She Wouldn't Hurt A Fly!

by Ditz

She Didn't Hurt A Fly!

Fluttershy’s home was always known to be a quiet place among those living in Ponyville.

Sure, sometimes animals had the tendency to attack unwanted guests, and maybe that one time a gryphon had been mauled by a black bear that Fluttershy had been secretly nursing to health; but eighty percent of the time it was a nice, quiet place to show up unannounced to have a spot of tea with.

It was not as quiet today, as a number of pony officers loafed about her hom; one of them pretending to be looking for clues, simply looking in the same spot constantly, while another simply took their time petting a friendly squirrel, his face beaming with pleasure as the critter returned the favor. Yet another officer had the gall to laid splayed out on Fluttershy’s guest couch, though the sight of a fourth officer attempting to force Angel bunny into a small cage while the third officer appeared passed out would suggest an entirely different story.

Despite all that, Twilight Sparkle didn’t bother thinking about them too long, making a beeline upstairs to Fluttershy's room, worried that the poor pegasus could be hurt.

She nearly stopped at the sight of a fifth officer standing at the top of the stairs, his burly body like a wall preventing her from moving through normal earth pony ways, the older pony’s handlebar mustache and slick sunglasses clearly suggested his position of authority.

“Are you the pony in charge?” Twilight asked, feeling instantly silly at asking such a silly question.

“That’s right, I’m Detective McGuffin,” he introduced himself, his mustache twirling frantically with every word. “And you must be princess Twilight Sparkle in the flesh: I take it you received our message.”

“I-I did,” Twilight said, feeling her confidence slipping as she spoke. The pony’s presence was just simply overwhelming, almost tumbling off the stairs as a result—or perhaps it was the cottage’s smell messing with her. Having as many creatures often congregating in one place did tend to make the place stink more than just the usual, especially when Fluttershy didn't get on top of things.

“I won’t beat around the bush,” he started, looking directly at Twilight. Or perhaps he wasn’t? It was difficult to guess, what with the sungl— “We received a distress call from your friend Fluttershy, who send us a message via delivery bird, that something had gone wrong here. However, when we arrived, we were unable to speak to her, much less enter her home. Thankfully, I had a spare key that I just happened to find that belongs to this cottage.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Twilight said, completely satisfied with his answer.

“Indeed. However,” he continued. “When we attempted to engage with Fluttershy, we were unable to reach her.”

“Why is that?” Twilight asked.

As they reached the door, the officer reached out to open it, only to find he had failed miserably as he made the attempt to turn the knob. “The door to her room is also locked.”

Twilight gasped. “Oh no, that can’t be!”

“Yes, we… couldn’t believe it either,” McGuffin paused, his voice nearly cracking as he turned his back to Twilight as if trying to hide his reaction. “We tried everything! We tried knocking. We tried blowing on it—nothing worked!”

Twilight reached out to the handle, trying to turn it, only to be met by the same stopping force, much to her horror. “Did you try…”

“Yes, Princess,” he interrupted, removing his sunglasses and giving Twilight a serious look as he said. “We even tried to ask nicely.”

With a gasp, Twilight reached to cover her mouth. “No…”

“I’m sorry, Princess,” he continued. “We really tried everything.”

“I-I understand,” Twilight said, still recovering from the shock. Staring at the door, she sighed, a thought entering her mind as she tried to turn the handle once more to no avail. “Very well then; I have a plan.”

McGuffin turned to her with a look of semi-interest. “What would that be?”

Twilight mulled over her plan for a seemingly long time, except she hadn’t and it was but an instant before she blurted it out without delay. “I’m lying my way in.”

McGuffin gasped, his look incredulous, his tone disapproving as he replied. “No, I just cannot allow such a thing. I mean, l-lying?” he looked aside, barely able to get the word out of himself. “T-This is against every protocol in the book! You can’t be serious, right? Why not just teleport your way inside?”

Twilight turned her back to him, watching the door intently, pretending the door was the entrance to Canterlot’s forbidden book section. “No, lying is the option,” she said with total resolution in her voice. “Besides, the moment this sentence is finished, you’ll be surprised to find out I have already knocked twice.”

