Chapter 9 - Clipped Wings
The closest Light Breeze ever came to dreaming were the flickers that came while wide awake. Though perhaps not as imaginative as other fillies her age, her mind could still drift into the clouds and daydream.
That morning, as she roused before the dawn and pressed into her mother's teal coat, she shuddered at the memory of her last dream. She didn't dare try to sleep again, and prayed she wouldn't, but she had more pleasant things to focus on.
The most important day in the life of every young pegasus across Equestria and beyond, the first day of flying lessons, had come at last. Light Breeze had held it as her guiding star in the difficult days of being human. Every time things grew bad, she remembered that she would soon sleep and grow closer to soaring among the clouds.
Though she'd been gliding for years, and her mother had drilled her on the basics and made her exercise every day - and presumably she had flown as a baby when her magic ran wild - it was only as she approached her thirteenth year that her wings would be large enough and her magic strong enough to carry her into the sky.
Yet, as her hooves pressed into the cloud bed, and the pink flash that prefigured Celestia's raising of the sun peeked through her windows, a terrible vision forced its way in.
Light Breeze, surrounded by pegasi in the clouds above Fillydelphia, walked to the edge of a diving board and stared down at her family clustered on a lower platform. They cheered for her, smiling and waving, and she couldn't smile back. Silver Dust, cloudwalking with Soda Pop, and Jake all whooped for her. Their cheers made her heart shrivel.
For weeks, she had lied to and deceived them, and her body felt like lead. It felt heavy, weak.
He felt human.
The wind kicked up and flung him from the platform, and everything his mother had taught him and the instructors at after school lessons had drilled into him fled. Like a pathetic chicken, like a human flapping their arms, he fell like a stone with feathers peeling off his wings. By the time the earth raced up to meet him, he had lost every last one.
Whimpering softly, Light Breeze tried to banish the thought. She reminded herself that the foulest, cruelest, most dishonest pony in the world wouldn't lose their magic for it. Given how hard she'd fought and practiced, it seemed impossible that she would fall.
Yet, fall she did in her mind, over and over again.
Her mother snorted, her wings tensing as though to rise, but she only turned over and hugged her pillow with her wing tightening. Light Breeze let it comfort her before carefully slipping free to go to the bathroom, moving with the grain of her mother's striated feathers so as not to disturb her.
After leaving the bathroom, she delicately padded down the wide stairs to the living room rather than return to bed. There she paced, in part to remind herself of how it felt to walk on all fours, in part to chew over her thoughts.
Though she'd gone to bed with the sun setting and rose with the sun rising, some portion of her long exhaustion lingered in soreness and aches. The keep-awake potion had overstayed its welcome thanks to her abuse. Even so, it was the guilt that churned her stomach.
Soon enough, her mother, father, and brother would wake, and she would be faced with the choice once again.
Then a knock came at the door. It had to come twice before Light Breeze noticed it, as she'd been too focused on her thoughts to hear it over her hooves on the kitchen tile. Her ears flicked up, and she hurried to the door with her wings lightly spread to peer out the window.
A white-winged vesper stood outside in the snow, her eyes catching hers in the glass. "Hello, Light Breeze," the mare called through the door softly. "I would have a word with you, and it cannot wait."
With her heart in her throat, Light Breeze fumbled above the handle for a moment before remembering that they didn't have deadbolts in Fillydelphia. Pressing the lever with her hoof, she pulled it open. "I… I'm Light Breeze, yeah. Did… did Princess Luna hear my prayer?" She gazed up at the mare in hope, her ears laid back.
Lightly, the mare shook snow off her coat and wings and scraped her hooves on the welcome mat before entering. Her body was a shade of dark blue, her chin-length mane a lighter shade, and she wore a ceremonial black cape cinched with a silver moon brooch. "Thank you for admitting me, and, to answer your question, not as such. Yet, it reached her all the same, it seems." She swept a wing as pale as the moon to her. "Princess Luna has taken a personal interest in your plight, Light Breeze. She has seen the world in which you dream of being another, and it is her aim to set you free from your curse."
Light Breeze's eyes widened further, and she sprang to her on all fours. "Really? Oh, sea and salt! I… I almost can't believe it. Can the princess really put a stop to this and let me stay here forever?"
"That remains to be seen… and it has not been helped for it having taken this long for the princess to hear of your plight." Her voice turned sharp, and she fixed her with a look. "You are a filly in grave peril, Light Breeze, you must realize that. Whyfor did neither you nor your family seek assistance from the princess? You must have known she would have come at your need."
