A Clod in Equestria

by Silver Butcher

Rational reaction

not to far out from Ponyville lay the Everfree forest, it was quite the confusing and dangerous place, with dangerous wildlife and unpredictable weather, along with being nearly impossible to navigate, It was quite possibly the worst place in all Equestria to wake up in, and yet wake up a very confused man did. It wasn't clear how long it took him to take full note of his surrounding, but the screaming was a good indication he had noticed. But with his screams came another problem, it wasn't his voice screaming out, it was a noticeably female voice. He made to grab at his own throat and instead hit himself in the face with the hard cylindrical object that was now his arm, this did not help him to calm down in the slightest.

"What the hell is happening!?" Peridot demanded as she got to her feet and stumbled for a moment as she tried to use the unfamiliar body "Why am I in a forest? Why am I a chick? Why are my Fingers floating?" Peridot attempted to move her hand and ended up poking herself in the eye, as Peridot tried to figure out why she was Peridot and how to use her body an onlooker stood in the shadows watching her in silence.

"Not what I had in mind," he said as Peridot ended up falling on her face and swearing angrily, the figure coughed into his hoof and took a raspy breath "But I suppose in my state I should be thankful the spell didn't end my existence," The Figure made his way out of the shadows and advanced to Peridot, who was still very angrily trying to use her own hands. No progress had been made by the Time Peridot had seen the figure.

"Oh great," She said in her panic-induced anger "I'm in a scary-ass forest, I'm a fucking Cartoon Character, and Now the Goat Grim reaper is here," as she said this her fingers continued to spin around her hands with no clear rhyme or reason.

"You seem tense," The Goat remarked.

"No shit," Peridot said angrily as she motioned to herself and ended up with several fingers in her hair "I'm Peridot!"

"Seems an odd way to introduce one's self," The Goat remarked.

"That's not what I-" Peridot let out several noises of anger before motioning to the Goat with her Hand stumps, "What do you want Death Goat?"

"I am Grogar," He said simply as he pulled back his hood, reviling a very sickly looking blue goat that's fur was full of grey patches and bald spots. "I am the father of all monsters, and I am a Ram, not a Goat, there's a difference," Peridot gave no indication that she cared for any of this information. "I am also the one who summoned you to this land and put you inside the body you currently reside," That got Peridot's attention but before she could say anything to him Grogar continued speaking "I used the last of my Magic to do so," He said pointing to a small bell on his collar that was now broken "I require something that I am not capable of obtaining myself,"

"Ok," Peridot said, anger noticeable in her voice "But why the fuck-"

"You were a human," Grogar replied simply "And human's can't exist in this world, it took longer than I would have liked, but I managed to summon you here while also preventing you from turning into anything native to this world, resulting in you taking the form and powers of whatever creature you had last seen that was native to neither your world or this one. As for the why part, I didn't, the spell did, all I did was narrow the search to find someone that would gain the ability to protect itself and then you popped into existence,"

"That doesn't make me feel better goat boy," Peridot cried back "Send me back now!" Grogar looked at Peridot like she was stupid before pointing to himself.

"Ram," he repeated "Used the last of my magic," He also repeated pointing to the broken bell "You wanna go home, your gonna have to do what I tell you, faster it's done the faster you go home," Peridot was about to snap back when Grogar added "Furthermore you have until the rising of the next Full moon to do your task and return to me, failing to do so will result in you being trapped in this world for the rest of your days," Peridot stood in silence as Grogar began walking away from her and back to the shadows "Just so you know that's about 8 days after the end of today so you might want to get a move on," Peridot stood in shocked silence for a moment before screaming at the Ram.

"At least tell me what I need to get and where the hell it's at!"

"Your task is simple, find and Retrieve my Bewitching Bell, I don't know where it is or who has it so good luck with that," Grogar disappeared into the bushes and left Peridot standing alone in the clearing still trying to control her own fingers.

"That doesn't help at all," She screamed at him "I don't even know what the dam thing looks like!?" Peridot received no reply from the Ram "At least tell me how to get out of this stupid forest!" After receiving more silence Peridot walked to where Grogar had been and found a gnarly tree. "Mother fucker turned into a tree," She said angrily as she looked around the small clearing. Mostly out of exasperation than anything Peridot sat on the ground and took a deep breath.