“Wait, wha—“

“Hello? Who’s there?” the recognizable, muffled voice of Fluttershy asked from behind the door. “I-I thought I told you I wasn’t interested in what you are selling!” she continued, almost sounding like making an attempt to sound angry.

“Don’t you know? It is I, er…” Twilight hadn’t thought as far ahead as she had originally expected to, her mind running overtime to come up with the appropriate response. Thankfully, she also happened to be the third most intelligent alicorn in Equestria, replying with: “It is I; Angel Bunny! Yes!”

There was a long pause, the silence forcing Twilight to rethink her strategy, almost turning her back to the officer and dragging him down alongside her when the sound of the door’s click reached her, the door opening ajar for her. “Hurry up, Angel! Close the way behind you, please!”

Her path now locked, Twilight turned once more to officer McGuffin; the one who had explained things to her, the pony who had waited patiently for her at the top of the stairs. The one who had been there for her for the longest ten minutes of her life. She cracked a smile at him, a weak smile of his own in return, saluting her before she headed inside and the door closed behind with a low thud.

Twilight instantly forgot what’s-his-name in the wake of her friend in front of her; laying on her bed, sobbing quietly to herself, splaying herself elegantly, her previous model gig still looking like a good option for the shy pegasus. Twilight would have argued it was done purposefully if she hadn’t known her any better. Fluttershy soon decided that she had flexed enough and finally looked to Twilight’s direction, her eyes slowly blinking in surprise when she took notice of her. Frankly, the image of her stunted self would be one that Photo Finish would be drooling over to get caught on film…

Too bad about one Zephyr Breeze laying to the side of the bed, his body splayed in a pose as dignified as Fluttershy’s, if having his rump facing the heavens—or rather, the ceiling—could be called that.

“You aren’t Angel!” Fluttershy perceptively stated. “I knew it! Angel wouldn’t have been so formal!” her eyes shined with tears of something resembling anger, staring soft pillows into Twilight’s. “Twilight Sparkle, I don’t think I can ever forgive you for lying to me like that.”

Twilight flinched, the words stinging less than she had originally imagined, taking it like a champ. “It’s okay, Fluttershy; we can repress our feelings and pretend this never happened later! But for now…” She proceeded to quickly survey the room, though nothing caught her eye more than Zephyr’s still body still on the floor, unmoving.

Still still.

“No, it couldn’t be,” she said out loud, the most unlikely thought entering her head. Fluttershy wouldn’t dothat. Yet, as she approached Zephyr’s still unmoving body, she could feel her sweat glands work overtime, the memory of the spicy quesadilla incident coming to her mind as she round the pony, only to find herself holding back a gasp as she stared into his eyes. Instead of eyes, however, she found herself staring at two exes, one splayed across each eye. Zephyr Breeze was no more.

“I-it was me!” Fluttershy suddenly called out, disrespecting Twilight’s personal space and moving to assault by harshly grabbing her mane. “I did it! I-I just don’t know what went wrong! Things happened, and next thing I know he is g-g-gone! And then I p-p-p-p-p-p-panicked and send a message! And then I started c-c-crying and I- just- didn’t- know- what- to-do!” she could barely finish her sentence, reducing herself to a miserably (albeit still cute) mess.

“Nah, that can’t be,” Twilight said.

Fluttershy looked up, tears still falling. “E-excuse me?”

“You didn’t do it!” Twilight replied confidently. “I know you didn’t!”

Of course she hadn’t done it. Fluttershy couldn’t hurt a fly, at least not purposefully: she recalled the time she had done just that to a poor, unsuspecting fly, carelessly forgetting to check where she was sitting. The damage had the poor pony bawling her eyes out, not only leading to Shy doing her darndest to bring the injured fly to full health, but somehow managing to give it free health insurance. How did she manage it? What were the logistics behind it? The legality even? That, she didn’t know. What she did know was that Fluttershy was incapable of murder… even if that murdered pony just happened to be that lowlife of a brother of hers.

“Okay, maybe we should all calm down and talk about this,” magicking a pen out of thin air, she proceeded to hover it next to Fluttershy alongside a small notepad. “Maybe we should start by having you tell me what happened. Who knows? Perhaps we can figure out what happened to your brother with this!”