Light Breeze's voice failed her as her wings and tail drooped to the floor. "I…" She squeezed her eyes shut. "I couldn't make myself." Tears welled up in her eyes. "Tried. I tried, so many times, but…" Her whole body tensed, and she sniffed loudly. "My friends, my family… the thought of anyone knowing what I was, it… it made me feel…"
The mare sighed softly as she trailed off. "But say the word, child, and none but the princess and you shall ever know. Tell me where in the other world you are, so that the princess may rescue you and begin the work of liberating your soul. That is all the information I need to know. I will not intervene between you and your parents. That is not my task."
"No." It came out almost as a gasp as Light Breeze shook her head. "No, I… I'm done running."
Something about the mare's words had cut a thread in Light Breeze's heart. Confronted with the chance to hide had, somehow, rendered how cruel such a thing would be in exquisite detail. Even the possibility that Princess Luna could sweep away her nightmares and let her live as a filly forever couldn't hold a candle against the mountain of her guilt.
In a very real sense, she could never hope to dream until she set down the weight that shadowed it.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I want to tell my family everything. Can I ask you to wait and listen with them?"
The mare frowned, raising a hoof as though to disagree, but after a moment she nodded and touched her withers with a wing. "Be at Harmony with yourself, then, young mare. I will attend. I don't think the delay will be critical."
As a good host, Light Breeze fixed her up with water, toast, and salt before trotting up the stairs. There was, of course, no thought given to leaving a stranger unattended in her house.
Her father she found in Arc Light's room, the two of them apparently having fallen asleep by the window with her brother's telescope, his back resting on their dad's. Knocking on the frame with her hoof until they roused, she went down the hall to her room and wormed back under her mother’s wing for a moment of comfort.
River Wind peeked open an eye and yawned heavily, her forelegs tucking about her. "There you are, sweetie. How were the nightmares?"
"Bad." Her hooves pressed against her, and their eyes met. "Mom? I'm… I'm ready to talk now." She swallowed. "There's an emissary from Princess Luna here. I didn't want to talk to her without telling you, Dad, and Arc the whole truth, like…" She sniffed "... like I should have from the beginning…"
River Wind heaved a great sigh and squeezed from all sides. "Yes, Light, you should have. Your father and I respect your boundaries, but… I won't lie. I was going to mail Princess Luna today one way or the other. That she already knows is a huge relief."
"I've learned my lesson." Light Breeze sniffed and nuzzled her back. "I'm so sorry."
"I'll forgive you after you make it right. That's the rule." Her mother nipped her ear and the two of them roused to join her father, brother, and the mysterious mare downstairs.
They gathered about the living room, and Light Breeze climbed in between her parents on the couch, her eyes downcast. Every part of her, from her head to her ears to her wings and tail, drooped about as low as they could go, and she sighed heavily. Talking about it brought back memories more strongly, it made them more real, and she had to draw on all of their love and comfort not to chicken out.
"I want to say, first, that I'm sorry for not telling anypony the whole truth about what's going on with me until now. When Luna's emissary came, she even offered to let me keep it secret, but that was what did it." She sniffed and rubbed her nose. "I knew I couldn't live with myself if you all didn't know. The secret just had this kind of inertia to it, like a cart running down a hill, and by the time I noticed it was gone it was too late. I was ashamed, but every time I decided not to tell I felt guilty, which made me more ashamed, and so on."
Arc Light, curled up on the carpet by the radio, frowned up at her. "Didn't you trust us?"
"I did!" She looked up at her parents with an agonized expression. "At first, I just didn't want to hurt you, but then it snowballed. I swear, it had nothing to do with trust. It's… it's just a really sad story."
Star Seeker nodded and nosed at her side. "We're not happy about it, but I'm not unhappy with you. Your mother and I both did silly things when we were younger, and the only thing that really upset me was that you were hurting and it didn't seem as if we could do anything to help you."
She tucked her head against his side. "You really are the best father." She sighed. "I'm just going to rip the band-aid off and say it so I can finally feel clean." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I have two lives."
River Wind frowned, her tail lashing at her side. "Come again?"
"I…" She wet her lips and nodded in thanks when her brother floated her a glass of water. She tucked it into her hooves. "Whenever I close my eyes and dream, I'm not really dreaming. Those bad dreams I mentioned aren't really dreams. When I close my eyes, I open them in another world as another person. Always, since as far back as I can remember. It's Fillydelphia, but its dark mirror, populated only by one species of bipeds, and I'm one of them. They're called humans, and not all of them are bad. I… I'm not even a filly there. I'm a colt, at least in body, but I've rejected that, too."
