her and turned to face her daughter.

"Sparkler, I'm sorry about earlier. Twilight gave me something to keep me calm around Dinky and I guess it was a bit stronger than it was meant to be." Derpy saw the reply forming on Sparkler's lips and quickly scotched it with a gentle hoof to her muzzle. "She was only trying to help. Remember what you promised."

Sparkler rolled her eyes, but gave her mother a nod nevertheless.

The door creaked again as both commander Sure Stride and Twilight herself stepped out onto the balcony. The commander walked over to the low balustrade and glared over it at some unseen threat, whilst Twilight carefully approached the Princess and her daughter, flinching slightly at the angry glare Sparkler shot her way. Derpy stepped around Sparkler, shielding both mares from each other.

"Princess." Twilight gave a perfunctory bow as she drew near. "We heard you were... well, we heard you were up here, but nopony knew what you were doing."

"Thinking," Derpy replied. She glanced at the distant horizon, barely visible beneath an overcast sky. "Just thinking. It's very cold."

"The sun hasn't shone for several days."

Twilight's sarcasm was lost on Derpy. She'd become very adept at ignoring anything like that years ago. The Archmage shivered in a sudden gust of wind and tried to draw her cloak tighter against the cold. The sight of her chilly friend, and the now obvious sound of Sparkler's chattering teeth, finally pulled Derpy out of her reverie.

"Back inside, everypony." She threw a quick glance at Sure Stride and then spread her wings to usher the shivering pair toward the door. Twilight gratefully accepted the herding and stumbled back into the study, making no secret of her need to be close to the warmth of the fire burning within. Soon all four ponies were gathered around the fireplace, soaking in the heat. Even the normally dour guard commander smiled a little as he relaxed into the warmth.

The moment soon passed, however. Sure Stride continued across to the main door, where he paused for a short bow. "With your permission, highness, I must return to my duties."

With another, even shorter bow the Guard Commander left the room, the door closing behind him with a quiet click. Derpy stepped back from the position she'd taken between Sparkler and Twilight, and looked at each of them in turn.

"You two are driving me crazy," she said, before turning away to seat herself on a convenient pile of cushions. She eyeballed both mares again. "I don't know what it is between the pair of you, but it has to stop. And I don't want to hear excuses either," she added before either could think to speak.

Sparkler and Twilight stared at one another, the latter with confusion, the former with anger dulled by cold and apathy, yet still strong enough to make Derpy wince.

"It hurts to see you like this," she said, her voice barely loud enough to be heard above the crackling fire. Immediately Sparkler turned her glare towards her mother, not even bothering to temper it this time.

"How do you think it makes me feel? Five years, six maybe, that's all I've had with you, mom, and now you're being taken away again." She trotted over to Derpy's side, deliberately refused to see the reaction her words caused in Twilight. With just a little hesitation, Sparkler closed her eyes and nuzzled up against her mother's neck and shoulder. "I don't want to lose you."

"Sparkler, you aren't losing me. I'm gonna be here forever, you know that. Remember what I said when I adopted you?"

Sparkler took a shuddering breath that she let out slowly before speaking. "That I'd never be alone."

"I had a job then too, didn't I? You didn't think you were losing me when I went out to deliver the mail."

"Well, no, but this is different—"

"It's just a job, Sparkler. It might seem a bit different but it's just work that I have to do." Derpy shuffled and herded Sparkler until she was facing Twilight. The younger mare lowered her eyes, refusing to look at her chosen opponent. Twilight's own face still bore the same confused frown she'd worn for the last few minutes. It was all Derpy could do not to sigh. "Well. You're both big girls, you can work it out later."

The only response she received was the loud pop of a log crackling in the fire. Twilight had retreated into her own thoughts, her eyes staring nowhere in particular; Sparkler still had hers closed entirely. This time Derpy couldn't prevent the sigh that rose within her, but she managed to temper it. She wrapped her wing around her daughter and drew her close once again.

"Twilight, would you leave us alone for a while?"

