• Published 17th Nov 2012
  • 7,986 Views, 538 Comments

Life is a Lemon - Blueshift



Lemon Dreams is a pony who thinks she is a lemon

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Chapter 6 - Life is a Lemon (Reprise)

“I remember everything.” All Lemon Dreams could see was the mud and rain pooling about her, but there was a sudden lightness in her head, as finally the fog lifted and she saw her life in a single moment of crystal clarity. She shivered, whether through the cold arcing through her or the realisation of self-consciousness, she did not know.

“Have you… have you come for me?” Her voice was raw from crying, but she forced the words out, large quavering eyes taking in every detail of the tiny spectre that stood over her. It positively loomed in her vision as she cowered before it, the perfect picture of a little filly, but shimmering as if underwater or some summer’s day mirage. There was still no response, and Lemon Dreams shrank further into the mud. “I wouldn’t blame you, if you wanted, you know…” she trailed off and her eyes glazed over. “Revenge.”

“I came back for you. For you.” The voice cut through the air like a knife. It did not sound like any pony’s voice, but instead like the whisper of leaves in the wind, the memory of an echo. Lemon Dreams found her eyes drawn irresistibly towards the spectre – her sister – as she spoke. “I want you to be okay. You have to be okay.”

Lemon Dreams pulled herself upright for a moment, before slumping against the rough bark of a nearby tree. Water poured down the trunk and over her back as she rested her head against the wood and stared at the small ghost, gasping for breath. “Sunshine,” she croaked, and the words felt like knives slicing through her chest. “Sunshine, it was all my fault. All of it. I let you die. I wasn’t good enough.”

Sunshine lowered her eyes, the rain pattering through her transparent body like a grainy film recording. “Maybe,” she finally replied. “Maybe in one day in a thousand, Lemmy, you could have saved me. But it just wasn’t that day.” Lemon Dreams opened her mouth to respond, but Sunshine moved closer, sitting her non-existent body against the tree trunk next to her. “It was a good life, you know. Short. But I had you. My big sister.”

“I could have – I mean…” Lemon Dreams wiped her hoof across her face, sending a shower of teary rainwater splashing across the ground. “It was my job to look after you, and I failed. They said it wasn’t my fault, but it was, you know.” She swallowed hard, looking at the spectral face of her sister as it shimmered beside her. “I’m not your perfect big sister. I never was. I’m a failure.”

“Oh, Lemmy.” Sunshine’s face crumpled into a crestfallen frown. “I never wanted you to be perfect; I just wanted you to be my sister. I wanted to tell you it was okay, but I couldn’t come back. I wanted to! I could just sit and play in the Fields of Elysium, and sometimes, if I tried hard enough, I could see what was going on, and I wanted to be there so much. Mum and dad need you, they need you so badly; you need you, you just don’t realise it.”

Lemon Dreams didn’t respond. Sunshine gave a little smile. “They said I could come back, you know. Because I didn’t get a long enough shot at life first time round. Not like I am now though, it would have to be reincarnation.” Sunshine pondered this for a moment, as the rain fell about the two. They sat in silence, both gazing up at the black sky, the cold night wind pirouetting and dancing around them. “I always thought a butterfly would be nice. But I couldn’t do it; I kept saying no, I couldn’t go until I knew you were okay.”

Lemon Dreams rested her head back against the bark. A rumble of thunder played across the slate-grey sky as the rain cascaded through the branches of the tree. “I’m not. I don’t think I’m very well,” she said finally. “I’ve not been well for a long time. I wanted to be happy, but… it wasn’t real, was it? None of it was. I think…” She rolled her head against the tree until she stared at her sister. “I think I went a bit mad.”

“I know, Lemmy, I know.” Sunshine slowly climbed to her hooves, shaking off imaginary rain as it pooled about her. “You can’t let this define who you are, and you can’t cut it out, it’s been killing you all these years and you never realised it. I don’t know why I got to come back now after all this time, and I don’t have long here with you – just until the rain ends – but you’ve got to know this. It is so, so important.” She turned to face Lemon Dreams, staring deep into her eyes. “You have to stop saying sorry, because you don’t need to be. You never needed to be! I’m your sister and I love you.”

