• Member Since 15th Sep, 2019
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Morgan83


I am Morgan, and I have the needs of writes. So I have begun. I post updates every Friday. I am on Twitter at @RedgraveMorgan Please by all means, come add me.

Comments ( 525 )

Interesting... I’m tracking this to see where this goes.

Lets see where this take us

Seems interesting, I wonder what's going to happen.

But I wonder what the CFP would do as they are explained as doing "Best interest would be a childhood of near but not quite falling under the legal definition of torture."

Also I am interested to why he still has his canines and needs to eat meant?

10498752
All about CFP will be done in due time. I will say that the organization is run by predominantly Unicorn affiliates. And they have ideals they wish to see implemented.

As for the rest I will explain in due time. Possibly this coming chapter although the chapter is already huge by my standards. Not sure how much bigger I can make it. XD save me this is my first time writing since high school and it's getting away from my set plan already!

But thank you for the attention I do appreciate it.

10497634
I am lost on what you mean by this.

10500484
Thanks! I can see that this story seems quite unique so I have hope for all the twists and turns you will pull.

But either way I hope you have fun writing this story, and while I hate when they suddenly quit. It is meaning less to write without joy

Have a good one! I hope to be amazed.

Amazing you did forget a couple talking marks but either way it was amazing!

10501423
What do you think I forgot? It has been awhile for me so if i missed anything I'd rather know now then later.

Cloudy, just sat there horrified as she absorbed the gruesome information. "Wait thought? What do you mean thought, Miss Night?

Here and I believe in two other spots (it's midnight, sorry)

Comment posted by Morgan83 deleted Oct 27th, 2020

10502180
Her name is Moonlit Night XD Miss Night in a professional way.

Pretty cool story, if it had Gore tag I wouldn't read, dont add it nor write Gore please :)

10502585
Well I'm not going to lie to you bud. There will be unpleasantness later on. I don't plan on going over the top with it, but it will be there. Don't wish to lose you as a reader but the story in my mind can't be altered. Its a more serious fic with some funny word play.

The one other difference between him and the others was his horn never fully lit up. It was always only the line work of his horn that seemed to grow an golden orange.

I dont quite understand the "It was always only the line work of his horn that seemed to grow an golden orange" bit could you explain?

10505598
Hmmmm maybe I should have made that more clear. That was my bad i suppose. What I meant by that was all Unicorns have a random pattern on their horns. Kinda like a thumb print. Its swirls for some. Jagged lines of others.

I will have to edit that to make that sound more clear. Hey thanks for being my impromptu editor on this XD

The color of his Aura matches the portal he stepped through. So when he picks up things with his levitation or even lights up his horn. It is surrounded by a darker golden aura, it almost looks orange like the portal that brought him there.

10505673
Fixed it. Hope it makes better sense now. Thanks again man.

Ok...
What era of our orphanage system, is comparable to the CPS?
18th century (industrial revolution), 1930(the great depression), 1960, 1990, the current one or something completely different?

From just this chapter, it sounds like from around the 1960... when orphans were treated almost like the people in asylums.
Some really shady stuff happened at that time.

I actually like seeing Celestia not as a everyday pony, nor as a kind princess, but as an untouchable goddess that can smite you in a second.

10515407
I wasn't exactly going for an "era" thing. Though if I had to place it. Pre industrial. With a slightly more elevated standard of living.

10516028
I always saw her as this, monolith. Here is a being that has lived untold years. She has experienced the world in such a deep and complex way. Due to those experiences her perception of time and what is most important are vastly different then a mortals. Thus, she is willing to lie. To control. To manipulate. All under the careful guise of being the motherly High Princess.

Such a being is frightening. Not because of her longevity and manipulations. But the dark deeds she must commit to in order to keep those under her in line, and feeling like they are living the idyllic life. This being will have what she wants to continue her own goals. I think at this stage no matter what she says or seems to do, she had very little scruples in removing opposition. Or binding one in chains of silk.

Definitely an interesting fic but dear lord do you need an editor, lots of small typos mostly wrong Auto corrected similar words like, though, thought, through or your and you're.
Other than that the only issue I see characters not thinking through what they're doing while while you try to make them look smart, it's a common issue in stories, for example Orion explained to Twilight that he knows just how valuable he is and how dangerous that is but at the same time with Forager he didn't do so nor did he take any precaution that he couldn't be traced like wearing disguise or NOT giving his real name, if even Forager can be trusted he could be blackmailed or tortured to reveal Orion not to mention the wild card MAGIC.
Plus Orion missed his chance for Twilight to take his place, he could secretly teach her enchanting then have her reavel herself to be the mystery pony.

Just some thoughts.

Zir

This is way good, great story

10517074
First I want to thank you for pointing out the piss poor errors I made. I do really appreciate it.

I wanted however to correct a few things on the perception you, and others that may think the same. Orion is smart book wise, much like Twilight. He even has a great deal of common sense. The issue is that his greed for either knowledge or money often overwrite that same intelligence. Like many of us, he is subject to the same hubris that he thinks he is smart enough to get away with it. Simple he is smart, but makes stupidly awful decisions for the sake of expediency. That's how I intended him to be. I'm sorry If i hadn't made that clear.

Secondly. The world I am trying to build is not one of conveniences. Despite being the future element of magic Twilight cannot learn every magic skill set. She has her own failures that overtime, I hope, can be shown in the story. It's the same reason that Celestia cannot do the same. It's why she is so hung up on having an enchanter at any cost.