"Of course, highness," Twilight replied, bowing slightly. It was little more than a nod of her head. "I have to see if I can round up the privy council anyway. Bunch of ungracious old blowhards—"

"I haven't met them," Derpy said. "I wouldn't want to judge."

"I've fought dragons and changelings and chaos monsters, it's not as if I'm unqualified for the job, they're just—you'd think they would respect the office even if they don't respect its occupant." Twilight shook her head and smiled a tight, bitter smile. "Forgive me, Princess. Politics doesn't suit me as much as I thought it would."

"It's okay, Twilight, just do your best. That's all anypony would ask."

The Princess watched Twilight move to the door, feeling oddly pleased that her friend hadn't felt the need to bow this time.

"Twilight?"

The door paused, half open, gripped in Twilight's magic. She turned slightly. "Yes?"

"Could you talk to Dinky? Find out why she's so scared of me now. She's always looked up to you."

Twilight nodded, just the hint of a smile twitching at her lips. "Your command, Princess. But what about the council?"

Derpy settled on her cushions, seeking a little more comfort. "I guess they're my privy council now, right?" She waited for Twilight's cautious nod and smiled when it came. "I'm the Princess now, 'm sorta their boss, they have to listen to me no matter what. Don't worry about it, Twilight. Go and talk to Dinky."

* * *

Sure Stride fell into step with Twilight as she marched from the royal apartment. The Archmage didn't bother questioning his actions, or why his 'duties' involved lurking around corners and waiting for her to turn up – frankly she was glad for the company along the endless corridors of Canterlot Castle.

"Another errand?"

Twilight's ears perked forward and she smiled. "Personal tutoring. And an escape from dealing with the council for another day."

"You two will have to get control over those old coots sooner or later," the Commander replied. He tugged idly at his uniform, his pace tightening into a more formal march as they found themselves crossing a more public area.

"The councillors know their duty."

Sure Stride laughed bitterly and shook his head. "Of course they don't, Archmage, ma'am. They're a sorry collection of old duffers and useless fools who only gained their position through graft and bribery and only keep it by granting favours to the nobility. I doubt Celestia ever listened to them."

"I'm on that council as well, you know."

"You were appointed by Celestia herself, against their objections. The rest..."

Neither spoke for the rest of their short walk to the guest rooms. Again and again, Twilight found she had to face these odd revelations about the reality of Canterlot, a reality that Celestia – or perhaps her own mother, somehow – had contrived to hide from her for most of her life. She'd known there was some corruption under the surface, but the sheer depth of it astounded her. And now they were faced with a Princess who knew even less of it than Twilight.

Or did she? Wildcard, she thought, remembering so many card games with the girls in Ponyville. Games she often lost to, of all ponies, Pinkie Pie. The memory set Twilight on a new and much more welcome train of thought, of the day when she could go back home for a little while, forget her life of politics and just be plain old Twilight Sparkle once again. Odd how she thought of Ponyville as home now, despite how short a time she'd lived there... she made a mental note to invite herself to some future event there and then filed the thought away for later.

The door to Sparkler and Dinky's apartment was closed when they arrived, but not locked. A guard stood to attention outside, staring away into nothing, though he saluted immediately when they were within a couple of bodylengths of his post. Sure Stride returned the salute with a perfunctory nod and sidled across to a comfortable seat on the far side of the hall.

"I'll wait here, no point in scaring the little one even more. Let me know if you need anything."

Twilight nodded and pushed the door open, pausing half way to tap it with her hoof. "Dinky?"

"Twilight!" The little foal scampered from the couch and bounced eagerly around the door. "You're back! Did you see Sparkler? Is mommy feeling better?"

The filly continued bouncing around Twilight as she made her way into the room, shedding her cloak and most of her worries along with it. Dinky's nearly irrepressible enthusiasm and joy seemed almost infectious. "She's fine, Dinky. Sparkler's fine, but I think she's still mad at me."

"Aw, but you're fun! Are we gonna learn more magic now?"

"I..." Twilight shook her head and sighed. "Yeah, though I'd prefer if I could teach you and your mother at the same time."

