Let's give this writing thing a go...
The Royal Guard wouldn't be the Royal Guard without ponies working in Recruitment, yet for one recruiter it's not the most fun and exciting job in the world.
However, this recruiter's day is about to get pretty interesting when someone turns up wanting to apply for the Royal Guard Academy, someone the recruiter was never prepared for.
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Hehey I loved it! Good job.
Yup so gallus wants to become the royal guard and he did he's going to be an awesome guard nice story
I bet once Twilight finds out she will have all the forms updated. Imagine a former changeling applying.
Oh yeah, you go Gallus!
Congratulations on taking the first step, Gallus.
10482041
how does that work?
*former* changeling?
10482101
Post reformation Changeling then? I always saw them as two different species after they went and got all colorful.
Not bad. I always wondered how Gallus took that first step into the world of the Royal Guards.
10482123
Yeah, that's clearer
10482123
10482101
I did actually think about this when writing the story, my headcanon is that after Gallus became an Officer, the Royal Guard opened up to all creatures and replaced assigning "based on kind of pony" to "based on their physical attributes". While Changelings can fly, I figured they'd be more likely assigned to magic because the Royal Guards determined it was their strongest attribute (because of shapeshifting and levitation).
10482214
Or they may still be asked about their attributes. My headcanon is that changelings aren't that good at magic beyond shapeshifting and maybe levitation (I say maybe because the only changelings shown levitating things were Chrysalis and s6e25's fake Twilight. Not even Thorax was shown levitating things), but I'm allowing for a possibility that there could be a spectrum of magical ability similar how it is with ponies. So, for example, Coxa could be a better flier and Elytra could be a better magician.
Edit: changelings would also be the perfect candidates for a Special Operations branch of the Royal guard, assuming there is one
Knowing Gallus, he undoubtedly was reading this recruiter almost like an open book and knew pretty much all throughout that him being a griffon caught him unprepared and by surprise, so much so I'm actually kind of surprised Gallus didn't sass him for it at any point throughout...but then maybe he was trying to restrain himself so to give an adequate first impression and all, considering circumstances.
But I can still just picture all those looks of restrained annoyance Gallus was probably giving him all throughout. I know I would be if I were him.
I'm mildly disappointed the story stopped where it did, but only a little. Were it me writing it, I would've kept going at least a little further so that the recruiter got something more out of the whole situation than "okay, I did my job, it's everybody else's problem now." Maybe something to motivate him to be not caught so off-guard in the future, perhaps, or at least a little more proactive about his job? I dunno. It's a little thing, though--besides that one detail this was a decent enough of a read.
10482321
I was going to say - Changelings are pretty much perfect for intelligence operations of any sort.
Hah! When I've read it first, I've already knew this is gonna get featured!
Well done again!
I knew Equestria was speciesist
I would not mind seeing a continuation of this.
They should update the form by adding something like this:
Other question:
Where would they put an changeling?
Unicorn (they have horns and can do magic) or Pegasus (they have wings and can fly)?
Or what about dragons?
Earth Pony (strong and stamina) or Pegasus (wings)?
I bet after this even the E.U.P. will change name. Either fully embrace the Royal Guard nickname, or take on a generic, all emcompassing name like the Creature Guard or the Friendship Guard. My money is on the latter.
Times change faster than paperwork.
It's a bit of a stretch that he talked to Gallus that long without looking at him. Also, nothing really... happened in this fic. Like, we saw Gallus sign up for the Guard, yeah, but there was no real tension of conflict. Even in a comedy, something has to be at stake, even if it's some dumb sitcom trope of having to have two dates on the same night. Round Up didn't question him as to why a griffon wanted to join the Guard, he didn't try to say a griffon couldn't join the Guard, didn't try and make Gallus prove he was worthy, nothing. It was just, "Oh, a griffon. Bit odd, but whatever."