In summary, Orion is smart but makes stupid choices for his own desires. Twilight is never going to be the deus ex machina that she is in the show. And Celestia is a bitch.

Again, thank you for pointing out the errors and sorry if i haven't been making things as clear as i wished them to be.

MOAR MOAR MOAR:flutterrage:
I can wait a week...
I can wait a week...
I can wait a week...
*Shaking with impatience*

Nice work, you are amazing at writing.

Can't wait to see where this goes!

Centuries in fact. Not sense Luna. Her heart throbbed painfully at the thought. "Sister I still miss you."

Centuries in fact. Not since Luna. Her heart throbbed painfully at the thought. "Sister I still miss you."

"Your originally from Stalliongrad, correct?"

"You’re originally from Stalliongrad, correct?"

She had been setting out guards disguised as street toughs

She had been setting out guards disguised as street thugs

??

"Only because you are forced to. Sooner or later you well break, you instincts to eat flesh claiming you.

"Only because you are forced to. Sooner or later you will break, your instincts to eat flesh claiming you.

Your gonna make your daddy in the window over there so proud."

You’re gonna make your daddy in the window over there so proud."

"Orion, you physically used a student to beat five other students. You threw him through a window into his father. Your not painting yourself in a very good light here."

"Orion, you physically used a student to beat five other students. You threw him through a window into his father. You’re not painting yourself in a very good light here."

"Your right Orion. I-I am sorry.

"You’re right Orion. I-I am sorry.

your suspended from school for one month."

you’re suspended from school for one month."

10524599
Ouch. But thank you. I'll get to correcting that in a bit.

10524568
I'm decent at best. I can't seem to catch my own errors sometimes. As fox has been pointing out. This was bad this time around.

10524567
Another will drop next week. So no more chapters for you.

Uh oh.
That tome is screaming anime protagonist at me. I was loving how there was nothing strange here other than Orion's attittude. Now it seems like he may get some special ancient lost magic techniques that make him unique and super powerful. :facehoof:

10525631
Heh okay then. If you don't like it don't read it. I get that my story is not everyone's cup of tea.

10525631
You know what that was unkind. Sorry dude I just had a very bad day.

I promise you one thing. Orion is not going to be an anime protag. He is going to get hurt. He is going to suffer. I am gonna be a dick to my own creation.

Very enjoyable. Poor Orion. A month of no magic and community service.

10525673
Its all good.
I just like to comment my reaction to things as I have them.
Honestly, im more worried that you are going to purposefully gimp him. Lol

Just let the story flow how you want it to.

10525721
I'm not gonna gimp him. He's just going to have a bad time. See the universal law of consequences is going to start catching up to him. And while his skill with artificing is awesome. It's not gonna be able to meet all his needs.

Damn this is awesome! Consider this amazing story liked and favorited.

I do have one quick question. Will Orion be staying at the orphanage until he's an adult again or will he run away if he thinks Celestia is close to discovering he's the enchanter?

10526194
While the main plot line is set I have allowed for flexibility in the storyline itself. At this point yes he will likely stay. But then again the way the story takes me in between main story points may be subject to change. I like writing like that because I get to go on the ride with you all.

Her pregnancy proceeding her steps. If she was inconvenienced by the bulk she certainly didn't show it.

Look at you you’re a mess.

You’re saying buck.

You’re supposed to be good little fillies and colts.

Your teacher told me you were some of the best behaved foals she had ever had when I met her.

He couldn't really figure out an easier way of getting those apples other than magic,

Her green fur was a far cry from the others

he realized just how big the Apple family actually was

"Your’e an....Orphan?"

Though it did beg him to ask where they were when he got jumped.

She ordered the royal examiners to set field spells up to recreate that night.

10529979
Hey look at that. I'm getting better XD. Thanks bud.

I swear to god I read these chapters over 50 times and I still miss something. Fuck.

Peopleville

Manville, New Jersey. That a place. And Man was old equivalent of Human.

10530268
See I didn't even know that shit. Never heard of the place. Still fits. It's a lame way of naming something so Orion's thoughts on it stand. XD

Thanks for another chapter! But holy crap was that an evil cliffhanger you left us on.

Since it looks like Celestia and the rest of the ponies are going to see Orion as a monster. If he does escape from the hospital. Will he flee from Equestria and possibly take refuge with Screaming Rush in Griffonstone?

Well its a crying shame this story isn't getting more likes. It's story's like these that I like the best. I come in not expecting much and instead get a well edited entertaining as hell story. Congrats! Was a joy to read.

10532693
Thank you bud. Though I have to thank another for the heavy edits haha. I can read my chapters a dozen times and not see it but Foxsevent can go through it once and nail every single one.

I don't mind the low views and likes. I'm just starting out. No one knows of me. And that's okay. I appreciate those who do enjoy my writing.

10530548
You'll just have to read and see my dude. :raritywink:

Well that went way better then I thought it would. I was really expecting Celestia to try and lock Orion up in some kind of re-education camp for the amount of brutality he displayed while wiping out those wolves. Instead it looks like she's trying to push him and Twilight together. I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that when Orion returns to Canterlot. He'll be drafted into being her next personal student.

That's of course assuming he survives not only another tongue lashing from Evergarden but Rarity's parents as well when they find him in the same bed as their daughter.

Who needs sleep am I right? Seriously loved everything so far ended up staying up four hours past my normal time for bed. Keep up the good work.

Login or register to comment