A Distant Dream

by Sennerazen

2: Eyes

Kindness, Fluttershy thought. How can I cure his wickedness with kindness? What is Celestia thinking? She steeled herself as the guards undid the lock and opened the door. She held close her sewing basket and stepped inside. She had been visiting Discord every week for over a month now, and though their interactions were rather cold, a part of her wondered if Discord didn’t mind conversation, even with her, after so long on his own. It unnerved her to think she may also have enjoyed his company somehow.

She heard the door close and lock behind her. The air was still frigid. Her eyes scanned the crystals walls and she was delighted to find a new scene behind them. She wasn’t plastered to the wall anymore, but took several large steps toward the throne and sat on a cushion there. This time she had brought her sewing kit and her knitting; she was making winter woolens for her animal friends for the coming winter, and if Discord wanted nothing to do with her, at least she could get something done.

“You’re not very good, are you?” Discord’s gravel voice asked. As always, his hair covered his face, and she wondered how he always seemed to see her so clearly.

“Well, you’re not very nice. I’m trying, anyway. I could teach you, if you’d like.” She clamped her mouth shut as soon as she said the words, a pang of guilt hitting her stomach.

“How kind of you, but I need hands to knit. You remember, I am in prison here? Do you see my hands locked in stone? Or are you so busy with your needlework you’ve forgotten?”

Fluttershy had an apology ready, then a retort, but set her knitting needles down and stood up. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t aware you wanted my company.”

Discord jerked his head up, tossing his hair back enough for her to gauge his appearance for the first time since they met. “I don’t. I would talk to a maggot if there was one in here.” As he spoke, his hair slid into his face again and he shook his head angrily to move it.

“Here, let me,” she said, picking up her sewing scissors from her sewing basket. She stepped up the dais with little fear and leaned against the throne, then lifted the scissors and bunched Discord’s bangs into her free hand. In three snips, his hair fell onto his lap.

Discord shook his head to free any loose strands. Fluttershy smiled at him when he looked at her. Already he looked younger, softer. He didn’t return her smile, but he didn’t look angry anymore. Fluttershy stepped down and tucked the scissors away. “There,” she said, satisfied. “Better?”

Discord blew air up from his mouth to ruffle his bangs, which now brushed his eyebrows. “Tickles.”

“Now I can see your face.”

“Can you.”

Her smile faltered. “What do you do in here every day?”

He nodded his head to one side. “Play.”

Fluttershy looked at the scenes behind the crystal walls. A part of her wished she could break through them to see clearly what was on the other side.

Discord sneered. “If you take a hammer to one of them, you can go see.”

For one frightening moment she considered his words seriously, but then regained her senses. “I can’t do that.”

“Are you sorry?”

She couldn’t think of a suitable answer before he spoke again: “No, I suppose not.” He let out a long breath and settled his chin in one hand. His eyes followed gazelles bounding beyond the wall through tall grass.

Fluttershy watched the same scene, mesmerized. “Why do you use your magic to torment people?”

“I don’t torment them.”

“Celestia and Luna locked you in here.”

“I can’t help what I am.”

“Lord of Chaos?” She was watching his face to see if there were any signs of deceit.

“That’s right.”

“Can’t you…”

He pressed himself against the throne back. “Can you help what you are? Shy? Small? Scared of your own shadow? Why don’t you change those things?”

“That isn’t fair. Anyway, I’ve been working hard to be more outgoing. I never could have sat here with you a year ago.”

“Pity you didn’t come here a year ago.”

Fluttershy settled on the cushion again, ignoring his remark, and returned to her knitting. “I have a friend who used to fight with us. She’s really a lovely person. She changed, but she wanted to change.”

“Ah. I see. Well, I don’t want to be somebody else, so I guess I’m fucked.”

“It’s only that things aren’t working out for you. What would it hurt to try something new?”

He gave her an odd look. “You’re awfully opinionated for one so young.”

Fluttershy brushed back her hair with her hands. “This is why Celestia wanted me here.”

“To hound me into becoming as saintly as she is?”

“To try to be your friend.”

Discord’s face darkened. “How is the old battle-axe?”

To her horror, Fluttershy almost laughed, but cleared her throat to hide the noise. “She’s well. I don’t see her that often; only when I come to see you.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “How long are you going to keep tormenting me?”

“Am I tormenting you?”

“Celestia told you to come in here and knit rabbit booties, did she?”

Fluttershy held up the yellow and white bootie she was knitting. “You could tell?”

“No doubt she must be proud of the progress you’ve made with me.”

She shook her head. "I know you're not happy with me here. But I am here."

"My heart leaps with joy."

"Don't you want to talk about anything? How did you end up in here? Um." She looked at him swiftly, embarrassed. "That is, if you don't mind answering."

"Who cares? I'm the bad guy, aren't I?"

Fluttershy could not think of answer and set her knitting down. "Well, what kind of food do you like?"

"I don't eat."

He said it with such finality, she decided to change the subject. "What about games? Maybe we could play something."

"I have my own games. Had."

"I'll bring something next time."

His head was tilted up again, so he could see her face directly, and she quizzically returned his expressionless gaze. "You're coming back again, then. Going to make a habit of it?"

She shrugged. "I guess so. Celestia wants me to."

"And you?"

She smiled at him, in spite of herself. "I think we can get along."

"Oh?"

She nodded. "I was awfully nervous when I first came here last month."

"I know." He stretched a much as he could, confined to his throne. "And the funny thing is, you still should be."