"But mommy can't do magic, she's a pegasasasus!"

"Pegasus," Twilight replied automatically. She sat down on the couch and waited for Dinky to find herself a comfortable spot. It took a while. The little filly insisted on bouncing up and down the entire couch, arranging and re-arranging the cushions until she had her perfect setting. Twilight let her eyes idle while she thought about how best to explain Derpy's new status to her daughter. Was there any way? She hadn't taken well to the idea up to now.

"All done now!"

"Uh." Twilight shook her head. Dinky was staring at her with wide, curious eyes. The elder unicorn rolled her neck and put on her best smile. "Good job with your, er, cushions."

"Thanks!"

Twilight tapped her forehooves together and against her couch, thumping out a short tune she'd heard somewhere once. Dinky was soon humming along with the beat. She grinned at Twilight.

"So did mommy say you could teach me magic? Because I'm gonna learn how to be a mage and then I'll be great and powerful just like you!" Dinky reared up on her hind legs and giggled as a spark of energy crackled from her horn. The shock of the release made her blink and she quickly settled down on the couch again. "And then everypony will be nice to mommy and Sparkler and she won't have to work any more!"

"Yeah, about that... Dinky I promised that I'd start teaching you again, but there's—"

The little unicorn erupted in a delighted squeal, bouncing right off the couch and wrapping her forelegs around Twilight's neck. The sudden attack of affection threw Twilight's mind completely off track, not to mention her body. She fell against the back of her couch, landing awkwardly on her side with Dinky on top of her. The filly hugged tighter and giggled.

"We're gonna have so much fun!"

"Yeah. Fun," Twilight replied with a nervous laugh of her own. She waited for Dinky's grip to relax and carefully pulled herself into a more comfortable position. "You really missed me that much?"

"Uh-huh!"

"But I-I was just a teacher!"

"And a friend! Mommy likes you too. Even Sparkler does, she's just upset because mom has to work so hard all the time." Dinky's voice grew quiet. Without warning, she rolled off Twilight and snuggled up between her forelegs in a way that reminded Twilight of her own behaviour with Princess Celestia. With great care the elder unicorn nuzzled Dinky's ear.

"It's all right, Dinky," she cooed, trying to hide the sudden embarrassed flush on her cheeks. Fortunately nobody was around to see her trying to act maternal. "I know you miss your mom, she's still... um... busy."

"Miss Twilight, when is she coming back?"

"I don't—" Twilight closed her eyes and took a breath. "Dinky. Your mommy is doing very special work now. You see, Princess Celestia h-had to go away for a very long time, and she... she decided that your mom was the best pony to look after things while she was gone."

She opened her eyes to find Dinky staring at her, jaw hanging slack, almost not breathing. The little unicorn blinked very slowly, never taking her eyes from Twilight's as she spoke.

"Mommy's a princess?"

"Yeah. She is."

"But... the scary mare..."

"Dinky, that was your—"

"No! She was too bright!" Dinky rather rudely burrowed at the couch with her forehooves and buried her face in Twilight's chest, whimpering quietly. "Mommy isn't bright," she squeaked, her voice muffled and squashed. "She's not!"

"Too bright?"

"Like the sun, the one on my dream! She works for the Scary Mare and keeps chasing me and I think she wants to take mommy away and—and—" Dinky's words were lost to gasping as she tried to hold back a sob.

"Oh that was just a dream, Dinky, it's not real! There's no such thing as the scary mare."

"But—"

"Hush..." Twilight pulled the filly closer to her chest, hopefully mimicking some part of Derpy's mothering in some way. It seemed to work, Dinky relaxed almost straight away, letting out an adorable little yawn. Twilight hummed snippets of a tune she could barely remember as she rocked the little unicorn and tried to think of a way to explain things that wouldn't result in another outburst. Nothing came to mind.

"Miss Twilight?"

"Hmm?"

"Does mommy miss me?"

"More than you can know, Dinky," Twilight replied. She ran her mind over the last few minutes again, looking for some clue to Dinky's terror, but nothing seemed to stand out. Except... "Why is she bright?"