It was everything she feared, and she hadn't even presented the worst of it yet. Her brother stared in shock, and her mother folded and unfolded her wings, not even sure how to process the information at first, but her face was twisted with indignation. "How did this happen? Star Seeker, I thought you said she wasn't cursed?"
Her father's ears lay flat as he hugged her about the shoulders. "I am a hundred percent sure. There's no magic involved. Oh, stars and moon, sweetheart…"
"A colt?" Arc Light raised his head with a frown creasing deep. "But you don't want to be? Why don't they just fix that with magic."
"That's one of the worst parts!" She spread her wings as much as she could. "They don't have magic! Lots of people believe in it, but I've never seen a thing. It's horrific. Lots of them struggle just to put food on the table because they can't rely on magic or the system to take care of them, and like a lot of people they don't have cutie marks, but they don't have anything else to fall back on, either! Lots of them are in despair because they think they're all alone in a dead, lifeless universe." She grit her teeth. "It certainly feels dead, anyway. I… I've been struggling to stay awake all this time and trying to sleep as much as I can over there because I hate it there. I hate being that colt and… and…" She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering a fist to her gut. "And worst of all, I hate the family I have over there."
"A family?" Her mother's hooves tensed.
Light Breeze plowed on before her momentum could abandon her, and started to choke up. Her hooves pressed into the firm cushions of the couch. "Uh huh… there's a mother named May, a father named Frank, and two older brothers named Adam and Jeremiah, and all of them are monsters." Hot tears pressed their way from her eyes as images of them flashed at her, every muscle in her body tensing. "I-I didn't want to talk about them, I wanted it all to just go away and stop. If I didn't talk about it, maybe it wouldn't be as real."
"Light Breeze?" Her mother's hoof pressed into her side, her tone comforting but with an edge she couldn't quite contain. "What did this… other family do to you?"
She shook her head, body shaking as little cries escaped her lips.
Taking off his glasses, her father rubbed his face with his hooves. "Oh my stars…"
River Wind's feathers spread as barely contained rage flooded through her, but she took a deep breath and hugged her tightly. "What?" Arc Light sat up on his haunches, his eyes flicking from one parent to the other in confusion. "What happened?"
"They…" She hiccuped and buried her face in her mother's side. She wanted her comfort to make her feel better, but the truth of the matter was that she would soon have to return. Frank had seemingly tried to start turning over a new leaf, but she didn't believe for a second that it was really over. Only Luna's intervention gave her hope. "They hurt me…"
"What?" His eyes grew wide. "How? That's… how do they get away with that? Don't their neighbors stop them? How could they live with themselves?" He rose to his feet and rounded on the emissary, his voice choking up. "There has to be something somepony can do, right? Is there a spell I could use to get there and bring her home? Anything!"
The mare met his eyes. "Yes, somepony is helping." The fear in Arc Light's eyes subsided, but his cheeks were still wet.
Light Breeze shook her head and sobbed bitterly, her heart cracking just at the sight of her parents' tears and Arc Light's painful silence. Her helplessness and confusion was reflected in their eyes, and it was everything she had feared.
Star Seeker shook his head fiercely and squeezed in from the other side. "I don't understand a tenth of what's going on, what your circumstances are, or what you're going through, but you don't need to face this alone, Light Breeze. You have us, and we love you."
River Wind nodded fiercely, nuzzling her mane. "You're our baby. I don't care what they think they are, we're your real family. We've got you. Whatever knife we need to cut you free, we'll find it. Anything we can do to help, we'll do it without question." She snorted. "And if I get my hooves on the people who did this to you, nothing will stop me from giving them a piece of my mind."
Even though their comfort felt like a distant thing in her grief, like something happening to someone else, admitting that truth at last had cleansed her just a bit. It wasn't much, but it let her feel their support and lean in. Perhaps it was childish, but she felt for a few seconds like her parents actually could keep her safe. It was an illusion that popped like a soap bubble, but it gave her a moment to breathe.
Arc Light moved to embrace her as well, wrapping his hooves about hers since there was no room left on the couch. “You idiot. You should have told us earlier,” he said, voice cracking. "We could have been spending this time working on a spell or something."
"I was an idiot." Her own voice warbled painfully. "I just… I wanted to live normally while I was here, to pretend nothing was wrong, and I hurt you all in the process. Silver Dust and my other friends deserve apologies, too. I feel so helpless all the time…"
As they pressed together into a family ball, Star Seeker sniffed and looked up as a shadow fell across them. "At the least, we don't have to do this alone. Emissary, I don't think we got your name, but…" Whatever he had to say trailed off into stunned silence.