Lemon Dreams looked back at her little sister, forcing down a gulp as she started to tremble again. “I…”

“Lemmy.” Sunshine cut across her, softly. “You’re falling. Let me catch you.”

The two ponies embraced as the rain continued to pour.


***


Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a pony called Lemon Dreams. Everyone from miles around marvelled at her beautiful lemon orchard, and the residents of Ponyville would spend many happy hours there, eating the delicious lemons and admiring the array of carefully tended wild flowers which attracted flocks of butterflies from all over the land. Everyone agreed that she was the happiest, friendliest pony they knew.

Sometimes, one day in a thousand, when the skies were grey and the leaves of the trees rustled in a melancholy whisper, Lemon Dreams would sit alone in her orchard and sing a lone, sorrowful song up into the heavens. She would then stop and listen as if waiting for something. There would never be any response, just the swaying of the trees and the gentle flutter of a butterfly’s wing.

And then she would smile and go home.



Sometimes, life is a lemon.

Make lemonade.

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Comments ( 177 )

It started with a crazy pony, and turned into something really touching.:fluttercry:

Good ending. A little abrupt perhaps but still good. Thank you for this story.

*cries rivers in a corner*
This was not something I thought I would cry for, when I first opened this fic back in... November was it?
Nevertheless, it's been a good ride. :pinkiesad2:

1937556

Well, the last bit was always supposed to be short, which is why I really should have finished it when I uploaded the rest!

Best laid plans and all that... :twilightoops:

Manly tears were shed. :fluttercry:

“I remember everything.”

I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. . .

This has neen a lovely story thank you for writing this

So sad man :fluttercry:. Sequel? :yay:

Very moving, well done.

Soo good... thanks for sharing this story with us man. It was awesome.

Damn, That was moving.
Back when I read the first chapter, my reactions were along the lines of "oh what fun, she thinks she is a lemon, how silly" But then you pull a 180 and BLAM!
Sudden Sadness.
But anyway, This was a damn good story, and you should be proud.

that's....that's it? That's kinda abrupt...I was hoping for a bit more. Like lemon making up with her parents or talking to her psychologist some more.

Ahh.

This story was...quite refreshing.

... I am crying as I write this, but CONSIDER a sequel, maybe, if you come up with an awesome idea for one? A forced sequel won't be as good, but will you at least try to think of a sequel idea, maybe? Romance, or Adventure, anything? Just... For the sake of everyone's manly (or not so manly, as the case might be) tears, will you think about it?

:fluttercry: This was so touching. Thank you for an awesome story.

This story is so touching. Thank you very much for the great reading. :pinkiesad2:

1937896

Oops, thanks! Curse you practise/practice verb/noun confusion!

1937789

Well, if ever I get an idea I'll write it, but I like to write stuff as it comes naturally rather than force it (forced sequels are one of my pet hates).

This story was a sequel to another, actually. http://www.fimfiction.net/story/18235/cake-story

Nicely done. :twilightsmile:
It was a really strange premise you started out with, but you dealt with it pretty well... Perhaps she can show up as a side character in more of your stories (or... something) so we can see what happens after this?

Curse you, I was sure the title for this chapter would be "Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)" .:flutterrage:

Nooooooooooo don't make the lemonade! DON'T DO IT!

MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK! GET MAD!

1937968 Yeah, that's what I was saying. XD I HATE forced sequels as well, so I was ONLY asking that you think a TINY amount on what you could do, and if no ideas come, then move on. I just don't wanna... You know, have a POTENTIALLY good sequel never come about just because it was never thought about, you know? If you can't/don't think of anything, then that's that.

Who gave you the coordinates and the launch codes , coz man you left my heart at pieces

Good fic.

Sunshine (Where's Heaven?)

I know that what you've lost brings you pain
But darling try
Try not to cry
Someday we'll be together again.


Brilliant.

1938114 Get mad! Who do you think I am? I'm the pony who's gonna BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN. WITH THE LEMONS.

Well, that was a good cup of words right there.:twilightsmile:

1938114
She did get mad, remember? You should know that it didn't work out too well. Otherwise, where were you this whole time?