This also means the title of the story is misleading. It's called "Strange Day At The Recruitment Office," but the day only really became "Strange" in the last 1/3 or so. Everything up until the reveal—which as I said, is put off to almost the point of silliness—was just... A day. Round Up was bored as Hell for most of the fic, which means this day was pretty typical. In universe, most Round Up's day was pretty average. So, in a way, you ended the story right before it could get interesting.
It's a bit of a shame because a lot could have been explored even in a story as short as this. We could have gotten insight as to why Gallus wants to join the military, maybe show off a bit of unintentional racism from Round Up, or really do anything to add some meat to the story. Hell, since this is a comedy, we could have a stinger where right as Round Up goes back to his paper, a friggin' minotaur walks in asking to join!
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean or anything, and I hope I don't come across as snide or arrogant, but this story just felt... hollow, for lack of a better term. I walked away almost feeling like I wasted my time. Yeah, the story gave exactly what is says on the tin, Gallus tries to join the Guard, but it was all gristle and no meat. Sorry.
10483111
Actually if they continue to have three branches of the military (like we have the army, air forces, navy, marines, space force) then there isn't a problem with the form as it is. Gallus is signing up for the Pegasus corps. Having the species name in parenthesis after the name also works well. As for a changeling, while intelligence might be a better place for them than any of the standard three branches of the EUP, they might choose any of the three corps depending upon their individual abilities.
NOTE: This would also work for ponies. I mean if Bulk Biceps wanted to join the EUP -- he might choose the earth pony corps.
10482123
I'm currently reading an interesting fanfiction where the bright colorful changelings are the same thing as the black buggy type, the difference is in how well-fed they are.
Anyways, this was a fun little jaunt of a story, and I wouldn't mind seeing a longer bit on how Gallus got through the various hoops.
Now this is creative comedy at its finest! It just has everything a reader could ever ask for, it's perfect! I hope ya didn't mind, but I made a little reading of this beauty of yours!
Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/KyBoc8ctzXQ
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
10483111
I mentioned this in an earlier comment, my headcanon is that after Gallus became an Officer, the Royal Guard opened up to all creatures and replaced assigning "based on kind of pony" to "based on their physical attributes".
I largely agree with what silvadel said about how creatures could choose which branch to go to if they end up fitting in more than one, so you may have creatures that could only fit into a single branch (i.e. Unicorn for Kirin and Earth for Yak), but others that could fit into multiple. It's much better than my initial thought of changeling going to Unicorn and Dragon into Pegasus.
10482395
10483187
I'll be honest, I didn't expect this story to get as much attention as it's getting. I just wanted to play out a funny scene I had my head, so I accept criticism that the story is too short, simple, or didn't have enough. I do have an idea for a much longer and larger story of Gallus' journey into the Royal Guard but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take on something beyond a short story.
10483492
Understandable. Lately I've been passing by a lot of possible fic ideas myself simply because I don't feel prepared to tackle something of that scope currently, so I hear where you're coming from.
10483292
I love how you names the flippin’ Space Force and not the Coast Guard.
Because no one cares about the Coast Guard.
Interesting little slice of life here. One point of criticism I'd like to mention would be the strange unnecessary capitalization of various words. You only capitalize the first letter of a word if it's the start of a sentence or if it is the name of a character.
10483518
I dunno man, they're pretty fucking cool.
What a lovely light hearted comedy. I had a great time reading this story, the whole thing had me
smirkingsmiling the whole time.10483090
I have to agree, I would love to see a sequel. (But only if your heart is in it Hammerhead.)
This was a good prolouge to how Gallus become a royal guard in the new Equestria under Twilight's rule.
10483009
Points at ponyville before apple bloom went to zecoras at neighsay a clear racsict in charge of education the term everypony need I go on about how racist ponies are
10522826
Just check what happened when a Griffon appeared in Ponyville (Gilda) or a Minotaur (Iron Will), in the end they had problems in Ponyville
10522996
Damn I missed 2 things though Gilda kinda called that on her self
10523128
She was a little angry and sure she made Fluttershy cry, but she was pranked too much by one of her best friends after visiting and in the end her friendship was over
10523273
True that’s just lazy plot writing having her the only pranked one I mean you’d think dash or pinkie woulda grabbed a few pranks to save her from them or give a heads up like.
