Strange Letters from a Queen Bug Horse

by Roadie

9: Fastened to headwear.

Dear Princess Celestia,

What crown does a pony duchess wear? The brains say that some kind of reciprocal ducal title blah blah blah thing is the most practical arrangement, so I'll need the appropriate regalia. In addition to my own, of course: as a queen I of course far outshine a mere princess, but I'm not going to let you see my crown early in case you get any funny ideas when you realize how greatly it outclasses the strange little tiara thing you wear. In any case, I'll be wearing two crowns. I'll also be inventing the traditional regalia for the ducal rank of the changeling nation, seeing as we've never had it before. I'm reasonably sure I can come up with something that won't clash too badly with your... you know, you.

Besides the crown, would you believe that your ponies were so unsure as to the state of your inheritance laws that I had to have my changelings go do the research themselves? It's almost as if you've never even bothered to prepare for your own demise. It's no secret that all rulers aspire to live forever, but it's simply irresponsible of you not to plan for the worst. Do you have some kind of pony blood magic in place to transfer your soul into the pink one? If you don't, all it would take is a single unlikely but not impossible accident involving a cockatrice, a set of rollerskates, a group of clowns, and a large bass to throw Equestria into chaos.

Of course, I'm also going to inevitably need a substantial amount of 'legitimate' Equestrian currency to make all of this royalty stuff work the way your ponies expect. My changelings, being inimitably more efficient than ponies, don't need to bother with the concept in the first place. What do you think? Brothels? Orphanages? Do orphanages make money? Perhaps we could make a business out of hiring out substitute princesses. The other two, I mean, not you: I'd have to leave you off-limits for risk of my changelings straining themselves too far trying to emulate your prodigious frame. Maybe I could just infiltrate your banking system directly and produce all the money I need. What are your thoughts, Princess?

Yours in interesting business,
Queen Chrysalis

P.S. I'll be needing one of those railroad lines eventually. Nothing to concern yourself with: I've already secured most of the materials from your supplies.

Comments

[PuzzleMaster98]

This is good. I like it a lot

[ChronoMitsurugi]

Nope. All the nope. This was funny and adorable and then you had to bring in whore houses.

[Stainless Steel Fox]

10463549 If lust is an acceptable food source, it makes perfect sense.

[Roadie]

10463549
It's not something that will have detail associated with it, but it's one of those obvious 'so why didn't they...?' (aside from it being a kid's show) that a mention was inevitable.

Though, to be honest, it's mostly just to sneak another roundabout fat joke in there.

[duckmagee]

I've even been considering a 'Princess Special', but I may have leave it off-limits for risk of my changelings straining themselves too far trying to emulate your prodigious frame.

maybe two changeling can transform together to get the right mass

besides im sure princess Luna would be more popular anyway

[Venerable Ro]

I honestly can't tell if they're actually engaging in diplomacy, or if Chrysalis has simply abducted some random diplomats and is forging ahead with the process all on her own.

And on the subject of changeling-run enterprises, I once heard an excellent idea in that they run nearly all of Equestria's orphanages. Plenty of freely given and unconditional love from the children they care for, the perfect opportunity to seed sleeper agents across Equestria as infiltrators can be scattered amongst the orphans, and raising well-adjusted and happy ponies can only improve the opportunities to gather love down the line.

[PonyDragon]

P.S. I'll be needing one of those railroad lines eventually. Nothing to concern yourself with: I've already secured most of the materials from your supplies.

: "Thanks, I guess?"

10463562
: *angry princess noises*

[Avogadro]

I bet Equestria actually has brothels. The very specific way that cutie marks works, means that there are almost definitely ponies out there whose special talents lie in boning. From there, there are either three options:

Either you gain a cutie mark that is for sex and either just never use it for work, (which is unlikely that it would never happen,)

or your destiny in life makes you into an actual criminal,

or the government determines that there are too many ponies with a sex worker's destiny to realistically criminalize all of them, and it decides to legalize, but regulate, the sex trade.

[LucarioFan2066]

but I may have leave it off-limits for risk

Get rid of "have".

[prism heart]

10463570
That is the obvious good idea move for changelings. The question is, have they even started such a move?

[nightmaster0]

Okay now this is some great and funny stuff, excited to read more. I just so love how your writing Chrysalis too, so sassy LOVE IT! Hmm the only thing I wish was included is perhaps some reactions to the letters or maybe a interlude every now and than showing Celestia or other characters thoughts.

[ForSpite]

10463558
10463551
Probably the easiest explanation for that lack in canon* would be that lust alone isn't enough food. Though I have heard that some people end up developing feelings for sex workers they've hired, I don't know how common that is.

*besides the aforementioned "children's show" fact.

[Kaze_of_Griffonstone]

This chapter might require a T rating for the story. Other than that, the letters are wonderful. Keep it up!

[Rokas]

The questions is, are whorehouses legal or illegal in this version of Equestria? I presume the former given how it's spoken of, but then again this is Chrysalis being arrogant, so it could be illegal and it's part of her shtick to unnerve Celestia to mention it so brazenly.

[j-grizz]

"A large bass"
Fish or instrument?

[Legioner8]

all it would take is a single unlikely but not impossible accident involving a cockatrice, a set of rollerskates, a group of clowns, and a large bass to throw Equestria into chaos.

Discord wants to know your location.

10463549
It's basically a farm for them.

[Pete100]

Wait, is chrysalis planning on invading equestria?

[Black--Soul]

Hot damn... At this point Celestia must be walking up the walls

[Undead Night Fury]

10469185
who knows

[KvAT]

10469185
No, she's planning to spook Celestia out of the throne. Do not trust the large bass.

[verypeeved]

10463672
or it was never illegal to begin with.

[jimerjam]

10694388
you sir get a medal

[Asolem2]

I'd go with brothels for money and orphanages for the goodwill