*sniff* I think I got some lemon juice in my eye. I'll be right back. *sniff* :heart:

1938440

You're damn calm for lemon juice in your eye.

This may take the academy award for most unexpectedly heart-wrenching story I've read in the last 6 months.

Exquisitely sad, with a happy(ish) ending all the same.

What a terrible day for rainy feels... great story.

1937963 I know, right? If I could make a time machine, before killing Hitler or witnessing my own funeral or getting to meet Abraham Lincoln, I would find the jerk who decided that the "affect/effect" difference was a good idea to include in the English language, and BEAT HIM TO DEATH.

I... I can't express my love for this in words...:raritycry:

:fluttercry: <- Me right now.

I imagined Sunshine's voice as the cutest, sweetest voice I could think of. Sweet as the sweetest lemonade and as cheerful as the brightest sunshine. :heart:

:pinkiesad2: My god, I'm crying.

Not merely sniffling, but literally crying tears of both joy and sorrow.

That was a really beautiful story.:twilightsmile:

I wish I could hug you but my damn monitor gets in the way.:twilightblush:

I honestly cannot think of anything rational to say that could possibly speak for the story when it so easily speaks for itself.

Beautiful, touching, magnificent, meaningful... four words that do come to mind and many feelings I can't really put into words.

1938288
DEMAND TO SEE LIFE'S PRINCESS!

Comment posted by CloudTwister deleted Jan 11th, 2013

Awwwwww. Kah-Thumb!

No Charon, but good fic. On another note, I had tea with lemon juice in it today. It was delicious.

You know those fics that don't try too hard? That know exactly what they need to do to punch you in the solar plexus with feels before catching you and letting you sit down to catch your breath?

This is one of those fics. Holy God, that was a beautiful ending. *hugs*

Yeah update!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Not gonna cry not gonna cry AGH DAMMIT! :raritycry:

Kind abrupt ending, but it was a nice fic. Kinda sour, but also very sweet if you look at it right, like a lemon.

Meh.

(this comment is a social experiment)

The second part of the chapter was good. It was a nice conclusion. However, the first part was off somewhat. It seems, forced, I guess, and rather abrupt. For example, take this seciton here.

“Lemmy.” Sunshine cut across her, softly. “You’re falling. Let me catch you.”

It seemed out of place. The symbolism there was a little too blatant there. The main problem was telling (in the character's dialogue) instead of showing, with the characters acting a little more coherent than they should. In the case of Lemon Dreams, she was in the middle of an emotional breakdown. In the case of her sister, she was still a kid. Her sister sounded like an adult, rather than a child. When they talked about their situation, the dialogue didn't sound real. Earlier in the story, you were able to use descriptions to great effect, as shown here.

“I… uh…” Lemon Dreams’ voice went dry slightly, lowering to almost a whisper. “I just came back to say thank you, Pinkie. For the cakes.” She turned, slightly shakily, and left the store once more. There was something warm and wet on her cheek. It felt like tears. But it couldn’t be.

Lemons didn’t cry.

She sounds distressed. The descriptions are subtle and are much better at conveying the mood.

“I did it,” Lemon Dreams whispered in a hoarse voice, shaking in shock, the perfect lemon gripped tightly to her chest. “I always knew I could. I knew I could make the catch.”
Copper looked at the lemon, then at Lemon Dreams with dawning comprehension. “No!” she said firmly, resting a hoof on Lemon Dreams’s shoulder as she risked a glance down to the gorge below. “No! It doesn’t mean anything, you hear? Not anything!”

This is a very well-written passage. You don't directly explain to the reader the significance of these events. When the reader comes to that realization themselves, there is much more emotional impact.

Briefer dialogue and descriptions like the the ones I quoted would probably improve the first part of the chapter immensely. In this scene. relying more on the tone and actions of the characters would be a great improvement.

You did a great job earlier in the story, but in this case that's a double edged sword. It would be very difficult to write an ending that lives up to the rest of the story. The second part was good, though, and did a good job at wrapping up the story.

Overall, I'd say this is a good story, though the first part of the ending was something of a letdown. However, I still consider it to be one of my favorites.

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