• Member Since 27th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 28th, 2023

EternalShadow54


Just a guy trying out his luck at writing.

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The story of Shadow Eternal, told in reverse chronological order! (Be warned, there be OC's. If tolerance level for these are low, then move along.) The story takes place in three different times. The first is years after the elements of harmony, when Equestria was ruled coldly by the sisters who brought night and day. After, it shall move back in time during the times of harmony, when Twilight and the others were still alive and well. Those were the peaceful times... And the last part will deal with Shadow's foalhood and his time in the Solar Empire. Stuff to come, lots to write, confusion and answers ahead. Don't give up on me yet ponies! Rated teen for teen reasons...

I have a special thanks to a few ponies for helping me with the concept and writing this with me. Others will be mentioned as their parts are shown in the story.
Co-Author- KartalTheWriter (Here on FiMfiction)
Co-Author- Ask1Deidara1Anything (A mare on DeviantArt)

OC's-
Moonshadow, Bloodfang, Death Haze, Lightwing, Nightrain, Dark Sun, Falling Star, Tark Fireblood, Grieve, Grine, Noxxis, Torch, Firemane, Vexnis, and Jewyll belong to Ask1Deidara1Anything on DeviantArt.com.
Shadow Eternal, Gene, Shade Night, Blossom, Lancely, "Boss" Golden Dice, Sally Joyce, Peach Puppet, Berry Blaten and Shallow Bill are mine.
Thorn and Sync belong to KartalTheWriter here on FiMfiction.net.
Midnight and Cirria, along with all metioned by Midnight belong to ARTgazer12 on DeviantArt.com.
(Other OC's to come.)

Cover picture from ~Ask1Deidara1Anything @ DeviantArt.com! The cover is of Death Haze and Night Shade when they sneak out into the Everfree.

All characters that are in the actual show belong to Hasbro. (This is obvious, but... ya never know...)

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 78 )

Well... terrifyingly long first chapter, but that won't stop me. This is going to be great.:pinkiehappy:

22k+ words on the first chapter alone.

NopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopeNOPE!! I'll add to read later list, as I'm short on time at the moment.

With that many words I 'EXPECT' it to be a good first chapter.

I'll put this in my read later list. I already have a lot of reading to catch up on (So many stories):pinkiecrazy:

1183170 My good sir, I always have a way. Putting their thoughts in italics is a good first step, but you should also try and make it so that the thoughts themselves are at the beginning of the sentences. Also, pick between putting them in italics, or hyphenating them. Its one or the other, not both. Also, if you need a pre-reader, I would gladly lend you a helping hoof, err hand. *gotta remember, I'm a person, not a pony*. I offer more advice, but there's not much left that I can say. Also, your story gets :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2: 3 pinkies out of five.

Just one thing to tell you. Who is the pony on the cover?

1192006 It's Shadow. A friend on DeviantArt made it for me.:pinkiecrazy: An odd looking stallion eh?

I don't feel like saying anything bad so I'm going to be completely useless and simply tell you I love the diction.

:pinkiehappy:

Her gaze meets Shadow's. "That is, if you are willing to be my King."
well that was straight forward

>finally about to post a comment today
>it's "Talk Like Zecora" Day
come on man... gimme a break!

Where should I start...? Well, better if I go part by part...
Apart from the flaws that have been already explained, I haven't been able to point out anything else from what I understand.
...Yeah, I'm not doing it right... but hey, words aren't now coming to me like light.
Well, I guess that repeating would be nothing but to pad, so no, I'm not going to add.

I really think this comment was like... useless, like a chain-less bike.
But anyway, I guess you're making this a great story, and I'll just be here hoping that my constant rambling isn't too boring.
I have nothing else to say, but I'm sure that...
[Apple Bloom] One. Day...
[aaaaah made it in time... gah, i hate making rhymes.]

1221656
I appreciate the comment, I hope you find I do,
but never an idea so rediculous than the one I just heard from you.
Speaking in rhymes, on a comment no less,
you make it sound complicated, like the first time playing chess.
Though I'm still glad you made it, kept your promise and remained true,
but I kinda expected more, ya kinda left me blue.
Don't worry yourself though, for I still find good in your reply,
you cut it close and scared me a moment, I guess today you won't have to die.
So be grateful you pony, know my kindness reaches far,
I still found use in this comment, unlike the alarm of a car. :pinkiehappy:
(Didn't know that today was such a day. Here, have some rhymes of my own. :pinkiecrazy:)

Celestia dammit Sun, you've traded intelligence for 'fun'.
Don't know if Zecora Day's still on, or if it perhaps has now come and gone.
It doesn't matter if I've missed the right time, I forgot before to use up my chances to rhyme.

