If You Don’t Eat Pizza Crust, Your Genes Are Weak
Rainbow Dash’s eye twitched.
’Any second now.’
She watched intently as Anon stacked his fifth piece of crust onto the side of his plate. Causing her to grit her teeth.
’He’s just saving them, saving them for when he’s finished. He wouldn’t seriously not eat the crust.‘ She chuckled nervously under her breath.
They were at a pizza joint—they being Rarity, Applejack, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and of course, Herself and Anon. At first, the atmosphere was relaxing and even cathartic. Nothing seemingly able to break the pure dopamine generating event that was, ‘chilling wit da squad’ as Anon would call it.
But then Anon wouldn't finish his food. Opting to leave it aside. And after the third slice, Rainbow Dash started to get nervous, by the fourth, everyone else at the table had taken noticed. Anon didn’t even seem to notice.
A sixth piece.
’Eat the celestiadamned crust, you bucking freak.’ Rainbow Dash looked over to Rarity, who met her eyes with a ‘oh god he’s serious’ look, complete with sweat rolling down her face and a nervous smile.
“Ah!” He tossed a seventh piece of crust onto his plate, “That sure hit the spot, guys.” Anon patted his belly. “Well, should we split the bill?”
Twilight winced, while Applejack cleared her throat. “Er—uh, ain’t yah gonna finish that crust, Anon?”
Anon shook his head.
“Nah, that shit is gross.”
Everypony was silent, staring at Anon with varying levels of incredulity. “Are you serious, Anon!?” Rainbow dash broke the silence with a shout, startling the others at the table, and even grabbing the attention of a few other patrons. “Eat your crust!”
Anon recoiled as if he’d been struck. “No! What're you, my mom?”
“It’s just bread, you eat that like—everyday anyways!” Her wings twitched. “Yeah,” he shrugged, “And if I wanted bread, I would’ve order bread instead of pizza.” Applejack smacked the table lightly, which made Fluttershy squeak, causing Applejack to apologize.
“Now hold on there, Anon. Everypony know it ain’t even pizza without the crust. That’s like, the best part!” Both Twilight and Rarity nodded. “Well,” Anon crossed his arms, “I think it’s icky.” He turned his head up.
“ICKY?! Dear, are you twelve?” Rarity almost seemed disgusted at Anon. “Guys, ponies are staring.” Fluttershy mumbled.
“You’re the ones who keep making a scene!”
Twilight perked up, “But it’s wasteful, it’s almost thirty percent of the pizza!” Everypony except Fluttershy nodded. “Yeah, she’s right! Why would you waste bits not eating the crust?”
Anon’s scowled. “Hippo-critics!”
“It’s hypocrites, Anon.” Twilight corrected.
“Whatever—You guys sometimes don’t finish your food! I’d say that’s a waste!”
Applejack stood up. “Nah, it’s different, we save our leftovers for later!” She pointed at him, “Yah ate seven pizza slices but left so much crust to throw away! Yer the one who’s wastin’.”
Rainbow Dash stood, “Yeah, she’s right! You want to split the bill after this?!”
“Guys, please...“ Fluttershy was ignored.
“Well, my mom let me eat pizza without the crust!” Anon shouted, flinching back as Rainbow Dash shoved one of the left over crusts into his face.
“You’re a grown ass man, eat the bucking crust!”
Anon slapped it away, causing it to land in someone’s drink, making them yelp in surprise.
“This is outrageous.” Rarity mumbled, before nodding to Fluttershy. “Ah, Fluttershy. Surely you agree with us! perhaps you even have something to say, correct?”
She sunk into her mane. “I also don’t like crust.”
Silence.
“...But you don’t have any crust on your plate.” Twilight pointed out, eying her plate. Fluttershy nodded, “Well. I do like it if it’s stuffed crust...” The ponies sighed in relief.
“Thank buck. See? That’s not wasteful!” Rainbow Dash patted her shoulder, before pointing at Anon. “Hey. Then why didn’t you just order stuffed crust?” She threw her her hooves out.
He shrugged.
“I don’t like mozzarella either.”
All of a sudden Fluttershy’s pupils dilated, the room seemingly getting colder.
“Are you lactose intolerant, Anon?” She asked him calmly, almost deathly silent.
“Nah.”
Fluttershy screamed before climbing over the table and throwing herself at Anon. He cried out in fear, and in what seemed like a blink of an eye, was on the ground with her on top of him, one of her pizza slices in her hooves. “EAT THE STUFFED CRUST YOU DAMN HEATHEN!”
“Oh my goodness.” Some random pony gasped.
“HELP, POLICE! SOMEONE CALL THE PONY POLICE SHE’S TRYING TO KILL ME!”
“EAT IT. EAT IT!” She growled. This side of Fluttershy horrified both her friends and the other patrons. The staff quickly surrounded the group.
“What’s going on here!?” The staff tried to pry the two apart.
“Holy buck, Fluttershy...” Rarity mumbled in shock, a shiver running up her spine.
“What’d I miss!?” Pinkie—who’d apparently been in the washroom this entire time, appeared out of nowhere.
Fluttershy was ripped from Anon by a unicorn, floating her away from the human.
“Let me go! Can’t you see? He’s a monster! A monster that can only be slain with mozzarella!” She screeched bloody murder as she was taken out of the restaurant.
Anon croaked.
“Oh, is it nap time!?” Pinkie hopped over to Anon and sat on his chest, curling up like a cat. The human didn’t have the energy to scratch the party pony. So he simply watched the ceiling, unblinkingly.
