• Member Since 24th Nov, 2015
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Cloud Ring


E
Source

In a magical land of Equestria nothing bad could happen to a foal.

Starlight Glimmer didn't just believe it. She knew it, as well as many other colts and fillies across the land.

She still remembers as it had been. Before. Always. And never more.

----

Cover art by inowiseei

Proofread by awesome Koekelbag.

There were two more people who helped me with the story. Both of them prefer not to be linked here. Still, thanks. You know that without you this story would be worse.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

Um... Is English not your native language? Because I didn't undertsand what was being said in this. Like, at all. Only that Starlight and Twilight are in it.

And that it's set after the defeat of the Legion of Doom. That's all I got.

10465087
No, English isn't my native language. A few people have read it, and confirmed that while there are mechanical errors, it's still clear. Apparently I was misinformed. Sorry.

I will wait for one or two more reactions, and maybe native editor could still save it.

10465142
It may just be me. It's not the most unreadable story I've ever read. But translating from one language to another is never easy. And it usually shows it's been translated too.

No matter how hard those who work on it try.

I do like the rather poetic feel of the whole piece- there are, pardon the pun, glimmers of a piece of writing that could truly be touching and beautiful. But I do have to agree overall that, while I can understand the story in bits and pieces, I'm not really sure what took place in its entirety.

So...

First of all, if something is unclear, it's the text issue, not yours. Even in my native language, my stories do meet reactions of 'I don't get it' sort. This is what I am always trying (and failing) to overcome. See the third point below.

Second, I usually avoid clarifying anything outside of the text itself. If it does not work, it just does not work, and trying to lead the readers to my desired understanding in the comment section is just... wrong. The text itself should do it. More than that, there may be more than one way of reading the piece (for me here, there is).

But, third, therefore... if you would say, in the comments, what exactly is unclear, and where exactly you have lost the gripe with the story's events, that would help me immensely. Maybe minor additional editions of the story itself could help too.

Only if that's okay for you, of course.

It’s very clear English is not your native language. Despite that, I understood a lot of it. Just not the ending. I don’t understand what exactly was going on with Celestia, and what precisely starlight was asking twilight to do. Did she want to freeze time?

10466894
Thanks. I hope the new edition (check additional lines after 'ever again') answers both of your points.

10467176
Ah. So... she wants to create a sort of weaponized multiverse, so that everyone gets a happy ending?

10467214
Exactly. Also, just to be sure, one more line about Celestia's involvement in this, after 'Maybe the sun had never been broken.'

And thank you once again.

10467232
Again, I’m really unclear as to her role in the story, even after rereading that paragraph.

10467300
Now, as it's actually written down in the story (in bits and pieces, but it's here), I can reply here.

Celestia had a few hundred of chosen foals, and she moved them out of any serious issues, sideways in time, at their will and at their wish. Or backwards, if needed and willed by the foal, so time was never linear in their perception, and never was even supposed to be linear. In their perception. But in the battle with Chrysalis Celestia lost the ability to do so (when she was defeated).

After that she offered all these foals the option to forget the previous state of life and remain happy with the new one. Most agreed; Starlight declined the offer, and proposed herself to be the herald of 'new' state of life.

She asks Twilight to instate the 'even better' way of world, where everypony could just move from his timeline to another by themselves, without help of any powerful princess.

Login or register to comment