Oh wow! I really like that picture!

1348899 :rainbowlaugh: I find it hilarious how you don't even comment on the story, but rather the cover image. :ajsleepy: When will you read the monster of a story? Imma update again tomorrow.:scootangel:

Just because I have to mention it: the tense is better in this. I didn't see as many places that it looked weird. But now that I know it's supposed to be present, maybe I'm just not as used to seeing stories in present tense... I'm beginning to think maybe I just thought it was wrong going into present tense every time since not many fics here use that tense. :applejackconfused: I'd have to read chapter one to know for sure, but... needless to say, I'm not going to do that... :twilightsheepish: heh heh...
I think I saw maybe one misspelled word (dredded) and only a few places that had missing apostrophes.
wait, "I sure" should be 'I'm sure". there are a couple other things like that, like 'residence' instead of 'residents' I think you meant to say. "co-ordinance" coordinants, I think. "sucked" soaked, in that sense, I hope...
Heh, I've said it once and I'll say it again... I love Shadow's attitude... :twilightsmile:

OH MAN CONFLICT! I SEE IT!
Heh, those foals... what are they thinking during all this? They must be so confused...
I also love how you guys keep adding characters to the family. Shadow's reactions are great.

Thorn: Mister Shadow sir, is my part coming up soon?
Sync: Shut up, foal! Shadow's not even close to meeting us!
Kartal: You guys know your part is in the past, right?

1365439 YAY~! You finally commented!:pinkiecrazy:

Those errors, I'll find at a later time.:scootangel: Promise.

I love shadow's reactions as well. Eventually he... Well, you'll find out.

Shadow: I think you'll be the first of part two.:pinkiehappy:

Moon, Haze, and Rain you guys think meat is mud made by leprechauns and all that other stuff

can only tell that Shade Shadow, and my own thoughts were :facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

1367036 :rainbowlaugh: Yea. Figured the story needed a chapter with a bit of silliness somewhere in there.:scootangel:

Also, the dialect style of writing. Better? Worse? Indifferent?

1367131
Ah, a slice of life episode to remind us on the sheer contrast between situations in the family. I like that. It's a nice change of pace.

On the matter of the "more dialog" style of writing, it worked wonders in this chapter. I don't think it would work so well with more action-packed chapters, seeing as you need more description on those. Maybe you can alternate between the two if you have to...?

Time for more random commentary...
Moon wanting- no, needing more children unsettles me. A lot. A whole lot.
Rain amuses me greatly, for some reason.

Also, Shadow is getting rapidly and repeatedly getting screwed over. Fun times, huh...

1371200 They are so different in so many ways, it outstanding...

Alternate? And it worked for this chapter? WOO! I did something right!

Yea, poor Shadow can't catch a break.

"Shadow stated, remembering his earlier episode" not knowing, of course, that he was even in an episode of any type of story whatesoever because if he actually knew that would just be silly.

1386788 :rainbowlaugh: Sadly, no... I iz not a wizard.:ajsleepy: Yep, I pride myself in how long this story and the chapters are. :scootangel: I know that most are like, "HOLY MOTHER OF CELESTIA! Uh, no... just... no...":derpytongue2: Updates on this maybe spaced a bit more on account of... certain things going on.:twilightblush: Expect more soon-ish!:pinkiecrazy:

"you and the three falls" I think you mean 'foals',but check it to make sure.
"abye" I don't even know... :rainbowhuh:
"toat" tote
"not did it seem" nor, I think.
"Without hesitate" put an 'ing' after that second word.
THis is the last thing I'll say about your tense. I have finally foud an example of the weirdness. "He takes quick notice and was down in almost an instant." Same sentence should be the same tense, right?
hehe... Bill...poor guy. He has no idea what's going on and he probably never will.
Filly Celestia and Shade Night are just like "Okay, this is happening and I am okay with it"

1388546 :facehoof: HOW DO I MISS THESE! Honestly...:ajsleepy: Thanks for pointing them out. Those first 4 were REAL close together. :rainbowlaugh: I just don't know.

(Edit: It took ya that long to find an example? Also, went back and got those mistakes! Woo~!)

"He has a face right, Dad?"

"Son, everypony has a face."
:rainbowlaugh: that made me giggle.

