• Member Since 27th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2017

Mally


Horse words and horse word accessories.

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After her fateful encounter with the Ursa Minor, Trixie finds herself alone in the Everfree Forest, hungry and tired, and with her wagon destroyed. Trixie must make her way through the Forest, and find a place to start over after losing everything. The Everfree is a dangerous place, however, and some parts of it are darker than others...

Fair warning: there is a spoiler after the break.


A short, first person, single chapter Trixiefic written as an exercise of a long unused writing muscle. Ties in with Story of the Blanks, but foreknowledge of that story is not needed to enjoy this one.

Rated Teen. Because Blanks.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 15 )

Normally, this is where an author would ask for mercy, to spare them as this is 'my first fic, please be nice'.

Me? I want people to absolutely rip into this if they discover any flaws. I'm only going to get better if I know I fucked up.

Special thanks to my prereaders, including Emeral Bookwise, who, in a surprise plot twist, was able to catch shit I had screwed up on in MY story.

Funny, I had been under the impression Trixie was gone well before the Starbear was dealt with. :trixieshiftleft:

Rain Forest - Michael Angelo Batio

Exclent, glad to see this up.

Oh, and again, happy to have been of help.

1180821

I feel like I've made it big. I've always enjoyed your comments (and amazing taste/variety in music), and to get music attached this quickly?

This makes for a happy Mally.

1180851

You helped out a lot, and I'm so very grateful. Even discounting your prereading and errorcatching, you served as a great sounding board, or at the very least, you listened to me ramble nonsensically about an amorphous, evolving mess that turned into a story. That is a great help in and of itself. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra.png

The story was kind of obvious once you dropped the name of Sunny Town, but the scenes in the Everfree before she enters the town are quite good. Trixie's show and her try at escape seemed a bit rushed though.

1181375

I'll admit, they kind of were. Early on in the writing, I came up with the last line, and was so happy with it I kind of wanted to get to it. A mistake I'll have to keep in mind for future stories.

And I'll further admit, with the escape, I kind of lost an idea of what to do, barring going over the intro again. But thank you. I think the section in the forest was my favorite to write. Once I got to Sunny Town it was difficult coming up with something to differentiate it. Anyone who's familiar with the story pretty much KNOWS what is going to happen: I considered putting off the town's name until later, but the idea that someone would welcome an outsider and not immediately mention the area was silly. A sacrifice I had to make.

Trixie was a lot of fun to write, though. I think I'll probably do some more with her at some point. :trixieshiftleft:

Hey, not bad! It had a really nice buildup and a decent payoff. Some good horror elements here, especially towards the end.

Trixie just can't seem to catch a break, can she? :fluttercry:

1184044

Thank you, that means a lot coming from the author of amazing stories like Trixcord. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I can agree with you there. Trixie does tend to be a favorite Universal Chew Toy of the fandom.

Hell, I love Trixie, and she was one of the first ponies I thought of when I came up with this story.

The thought process was something along the lines of 'Unnamed pony in the Everfree. Chased by something bad and scary. Who has a reason to be in the Everfree and have bad scary things? Oh, Trixie of course.'

Because I am of the school of thought that the best thing you can do for characters you love is to cause them various forms of pain and trauma. Makes for good writing and RP.:raritywink:

Trixie now joins Ruby, Applebloom and Dinky as ponies who have seen the horrors of Sunny Town. She's the only adult, as well.
I couldn't see any problems with this.
So, is it Mitta or Ruby at the end, or is Trixie screwed?

1185445

Because I am of the school of thought that the best thing you can do for characters you love is to cause them various forms of pain and trauma. Makes for good writing and RP.

I must be of that same school of thought, seeing as over in the Lunaverse Raindrops is my best-pony, but I put her through that whole incident with Rainbow Dash and Gilda. Worse, I'm still toying with yet another fic staring her that will put her through even more pain and suffering, but this time of a more self-inflicted variety.

I guess it's true what they say about always hurting the ones you love.

1185561

That... I shall have to leave up to the imagination. I may or may not answer that question with a future story, but chances are, I am going to leave Trixie's fate entirely up to the reader. Though I will say that in earlier versions of the story, I made it abundantly clear that Trixie was either saved (through literal Deus ex Machina that I decided would require a much longer story to make it anything other than tacked on), or doomed (because writing Bad Ends is a bit of a specialty of mine.)

1186772

I tend to be more a fan of emotional trauma, personally. Easier to write, and easier to get the reader to identify with, say, a broken heart as opposed to a broken leg. Though I do look forward to seeing your next foray into sadism and the effects it'll have on Raindrops. :twilightsmile:

I'm not usually a fan of dark stories. This one was only ever so slightly above average. From what little I know of things from the technical side I didn't spot anything that was a glaring error. From a content perspective I felt the whole thing was very rushed. Like you were just trying to hurry this along and get to the gruesome end as quickly as possible. I didn't feel attached to the main character(Trixie) in any way. I didn't really feel anything at all when she met her fate. I get that there probably wasn't a whole lot of story to this to begin with but, really if your going to write a Dark Fic it would be better to have a character you can at least somewhat sympathize with. I don't have a problem with who you chose as your main character, rather my problem is that there was very little character TO your character if you know what I mean. I do like that this is connected to the Story of the blanks and in fact if I were brutally honest here that's probably about the only reason that I chose to read this particular fic. Still. you got a like from me because I would seriously love it if more authors took the time to have their stories looked over with a fine tooth and comb so that the incredibly obvious errors like spelling and atrocious grammar get taken care of.

In summary, Things looked great from the technical side of writing and that is worth a like alone, but I didn't feel emotionally involved in the story at all so the horror was a bit lost on me.

1455395
I will admit, this story was severely rushed. It came to mind and would not let me be, and was more a matter of dipping my toe back into the writing pool than anything. At some point, I'd love to do a rewrite of this, now that it's out, but to take my time with it.
But yes, this story could likely do with at least another two thousand words or so. Ah, well. Reflecting on this pointed out a pacing issue left over from my old, completely terrible writing, one that is currently being worked on for my next story, Restless Night.
Still, I appreciate any and all criticism, particularly when given in a constructive manner as you have done. So thank you, and I hope you get more out of the next one.

Holy bible, batman, you finally posted something, and it's very nice. Short, sweet, and to the point.

You dispatched this Trixiefic with great dispatch.

This story faces the elephant in the room:

The Great & Powerful Trixie puts on a free show and ask for voluntary donations. The Mane 6 heckle her for no reason. The idiot Snips and Snails bring an Ursa Minor to town. It destroys her wagon. Somehow, she is the bad mare.

About half of the first half of episodes of Season # 1 are off because the writers did not have the characters down yet. This is 1 of those off episodes. In season # 3, the writers had a chance to fix their mistakes, but instead had the great & Powerful Trixie imprison and enslave Ponyville.

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