• Published 8th Jun 2022
  • 5,415 Views, 110 Comments

What Am I? - LordOctavianStark

You never seem to feel like you belong in this world. Now you begin to find out why.

  • ...

Forgotten Memories

Author's Note:

Work man. Work. So I got switched from stationary guard to PPO (Personel Protection Officer), so now I have the joy of possibly becoming a human shield for some corporate bigwigs. And, as a result. My free time has been shot dead. The bright side? I am making more money than I literally know what to do with. And the even brighter side? I already have the next chapter mostly written and it just needs to be edited and polished, so it should be up here soon. Hope you all enjoy.

"Hey Star"

The sound of the many conversations that surrounds you are drowned out. Your gaze unflinching at the food that lay before you. Causing you to salivate almost uncontrollable. Swallowing thickly you continue to eye the charred meat.

"Shielded Star?"

It felt like an addiction, as if you had ate the aforementioned flesh before and developed a dependency. No, it was worse than that. It felt as if something primal in you had been activated. Something that was always there but had been suppressed; though, now was breaking free of it's restraints-


Jolted from your torpor you glance towards the origin of the raucous. Inches from your muzzle, a yellow beak fills your vision. "Back to the land of the living eh? You gonna eat your lunch or just drool on it?" He gestures to the salad in front of you. "Not gonna lie man, that's kind of nasty." The Griffon shakes his head and shivers slightly in disgust.

Foltess, your partner. A young Griff by any standard. If you hadn't personally knew him, you'd assume that he had lost his down feathers only a year or two prior. Though, he was still older than his looks betrayed. His soft black feathers formed the bulk of his chest and neck, with large white wings that would put most any Pegasus to shame.

Shaking the haze from your mind, you glance back down to your meal. And after a small amount of contemplation: you push the salad away, your appetite gone for the time being. Why does it look so good, why does it smell so good, and why in the name of the Old Gods and the Princesses do I want to eat it? Seeing you push away your meal, Foltess cranes his neck towards you. "Lose your hunger or something?"

"Hmm? Oh, ya. Not too hungry I guess." You responded, still trying to reason why you would want to eat the flesh of another.

A look of guilt crosses the young Griffin's face as he glances to his own meal, "Is it my steak? I, I can put it away if you want." You shake your head thoroughly at his question.

"Foltess, you've known me for how long now? You know meat doesn't bother me." You deadpan, the hybrid predator should know this, after working together for nearly two years.

A cheeky smile graces his beak, "Which is pretty weird if you ask me. You're the only grass-muncher I've ever met that doesn't have an issue with it. Not to mention that you're the only pony in the whole department that isn't afraid to actually hit your opponent when sparring." He leans closer to you, his gaze critical, as he looks you over. "You sure you weren't a Griffin before you hit your head?" He teases.

He wasn't wrong, not the griffin part. But everything else. Glancing around, you are the only pony in the cafeteria reserved for the few carnivores on the force. And, he was right about sparring, ponies tended to have an aversion to hurting others, in any sense. You on the other hoof, did not. "Was I a Griffin before the accident? Hmmm, seriously doubt it. Maybe it's all this time I spend with this one foal-faced Griff I know." You smile back.

Foltess laughed heartily at the jape. "Well, you were probably raised by Griffins at least. Only other thing to explain how weird you are," he pauses to take another bite "Hey, it's our LFD for the rotation. Are you trying to go to the bar with your best bud?"

You shake your head, and sigh. He really does have a horrible memory. "Your 'Last Fucking Day' maybe. Not mine, I have the Verbal De-escalation seminar tomorrow, remember? Besides, I'm seeing Lu- the Princess tonight." You correct yourself. While Foltess likely wouldn't care, many ponies were put off when you referred to one of their Goddesses so casually.

The cheeky smile of the Griffin returned in force. "Spending time with your mare-friend huh?"

"She's not my-"

"It's fine, I get it. Who wants to get drunk when you can get laid." He teases, standing from his seat, he discarded the remnants of his meal. "Come on, our lunch is about over. We gotta get airborne for patrol." He quickly leaves before you can retort. Leaving you blushing, and slightly angry. It's all in good fun. You think to yourself as you make your way after him.


You pass through the gate of the palace proper. The guards allowing entry with little more than a nod. Though, this is to be expected. You're a quasi-regular visitor to the grounds. And the silver moon medallion around your neck denotes you as the herald of Luna. Giving you nearly unrestricted access to the castle and palace. The latter of which you were currently traversing the halls of.

Even though you're here often enough, you always find some ornate sculpture, vase or painting that you managed to miss on your previous ventures. Stopping at a beautifully detailed mirror with golden trim. You admire your build, flexing your muscles to appear more toned.

"Ahem" sounds a voice to your right. Embarrassed, you immediately straighten yourself and face the direction of the voice, only to see an empty corridor. Confused, you turn to glance behind you to see the same. You face the mirror again to have your confusion mount.

