A Distant Dream

by Sennerazen

3: Monster

“I wish you’d cheer up,” Twilight said, handing Fluttershy a cup of tea. “Or at least tell me what’s bothering you.”

Fluttershy took one sip of the tea and set it on the picnic blanket. Her best friends were with her. Even Harry and Angel were in attendance, but she was not happy.

“Your brother?” Twilight asked. “An animal?”

“Discord,” she sighed.

“Discord?” Twilight gaped. “Uh. I see. Well, what’s the matter with Discord? Um, besides the obvious.”

“I don’t really know. I saw him for a while, and he… he scared me. Celestia told me to take a break, and I have, but…”

“You miss him?” Pinkie shouted.

Fluttershy’s eyes darted around. “No, no. It’s not that. I don’t know how to explain it. He’s just in such a bad state.”

“Uh, yeah,” said Rainbow Dash. “Lord of Chaos? Destroyer of all things Equestria? Celestia and Luna had to lock him up.”

“That was a thousand years ago,” Fluttershy said. “Now he’s just a- a shell. Pathetic and sad.”

“You’re not feelin’ sorry for him, are you?” asked Applejack, her brow furrowed.

Shaking her head, Fluttershy fiddled with her teacup but did not drink anymore. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. But when I see something suffering, I have to help.”

“He deserves it,” said Rainbow. “Even if you don’t think he does, the rest of us do.”

“But he can’t even move. He’s locked by stone in a cold, hard chair. I asked about his eyes, but he yelled at me.”

“What’s wrong with his eyes?” Twilight asked.

“Maybe nothing. I thought he’d been hurt, but maybe he cries, or-”

Rainbow was overtaken by raucous laughter. “He cries?” She slapped her thigh, and even Applejack and Rarity covered their mouths.

“- Or,” Fluttershy continued, “he’s sick or something. He’s a god. I don’t know what happens with gods.”

“He should not have yelled at you,” Rarity said, handing over her empty teacup for Fluttershy to play with. “Doesn’t he know you’re trying to help him? Though why, I don’t know.”

"I don't-" Fluttershy stopped, smelling something in the wind. "Is that fire?"

Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack tossed aside their teacups and sprang to their feet. Rainbow Dash one-upped them all by running to the rise of the hill they were on and then called back, "Lots of smoke. A dragon, maybe?"

Fluttershy could not help shaking, but Twilight took her hand and squeezed it. "If it is a dragon, you can be our back-up. Just stay behind the rest of us." They stood together and joined the others at the rise.

"Duty calls," Rarity sighed.

Rainbow Dash cracked her knuckles while Applejack pulled her hat firmly onto her head, and they all ran down the other side of the hill.

***

Five days had passed when Fluttershy received the summon from Celestia. Her heart beat a little faster and she found she was rather excited to return to Discord's cell. Would he be happy to see her? One day, surely...

"How's the burn on your arm?" Celestia asked when she arrived, pink-cheeked and with windblown hair from the brisk autumn morning.

"It's a lot better than it was yesterday," Fluttershy said. "I could hardly use it."

"Tch. Well. You don't have to stay long if you're not feeling up to it. It's been four months; another week or two won't make a difference."

"I'll be fine."

The guards unbolted the door and, palms sweating, Fluttershy stepped through the doorway. The room and its inhabitant were exactly as she remembered; walls of crystal and the slumped form a tall man with long, dark hair sitting in the middle, half-encased in stone.

“Hello,” she murmured, though in the crystal room it sounded almost like a shout.

Discord’s bangs were growing long again, just covering his eyes. He hardly moved, but for a curt nod of his head. “Here you are after all this time, and after we had that conversation, too.”

“Conversation?”

“You said you’d be back every week. Cold feet?”

“Princess Celestia-”

“I know what she did. She told me.” Discord stretched what he could of his body.

Fluttershy leaned agains the wall by the door, gauging Discord's sullen form. "How have you been? I didn't mean to be gone so long."

He made a noncommittal noise and said nothing. He might have been napping, but after a while said, “You look shorter than you did two months ago.”

Smiling, she settled on her cushion and set down her sewing basket. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Why not? People change.”

She met his eyes, matching his emotionless face with her own. “Yes. Well, maybe it’s true.”

“Hm. And what have you changed into?”

Fluttershy dug out her knitting from beneath the notions tray of the basket. “Nothing. Nobody.”

Discord thought this amusing and tilted his head up with a laugh. “Are you someone or no one? That answers that. I’m no one, too.”

Working her knitting needles, Fluttershy said, "I was very, very shy. I still am, but when I was younger it was almost unbearable."

“I gathered. Your name.”

“And I'm still afraid of so many things, but... I have best friends that I love, and they help me be better.”

Discord sank back, looking disgustedly at a wall. “And here it is. The power of friendship. If only I had known what I know now.” He yawned and closed his reddened eyes. Fluttershy hesitated for longer than she thought necessary before taking up her sewing scissors and getting to her feet.

