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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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It needs more atmosphere.... New to writing I hope this gives you the right inspiration.
oh good it ended on a sweet note
Glad to see this story finally out to the public. Editing this was hard, but fun.
I gotta say, your story is very interesting. I like it. The mystery, the suspense, the sadness. You were not kidding when you said this story was Gore, because the torture scene was incredibly heard to read. Harder to re-read.
You know what would have made this story even better? If you had posted different scenes in different chapters. Made a longer, more suspenseful read. Like this, for instance:
I'm not trying to be rude, jlibbey. Just givin' out my suggestions. Writing's hard. I get it. Please don't be mad, because I'm just trying to help.