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Starlight Glimmer Eats Too Much Pizza
Admiral Biscuit
Some mornings were good mornings. Some mornings Starlight Glimmer woke up refreshed, some mornings Starlight Glimmer woke up without an uncomfortable twist in her back or with one of her forelegs asleep because she’d slept on it wrong.
Some mornings she had a pleasant night’s sleep, either uninterrupted by dreams, or else with pleasant dreams. Last night she’d dreamed that she was at a Filly Scouts trip in Appleoosa of all places, and was forced to receive a friendship lesson from Rarity. Not that she minded friendship lessons, but it was an odd thing to dream. Starlight had never even been to Appleoosa.
Whatever. Her Super-Deluxe wind-up alarm clock demanded she rise, and she did, but only after silencing it a few times more than she should have.
Starlight had enough time to wash her face and brush her mane and tail and then trot into the kitchen for a cup of coffee and a bowl of oats . . . except that there weren’t any oats. The tin contained nothing but oat dust in the bottom.
There was nothing for it; she retrieved the newspaper and skimmed the headlines while sipping her coffee, then tossed the newspaper on the table for the next somepony to read, put her coffee cup in the sink, and it was time to go to work. Hungry.
She’d make up for it at lunch. Lunch wasn't that many hours away.
🍕🍕
Come lunchtime, she wasn’t completely famished. Sugar Stix’s mom had dropped off a small basket of sourdough donuts, one of the perks of being office staff. One of the only perks; the more paperwork she did the more there was to do. Starlight swore that whenever she looked away from her desk, the papers doubled.
Her stomach grumbled, and she glanced up at the clock. Just past noon—certainly lunchtime; nopony would object to her stepping out and getting some food.
What to eat? There were so many options, and she ran through a mental list, finally settling on Pegasus Pizza. They were expensive, but she’d heard good things about their pizzas, and they’d deliver right to your door, window or roof.
Some parts of Manehattan and Canterlot had a speaking telegraph system; Ponyville did not, so she had to walk to the pizzeria to order. It was a nice day, and it was good to be outside, even if the papers on her desk were multiplying in her absence. Why can’t Sugar Stix’s Mom’s sourdough donuts multiply? She turned that over as she walked—there were food duplication spells, but they rarely resulted in creating palatable food. As often as not, the spell would ruin the original, too. Somepony probably had an answer, and while she was still banned from the restricted section of the library, if she brought it up in conversation, Twilight would find the answer for her.
🍕🍕
The biggest problem with ordering at Pegasus Pizza was standing in line, taking in all the delicious pizza smells, and then having to wait twenty minutes to a half hour for gratification. There were benches for ponies who wanted to wait for their pizzas, and a few booths for patrons who wanted to dine in.
Starlight considered waiting, but she was hungry enough she might start gnawing one of the benches if she waited inside. Instead, she hoofed over ten bits and then trudged back to her office, her stomach protesting the whole way. Gratification would be delayed.
🍕🍕
The knock on the window startled her, and then she remembered. Starlight jumped out of her chair and pushed the panes open; a teal pegasus wearing an embroidered baseball cap flew in, deposited her pizza on her desk, tipped his hat, and flew back out the way he’d come.
The delicious smell that instantly pervaded the office set her to salivating even before she lifted the lid.
Her pizza was worthy for an alicorn. Toppings so generous that some of them fell off as she picked up her first slice. Three colors of peppers, two colors of olives, a sprinkling of hay, long strings of cheese. Plus, there was an extra small jar of cheese sauce to dip her crust in, if she wanted.
Starlight devoured the first slice without really tasting it, briefly sating the grumbling beast in her belly. The second, she took more time, tasting the perfection of the flavors all combined. Gooey cheese, slightly sweet marinara sauce, crunchy peppers, salty olives, and the little finishing grassy taste of the hay. And the cheese sauce—the crust was good on its own, soft, buttery, with a hint of garlic salt, but even better with a small dollop of cheese.