He couldn't have seen her well without his glasses, and through her own blurred vision Light Breeze made out a figure that seemed far larger and somehow darker on the chair. As she blinked away her tears, she found herself gazing with mingled awe and terror at the towering figure of Princess Luna.
"Forgive me my brief deceit," she said in her soft yet resonant voice. "I wished no harm, only to avoid bringing further upset to your house. I see, though, that my presence here is just as necessary as it is there."
In Light Breeze's experience, ponies were about the same size as humans, albeit stretched horizontally instead of vertically, but no matter how one sliced it, Princess Luna was larger than life. She would have stared a grown human man in the eyes and outmassed him by half, all in a sleek and powerful package of muscle and curves under a dark coat. Blue strands of hair billowed softly in the radiance of her mane, and little constellations danced within it to fade and renew themselves in new combinations.
"Pr-princess!" River Wind gasped, hugging her children close. "Oh, sea and salt…"
Star Seeker tried to bow from his position, but that was hard enough to do on a couch without a teenager and a pre-teen tucked up against you. His glasses tumbled off, and he had to float them back up and rub them clean. "My household is honored to receive a princess of Equestria." He turned his head up to hers, eyes shining with hopeful tears. "Does this mean you can help our little filly?"
"I have certainly bent all my will to the task." She gestured them down with her wings as they started to rise. "No, no… none of that. I did not stir myself from the castle, rouse my entire clan to find you, and come in secrecy for the sake of your obeisance. My sole concern is to your health and safety, Light Breeze."
"At least let me get you bread and salt." River Wind pushed herself up and zipped for the kitchen in a real blur. "There are ancient forms to follow!"
"Light Breeze already… and she's gone." Luna shook her head with a smile. Nothing would do, of course, but for her to take some buttered toast sprinkled with salt - which Light Breeze suspected she tolerated only to allow the four of them a chance to get composed.
It certainly didn't help in her case. The shame and guilt of her long deception still ate at Light Breeze as she sat there on the couch and tried to control her breathing. She managed, if only because of Arc Light pressing in at her side, her big brother doing his best to make up for being unable to protect her. "How long have you known?" he asked. "Did you see her dreams, Princess?"
Princess Luna shook her head. "'Twas the absence that called me, not the presence. I felt your cry for help as well. I have been to the world of which she speaks since. Indeed, I just came from there."
"That's great!" Her father slid a hoof about River Wind as she rejoined them on the couch. "We can resolve this, and Light Breeze doesn't have to suffer these nightmares anymore, right?"
Her ears splayed back. "That, Star Seeker, is the intent, though it is complicated. She has told you the experience of her condition, but the background is deep and thorny. To put it in simple terms, your daughter has not one but two bodies, with but one soul stretched between them. Judging by the tale I've been told by her here and her friends there, this is a lifelong issue."
Light Breeze perked up. "You spoke to Jaime and Aisha?" She glanced at her family. "They're my closest friends on the other side. They're basically a pair of vespers, only human." She smiled despite herself. "You must have given them quite a shock. They have no conception of what an alicorn is outside of the journals I left them."
Her parents cast her a concerned, yet hopeful, look, and Luna laughed lightly. "I did, and Tim as well. They are sweet and kind children, and you should be proud to call yourself their friend. I, however, did not go in the flesh, which is part of the problem. Their world presently lacks the magic to support a portal."
"No magic? How do they live?" Arc Light asked in horror. "I mean, I know Light Breeze said it, but hearing it from you is another thing entirely."
"Some magic." She shook her head. "What is important to understand is that, even if your life was perfect in both worlds, you cannot endure in this condition forever. It's already becoming unstable, as no soul was meant to live in two bodies for long. It will be necessary to decide as to one or the other-"
"Equestria!" Light Breeze flared her wings. "Equestria a million times." She flushed as Princess Luna fixed her with a hard gaze and her mother swatted her lightly. "I'm sorry for interrupting. I just want it clear that I very much want to stay here."
Nodding, Princess Luna cleared her throat. "I have no doubt. As I was saying, it is necessary to decide where you are going to stay, and since everypony involved knows you identify as a pony and a filly I knew that was going to be here, but that also makes it a lot harder. Whichever life is chosen, the other must be brought to a close. Had you chosen the human world, I could have done it easily enough and safely guided your soul, but as I lack access to most of my magic there, it becomes difficult."
"Wait." Light Breeze hunched up her shoulders. "That's all it takes? I mean, if all I have to do over there is die-"
"Light Breeze!" her mother gasped, wrapping her in a wing. "Don't talk like that. Not even… in these circumstances."
