• Member Since 21st Jun, 2020
  • offline last seen August 14th

Leafy


𝓘𝓽'𝓼 𝓲𝓻𝓸𝓷𝓲𝓬 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓯𝓪𝓽𝓮 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓫𝓮~

E

Fluttershy loves boops. There's nothing in the world that can replace her boop crazyness. Until today, that is......

Surn wants to boop Fluttershy like usual. But that's gonna prove to be difficult.......


Inspired by the cover photo. I honestly just wrote this for the fun of it......


What's that? More? Sure!

Here's something you wanna see!

No name!

Sorry! Blame Bumble!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 41 )

The end of the story reminded me of a Russian song. (sorry...) It was funny. Good story, as always!

Fluttershy had literally turned into Pinkie Pie on a Boop Day lololol XD

But before he could even run, he was grabbed by his shirt just before he could even run.

You didn’t need to put that second “before he could even run” it would be better if you had added another action instead, for example:

But before he could even run, he was grabbed by his shirt and pulled backwards.

It makes the sentence sound less repetitive or redundant.

"Yes. Now the least you can do is help me," Fluttershy replied.

Surn gave it a deep thought before giving her his answer.

"Hmmm..... how bout no?" Surn said.

Heh, I can relate to that.


On a more critical note, your time skips are weird. The first one is 15 minutes after Fluttershy had her revelation about the frosting. However, the second time skip could be 10 minutes after the revelation, or 10 minutes after the last scene. It is unclear because "Later" is anchored at the revelation, so when you say it's, "x minutes later," it comes across as "x minutes later from the revelation."

You could simply say, "15 minutes later," "10 minutes after that," and "Later still," which is clearer to the reader and maintains the specificity of the amount of time. But I think the better option would just be to ditch the text entirely. The triple asterisk divider implies a time skip on it's own, and there's not much need here to specify exactly how much time as passed anyway; it's easy to imply from the context.

I have to admit I was expecting some kind of weird frosting kink when I clicked on this, but I was pleasantly surprised to find no such thing here. Uh, pretty neat.

10450960
Np, one of the worst things you can tell your audience is something they already know.

Another passage i thought you might want to look at is this one:

"You can't escape me Surn! You know it's tradition and tradition!"

Now you could simply delete the second tradition, or you can turn lemons into Lemonade and expand the sentence instead. For example:

"You can't escape me Surn! You know it's tradition, and tradition must always be celebrated!"

10451001
Good point! Another edit! Woooooohooooo!

Just wash your face!!! why are you spending over an hour trying to figure out how to get frosting off your nose!?

Fallout relax it’s just a story

I’m sorry:raritydespair:

10451038
Haha! XD

It was glued on.....

10451091
We tried! And Surn doesn't wanna help me!

Fallout! just a story!

10451043
10451091

Wait you didn’t put glue in these cupcakes did you?

Maybe~

wouldn’t it be an issue if anybody ate one?

“Yeah, Why?”

... asking for a friend

mmmphf!!! MMMMMPHF!!!

10451104
Oh ma goodness! Who knew a story would turn out like this?!

I know right! All just becasue of-

Shut up.

10451092
Call twilight or rarity maybe they have something to get it off

10451147
Nope! Not in this!

Sorry darling, but I have a schedule to keep!

10451162
Rarity how Not have time to give something to help her?!

10451169
Ummmm.... A picnic with you?

She's talking about your latest entry.

10451179
Dude! This is still a story!

The boopiness continues...

Surn is my favorite character. "How about no" Pfft. This is a another great story. You might be my favorite comedic writer on this site at the moment because of how straight to the point you are, the absurdity of Shy's boopmania and because it's fun to see the sane Surn suffer. Nice work

Lol nice, :rainbowlaugh:

thanks for the Cameo!

10454165
I have out done my self again! Wooooooooo-
10454169
Thanks!

And thus the eternal cycle continues. RIP you two. I'm sure you were good men... I think.

10454261
I was good! Now Fallout he was the naughty one! 😏

Hahahahah!:rainbowlaugh: oh my god this is amazing! Thank you so much for putting me into your story

One of my favorite scenes of her EG counterpart

10455571
Hehe! Now that's funny! Comedy 101!

No really, did I get it?

Hello, a review to your story has been posted to the My Little Reviews & Feedback group. I hope you find it helpful. :twilightsmile:

While a bit too fast paced for me, it was not enough to deter me from giving this story a like, really liked the comedy.
Good work!

Wow i gotta say that was really a funny and hilarious chapter you wrote and i totally love it

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