The onyx black Pegasus that was located in the mirror before was gone. Now a smoky being was in its place. It's face is obscured and unrecognizable. The slender, bipedal, frame of the creature was covered in clothes made of the same dark clouds that kept its face hidden from view. It's forelegs bound by blackened chains. Glancing down at yourself, you see that the mirror is still functioning as intended. Your previous Visage being replaced with the creature in the mirror. The creature from your dream.

"Let's go, can't keep royalty waiting." Sounds the same voice as before. Turning again to your right you see it's owner. He is clearly a guard, but he has the same smoky appearance as the creature, as you. A rather forceful, telekinetic, tug on your chains prompts you forward as you follow the apparition masquerading as a Royal Guard.

A voice echos, and though you are positive you are not speaking it sounds exactly like you, albeit, younger. "So, I take it I'm going to die right? Your queen gonna run me through?" The voice reverberated through the hall and your skull. Making it difficult to understand.

"Princess, not queen. And there's two of them. Though I seriously doubt they'd kill you. Princess Celestia isn't like that, and I would wager a month's salary that Princess Luna isn't either." The 'guard' responds. As the conversation between the Guard and your body-less voice continue; you begin to feel a profound sense of deja-vu. As if, you not only heard this conversation before. But lived it. You began racking your mind for an answer but draw short time and time again. You're so lost in thought you don't notice the maid you walk straight into.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," you say in your dazed state. The maid responds in kind "no, it's as much my fault as it is your- oh Star, it's you"

Looking yourself over, you see that you are in fact, Shielded Star once again. Facing the brown-coated earth pony maid, realization dawns on you. "Hey Zinnia, didn't see you there."

"Ya, no kidding." Placing her hooves under herself, she pushes up into a standing position. "You're here to see the princess I take it?" You merely nod as you begin to stand yourself. "Well, you should probably hurry then. Night court starts soon." Confused, you look to one of the large bay style windows to see the moon resting high in the sky. It wasn't even eight o'clock when I got here. How did so much time pass? Shaking the inner dialogue away you bid farewell to maid and speedily make your way to Luna's tower.

Once more, the guards let you pass without question. Simply stating that you were expected. Entering the antechamber of the Lunar Goddess' quarters, you see the aforementioned alicorn poured over a large stack of papers. Not taking her eyes off the document, she acknowledges you. "You're late." She drones, clearly invested in the contents of the parchment.

"Ya, sorry I got a little… Lost in thought on my way here." The prolonged pause causes Luna to glance up from the paper that blocked the view of her face. "Oh, my. Thou look horrid!" She exclaims, and she was likely correct. Peaceful sleep had eluded you last night, and most nights before that. And you're sure that your vivid hallucination before did little to help your current appearance. Though, the midnight blue pony before you looked as if she fared little better.

You always considered Luna to be the most beautiful mare you'd ever seen. Even with your general non-attraction to the pony race. Her eyes were bloodshot, her coat was disheveled, and even parts of her ethereal mane seemed out of place. "It's you, not thou. And you are one to talk. Are you okay?"

You move to take a seat across from her as she lets out an exasperated sigh. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown. There are many issues rearing their ugly heads. Unfortunately, it falls to me to fix them." She finishes, lowering her head in exhaustion. "The White and Red-Tails seem keen to start another blood fued, we fear it may spill into our bordering territories. To make matters worse, the Minotaur Clans have concluded The Thing and have elected their new king. An isolationist who wants to end his nation's trade deficit. Effectively crippling our economy in Iron mining and shipping…. It is taxing on us to say the least."

A civil war among the deer-folk is no surprise to you. Being a fan of history, you are well aware that every couple generations, the deers would slaughter one another. But the new Minotaur King was news to you, you weren't even aware the old king had passed. Luna broke you from these thoughts before you could form a response, "But such is the way of the world I suppose. What about you, I can only assume your appearance is caused by your nightmares? The one about the accident?"

That causes you to pause. She clearly has a lot on her plate right now. Last thing she needs is to worry about me when she has a nation to run. You reasoned to yourself before speaking up. "Ya, and I keep waking up before I hit the ground. I just don't understand why my wings wouldn't open, why they wouldn't work."

Luna walks around the large oak desk and sits beside you. Placing her large wing on your back and pulling you into her. "I am sorry you must suffer through these terrors. I wish I could help you with your dreams. Your will is simply to strong, if I didn't know any better I'd say that you were actually an unicorn that went through the training to become an Aeon."

This gives you pause, "my will?"

Luna glances down at you and smiles. "Yes, your will. Just as unicorns use their will to control the thaumic energies. You, and every other creature uses their will to manipulate and resist magic. Yours is exceptionally strong, even in an unconscious state, the most I can do is feel what kind of dream you're having. I can not manipulate your dreams, let alone enter them. You could likely break any magical bound placed on you with sheer effort of will alone. It's quite impressive." As she finished, she smiled warmly at you. "But, enough of that. I have court soon and it has been far to long since we have had a chance to talk."

And so you and Luna chatted what little time she had away. Feeling very grateful that she was willing to put her work on hold just to catch up. But under these happy emotions, you had a torrent of doubt and fear coursing through you. Continuously drawing you back to the hallucination you experienced earlier. Though, the more you reflected on it, the less and less it seemed like a hallucination. But instead, a forgotten memory.