Luna seeks her own place in the world. Her sister is the sun in more ways than one and she's grown tired of always being eclipsed by that light, so she makes a decision. She will go on sabbatical, see the nation she was exiled from, participate in it, and what better place to start than an empire as timelost as herself. But stepping out of the light of the sun can lead to places full of shadows, and not even the Mare of the Moon commands all darkness.
Written for Ice Star
Cover Art by the Illustrious SilverWolf
Chapters (9)
Now, this is spectacularly poggers. The plot promises epic, mythic Luna. Your dialogue is incredibly witty and delightful. There's a host of fun background characters here, and cute Cady and Luna interactions to boot. Your prologue alone was enough to hook me and the promise of happy goth horses doing the kiss is even more fantastic.
All in all, a very pro-gamer move. I eagerly await more.
Eagerly.
Is it just me, or does Duskmaker sound like the name of a villain?
I can hear the squeals of Ice Star from across the continent.
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Figured I'd find you here.
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WHY WOULDN'T I BE HERE?
big think
Hyper Lumbra fan summoned me here. No regrets.
Very nice
Well, I'm definitely hooked now. Not the biggest Lumbra shipper, but I'll definitely be following this one to see where it goes.
Also, Luna sticking up for that guy. You go, girl. :)
I'd thought of doing a story similar to this one myself, so I'm curious to see where you go with it!
Yay . I am tracc
Prologue:
"Luna replied terse, earning"
"Luna replied tersely, earning"?
"was a wan, shadow of her"
"was a wan shadow of her"?
"Aurora deia Nova Celestia"
"Aurora dea Nova Celestia"?
(Though I'm not sure about that one.)
"They took broke fast"
"They broke fast"?
Chapter 1:
"At least the tyrant Sombra hadn’t stooped as low as book burning"
[glances up]
"of the dozen tomes and treatises Luna had stowed regarding the Empire, she had already burned seven of them"
...Uhhh...
(Not an error spot, just a remark. At least, I assume that was deliberate. :D)
"advise th— you grow horns and"
It sounds like she's talking to both of them, so wouldn't it be "you" anyway? Or is that not the case in her particular dialect?
"Perhaps Celestia has not fought a proper"
"Perhaps Celestia had not fought a proper"?
"What’s going? Has this"
"What’s going on? Has this"?
"in the plaza screams and cried out"
"in the plaza screamed and cried out"?
"as Luna towered her would-be"
"as Luna towered over her would-be"?
"looking into our guards… indiscretions"
"looking into our guards'… indiscretions"?
Well, this seems an interesting start. :)
...Not sure if I'll do this much error-spotting the whole way through. I was actually trying to hold back, as I'm pretty low on time at the moment, but, well, I kept noticing things...
Anyway, I'm interested to see where and how this goes; thank you for writing. :)
So far, this is not what I expected, but in a good way.
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That genuinely leads me to wonder what you expected.
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...yeah, it kinda does, now that I think about it.
Sounds a bit similar to Daybreaker.
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Fewer adventure elements and worldbuilding nuggets, more reluctant snuggles?
Oooh... time for a fight. This is gonna be fun!
Mmm, that delicious magic lore.
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Regarding Deia vs. Dea is the difference between the female vs the male form, although I'll be the first to point out that neither is used properly if I'm actually using latin as the language (which I'm not, I'm just a dramatic bitch). Regarding the book burning, yeah, that was on purpose. Luna casually destroyed the books because she knew they were inaccurate, and in almost the same breath condemned the idea of book burning because to her it's different. Just a small hypocrisy.
Regard the Thou v. You, you're right, You is plural in the formal old tongue. I was originally writing her speaking just to Heartfelt, and there was kind of a splicing in the verbiage there. I adjusted it slightly to be more accurate.
As always, thanks for the efforts!
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...Huh. I'm not fluent in Latin or anything, but looking online, that doesn't seem to fit? I'm not sure what Deia is, but Dea appears to be the feminine form and Deus the masculine.
(Though, as you did just say about how you were using it... :D)
Ah, heh; thanks. :)
Ah, thanks!
You're welcome. :)
Though I'm still planning to try and not spend too much time on the next chapter (sorry), we'll see how that goes. Positives either way, at least. :)
Speaking of!
"It was a cold, divine love"
Hm. Interesting phrasing, given how I recall Celestia generally acting...
"room of the Luna’s suite"
"room of Luna’s suite"?
"mane of stars shifts around her"
"mane of stars shifted around her"?
"Jadeite looks up at Luna with a"
"Jadeite looked up at Luna with a"?