Fluttershy put her knitting in her sewing kit and closed it up before standing. "I'm not so nervous now I can see your face. May I ask about your eyes, though? They're always red and purple and swollen. The guards here aren't... hurting you, are they?"

Discord let out a sharp, breathless sound; she thought it might have been the start of a laugh. "No one comes near me. Not even Celestia."

Trying to smile while his eyes were on her somehow made her nerves creep back, and she stepped backward until she felt the door at her back. "I can bring something for them next time, if you want."

"So you're a nurse, too, are you?"

"I just... take care of others sometimes. Cold compresses, maybe?"

"You'll have to do the compressing. No hands. Remember?"

Fluttershy swallowed. "I know."

Discord gave her a contemptuous half-smile. "Not afraid of me anymore? That was quick."

"I didn't say I'd do it," she said with an edge. "I'm only trying to help."

"Why? Because Celestia asked you to? Because she wants to turn me into something I'm not? Did you even stop to think about why she wants what she wants, precious, angelic Fluttershy? Truly, you do have the kindest heart."

Emotions flipped within her; she hadn't considered Celestia's reasoning for reforming Discord beyond the fact that Discord had done terrible things and must do penance for them before being free again. "It doesn't have to do with me. I don't know why she wants you reformed, but you'll be in here forever if you're not. Aren't you tired of it?"

Discord's face contorted into a mask violence. "I'm the one who gets to tell you what I'm tired of and what I'm not."

"I just don't think you should be uncomfortable. If you're in pain-"

"Will you just get out of here?" he seethed. "Get out of my face. The fuck do you think you are? Coming in here for twenty minutes a week, the hell do you know about anything?"

Fluttershy was surprised she felt so shocked at his vehemence. As she grabbed the doorknob, she said, "I-I'm sorry," and left the room.

He body was trembling as the guard bolted the cell door, though from fear or exhilaration, she was not sure. She was not exactly afraid of him, not the way she had been a month before, but his mood switched by split seconds and she felt oddly helpless.

"You look much better," Celestia told her, walking in from the balcony. "I was a little worried about you last time."

Fluttershy dropped her sewing basket on the floor. "I'm still not sure what you want me to do. I don't know if I'm doing anything at all."

"You are. All you have to do is what you're doing now."

"What, talk to him?"

Celestia nodded.

"He's not happy."

Celestia gestured for her to join her. "He wouldn't be, after so long in there."

"It seems..." she began, but bit her lip. It seems kind of cruel, she thought. "I know he did terrible things, but he can't even move his arms."

"I'll tell you something," Celestia said, wrapping her arm around Fluttershy's shoulders. "As he starts to change his thinking...if he starts to change it... his binds will loosen. Limb by limb, he can get out of there, but it's a slow process, one that only he can complete. This is why I am confident of your safety. I know you can help change his heart, Fluttershy."

She almost laughed. "How? I can't do anything. All I'm doing is sitting there talking to him, and he doesn't even want me to."

"You're gentle and patient. You're compassionate and loving. These are things Discord lacks. I hope, over time, he will realize how good things could be if he decided to make them so."

Fluttershy was shaking her head before the princess finished. "But I'm just a nobody. I'm not brave. I have no skills. Why don't you let Twilight see him? Or Pinkie? They both wanted to."

Celestia chuckled. "Pinkie Pie is a dear, but doesn't have the... emotional depth I was hoping for. And Twilight, princess of friendship as she is, still struggles sometimes with prioritizing emotion over knowledge. Do you know what I mean? But your heart... your heart is always in the right place. He needs to experience those things. Maybe you don't see it yet, but he needs you. You will never prioritize anything over the love and patient understanding you give to others."

A warm breeze raised up through the balcony doors; Fluttershy brushed her hair behind her ears to keep it still. She had been ready with another counter, but Celestia's words were too complimentary for her to dispute.

Celestia patted her shoulder and let her go. "I sense more ease from his cell already. And from you. Maybe you won't see a great change in him, but I will be able to feel it; it's mostly my spells that are keeping him in there, after all."

"How long will it take?"

"Many years, I think. Maybe longer." She smiled. "He won't always need you. Eventually, you'll see him less and less, and one day the rest he'll have to do himself. I don't want you to feel that all of the responsibility is on your shoulders, because it isn't."

Walking onto the balcony, Fluttershy leaned over its railing. "I feel like it is."

"You're just having conversations. That's all it is."

The wind was picking up, and Fluttershy closed her eyes, feeling it lick through her hair. Some strange emotion twisted her middle slightly as she thought how much Discord would probably like to feel the wind again. How terrible to be in a windowless room for a thousand years, even if he did deserve it; and he must, for Celestia herself had put him there.

"I think you should have a longer break," Celestia said after a lengthy silence. "Let's wait a couple of months. It will give him time to think about things."

"Months?" Fluttershy straightened and watched a circle of sparrows arguing over perches on a tree below.

"As I said, it will take years for him to free himself, even with your help. I don't want you to feel guilty about the decisions he makes. Focus on your friends for a while. I'll call on you when it's time."

Nodding absently, Fluttershy retrieved her sewing basket and inched her way down the stairwell to the secret corridors in a daze. Months, she thought. What will he do in there for months? Even as she made her way outside to return to Ponyville, she could not shake the apprehension she felt about the whole situation. What did Celestia intend to do with Discord once he was reformed? Would she really let him roam Equestria freely?

At home an hour later, Fluttershy found Angel napping on her sofa. She curled up beside him, hugging him close, and closed her eyes.