• Member Since 28th Sep, 2020
  • offline last seen Saturday


"In a world filled with misery and uncertainty, it is a great comfort to know that, in the end, there is a light in the darkness."

Comments ( 65 )

I smell Jojo's Bizarre Adventure! And also Was that a motherbucking Jojo's reference?!

BB-8 #3 · Nov 2nd, 2020 · · · Muda ·

I mere more of this

Glad you liked my story!

I see you're a man of culture as well :moustache:

Well, if I'm gonna be sitting around for 30 minutes, I've got nothing better to do. ...

Yes yes yes YES!

Hmmm... wait, if Giorno has Requiem now, does that mean the arrow was also here?

Nop, The arrow is still safe in Italy :)

Good. That thing spells trouble wherever it goes.

Can we get a ‘This is requiem’ reference in the story


Well, The Stand Arrows themselves are like a Double Edge Sword. While yes, it can give Stands to Bad/Evil and Nasty People. BUT, the Arrows help give Stands to Good and Heroic People like the Joestars and their Allies and Friends during Part 3-6, and the Alternate Universe of Part 7-8.

Not to mention it will backfire, and even kill you if your DON'T have enough Will Power and a Strong Body to handle your Stands Power.

Hmm...looks good so far. Some advice.

Learn to break it up when two people are talking. Treat them as separate paragraphs.

Furthermore, I believe you broke into first-person randomly. Stick to a POV

alright I will try to improve on it thanks a lot!

Это так класснооооооо. Oops, wrong language. In short, I like it and wait for the continuation

Giorno's paired up with a pony named Golden Wind? This made my day.

"Oh sure I don't mind showing you around, and the name's Wind... Golden Wind. C'mon, let me show you around then!" finishing up their chatter they both walked into the Cafeteria.

:rainbowlaugh: :rainbowlaugh:

"Oh it's alright your majesty, but I'm here to bring attention to the fact that our resources have taken a massive step back since King Sombra has taken over the majority of the northern region of Equestria if the war keeps on going like this sooner or later Canterlot may fall!"

Put a period between Equestria and if. Also make it If when you do.

"And what is it that you propose to help the cause? decided to finally quit being a librarian and become a soldier? we could always use more mares."Celestia raised her hand again to silence lieutenant Pinkamena as she spoke.

Make it clearer that it was pinkamena that spoke. Alos make it Decided. Whenever starting a new sentence, capitalize the first letter.

"Where are you getting with this Twilight?"Though she is skeptical of this 'Idea' Twilight had.

How about instead:

"Where are you getting with this Twilight?" Celestia asked, curious. Though she was skeptical of this 'Idea' Twilight had.


"Where are you getting with this Twilight?" Celestia cut her off, skeptical of this 'Idea' Twilight had.

"Well, I recalled a moment where we have our chats about a magic theory where you mentioned your previous student, Sunset Shimmer, and how she travelled to another world."

Make the first where when. Also one L in traveled.

"Well, what I am talking about is Alternate Universes."

say who spoke.

"Twilight, that's just a theory thought of and given by Starswirl the Bearded long ago, we have no evidence to prove of its actual existence."

Maybe an Exclamation point instead of a period. Also, a who spoke. And perhaps their tone of voice. Like if it was laughing or mocking. Sarcastic. Or something like that.

"Yea but doesn't having the mirror prove it potentially existing? you said it yourself it was a gateway to another world, what I'm proposing is using magic to open a potential gateway to another world in seek of aid."

Its Yeah. And again, it should be You, not you.

Celestia leaned back into her throne in thought while looking up in contemplation, "Alternate worlds? but is it even possible?" as she sat there motionless for a minute, occasionally tilting her head left and right before looking back at Twilight.

if you not capitalizing sentence starters is gonna be a thing.......we may be here all day.

"So Twilight you are proposing we seek aid from other worlds in help of our cause?"Celestia inquired and with a nod from Twilight she continues.

Also, spacing is fragging important. Space two sentences apart.

thank you so much for the corrections and ideas! I will make the necessary changes.

"Theoretically and potentially speaking, yes." Twilight looked at Celestia just to check if she really just got all she just dumped onto the Princess to digest.

Redundant wording.

"We could always apply a spell to seek out sentient life,"

Sapient. Even worms are sentient. Sapient is higher thought. As in Homo Sapien.

"Princess, with all due respect, we lost many innocent lives, many soldiers that were sent out there does not even come back to Canterlot, so much destruction and again our resources can not hold up for long. We need help, the other nations could not be bothered to aid us in the war, which is why we should try to change our way of handling the situation and grasp the opportunity, even if the chances are slim, close to non. I believe we should take it if it means ending this horrible event called war, and if I have to sacrifice my life to achieve it I would gladly do so. Because if we continue to not change anything whilst Sombra is in the rule of the Crystal Empire the only outcome for us is defeat at his hands, and to be frank with you Princess Celestia. I rather do something different than to watch the same outcome be repeated again and again with no positive results, for only actions can bring about change. Which is why Princess Celestia."Twilight got onto her knees and elbows into a begging position.

Know what? Just....get a Grammarly subscription.

"I am not 100% certain, but I believe that it would yield at least some positive results."A couple of silence pass before Celestia spoke once again.

A couple of what? Minutes, seconds, hours, decades, centuries? Devil's in the details man.

I'm sorry that my writing is horrible, writing isn't my hobby. I got inspired to write from reading other crossover fanfics on the site and thought I gave it a shot, I will go back and edit the chapters heavily and thank you for the feedback.

I'm not saying it's horrible. I'm saying it just needs some touching up. This story has great potential and merit. And I truly wanna see where this will go.

Lookup a product called Grammarly. I use it. Like, all the time. And there are groups dedicated to struggling authors and editors.

Okay, I will! and I couldn't thank you enough for pointing out my errors. I will try to improve and learn from my mistakes, and I look forward to you reading more from my story!

I love this.
Especially the fact that you FINALLY have Jotaro and Giorno meet face to face.
Funny Valentine is best JoJo antagonist.
Change my mind.

Funny Valentine did nothing wrong.

Actually, I found it already but forgot to edit it out of the side note. My bad.:twilightblush:


Then, why didn't you change or edit it to make the Map bigger? Also, I know that this Equestria is King Sombra/Crystal War Timeline. But, where is Luna, Discord, Chrysalis, Tirek, or even the Storm King??!!

I mean I like JOJO Bizarre Adventure. But, I like to see the bigger picture in this alternate timeline by Starlight messing with that Time Spell! :facehoof:

Don't worry about it, your questions will be answered as the story continues.

Хотел бы я поделиться этим фанфиком с русской аудиторией.

yes we get to see him fight

Comment posted by The_Chill_Author deleted Dec 26th, 2020

Like father like son I guess 🤣🤣

Login or register to comment