And I continue to enjoy the story. :)
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So my understanding of it (which is very probably flawed) is that Dea/Deus is the name of god rather than the reference to something godly. Saying Deus is like saying Jehovah, as opposed to referring to a prophet as divine-but-not-god. Anyway, it's most probably just a corruption, I'll leave it as is for now.
Other corrections have been made, thanks again, as ever and always!
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...Yeeeep, I don't know either way here, sorry. :D
And thank you, and you're welcome; thank you for writing. :)
Luna saying yeet is just what I needed this week
rubs hands in anticipation for next chapter
Man, all this lore is pretty strong. Let's see if you can weave everything together smoothly. Unrelated, are you naming the guards after comic book characters? There's Deadeye, and the more obscure Colonel Sunder.
Luna sounds so badass there.
Such as those warrior sisters from those blades she was wielding, wonder if we will find out more about that?
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Lore is my specialty. It always matters.
As for the comic references... I'm slightly infamous for the obscure references that I seed throughout my stories. they don't mean anything, they're more like little in-jokes to myself while I'm writing, but yeah, lol.
Ooooohohohohoooo...
I am reminded again why I love reading your stories.
Chapter 3:
"rangers rose from sheepishly from the snow"
"rangers rose sheepishly from the snow"?
Chapter 4:
"with another muttered greet, and earning the"
"with another muttered greeting, and earning the"?
"guards. “What’s going? Has this"
"guards. “What’s going on? Has this"?
Thanks for writing. :)
My OTP is Luna x The Unbearable Weight of the Ages, with second favorites Luna x The Impossible Burden of Memory and Luna x Outwardly Expressed Self-Destructive Impulses.
-LusterDawn
oh this gun be goood
*there is no more next*
oh
Awesome. Also title-drop. :)
yeeessss
"and grinning through bloody"
"and grinned through bloody"?
"paws lefts dead earth seared"
"paws left dead earth seared"?
"two dozen spears of cold light erupting from the Sun"
"two dozen spears of cold light erupted from the Sun"?
"Luna split the sky and pour the sea of stars itself"
"Luna split the sky and poured the sea of stars itself"?
"the vagrant said as he tipped her hood back to let his"
"the vagrant said as he tipped his hood back to let his"?
Well, I think a few people may possibly have noticed something happening there. :D Both personal and wider-spread interesting times ahead, it looks like.
Thank you for writing. :)
"and fitting steer by corpse-choked street in battered killsquads of her beloved Night Guard"
...I have no idea what you're trying to say there. Fitting steer? What? Sorry.
I continue to enjoy the story, though. :)
That is a fantastic line that speaks a lot more to your vision of Sombra than simple descriptions. Well done.
I'll have you know that manticore urine is a perfectly valid alchemical ingredient!
Forget about reading Luna's mind...he can read the audience's! :P
Yes, I know it's a perfectly valid concern on Luna's part.
Now this is how you tell a story. Showing, not telling. Leaving things unsaid rather than blatantly addressing.
Considering all the potential ways a demonic poo-spider could have been introduced into a story, this is one of the least horrible that I can imagine.
I continue to enjoy this story; thank you for writing. :)
(Though much as I'm enjoying the events we are seeing, I have to admit I'm also getting curious about what's going on outside. I doubt everyone just shrugged and moved on from the giant ancient monster and Princess Luna disappearing, after all. :D)
I'm genuinely curious about what a Crysopolis is. Anyway, this chapter was absolutely dripping with lore and wonderfully wrought badassery. I must give this story a chef's kiss at the perfection that is your warrior Luna, and how she's not the blundering beast most writers use when they fit her in such a role. Delicious stuff. I'm glad to be catching up again.
Sombra being big means that there is more of him to hug and snuggle. Luna needs to take note of this.
Very, very, very stellar stuff. Luna being so absorbed in the art of violence was absolutely smashing.
Now that the lovely goth lad has shown up, when do he and this goth lassie horse do the kiss? My poor heart wants that sweeter slow-burn romance but at the same time I need something to gush over too.
aaaaaaaa
My dumb ass forgot that was the city name, and thus it had nothing to do with other things with the same prefix. I did a fucky wucky.
OOOOOOH MY HEART THE GOTH HORSES ARE IN LOOOOOOVE
Awwww.
They should brush each other's manes. 👀🖤
Another excellent chapter! Well done!
I especially loved this segment here:
Really makes it clear that it was NOT, as most would think, a simple matter of jealousy, but rather years (possibly decades or even centuries) of Celestia constantly disrespecting and disregarding Luna. Really puts the Nightmare rebellion into a new light.
"then let out a quiet grunt as she shifted his hind legs"
"then let out a quiet grunt as he shifted his hind legs"?
And this one, too, I continue to enjoy, and thank you for writing. :)
Lots of revelations on both sides, here. Once they know eachother better, a relationship can begin.