Fluttershy stared blankly, her eyes meekily shifting between her brother’s body and Twilight’s floating pen. “Um, wait, what about my brot-”

“Okay, let’s start from the moment you met up with Zephyr today.”

“I, um, I mean...” not knowing what else to say, Fluttershy let out a defeated whimper, and reluctantly, she began, stealing glances in her stiff of a brother every other moment. “Well, it all started this morning. I had just woken up from the most lovely dream not involving my brother dying, and I was in a really good mood. I went downstairs and prepared myself a nice cup of tea, when suddenly, Zephyr showed up unexpectedly!”

“I see,” Twilight quipped, her pen moving rapidly across the paper. “So he showed up at your door unannounced?”

Fluttershy stared blankly.

“This is probably the nicest cup I’ve had all year!” Fluttershy thought as she took small sips from the still warm tea. Literally nothing could ruin this morning!”

“Guess who!?” a voice called out before darkness encroached her, a panic attack in the letters.

Fluttershy nodded. “Yes, he did indeed show up in my home.”

“I see,” Twilight continued, ignoring the sarcasm in Fluttershy’s voice. “In any case, what happened next?”

“Well…” Fluttershy trailed on.

“Hello, little sister~,” Zephyr greeted Fluttershy enthusiastically as Fluttershy proceeded to clean the table, eyes brimming with sadness over her spilled tea. “Oh dear, you should really be careful with your tea; you could burn yourself!”

Fluttershy’s head snapped to Zephyr’s direction, a smile forcibly etched upon her face. “Why, yes, how may I help you, Zephyr?” she asked, hoping the rag was sufficiently wet to smack him with it, I mean, get all tea from the table.

“Well,” Zephyr began, taking the seat Fluttershy had occupied just moments before. “Let's not skip the pleasantries! I mean, now that I see you so diligently cleaning that tea, how about a cup for your big bro, huh? I mean, yo—”

“Ah-hah!” Twilight suddenly cut in, her hoof raised to the sky that was still Fluttershy’s ceiling. “Then, while carelessly chugging down his tea, Zephyr Breeze was far too hasty, leading to his demise as the scolding tea hit his throat, the following which caused him to idiotically forget how to swallow and thus, choking to death. Of course!”

Fluttershy blinked repeatedly, looking around, almost expectantly of something to pop up and surprise her. But when Twilight’s confident smile remained, she felt like she needed to say something. “Well, no, that didn’t actually happen, actually. It was a nice, normal cup of tea...”

“I see!” Twilight nodded satisfied. “Poisoned, then!”

“If by poisoned you mean alive, then yes!” Fluttershy pushed ahead, rolling her eyes that just happened to land on her still dead brother besides her.

“Wow, this is a totally, perfectly-measured-and-totally-poison-free-tea!” Zephyr definitely said, nodding naturally as he sipped his tea.

“What is it this time?” Fluttershy asked, straight to the point. “Is this about money?

Zephyr looked up from his tea, a small smile growing on his face before it devolved into full-blown laughter. “Oh, Fluttershy, you are so funny!” just as suddenly as that laughter had been there, the look that followed was one she wasn’t expecting out of him; a thousand mile stare into the distance, only the distance was the wall of her home that just happened to be in the way of his not-so-penetrating stare.

“No, Fluttershy,” he said, his voice steady. “It’s… something else.”

Never had the words 'something' and 'else' used together ever been as important to Fluttershy as they were in that moment. “Goodness gracious, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

“Well, you see,” Zephyr stammered, looking away. “Could we do this in private?”

“Private? But, I think we are…” Fluttershy asked, following his gaze towards a corner of the kitchen door, noticing Angel Bunny staring, his gaze locked on Zephyr. It didn’t take the bunny more than a couple of seconds before he noticed his caretaker’s disapproving glare as she approached him. “Angel Bunny! What did I say about spying on my conversations like that without my permission!” she said as she softly petted the little spy. “Come on, now, go play with your friends. Mommy’s got to have a serious conversation here, okay?”

Angel seemed reluctant, though Fluttershy could never quite place what his thoughts were most of the time. He kept quiet, occasionally choosing to hide his opinions even from her when company was around in fear of retaliation.

And then, Angel proceeded to blow a raspberry in Zephyr’s way before hopping away.