"This is stupid," She declared as she used all her willpower and intelligence to make her finger's stop spinning, she ended up making it worse as the one's on her left hand began spinning faster and faster, more to keep from killing herself with her weaponized hand she held it out as far from herself as she could, suddenly the spinning hand started pulling her slowly across the clearing, she let out a sharp yelp and held her hand strait up to avoid flying into a tree and ended up flying straight up, Peridot scream was lost to the wind as she flew higher and higher in the sky until she finally stopped gaining altitude and ended up flying with a bunch of Spikey clouds.

"Oh I hate this," she decided as she floated along with the wind with little to no control. As Peridot floated with the wind she continued trying to control her hands and ended up making the other spin, this resulted in her going from puttering along to rocketing into the distance. In an attempt to take control Peridot tried raising both hands up and instantly her spinning fingers hit each other and came to an immediate stop. "Oh come on!" Peridot said angrily as she continued flying through the sky thanks to her momentum, "This is so stupid," She groaned as she rubbed her face, it took a moment before she blinked in the realization that she had just rubbed her face, she looked at her fingers and moved them on her own accord. "I did it," She cheered when she suddenly felt the pull of Gravity taking her down. "Spin!" She demanded of her hands, she watched as each one of her fingers spun around, instead of a propeller she just looked like she had tiny buzz saws for fingers "Fuck," she declared before losing the last of her momentum and dropping like a rock.

Peridot tried to land on her feet in the vain hope it would stop her from dying on impact, and with a splash, she landed feet first into a river, She had her eyes shut tight but after noticing she was neither dead nor falling she opened them and found her legs stuck knee-deep into the bottom of a river. "Oh come on!" she cried out, her words coming out as nothing but bubbly noise, thanks to being Peridot she had no fear of drowning, just a fear of spending forever at the bottom of a river. She began trying to pull her legs free, first by using just her leg strength, then by pulling on it with her floating fingers, and finally by flailing like mad and screaming in rage, before she could finish screaming up bubbles a life preserver broke through the surface of the water and latched around Peridot in an impossible fashion, trapping her arms to her side in the process. Peridot had just enough time to question what had just happened when she was suddenly pulled on and her legs were pulled free of the ground, a second pull freed her from the water and she ended up standing on the shore, she was soaking wet and her legs were coated in mud.

"What just happened!?" She demanded in confusion as she tried to free herself from the life preserver.

"Are you ok?" A peppy voice asked, Peridot just had time to look at where the voice was coming from before it's owner jumped on her back and freed her from the Life preserver, it was a very pink pony.

"Oh great," Peridot groaned "A bubblegum pony,"

"Hi," she greeted as she jumped off Peridot's back and somehow gripped her hand with her hoof "I'm Pinkie Pie, who are you, what are you, do you like Parties, when's your birthday, why'd you go skydiving without a parashot, why do you have floating figures, why is there a Gem in your forehead, wanna be friends, do you know what the Square root of 25 is?"

"Throw me back into the river please," Peridot said without hesitation, this deterred Pinkie in no way.

"Your funny, you look hungry, you want a tour of Ponyville, what's your name, you seem kind of lost do you need a map,"

"Unless you know what the Bewitching Bell is I have no interest in talking to you," Peridot said firmly as she tried to escape from the Pink Pony.

"Oh I know all about that," Pinkie cheered causing Peridot to freeze in her tracks.

"Oh God Dammit," She groaned.

"Soooo," Pinkie said scooting in closer to Peridot "You answer my questions I answer yours," Peridot looked down at Pinkie who was grinning ear to ear.

"Shoot me now," Peridot groaned "Alright Pie pony-"

"Pinkie Pie," Pinkie corrected.

"Alright Pinkie Pie," Peridot amended with a sigh "What are your questions?"

"I'm so glad you asked," Pinkie cheered as she grabbed Peridot's hand and practically dragged the gem in the direction of Ponyville "Let's talk over a Milkshake!"

Author's Note:

this story was made 100% because a fair number of readers are disappointed in how my Displaced Spinel story is going, and since I want them to enjoy something I write I'm now going to be making this story and taking great care to try and avoid making Discord seem like a heartless douche. Vaalintine this chapters for you.

Comments

[Vaalintine]

Good start, but could really use some editing as it seems to have been put together in a rush.