She opened and closed the scissors in the air. “Would you like me to?”

Discord peeled one eyelid open and closed it again, then sat still for a long time. Fluttershy, tired of waiting, stepped onto the dais and took his bangs again. After a few snips, the black, white-streaked strands were firmly in her hand.

“Maybe you should plant it,” he said when she was done and saw his hair in her hand. “Grow another me.”

She grinned and motioned at his beard. "I don't mind," she said when he looked at her strangely. "My brother's the one that's good at this sort of thing, but I can try."

Discord acquiesced by leaning his head back against the throne, eyes closed. Fluttershy chewed the corner of her lower lip as she gingerly clipped at his beard. It took a while; it was so overgrown, but had once been something like a goatee. He was still and silent as she cut, but suddenly jerked his head to the right.

"Enough," he said tiredly. "Don't cut the whole thing off."

"Sorry." Fluttershy lay his bangs off the edge of the dais. “I'm sorry I don't have a broom."

"Didn't Celestia tell you? Free housekeeping."

"What are you going to do once you get out of here? I haven’t asked you yet.”

He shrugged one shoulder.

“Don’t you think about it?”

“And just who might I be when I do get out?”

“Maybe anybody. You might have a clean slate.”

Discord’s sigh sounded more disgusted than tired. “What is it with you people and starting over? Why would I want to start over? I love being me.”

Fluttershy hesitated. “Do you?”

Perhaps no one had genuinely asked him such a question before, for he finally looked at her directly. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Maybe you should,” she agreed, trying to give him an encouraging smile. “I mean, you should be yourself, just… a nicer version of yourself.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what I’ll do when I get out of this chair?”

She swallowed, but shook her head. “Why? What do you want to do?”

He half-smiled. “If I told you, you’d run away and never come back.”

Her own smile broadened. “So, you want me to come back?”

Discord grimaced, alarmed. “Doesn’t matter what I want. Celestia pulls the strings in here. Every string. Every single one. Even yours.”

“What do you mean by that? Every time I try to get you to talk about yourself, you say something mean to change the subject.”

Discord’s grimace returned. “Please tell me you aren’t this stupid. And I do talk about myself.”

Fluttershy returned to her knitting. “Celestia’s been my friend for years. She’s never put me in danger. I know you two don’t like each other, but I’m not Celestia.”

He settled back in his throne. “No, you’re not. I’m sure you love to tell her all about me after our little get-togethers.”

“Actually, I don’t really tell her much,” Fluttershy said, realizing it herself as she did so. “Anyway, she doesn’t ask.”

Discord had not expected her answer and was quiet for a minute. “I want to use my magic."

She paused her knitting needles. “What do you want to do with it?”

“I could fix that burn on your arm. Maybe."

Fluttershy looked at the sleeve of her sweatshirt, which covered the burn from the dragon's fire. She didn't know what to say, knowing he could not possibly have seen it. "Oh?" was all she could come up with.

"Fine, if you don't want me to. I'll make something. Change something. Something new. I haven’t been able to for so long… I don’t even know what I want.”

“Maybe I could help you figure it out,” she said, in what she hoped was with encouragement and not trepidation.

The openness she thought Discord might show her again evaporated, and he said darkly, “What, with our counseling sessions? Are you a therapist now? I see what Celestia wants. She thinks your ‘niceness’ will drip onto me, and I’ll be magically transformed into one of her puppets.” He spat onto the crystal floor. “Tell the old bitch I won’t do it. And you may as well give up the charade.”

“Charade?” Fluttershy was so perplexed by his outburst that she sat frozen.

“This kindly, loving, smothering bit you do. However much Celestia’s paying you to torment me, it isn’t nearly enough.”

She set her knitting down. “Celestia isn’t paying me.”

“That’s even worse,” Discord cried, cringing. “What are you doing here? What do you get out of this? Some sick, perverted feeling of joy?”

“Of course not,” she said, getting to her feet in earnest. “I’m only…”

Discord raised his eyebrows.

“Discord,” she continued, “I don’t want you to think I’m here because Celestia’s forcing me, because she isn’t. Maybe a-at first. The first few times. But not now.”

“Then why?”

It was a simple question that she had difficulty answering, but settled with, “I just want to try and help you. That’s all.”

His lip curled. “And after you help me, you can tell all of your perfect, sunshine-y friends about how wonderful you are. Makes sense.”

“No,” she cried again, distressed. “That is not true. I worry about you. And my friends, they worry about me because I worry about you.”

For the second time, Discord was startled into silence. He tried to cover it up with a dry laugh. “Now I’ve heard everything.”

“But it’s true,” Fluttershy said, stepping onto the dais; she stopped herself just before reaching his side, realizing where she was. “What’s wrong with someone trying to be nice to you? Just because there isn’t anything in it for me, doesn’t mean there’s nothing in it for you.”

Her words seemed like a light shining in his swollen eyes, and he blinked rapidly. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll turn you into a monster or curse you or something?”