Fluttershy didn't quite know what relevancy it had to her story, but told Twilight so anyway.

“Okay, now we ca—“

“Of course!” Twilight exclaimed triumphantly, the quill shifting frantically in her magic grasp, its pointy tip blindly attempting to force Fluttershy into its blind reserves.

“Oh, goodness!” a panicked Fluttershy shrieked, pushing one of her pillows up front to stop the barrage. “W-what’s the matter?”

“Angel did it!” Twilight proclaimed with arrogant certainty, her trembling hoof pointing at the room’s door. “Of course! That’s why he is caged!”

“Did you say Angel is ca—"

“Of course, now it makes sense! Ever since we met that rabbit, I knew he was evil,” Twilight began explaining, magicking a new notebook out of thin air, the title ‘Devil Bunny’ plain on the cover. Glitter helped. “The way he treats you and others, not respecting boundaries, stealing apples from Applejack on a near-weekly basis! I bet he was even the one that stole my book on the proper creation of explosive devices!”

“Twilight!” Fluttershy shouted flustered, stopping Twilight’s barrage long enough to continue interjecting. “It was just Zephyr and I! Angel was nowhere near when we went into the room!”

“I see…” Twilight said, jotting something down on her notes. “I suppose I can jot him down as a book-stealing suspect rather than a culprit, then...”

Rolling her eyes, Fluttershy let out an exasperated sigh. "It was not long after that that we decided to retire to my room..."

“Thanks for giving me the time of day, sis. I know I haven’t been the best brother to you, but I really appreciate what you are doing for me today,” Zephyr said as he followed Fluttershy upstairs.

“It’s okay, don’t mention it. I mean, what are siblings for, right?” Fluttershy said, feeling odd, yet strangely okay about Zephyr’s sudden shift in tone. “By the way, watch out, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to pick up Harry’s toys, be careful not to tr—“

“Oh no, I'm actually tripping!” Zephyr’s voice followed from behind, a small teddy bear flying into the air. “Oh no, now I’m falling!” he exclaimed in dramatic fashion.

Then…

“You watched as he tumbled backwards, the final thing you could see was the terror; the regret in his eyes before falling down the stairs in a barrage of grunts and thuds. Before you knew it, you could only stare silently at the morbid sight of Zephyr’s crumbled body at the bottom of the stairs, his life having left his body, and—

“Twilight!”

“Ah!” Twilight yelped, the now multiple notebooks hovering above them unceremunously plopping onto the floor. She gave Fluttershy a sheepish stare, slowly picking up each one by one. “Oh my gosh, I’m really sorry! I-I got carried away… can you forgive me?”

Fluttershy flinched, turning away from Twilight as if in disgust. “I’m not… sure. What you said was just awful! I-I don’t know if I could just forget this moment!”

Twilight gasped audibly. Would her friendship with Fluttershy be over just like that? Was there anything she could do to restore it?

“Um, what if I said that I was sorry with a cherry on top?”

“I instantly forgive you,” Fluttershy said, wrapping Twilight in a tight friendship hug, a sweet moment that no amount of dead bodies could ruin.

“Thank you, Fluttershy,” Twilight sniffed at the tender moment they had just shared. “Now, I know this might be a little too late, but I promise you not to interrupt again, okay? You can go ahead.”

Fluttershy nodded silently before continuing. “Okay! Well, what really happened after that was…”

“Oh, right, I can fly!” Zephyr said, his wings flapping on beat. “I tend to forget that bit,” he noted, landing safely at the top of the stairs. “Shall we?”

With a potentially dangerous fatality prevented, the two entered Fluttershy’s room. Zephyr was quick to make himself comfortable, taking the entirety of Fluttershy’s bed for himself, the soft mattress bobbing up and down depressingly after the pegasus jumped on it.

“Geez, I wish I could have a bed like this,” he exclaimed, a touch of envy in his words. “I don’t think I’ve changed my mattress ever since I… I think since I went to Uni and dropped out the first time…”

“Zephyr!” Fluttershy’s anger seeped through the name as she stared at her brother despite her best intentions to help him, she could barely hold back snapping on him, muttering through gritted teeth. “I think you said you wanted to talk to me about something, right?”