Ducking her head, she hunched further. "I'm sorry, Mom. I just figured that, if I'm going to live here anyway…"
Princess Luna shook her head firmly. "I understand, Light Breeze, but please do not consider it. Dying, truly dying, in one's dreams is one of the fates I take the greatest care to help the people of Gaia avoid, and it is a terrible fate. The soul becomes a lost and broken thing, unable to find its way back, and there's no guarantee even I will ever find it. Considering that your body lies on the opposite end of the vast and terrible abyss that bridges the worlds, I cannot fathom you safely finding your way across in that condition. It's a wonder you have managed so far."
Increasing horror dawned on her parents' faces. "So, what you're telling us, Princess," her mother said slowly as she pulled Light Breeze in closer, "is that our filly not only has to go on living with some cruel other family, but that if something… happened to her on the other side, she may well never wake up again, and you can't do a thing about it?"
"And it's getting worse over time," Arc Light added in a strained voice.
Luna lifted a hoof placatingly. "I can do a great deal, River Wind. I have already secured assistance on the other side, and I will be removing Light Breeze from her human kin. That's part of why I came here today, to find out where she is on that side. Once she's under my wing and safe from harm, I'll be able to work with her on how to end this unnatural separation."
Perking her ears up, Light Breeze nodded. "So I'm, uhm, I admit I wasn't very attentive on the car ride or to the address, but I do know that I'm in an isolated cabin up in the Poconos Mountains that my human father took me to. If it helps you find it, the cabin is by a lake, and it has, uh…" She tapped her hoof against her cheek. "I guess you'd call it a very modern design? It's all white and boring, and I mean that both in a color and a white people sense."
Her parents stared at her as though she'd just started jabbering in another language entirely, and she laid her ears flat, but Princess Luna nodded.
"It's enough to go on, I think. I will call upon my new friends and disciples on Earth to locate it, and then I will come for you." She glanced between them with a wistful expression. "You have a loving and very protective family, Light Breeze, and are very lucky. I want to reassure you that you are not as helpless as you think, either." She lifted her wings to gesture at the four of them together. "In modern Equestrian, we say that friendship is magic, but when I was little and my parents held me, it was stated a little differently. Love is the grace of divine Harmony, forged in our faith for one another, the joy we revel in, the altruism we share, the compassion that opens our hearts, and the truth of our convictions." She lowered her wings. "I promise, the love that you build here will buttress her for the trials she must face in slumber, and it will strengthen her bonds to this world, this life. Witnessing your daughter open up the way she did - and seeing your acceptance - ignited hope in my ancient breast. It was like a fresh breeze had blown through and cleared away the detritus that had accumulated. Continue to live according to the Elements of Harmony here, and I have no doubt we will prevail."
Though her parents were far from satisfied after Princess Luna's speech, Light Breeze much preferred their determined, hopeful looks to the despair that had tinged them.
"I still wish I could fly out and buck the bastard who laid a hoof on my daughter into oblivion." River Wind snorted, stamping a hoof on the couch. "Still, if love is what it takes to keep my daughter safe, then she's going to be the most loved child in the history of Gaia."
"Hear hear." Star Seeker pressed in on her side. "Please, Princess, let me know if I can help with any spell craft that may be required. Do we know what caused this?"
Princess Luna shook her head. "No, but, to be frank, I consider that immaterial to fixing the issue. I can ponder the cause and significance when Light Breeze is safe and sound." She turned and stepped to the door. "I must be going. In all likelihood, my vessel on the other side will be too deep in sleep to be roused in whatever the equivalent local time is, so I saw no harm in dallying, but I should not dally longer than I have already." She opened the door, shimmering into the form of an alabaster-winged vesper once again. "Light Breeze? I'll see you again shortly."
"Wait!" She held out her hoof. "How will I know you?"
"Oh, fear not, child. You will know me." She laughed and leapt into the morning sky, leaving Light Breeze and her family to sort each other out.
Turning, River Wind hugged her once again. "Is it me, or did she not give us a hot or cold on whether or not she could actually help?"
"Taking Light Breeze's other body somewhere safe and studying the problem is action, my love." Star Seeker pressed in shoulder-to-shoulder. "I know that's not really a pegasus idea, but the princess is thousands of years old and has access to the full resources of Equestria. There's always a way."
Rubbing her damp eyes with a hock, she looked up at her parents. "I'm sorry for the, uhm, fourth time? I haven't been keeping track. I'll probably be sorry forever."
Her mother shook her head. "We learned a lesson about keeping secrets, yes? I've said it before that, if you need help, you turn to the people you love. We don't carry burdens alone in this family."
