Twilight was known by many names. Celestia’s other student. Prodigy, powerhouse, unstable, crazy and in the darkest of shadows..Monster. The lavender filly cared for none of it. She simply wanted to be left alone, but when the moon refuses to give way to the sun destiny forced her within the heart of battle and the Elements choose. Reaching out to a lonely princess her and her new friends are named champions of the realm but there is more than a little truth to the unicorns many names and darkness lurks in her heart
Tormented by secrets destroying her mind Twilight Sparkle has been thrusted into the role of hero. Now surrounded by friends, heart open to the world she had scorned before she will go on a journey of pain, love, friendship and forgiveness, and maybe just maybe she can heal what had been shattered so long ago..
sooo cool !!!!!!! pls continue
Amazing
I am hooked please continue to write
The story is very good!!
Pretty!
This one’s pretty good! Keep it up!
I'm a bit late to the party, but i'll throw in my 2 cent on the story anyway. The story has potential, you present an interesting take Twilight, and your dialogue and characterization is fine for the most part, and I didn't spot any grammatical mistakes.
There are a few mistakes, that detract from the reading experience. The first glaring mistake that i found is that Twilight does things because "she feels like it", having characters do things because they "feel like it" creates disconnect between the reader and the character that they are trying to relate to. no one ever does something without are reason behind their actions, leaving out the reason behind a characters actions especially malicious actions, makes a character come of as a psychopath, that antagonizes others for the fun of it.
Another mistake is having character be too dismissive. Twilght's total disregard towards everything made me question why the hell she was even trying to go through the overseer checklist. I know it's because of Spike, but the constant cruelties she enacts on spike made it hard for me to believe that she truly cares about him.
Sorry about the rant, and please do not be disheartened by this critique, this is just things you can improve on, but if you are fine with how things are then disregard the critique.
In summary, the story is on the right track and can turn into something interesting if you keep going.
Ps. Sorry once again for the wall of text.
This was a great chapter to read. your characterization seems to be improving especially when it comes to Twilight, her personality seemed more consistent this chapter. Also credit where it's due, you went through the effort of making up your own trials for the everfree forest, something that should be applauded, and it honestly turned out well in my opinion, so i hope you will continue this trend.
I'm also curious about the relationship between Twilight, Trixie and Celestia. how many times have Trixie stolen the credit for Twilight's work? How much have Trixie twisted Celestia's view on Twilight? These of some of the things I hope will be explored once Nightmare Moon is dealt with.
I hope your life will be less hectic, as I am sincerely looking forward to next chapter.
PS. Sorry if this comment seems a bit unstructured, I am writing this late at night.
can't wait to see celestia's face
Oh boy! this is awesome
This chapter was pretty great and everything that was laid out outstanding especially the part between Twilight and Spike at the town hall that hit right in the feels.
This Twilight seems like she'd be best friends with Sunset Shimmer.
Anyways, hope you continue this story. Seems a bit of a waste if you don't.
OOoooo!! This fox is so interesting so far! And I’m so excited to read more of what’s goin on with Twilight! And I hope Trixie gets what’s coming for her! Looking forward to any more updates!!
This is already more exciting more than the original version.
OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH AND UPDATE, YESSSSS!!!!!
,
Who cares if it's two in the morning
oh my god, what happened to Twilight and pinkie
Another very enjoyable update to the story. I'm impressed with how quickly you improve as a writer, you have already improved quite a bit from the first chapter to this one.
There are a few times where incorrect words are used, though the story is still very readable. I'll gladly point out these mistakes and help you correct them if you want me to. Just DM me if you are interested.
This story is still very good, so I hope you'll keep up the good work.
Now that's honesty.
Oh I hope there will be more to this.
Yay, it lives!
The only criticism I have is that the Nightmare Moon attack feels like a part is missing.
This feels like Nightmare just came upon the group. Maybe even waiting for them.
I think a descriptive of said attack, like an explosion or a blinding light, would work better then just smash cutting to the girls (and Spike) battered and bloodied with Nightmare in the middle of their prone forms.
Other then that, great chapter. Absolutely can't wait for more
That was a good chapter. I really like these alternate takes on how they proved worthy of the elements they're far more interesting than the rushed show version.
Great fanfic.
Its alive😁
Who’s the other student? Is it Sunset Shimmer?
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I think it was Trixie, as she was expected by Celestia
Another great chapter, I can't wait for the next one.
What a great story! I hope celestia discovers what her ahem 'Faithful' student really is. Looking forward to more of such great updates in the future.
That was a good chapter goodluck with the next one.
I forgot that Twilight was still a foal here which means that she probably won't live in Ponyville yet since she is still a child and not an adult like her canon self was. Also, it seems that Twilight and Celestia can begin to fix their relationship oh and that Momlestia is bestia.
I'm happy to see this story get updated with another great chapter. This story is one of the reasons why, I still regularly check fimfic.
I really liked the way you handled the reunion between Luna and Celestia. You did a very good job showing the hope and uncertainty Celestia felt as well as Luna's fear of judgement and rejection.
You generally seem to have a really good understanding of the characters you are writing, which is probably also the reason you write interactions between your characters so well.
Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So Celestia and Twilight still need time to fix their relationship but its a start.
Another amazing chapter, can't wait for more 😁
this chapter spoke to me so deeply that I didn't even know that it was possible.
When is the next chapter?
Now i'm dying to see what will happen at her brother's wedding.
I look forward to continuing your work.
I wonder if Twilight hates her family, what kind of relationship she has with Shining Armor?
That was a good chapter.
Great story. Looking forward to more! Added to read list.
So, I've reread the story a few times now, and I've got a genuine, serious question:
Is Twilight supposed to be a SA victim in this fic?
I only ask because of some character quirks I've noticed on rereads, and her apparently poor family situation. If that is the case, it's very subtle so far and I'm morbidly curious as to how it will play out in the future. The early seasons had many trips to canterlot after all, and expounding on her family dynamic is more than likely in the cards for when we get there.