Four slices in, and she was getting full, but the pizza tasted so good she couldn’t help but have another slice. And then just one more, and she’d thought about saving some of it for dinner but maybe it wouldn’t be as good cold, and there were only two slices left anyway. Better to enjoy them now, rather than wait.
🍕🍕
She didn’t finish the last crust. She couldn’t. Her stomach was stuffed full of pizza, certainly more than she should have eaten; now that she was full, she wanted no more than to lie down and take a nap. That wouldn’t be possible; she had to sit through a board meeting in a half hour, and she had to stay awake for it.
I should have known better. She picked up the empty pizza box and jammed it into her trash can. It didn’t fit; it stuck out and mocked her.
Worse, all the salt from the pizza had made her thirsty, and she downed a glass of water which felt like it instantly bloated her and made her feel like she was pregnant again.
Starlight belched, and it tasted like pizza. Her office smelled like pizza, and she suddenly found herself deeply detesting the smell of pizza.
On the plus side, she wasn't hungry anymore.
🍕🍕
Late that afternoon, she finally finished work. Normally on her walk home, she’d be thinking about dinner, but not today. She took a circuitous route around town that avoided most restaurants and bakeries and especially pizzerias, confident that in the morning she’d be back to her old self again, and wiser for her experience.
She was almost back at the castle when she saw a Pegaus Pizza deliverypony fly in through an open window, and her stomach roiled. Trixie must have ordered pizza . . . to share.
Starlight sighed. Sometimes a pony had to make sacrifices to keep her marefriend happy. Any other day it would be a nice gesture; today it would be a test of her endurance.
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C'mon, I already identify with Starlight to an embarrassing degree. D:
🍕
This reminds me of a time I once ate a whole medium pizza.
Good times.
I think we all have eaten too much pizza at one point!
Liar. There is no such thing as too much pizza.
Bullshit. There’s no such thing as eating too much pizza.
I’m not surprised that Starlight had a foal with Trixie. I am surprised it was apparently out of wedlock.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/10/14/1272825__safe_artist-colon-shoutingisfun_pinkie+pie_twilight+sparkle_alicorn_earth+pony_pony_anon%27s+couch_belly_belly+button_burp_couch_dialogue_duo_.png
You keep dropping these terrifying little hints as to what I must have missed after I stopped watching the show.
And yes, I too miss my mid-twenties metabolism.
I somewhat understand what Starlight was going through; after two Totinos frozen pizzas are in my stomach, just a few minutes after they’ve been baked thoroughly, I can’t eat anymore. And yet, I can still eat more after a few hours. I can still enjoy some good pizza, but I’m about a month over 31, so I need to not try to clog up my arteries so much.
🤣🐏
Still, I liked this story. 👍
Lies! That is not true, you can never have too much pizza.
Wait, 'like she was pregnant again?' 👀
Blasphemy! There is no such thing as too much pizza!
Also, love the nod to the previous Not-a-contest story.
"Too much pizza." Is an oxymoron. Their is only not enough stomach space and weakness.
10486335
This day and age wedlock is mostly pointless. Their is no religious pressure in modern countries, you can be an official household with all tax benefits if you do the paperwork and if the love dies down to part way is less stressing.
True love doesn't need some sheets of paper or overpriced ceremonies and jewelery. All you need is the faith in each other.
10486427
I think the author means that eating the pizza made her momentarily feel like she was pregnant, and drinking the water brought back the feeling. OTOH, it could be Admiral Biscuit messing with us (I have seen one fic in which Cozy Glow is Starlight's abandoned child)
10486495
I’m aware of that. But do you really think that Trixie wouldn’t have a lavish wedding to rub in Twilight’s face that she found true love first?
10486588
GOD DAMN IT...... you beat me to it
Well played
It’s two in the morning and I’m reading this. Guess I love tormenting myself.
I got ads for medicine to clear up female genital herpes and garbage bags when I clicked on the link to this story.