"se chuckles" she
"How trajic" indeed...
"Go to canterlot" caps

oh my gosh I just read two chapters in one day. I'm surprised and you should be too. :yay:
Well, I have no idea where this is going, but now I need to know where it's going to end up.

1388604 Actually, it took me that long to find an example and cite it and then actually tel you about it. :facehoof: It should NOT have taken that long...:twilightsheepish:

1388766 :rainbowlaugh: FIXED THOSE AS WELL! HOW DO I MISS THEM! You read two!? Holy crap!:pinkiegasp: Wait, you need to know where it's going? S... so I made it... a good story...:pinkiesad2:

Why yes, Shadow. I am still reading. :twilightsmile:
Was there ever any doubt? :trixieshiftright:

That bit with the foals amuses me. I'm getting confused in all the characters, but I'm going to blame that on the fact that it's 1 AM and I'm so tired my eyes are fogging up. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

1436696 :pinkiehappy: Yay!~ I'll do my best to keep it interesting! :twilightsmile: Thanks for your continued liking of my story!:derpytongue2:

It's funny I've read longer chapters this is a cake walk compared to the average 50k words per chapter of another story I read

An interesting chapter if I do say so myself.

Haven't actually had the time to read this story and now I finally do so Twilight take it away pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134303042925.jpg

1498916 Looking forward to your thoughts.:pinkiecrazy:

1496237 Interesting you say?:trixieshiftright: Can I look forward to seeing a new reader perhaps? An opinion at the least?:pinkiecrazy:

1499560 an opinion, I was so confused at the beggining of the story for various reasons like moon after having fillies I was like da FAQ did I miss something, but now the story is starting to make sense so it is getting better and more interesting.

1499701 Confusion to hook, and sense to reel 'em in.:rainbowlaugh: Guess that's how I work.

When Moon scream "FIX HIM" I smiled. That amused me quite a bit.

OH MY GOSH I READ THIS. :derpytongue2: Let me continue...I want to finish this this weekend. Think I can do it?

1504349 :rainbowlaugh: The next chapter is just... just...:facehoof: Have fun!:pinkiecrazy:

I think you can! I believe in you!:twilightsmile:

Why yes, Shadow. I did laugh. It was quite a stupid laugh, really. :rainbowlaugh:
:facehoof: Oh man that pony...and her son...THEY SO CRAZY! ALL THE PONIES ARE SO CRAZY, MAN!
Okay somehting I meant to ask last chapter, but how old are the foals again?

1508200 At least you laughed.:derpytongue2:

They are rather stranged huh? The foals are around... four or five?:twilightsheepish: Not sure personally...:derpyderp1: Just know that they are probably around the CMC's age.:twilightsmile:

Umm...sorry..there's a lot of errors in this bit. I'm sorry I didn't catch up sooner so I could catch these in doc...and I also want to know why Moon's pregnancy was so fast...
Still loving Shadow's character. Going to keep reading now...

OH MY GAWSH MAN I JUST CAUGHT UP HERE!
I...I'm sorry, I need a moment to think about how incredible that is...
MOMENT OVER!
Heh heh...expect me in the doc now...:pinkiecrazy: THis Peach Puppet intregues me...lettuce see what happenes next. (yes I did mean to misuse that word).

1533082 Moon's pregnancy was quickened since Bloodfang was turned into a colt, which I'm not entirely sure how that works either. I've come to terms that it's magic, so sense does not apply. Errors? Crap...:ajsleepy:

Who? Peach? You'll be seeing quite the character.:pinkiecrazy: YAY~! You caught up! Now I have somepony to bug me about posting the next chapter!:pinkiehappy:

This sounds rather interesting. I will have to track it and read when I can. Must catch up on many others, I'm afraid. But so far it sounds good. :twilightsmile:

Oh and lovely cover there as well! :raritystarry:

1547205 Thanks!:pinkiehappy: I hope that I don't disappoint.:pinkiecrazy:

The cover? My co-writer drew that! She's awesome!:twilightsmile: I'll relay this to her.:ajsmug:

I want a murder he can spare the apples just skin gene alive.

1548146 :rainbowlaugh: Wow. Hatred toward him already? Jeez, he must have something about him that just really ticks you off huh?

1548168 he's weak and he broke a promise with the person hat gave him a chance to live. Absolutely ungrateful, I say you kill him off.

1548179 Whoa there, chill out. :rainbowlaugh: I'll do what I originally planned to do, you just sit tight and wait for the next chapter.:pinkiehappy: Alright?:trixieshiftleft: Your idea about him MIGHT change. :rainbowlaugh:

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