“Yeah, I probably said that,” Zephyr said, promptly jumping off the bed, his serious tone back in full-blown. “You see, there is something really important I’m about to do, but I needed to talk with somepony that I can really trust.”

Fluttershy was taken aback, so much so that she took enough steps to reach her room’s door. A trick of the imagination perhaps, but something about her brother’s comment appeared off. Despite that feeling trickling in the back of her neck, she couldn’t help but attempt her best to listen to him—it was her big brother, after all.

He would also tell go tattle on her parents and she didn't. None of them needed that stress.

“I understand, Zephyr, you can trust me,” Fluttershy said, a tinge of regret nearly making her eat her words.

“Thank you, sis! I swear, whenever the wedding is set, you are the first pony to be invited!”

“Oh, my, why tha-did you just say wedding?”

The bad feeling slowly resurfaced.

“O-okay, I’m going to assume that I heard you correctly, but just to make sure; did you just say wedding?” to Fluttershy, asking her brother about his potential wedding was something she wasn’t expecting to ever ask—much less out of him.

“Indeed I did, Fluttershy!” Zephyr exclaimed, falling back on Fluttershy’s increasingly messier bed, sighing wistfully to the ceiling. “Yes, I indeed did…”

“O-okay!” Fluttershy was in shock. It was a played down bet from her parents that neither would ever tie the knot, albeit for completely different reasons, but the fact that her brother was there, telling her the complete opposite of that idea, was a thought that outright shattered the image that she held of her brother. It took all of her to let out the words that followed: “What's the catch? W-who is this... mare, right?”

“Don’t be silly, sis, you know who it is,” Zephyr said, hovering off the bed once again. “It’s Rainbow Dash, or course!”

A wave of relief smacked her like a bag filled with bricks, like a dizzying effect that nearly made her stumble onto the floor as a result, only sobered by the thought that followed right after, something to ponder for the following seconds as Zephyr simply sat on her bed, looking like he had just revealed the answer to all of life’s questions.

“Dash already has a special somepony,” Fluttershy said straight to the point. Knowing her brother well, and before he had a chance to speak, she continued. “And before you ask: yes, she is somepony whom she is happy with and loves her very much!”

Zephyr seemed at a loss of words, like a cat literally eating his tongue if the incoherent babbling that followed was of any indication. “Y-yeah?” he finally said after a few painful attempts. “Well, w-who’s to say I have to give up, huh? Nopony said that love was easy, did they? All I have to do is give it all I got! Showing her that I really care, and to show that pony who the real stall—“

“Um, Dash’s special somepony is a mare.”

“Y-yeah? So? It’s not like sh—“

“And she recently found out she isn’t really into stallions at all…”

"Well, I...!"

"And she also hates the idea of dating anypony even closely resembling the color in the hexadecimal value of approximately 91E3C—"

“Okay, I get! I... I get it,” Zephyr’s look was one of a heartbroken stallion, his optimism now gone as he sat back down on Fluttershy’s bed. A messed up horse on a messed up bed.

Despite everything, Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel bad for Zephyr. He seemed willing to try for something he really cared about outside just keeping a job, showing he could fight for something that he was truly passionate about. Even if that passion had been misguided, it showed that he was willing to improve and to better himself and for the sake of othe—

“Yeah, well, buck her anyway!”

Fluttershy sighed tiredly. “Yeah, that's fair."

“Yeah, you are right, sis! Maybe not! I mean, who needs mares, anyway! I have myself to love, don’t I!?” he shouted to nopony in particular, his eyes staring directly at Fluttershy, but his sights set beyond that. Far gone from where he stood. Far beyond even the ceiling that Fluttershy was so obsessed with.

“I-it’s okay, Zephyr, everything will be okay!” Fluttershy tried her best to calm him down, just as he decided to jump back on the bed. “Um, Zephyr?”

“No, no, you are super right, sis! No, wait, I meant to say I was right! I don’t need mares!” his ranting continued, his voice getting increasingly louder as he hopped on Fluttershy’s bed uncontrollably. “Besides, all I need is me, baby! No mares to stop the might of Zephyr Breeze! Nopony to stop me from taking over the world! Nopony to—”

“Zephyr, please, stop it! Please be careful or you’ll hurt yourself!” Fluttershy said, reaching for the covers and pulling on them.