Some years ago I was bored at work, slow period, and I drew a pizza pone, my head idea was that if we have Dairy Queen and Burger King why not a Pizza Princess? images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/16c0bacb-0ba8-4acf-9a45-d500dc820949/dcm55be-bb3abcb0-1019-4363-b068-24d93a185ea8.png/v1/fill/w_553,h_350,q_70,strp/pizza_pone_1_by_ilvbrownies_dcm55be-350t.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOiIsImlzcyI6InVybjphcHA6Iiwib2JqIjpbW3siaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD04MDgiLCJwYXRoIjoiXC9mXC8xNmMwYmFjYi0wYmE4LTRhY2YtOWE0NS1kNTAwZGM4MjA5NDlcL2RjbTU1YmUtYmIzYWJjYjAtMTAxOS00MzYzLWIwNjgtMjRkOTNhMTg1ZWE4LnBuZyIsIndpZHRoIjoiPD0xMjc2In1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.D12W3Y-MyDcuKXCliEmUU2mkVBd71RhxHoVPHzD00r8
Manehattan-style or Chicoltgo-style?
Pizza time is a fun time.
Then comes the bloat.
Cute little story! I think we've all been here
But there is one line I'm curious about...
My reading is that Starlight has already been pregnant once, and the weight / bloat of the pizza reminds her of the sensation. Is that correct? If so, any more information about the kid? I'm curious.
Alternate reading: this isn't her first time she's felt pregnant due to a food baby.
Anyways, any enlightenment on this subject would be much appreciated.
10486753
Common headcanon is that Luster Dawn is the daughter of Starlight and Sunburst. Maybe this is a nod to that?
10486803
Good point. But the remainder of the story implies she's romantically involved with Trixie...
Ha!
Ha!
Hahahahahahaaaa!
My little addition:
POLICE REPORT:
June 16, 19XX
A report was filed from one Trixie, a light blue unicorn mare, claiming her roommate "popped." Police dismissed this as a prank, but still sent investigators to the scene. When the investigators arrived, however, one Starlight Glimmer, a unicorn mare coloured of a light lavender, laid there on the floor, hooves up, with a popped chest. Traces of pony flesh (belonging to one Starlight Glimmer) mixed with half-chewed pizza, and stomach acids dousing the room, were found upon further investigation. A cleanup crew was sent immediately, and Starlight was sent to the nearest hospital, where she was patched up and is recovering well. One thing that confused everypony involved was the lack of blood. She had simply... popped! There was no other explanation. The CDC is now releasing a statement on overeating and it's negative effects, though fatal through only unsanitary conditions.
END OF POLICE REPORT
Whaddia think?
10486297
In college, there was no such thing. And then after the ol' metabolism slowed, I understood how there could be too much pizza.
Luster Dawn is Starlight's daughter confirmed ?
Heh.
10486840
Shit, I forgot about that one.
10486463
Ditto that sentiment. A regret I've always had that I only discovered a minute ago is that there is a specific deep-dish pizza back home I used to enjoy, and I've never gotten to eat the whole thing in one sitting.
If you turn on text to speech the line breaks say "pizza pizza pizza"
10486806
I've often seen it mentioned that Sunburst is something of a shared interest between them.
Dang all of it sounds so good even the hay
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/384/336/5d6.jpg
10487304
I get it as "slice of pizza, slice of pizza, slice of pizza"
Trixie: You have to eat all the peetzer.
GlimGlim: Why are you doing this?
Any bets that this story ends with a "bang"?
...I'm sorry, "again"? What?
10486279
I did say it was based on a true story. . .
10486281
🍕
10486283
We've all been there. Eyes bigger than your stomach, or starting off very hungry, and it would be a shame to let any of the pizza go to waste, plus it's not as good cold or reheated. . . .
10486318
Pizza!
10486327
My stomach disagrees with that statement. My brain might agree, but my stomach does not.
10486328
All I can say is that you've got a stronger or bigger stomach than most if that's the case.
10486335
Who said it was with Trixie? There's a lotta ponies in Equestria.
10486337
I've watched a couple competitive eaters on YouTube and I have to ask myself, 'why?'
That's a sport I don't understand.