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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I actually like seeing Celestia not as a everyday pony, nor as a kind princess, but as an untouchable goddess that can smite you in a second.
10515407
I wasn't exactly going for an "era" thing. Though if I had to place it. Pre industrial. With a slightly more elevated standard of living.
10516028
I always saw her as this, monolith. Here is a being that has lived untold years. She has experienced the world in such a deep and complex way. Due to those experiences her perception of time and what is most important are vastly different then a mortals. Thus, she is willing to lie. To control. To manipulate. All under the careful guise of being the motherly High Princess.
Such a being is frightening. Not because of her longevity and manipulations. But the dark deeds she must commit to in order to keep those under her in line, and feeling like they are living the idyllic life. This being will have what she wants to continue her own goals. I think at this stage no matter what she says or seems to do, she had very little scruples in removing opposition. Or binding one in chains of silk.
Definitely an interesting fic but dear lord do you need an editor, lots of small typos mostly wrong Auto corrected similar words like, though, thought, through or your and you're.
Other than that the only issue I see characters not thinking through what they're doing while while you try to make them look smart, it's a common issue in stories, for example Orion explained to Twilight that he knows just how valuable he is and how dangerous that is but at the same time with Forager he didn't do so nor did he take any precaution that he couldn't be traced like wearing disguise or NOT giving his real name, if even Forager can be trusted he could be blackmailed or tortured to reveal Orion not to mention the wild card MAGIC.
Plus Orion missed his chance for Twilight to take his place, he could secretly teach her enchanting then have her reavel herself to be the mystery pony.
Just some thoughts.
This is way good, great story
10517074
First I want to thank you for pointing out the piss poor errors I made. I do really appreciate it.
I wanted however to correct a few things on the perception you, and others that may think the same. Orion is smart book wise, much like Twilight. He even has a great deal of common sense. The issue is that his greed for either knowledge or money often overwrite that same intelligence. Like many of us, he is subject to the same hubris that he thinks he is smart enough to get away with it. Simple he is smart, but makes stupidly awful decisions for the sake of expediency. That's how I intended him to be. I'm sorry If i hadn't made that clear.
Secondly. The world I am trying to build is not one of conveniences. Despite being the future element of magic Twilight cannot learn every magic skill set. She has her own failures that overtime, I hope, can be shown in the story. It's the same reason that Celestia cannot do the same. It's why she is so hung up on having an enchanter at any cost.
In summary, Orion is smart but makes stupid choices for his own desires. Twilight is never going to be the deus ex machina that she is in the show. And Celestia is a bitch.
Again, thank you for pointing out the errors and sorry if i haven't been making things as clear as i wished them to be.