"Like the sun in my dream," Dinky mumbled. Her head bounced as her fatigue fought against her desire to stay awake. Twilight slowed her rocking and let the filly's chin rest on her foreleg, her free hoof gently stroking Dinky's mane while the filly cooed and yawned into sleep. Even Twilight could see she needed more than Sparkler around to look after her. The Archmage considered asking Cadence to help, only for a cold clenching pain in the pit of her stomach to remind why that wasn't an option.

Rather than let herself slip into another long introspection, Twilight gently wrapped her aura around Dinky and levitated her up and away to the other couch, before covering her with a small blanket that had been left warming by the fire. She stepped back to admire her attempt at mothering.

"So much for teaching magic," she mused. Twilight walked to the door and cracked it open enough to poke her head out into the hall, looking back and forth for Sure Stride. The commander was sprawled out on his couch, discussing some manner of military arcana with the guard. They both snapped to attention when they saw her.

"It's okay, you don't have to—huh." Twilight shook her head. "Never mind. Commander, I'm going to be here a while."

"Lady Dinky?"

"Fast asleep. One minute she was bouncing around, next she was out, heh, cold."

"She's under a lot of stress." Sure Stride stretched his back, groaning quietly. Evidently Dinky wasn't the only one under tension right now. "Some foals deal with stress by sleeping through it. Be happy she's one of them," he added with a sour grin.

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"Why do you think I haven't left the castle in three days?" He grinned again and brushed away Twilight's concerned look with a casual wave of his hoof. "My little herd of hellions know I've been de-facto promoted to Guard Captain, they're probably glad I'm not rattling around at home and yelling at everypony. It's better this way.

"Now," he continued, drawing himself upright. "If you don't need me here, I have to meet with the Commanders of the Night and Day watches to see if there's some way of dealing with those damn idiot street preachers."

"Oh. Oh of course, yes, go right ahead." She waited as Sure Stride marched away, then closed the door and turned back to her new student. In truth, Twilight wasn't sure what to do now. She'd expected to be teaching the youngster, instead she was playing a combination of foalsitter and dream interpreter. Of all the professions she'd thought she might enjoy over the years, those had been fairly low on her list. The fact that she actually had such a list, and that those particular jobs were indeed on it, might possibly have been a cause for concern in any other pony.

Twilight looked down at Dinky as she snoozed on the couch. She had already managed to pull the blanket into a twisted rope that she hugged to her chest as if it were the only thing she had left in the world. Twilight left it alone, not wanting to disturb her student's sleep. She levitated a quill and parchment from a nearby writing desk and settled onto the other couch. After a few moments watching the little Lady's sleep, she began to write.

Comments

[archonix]

Written without a proper proof-read (Again). I'll be coming back to pick up spelling errors later.

[rphb]

1746083
There was some miner mistakes but nothing big, nice to see a new chapter

[FanOfMostEverything]

There's clearly some significance in Dinky seeing her mother as "bright."
Oh.
Oh. I think I see. I won't write it out, but we'll see if I'm right.

[archonix]

1747537 You probably are. I can be predictable sometimes.

[Skeeter The Lurker]

I feel sorry for Dinky. Being forced into all of this. Once Sparkler and Twilight stop with the animosity, they'll be a force to be reckoned with.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Magical Trevor]

Kinda sad I didn't see this fic until now, cause it's pretty good. (Aside from the whole WTF, why couldn't they just teleport Twilight to Celestia, asleep or not, and then ascend her, but whatever.)

[Themaskedferret]

The fact that she actually had such a list, and that those particular jobs were indeed on it, might possibly have been a cause for concern in any other pony.

Just perfect.

[Ice Star]

The young mare paused a short distance from Derpys side.

You forgot an ' there. I'm enjoying this story quite a bit. It reminds me of Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Birthdayverse stories. As wonderfully written as Dinky and her family are I still can't help but worry about the Royal Family. You also mentioned Sparkler being adopted, is there any reference to that in this or another story? An flashback or expanded backstory?