"I'll tell my friends, too." She sniffed. "I've been awful to them."
"Good." River Wind went to the rack by the door and tossed Light Breeze's scarf to her. Her mother's feathers gleamed amid the stitching, and it still smelled like her. "You can do that after your flying lessons."
Arc Light lifted his ears. "After all that? Shouldn't we stay home and let her rest? Maybe try to study the problem with our own magic?"
"Like your father said, Arc," River said, nuzzling her son's mane, "that's not really how pegasi do things. Our magic starts and ends with motion. Light Breeze, I don't think I really understand what's going on much better than I did before, but it doesn't matter. You're my filly, and this is where you belong. I take it you don't even have wings on the other side, huh? Let alone magic to use them with?" She extended a wing. "What say we use them, and let the sky remind you of who you really are?"
With a choked sob, she galloped to her mother's side and pressed in under the offered wing. "I've been waiting to hear that all my life, Mom. Yes, please, a thousand times yes."
Star Seeker smiled at the sight, even if his eyes danced with worry, and he took his own scarf down and cinched it. "Don't worry, Arc Light. There's going to be time to study the problem. We wouldn't miss your first flight for anything, Light Breeze."
As they trotted out together into the snow, she opened her wings to the cool, refreshing wind that stirred artful flurries in the air to stick into her mane. Princess Luna had been right - she was blessed with a great family, and nothing else could give her the strength to face the world that lay beyond her shut eyes. She'd never believed rescue would or even could come, hadn't entirely allowed herself to completely let go of Owen's fear that Equestria was a fancy, until the princess entered her life. For the first time in a while, she felt real joy.
Compared to many of the young pegasi from in and around the city she wove through, Light Breeze felt like some plodding lout. It was especially funny, since as someone with a unicorn for a father she had a slighter frame than many of them, but at least a few of the colorful fillies and colts she trotted by with her mother had never felt the touch of solid earth beneath their delicate hooves, let alone the concrete of a Fillydelphia sidewalk. Though she’d slept on a cloud bed ever since moving off of her parents’, her steps were less sure than theirs on the springy substance of the cumulus and she had a bad habit of putting her hooves down too heavily. The cloud did most of the work in springing back, a thin film forming beneath every step and bouncing back, but she was treating it as though it were sand until she found her stride again.
“Stars, Light, I need to take you up more often,” River Wind said with a wince as they walked towards the tower that loomed at the northern part of the cloud field. Icy cold winds tugged at their manes and tails. “Guess you’ll be able to take yourself up pretty soon, though.”
“It was probably enough, but…” She pressed in close to her, her ears laying back. “I dunno, maybe I’m overthinking things, but I can’t help but think of how I’ve had almost twice as much life experience as a lot of other fillies and colts my age. Whenever everypony else goes to sleep, I wake up and start the whole day again.” More, of late, but over the course of her life it averaged out. “I don’t have wings or magic or anything over there, so of course I’m not going to be as good at being a pegasus as everypony else.”
Her mother scrunched up her face. “Light Breeze? That is exactly the sort of dumb thing I said when I was a teenager trying to be profound.” She nudged at her with a hip. “You’re a little weird, but that’s okay. Everypony gets to be a little weird. You’re not older than your years—if you were, we wouldn’t have had to wait this long to hear from you—and you’re not broken, if that’s what you’re getting at. I mean, look at it this way: maybe you've got two lives’ worth of memories, but you’ve only got your scrawny twelve year-old brain to stuff them into, right?”
Light Breeze sniffed and smiled up at her wanly. “Right. I don’t really remember much more than I would otherwise, I guess.”
River Wind paused with her at the base of the tower, stretching a wing out to her side. Above, banners welcoming students from across the Greater Fillydelphia Area fluttered in the high winds, and the finishing touches were being made on the layers of clouds that staged down towards the sea, with pegasi waiting to catch those who fell. Courses were laid out with hoops and platforms. “Look at me, Light Breeze. I don’t care who you are on that other side. It scares me to death that, when you fall asleep tonight, you’re going to be in some strange country where I can’t come save you. Even with Princess Luna on the case, you’re gonna need to show the kind of bravery a filly your age never should have been saddled with. You’re going to make it through, though, because you are a pegasus, even without wings, and you are my daughter, even over there.” She cuffed her cheek gently. “You said it yourself: you chose us. You didn’t hesitate or nothing, even with your double life.”
Light Breeze threw herself at her mother, hooves and wings clenched tightly around her. “I… I’ve lived half my life with a family that could barely have cared if I lived or died, and I don’t think it was ever a choice. I would pick you, though, even if they’d been normal. You’re the best mom any filly has ever had.”