Without warning, Zephyr's voice trailed on as he stumbled back, completely missing Fluttershy’s covers wrapped around his hoof, his balance lost in the process. Before he could even realize what was going on, he fell back.

And just moments later, Fluttershy stared in horror as Zephyr fell towards her nightstand, its corner waiting with open jaws to greet the pegasus brother with the horrifying sound that followed.

BONK

Twilight stared silently, watching the tears streaming down Shy’s cheeks as her story came to an end. “To think Zephyr would have died of heartbreak… caused by hitting his head really, really hard on the stand.”

Fluttershy looked up, tears still flowing. “I-I never meant to!”

Twilight slowly walked over to Zephyr’s body, careful to avoid his crossed-out gaze, turning just enough to notice a big bump protruding from his uneven mane. She sighed, a pained look on her face. “I see what happened, yes; this is the result of false expectations.”

“Huh?” Fluttershy uttered.

“Yes, it was the failure of society. Whether it was a result of his upbringing, the result of his relationships, maybe something influenced him to be the way he was? It doesn’t matter. In the end, it was his own innability to grow, and it led to this—to his own downfall. An—

A crashing sound cut through Twilight’s speech, the sound echoing throughout the room. Turning to the source, the pair observed the remains of Fluttershy’s dresser on the floor, the wall where it rested revealing none other than officer McGuffin himself popping out of a hole in the wall.

“Princess Twilight!” he said, jumping out and rushing throughout the broken glass, panting heavily as he tried to continue speaking. “You’ll never believe this, but while my stallions and I were downstairs, simply sitting and patiently awaiting your return, that rabbit escaped us! It was the strangest thing, but as it escaped, the cage flew out of an officer’s hooves landing on his head!”

“Yeah? What happened next?” Twilight asked expectantly.

“Oh, nothing, it was just really funny,” he shrugged. “I did find this entrance after noticing a glimmer of the light that just happened to have coincidentally made a specific spot on the wall to shine brightly, leading to me finding it and heading straight here!” he explained.

“Of course!” Twilight gasped. “Well, buck my theory! Clearly, the culprit ran away through there, leading to an overcomplicated idea to plant Fluttershy with thoughts of her commiting the crime! It was so obvious!” turning to the bewildered office, she said. “Very well, officer, we must make haste. The culprit could still be around!”

Raising a hoof, Fluttershy appeared ready to intervene. “H-hold on a second…”

Grasping her hoof, Twilight said. “Don’t you worry, Fluttershy. We’ll catch the culprit soon, just you wait!”

Then, without delay, Twilight sprinted out of the room, and as their echoing voices silenced themselves into the void, Fluttershy was left to her own devices.

“T-that’s my emergency escape…” she called into the void, reaching out to it. Slowly, she lowered her hoof, blinking repeatedly as she had a realization.

"Is this the part where I write what I learned today?"

Author's Note:

Written by M.A Larson

Yeah, this story is pretty dumb. It was something born out of the most random of thoughts, that being 'what if Fluttershy got away with murder'? And this just spun out of control into this stupid piece.

Not gonna lie, as I went through the editing process, it grew on me a tad, but it's something I'm probably not doing again for a while, as it's clearly not my forte. Who knows? If you all like it, that's great! But this was more of an experiment on my part, so it's okay if you don't happen to enjoy it.

Either way, feel free to leave comments on it, I'd love to know your thoughts on it regardless.

Comments

[HiddenEntity]

Oh. My. Word.

That was hilarious! The stupidity of it was amazing. The thought of Twilight jumping to conclusions, then getting the whole story, then forgetting it all! Ha! And "we even asked nicely" was the best!

Love it.

[Mocha Star]

This was a kinda fun read. The end was funny.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Thankfully, she also happened to be the third most intelligent alicorn in Equestria

Second only to Cadence and Flurry Heart. (Three word: Multivariable shipping calculus.)

Delightfully dumb from start to finish. It's tricky to hit screwy comedy without crossing the line into character assassination, but you nailed it. Thank you for this.

[Ditz]

10449746 10450771 I'm glad you guys liked it! I struggled with posting it for a good while, and it makes me really happy to see that people enjoyed it.

10450250 That's fair. Hopefully it provided enough entertainment to be worth it!