Yo G I’ve pranked the party avoid this and this
10523280
Instead her friend knowing her for years decide to just throw her away even knowing how she is and what happened.
10523383
so another point ponies are racist which they had to retcon seasons later when a simple letter after they cooled down woulda worked
10523273
10523395
Gilda was mean to more than just Fluttershy (she was also mean to Pinkie who only wanted to spend time with her and Dash for example), Rainbow Dash explicitly said that not all of the pranks were meant for her, and despite knowing Rainbow Dash for years she blamed Pinkie for the pranks and was insulting everyone else.
Rainbow Dash was right to call Gilda out for being a bad friend because she was being mean to all of Rainbow Dash's other friends, and was also right to give Gilda the ultimatum of "be nice to my other friends, or leave".
I don't see that episode as ponies being racist to griffons, none of the ponies showed dislike or fear of her until AFTER Gilda was being mean to them. That episode was about Gilda being a jerk and a bad friend.
10523678
and you killed the joke there but you made good points but alot of other thibgs poibt towards it i fully agree gilda had it coming
10523696
I mean if you want ponies being REALLY racist towards other creatures, look no further than Chancellor Neighsay.
10523702
one of my first examples a clear racist in charge of education meaning kids are taught to be racist the term everypony ponyville before ab went to zecoras
10523678
Don't worry, is just that I like Bashing and Defend the Devil, I know it, but I like to blow it out of proportion, also even Gilda can have a bad idea, if you check how Griffons live, Rainbow Dash should know that Gilda sometimes can be very angry but she was still her friend, a friend who wanted to have some time alone and was interrupted almost every time.
Sure, Gilda was not very respectful to Pinkie Pie, but imagine you have a good friend that you did not see in a year or two, you decide to visit only to find that your friend have new friends, okay no problem, but even so, one of their friends interrupt you everytime you try to be alone with your friend and when you go to a party with your friend after a bad day and you get pranked as Gilda, well... She exploded
10523395
Talking about racism, how many non-ponies you see around Canterlot or Ponyville? What about guards?
And in Princess Twilight friendship school, that is supposed to be friend with others...
Where are the Diamond Dogs, Abyssinians (Cat people), Zebras, Minotaurs or Griffons? Maybe Goats or Centaurs like Tirek? Surely Tirek was not the only of his species, right?
Sure, they have a Yaks, a Hyppogrif and a Dragon but there is more and they are mainly nobility or related not simple 'peasants'
I’m gonna have to echo what 10483187 said. This was an interesting idea. It could have very easily gone to some very fun worldbuildy places or had some really fun comedic twists, but it’s just... a thing. A series of events with no real tension or clearly identifiable purpose. There’s a lot of meat left on the cutting room floor here. So much so that it feels a bit disappointing.
I encourage you to revisit this at some point! There’s a lot you can do on this premise, and I can tell by the quality of what’s written here that you definitely have the chops to pull it off :)
10577317
You have no idea how much the idea has been on my mind since I put this one out...
this is going to be a good story line.
Gallus: "What? Are you waiting for me to chirp?"
I liked it. I like that Gallus is trying his best to not just work himself above the (sadly well-earned) reputation of Griffons in general, but also being an orphan who had one break in his life when Grandpa Gruff sent him to Princess Twilight's school.
Also, I find it ironic how people accuse ponies of being racist because only some non-pony students went to the Friendship School when it was shown they were either allowed to or outright forced by their respective species' ruler. Twilight asked, some said yes—others not saying yes isn't Twilight's fault. That's just silly. What is she supposed to do, abduct a bunch of Diamond Dog pups?
Short sweet and simple. I liked it.
Gonna go read "blue bird" next!
Either use the red and green suggestions...or the yellow one. Nice chapter otherwise.
This was great; I could 'watch' this in my head and loved Gallus' attitude and the pony's befuddled state as they stood there and talked. Nice launch!
10951165
Append is the correct word.