“I know.” River Wind nuzzled into her mane and nipped her ear, just hard enough to sting. “Don’t you ever doubt whether or not I can handle your pain again, you hear me?”
Wincing, Light Breeze nodded fiercely. “I promise. I’ll never be that stupid again.”
An announcement rang out across the field. “Fillies and gentlecolts! Please ascend the towers. Instructors will be waiting for you.”
“Good luck.” Her mother nuzzled her one last time and gave her a push. “Not that you’ll need it.”
Scaling the corkscrew ramp inside of the cloud tower, Light Breeze watched as the city grew further and further away through the airy arches. When she reached the top, where a walkway extended out into the blue nothing, she stood behind a short line of other young fillies and colts her age as instructors took them towards the edge and then off, vanishing out of sight. As she neared the front of the line, she glanced off the side and saw the dizzying drop far below.
As his eyes widened, Owen’s wings snapped shut against his back and sides. The city and its trees seemed almost flat from so far up, and the Delamare merely a blue scar against the green. Just like in his waking nightmare, all understanding fled. His limbs started to go numb as the ringing in his ears grew.
“Hey,” a stallion in an orange vest touched his side with a wing. “You okay? You can head back down for some air if you need a moment.”
Owen gazed up at him in headlights for a bit before shaking his head and awkwardly pressing across the clouds to the edge. “N-no. I’ve got this. I was born to it.”
“Yes…?” He frowned, trotting up to his side. “Take a deep breath, girl. What’s your name?”
“It’s Light Breeze,” he said, insisting on it. His hooves quaked as he stared over the side, and, forcefully, he looked to the stands where his mother and father watched with Arc Light. Both of the unicorns had cloudwalking spells to let them maneuver on the puffy white, and they huddled together against the chill and, as they saw him looking, all three cheered.
“Just a second.” His ears swiveled, and he could just hear their voices. Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath, and as she let it out she reminded herself of everything she cared about, everything she loved about her body. She loved the solidity of her hooves, the way her ears turned, her flowing tail and even her messy mane. She held the scarf close and reminded herself of her mother’s sea salt scent, and spread her powerful wings as she exhaled.
When she faced the course again, watching other young pegasi arc and dive, she nodded. “Okay. I’m ready.”
He seemed surprised at the sudden confidence in her voice, but nodded. “Okay. Just remember your lessons and follow my lead.” Leaping from the edge, he snapped his own wings free and glided slowly, letting her catch up.
Screwing up all of her courage, her self-worth, and her strength, Light Breeze set her wings to catch the wind and drew on her magic. Awareness of the air around her flooded in, and, with a fierce cry, she leapt from the edge of the cloud over nothingness.
As she glided, she tucked her wings, zipping past him as she picked up speed and spiraled for the first ring. She cut through it, then snapped her wings up and laughed as the air caught her, then beat them harder and faster as she swam against gravity. Far from dropping like a stone, she arced up and danced through another cloud ring, leaving behind trailing mist, and her excited crowing startled the hovering emergency crews. The instructor caught up with her in a few seconds and scolded her for racing ahead, but she didn’t care. Her wings churned the sky, and, as she spread them to the sun, she let Owen’s last fears quietly die.
She knew where she belonged.
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10520191
Ah, thanks. :)
Ah, thanks (again).
...Though, I have to say, thinking again just now on that particular second additional instance we did see, it occurs to me how this context possibly makes that instance even more fitting for Applejack and Rainbow Dash's characters. What's a simple and practical use for this rare and powerful magic, around the pinnacle of pegasus magic but still not something that should be too good for honest work? What's a way to practice with said magic more, try something new with it, help out a friend, and look awesome all at the same time? There you go. :D
(I mean, it seems to me spinning this idea on the spot, at least.)
Ah, neat, and thanks. Hm, and aye, yeah, depending on how a particular universe's ascension mechanics work, that could be a candidate for a trigger, good point.
(Through the Well of Pirene is one of the many things I'd like to read but haven't gotten to yet...)
And neat again and thanks again. :)
10520202
Ah, cool! Thank you as well. :)
And, well, yes, I'd imagine that most goddesses of the sea don't really have that problem. :D
(Maybe ones specifically connected to cetaceans or seabirds or something...)
On the new chapter:
"the hall to her room and wormed back under her wing for a moment of"
"the hall to her room and wormed back under her mother's wing for a moment of"?
"drooped about as low as they going go, and"
...Eh? I don't know what wording or specific meaning you might have meant there, sorry.
"He couldn't have seen her well with his glasses"
I'm not sure I understand, sorry: why?