The group of friends at the table all looked at each other worryingly.
...
“Are you... are you ok, Anon?” Twilight’s voice was soft and full of worry.
“I saw the throne to heaven and It was empty.” Tears ran from his eyes to his cheeks.
“Stop acting weird, dude.” Rainbow Dash shoved one of his pizza crusts into his mouth, causing him to gag.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity magicked Dash away from the human. “He could choke!” She berated Rainbow Dash as Anon coughed and hacked. He sat up, which caused Pinkie to slide into to his lap. She just giggled.
Rarity continued to tell Rainbow Dash off.
Anon cleared his throat, accidentally swallowing some of the crust. He smacked his lips and hummed.
“Oh hey, that’s actually pretty good.” He grabbed the leftover half he coughed up and started munching on it, a smile on his face.
Everyone at the table stopped to look at Anon. Rarity could be heard grinding her teeth, before taking a deep breath and deadpanning.
“Never mind.” Rarity put Rainbow Dash down and stood up. “I’ll strangle him myself.”
The others had to hold Rarity down to stop her from finishing what Fluttershy started.
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Pizza crusts are free breadsticks.
Change my mind.
10482258
I do love me some breadsticks
high iq story tbh
10482270
I fear what you consider low iq
We should poison all the pizza in the world and put the antidote in the crust to get rid of all the weaklings.
I don't get modern memes.
Then again, I didn't get old memes either. Oh god I'm a boomer!
10482369
You might just be the smartest human alive with that good of an idea
CALL THE PONY POLICE
Dude I started to roll my pizzas in rolls so all me toppings and meat surround the crust its the best fucking way to eat a pizza if its not crunchy enough or if your a pussy and dont like crust.
Garlic sauce and pizza crust is a little known delicacy, and one I try and press others to try at every opportunity.
I'm your #1 fan now, buddy. No take backs.
Hmmm
These stories are the cure to the depression I don't have, but might someday get.... So this will be my depression vaccine.
10482770
I’m my own #1 fan. You’ll have to take second place, I’m sorry but those are the rules.
I hate pizza crust. It's often like a disgusting piece of rotten cardboard.
10483712
You’re lucky I’m not a man of my word. Or you’d be blocked so hard right now.
Yep, I don't blame Fluttershy what so ever.
For me it is stuffed crust or very thin crust, anything else goes in the trash. I mean, noone is upset when someone removes the crust from their sandwich and tosses it out, right?....R-right?
Best frakin' line.
And yes, people who don't eat the crust are WEAK and must be shamed.
How can people not like crust? Its perfect for dipping in your favorite sauce! 🍕
I always eat my crust along with other things That are often overlooked, Ends Pieces of bread loafs, the apple core, orange peels (depends on the type of orange) and....Lemon flesh. I eat the entire lemon, not just drinking the freshly squeezed juice, I have a high tolerance to sour things.
He doesn't eat the crust?
Steel his kneecaps.
I'm not sure what inspired these meme fics, but I want to send your muse a tasteful gift basket as thanks.
Also crusts are for sipping in cheese sauce.
Maybe ranch if you're bored.
Anon might not be
but the writer might be
10489791
I dip it in my Red Marinara Sauce.
I don't just eat the crust, I pick the bread out with my finger, eat that, then eat the rest. I have a very particular preference there.
I ain't got time in my life to eat the pizza bones.
Unless they're stuffed
Pretty sure a single use of the word "fucking" would be ok for a Teen rating.
10500749
bones? BONES?
I'm sorry good sir but crusts are not bones. the main pizza itself is bones.
Oh come on, Rarity. At least you and the others got what you wanted in the end.
10482258
Depends on the pizza place. Pizza Hut's crusts are amazing, the absolute best. Others... kind of hit or miss.
10502859
Uhhhhhh.........
If a pizza doesn't have a crust then it is an ABOMINATION
10482575
This isn't bullsh*t, you damn heathen
I'm slightly sorry.
Me and Anon can start a "We Don't Eat Pizza Crust" club.
I eat my crusts because I dislike wasting food, but I say that anyone that insists that someone else should eat their crusts are the ones that are childish.
Let people have have their culinary preferences, damn it!
Unless they're stuffed crusts. Eat your damned stuffed crusts.
10524468
There is no way to change a scientific proven fact....
Guys who don't eat pizza crust close the fridge with their hips.
I'm guilty on both ends of the spectrum.
If you don't want your crust, at least let me eat it instead of wasting food..
I don't care about your germs, food is food.
10486145
who tf eats apple cores? please tell me you don't eat the seeds.
not eating the crust is bad, but my sister is worse. She pulls the toppings and cheese off, and just eats the bread. Like wtf?!
10605927
No of course not, are ya crazy, the seeds contain small amounts of cyanide
The crust is a vehicle of extra sauce delivery.
The crusts are delicious boomerangs of flavor. Get some marinara with your order or garlic butter with your order and by golly we gonna have a PARTY.
The strongest eat the pizza crust. Those don't shall perish.
Doesn’t like pizza crust?
open his sciatic nerve cavity and fill it with hydrochloric acid
10613390
What about folks that love eating thick pizza crust?
Aka, me. Seriously, it's so crunchy and delicious.
The crust is holy
10482264
I find it strange that when I was younger, I hated pizza, but absolutely ADORED the crust.
Does that make me stronk or weak?