“Maybe. But you’re not now.”

Horror flashed across Discord’s face, and Fluttershy took that moment to smile at him. She stepped backwards off the dais and clasped her hand behind her.

“And here I thought Celestia was the psycho,” Discord muttered. “But it’s you.”

Fluttershy let out a long breath. “I’m not crazy. I don’t know you, Discord. Whatever you did a thousand years ago… I wasn’t here.”

Discord really turned his face from her this time; his neck was twisted so far it looked painful, and she stood for a time, waiting for him to say something. The sound of the bolts on the door unlocking echoed first, and she tucked her knitting under her arm and picked up her sewing basket just as the door opened.

“Princess Celestia requests your leave, miss,” one of the guards said. “Immediately.”

Fluttershy hesitated, looking once more at Discord, who had not moved. She exited the room, her head bowed, and nearly bumped into Celestia, who seemed unhappy and made Fluttershy sit down as soon as she saw her.

“Perhaps I’ve been too hasty, putting Discord’s reformation all on you," the princess said.

“What?” Fluttershy asked, sinking into a cushioned chair Celestia had moved in for her. “Why?”

“You look unwell. Are you sleeping enough? Do you have a fever?”

“I’m just tired. I’m so busy.”

Celestia knit her eyebrows as she looked the young woman over. “I apologize. I was so concerned about your effect on Discord that I did not consider the effect he may be having on you.”

“I’m fine. Really, I am.”

“I don't want this to be too draining for you. Perhaps we should wait six months.”

“Six? I don’t see… that is, I don’t know how that will help him. I don’t mind visiting him. He wasn’t in such a bad mood today.”

Celestia shook her head. “I do apologize on his behalf; I know how cruel he can be.”

“I think he even might have been happy I came by.”

“Happy?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Well. Let me think about it. I need to have a word with him, anyway. Go on home, Fluttershy. You’ve done more than enough today.”

***

“I still say Celestia’s a lunatic for making you do this,” Rainbow said the next day, when Fluttershy and the others were visiting Twilight’s castle.

“She might be right,” Twilight said, troubled. “You look so unhappy, Fluttershy. I’m worried about you.”

“Oh, I’m not,” Fluttershy told them, trying to smile. “Not really. I’m sorry if you’re worried. I just can’t figure out what to do.”

“Let Celestia worry about it,” said Applejack. “She’s the one that put you up to it, so let her deal with everything that comes with it.”

“I wish she’d make up her mind,” Fluttershy said. “I was visiting him once a week, and now it’s almost like she doesn’t want me to see him at all.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “She probably realized she made a mistake, but is too proud to admit it. What?” she added, when Twilight glared at her.

Fluttershy bit her thumbnail, thinking to the day before. She thought she had just begun getting somewhere with him before Celestia pulled her out. She hadn’t realized, but she'd been in for nearly an hour that time, and Celestia had become worried.

Pinkie Pie handed her a yellow-frosted cupcake. “Take one. I made them for you. You always need a pick-me-up after seeing him.”

Fluttershy was only half-aware of Pinkie’s words, and took the cupcake without seeing it.

“There, see?” Applejack said, worried. “You're always so far away when you come out of that prison. You're like a ghost.”

Fluttershy blinked at the cupcake and returned her attention to her friends. “I’m sorry, everyone. I just have a lot to think about.”

“And us, too,” Rarity said. “Have you even looked at your knitting since yesterday?”

“My knitting?”

The others glanced at each other, and Rarity continued, gently, “It didn’t exactly look like... what you usually knit. You were holding it while walking home, darling.”

“Why? What was it?”

“Uh,” Applejack said, “don’t worry about it, sugarcube. We all have off days.”

Touching her face, Fluttershy realized she was perhaps unwell, after all, and scooted her chair back more abruptly than she intended before standing. “I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right. I think I do feel a little sick. I'm sorry, Twilight; can you fill me in on things later?”

“Of course,” said Twilight, standing with her. "Let me walk you home."

"Oh, please don't bother-"

"I insist." Twilight's words were final.

The walk home was slow, and Twilight held her arm for support, worried she might fall down completely, but they arrived without incident. Once home, Fluttershy felt flushed, but before climbing into bed, she opened her sewing basket to pull out the knitting from under the notions tray.

It was a doll of sorts, just Angel's size; from its center extended black antlers, two sets of red dragon eyes, the beginnings of a feathered bird tail, and half of a goat's leg sticking out from one side. She squinted at it as if by sheer will it might turn into the tiny sweater she'd intended to knit for Opal. Disturbed, she lit a fire in the fireplace and, once blazing, tossed the creature into it.

Angel, having observed it all, curled onto Fluttershy's lap to comfort her, and she pet him while staring at the flames. "I'm sorry, Angel. I haven't been thinking quite straight."

Angel nuzzled her hand and, after seeing a tear slide down her left cheek, jumped onto her shoulder to nuzzle her neck.