"what's going on much better than I do before"
"what's going on much better than I did before"?
"River Wind said with wince as they walked"
"River Wind said with a wince as they walked"?
"with pegasi waiting to catch those who fall. Courses"
"with pegasi waiting to catch those who fell. Courses"?
"Horror awaits :|"
Yeah, the big question is more what in particular the problems at an isolated cabin with abusive family members will be...
...Also, not sure if this counts since it's in the author's note, but:
"and it also exists and a contrast to juxtapose"
"and it also exists as a contrast to juxtapose"?
(Oh, and sorry I don't seem to have more substantive thoughts on this one at the moment. I found it nice, though. :))
Sorry, I see this, and I can't help but think "Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!" We already have time shenanigans, rough parental interactions, and two universes interacting in unexpected ways. Add some world-threatening stakes and it'd get pretty darn Homestuck.
The confession's rarely easy, but it always ends up feeling better than letting the deception grow. Though the necessity of ending one of Light's lives... It makes sense, but I hadn't thought about it. It's not like they can just plug a spare soul into the Owen body.
"I'm fourteen and this is deep" transcends dimensional boundaries.
And yeah, the relative lack of conflict on the pony side of things isn't a bug. It's a feature, especially in its contrast to Earth's square hole versus Light the round peg(asus.) Though at this point, Earth's shape doesn't seem to be anything found in sane geometry, to humanity's misfortune.
Whatever happens next chapter, I have no doubt it'll be rough. We'll see how it goes.
I don't know if this was asked before but did the Stravaganza series from Mary Hoffman inspire you per chance for this story?
10523096
At least for my part, this is my first time hearing of that story.
10523094
Not sure there's many souls I'd want to saddle with Owen's body, to be honest. Better to just wait in Lady Hela's Discount Soul Queue tbh.
Just wait until you see Moira and Luna's: "Shit, let's be ponies." moment.
10523096
I've never heard of it, actually! Looks fun.
I would say it's more inspired by my childhood dreams - I was a closeted trans girl and I frequently dreamed of alternative lives - and a game my sister ran for me many years ago.
10523094
Aye exactly.
A different take on this story might have amped the drama of having to choose between the two picks, but there's plenty of conflict in Owen's being the harder one to safely end, I think. There's also the tension in that she can't just take a quick way out. The drama has always been about being able to stay where she truly wanted to belong and how to do it securely. She will feel bad about leaving her friends, of course.
That'll be a major focus going forward!
10523369
Some people in those books have the ability to transcend to an alternate world in their dreams and if I remember right someone dies on our world to live his life in the alternate one.
Thats what I connected with Light Breeze's choice in the last chapter.
10523378
Sounds keen, I'll give it a look.
10522813
Corrections made!
Finally got back to read what I missed I did greatly enjoyed reading the story, it doesn't follow the usual tropes of a HiE and while normally not a fan of Reading TG stuff you managed to to get me to get pass that. I did very much like the scene wit the father talking to a friend for the lodge in the worlds it help to better understand his narrow POV on things and he thinks thinking that dominating everyone is a good way to read his family, which isn't, and add more depth to his character then just a tyrant Light Breezes life. I did like that Luna having the chance to interact with the denizens of that world and, I do like that the woods ideas despite going predictably bad for her. I wonder what would happen if it was Light Breeze on the Equestrian end that died accidentally instead to open a whole other can of worms to the situation.
10525424
It would be just as bad if either of them died. Light Breeze is just much less likely to accidentally die, despite her racial habit of flinging herself into the air at high speed.
10525424
I'm glad to hear you (and so many others) liked that scene, it helps me feel a bit more confident about my own writing versus my sisters.
Having a real Princess Luna moment over here.
For those following this story, sorry for the lack of update in awhile! Things have been pretty chaotic, but Ether and I are steadily making progress!
10557210
We are! Thank you for your patience.
I love the little flashes of Owen that peek through when Light Breeze feels unsure, and how they vanish when she steadies and anchors herself.
This seems like something of a potential flaw on the Equestrian side of the void. Perhaps Princess Luna/Selene means it in a completely healthy way, but the word correct suggests that for all that ponies are a much more emotionally positive species, there is still dark cracks that keep it from being a "true utopia".
That being said, I firmly believe that it's these cracks and flaws that allowed me to take interest in Pony from the get go, a syrupy utopia would have been boring for a lack of better descriptions.
11218309
No, this is not intended as a flaw. "Correcting" one's body to be closer to your preferred self is indeed the proper treatment for transgender people. What that desired endpoint is can depend on the person involved.