• Member Since 13th Dec, 2011
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They say that good armour is a Royal Guard's best friend.

Sometimes, it might be a little more literal than expected.

After all, it isn’t every day that one receives shameless self-promotion from their protective attire.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 153 )

" Not the face—not the face!"

An admirable battle cry when warriors go into battle. Nearly as good as "Spoon!!"

Hmmm... One of a kind idea, love seeing stores like this~

I loved this, and I feel like it has great potential for more too. Any chances of that?

Along with "Fetch me my brown pants!"

A fascinating concept... though Scabby really should clear this with her superiors. Still, fun stuff throughout. Thank you for it.

A fun little story! Would love to see more shorts like this.

The true beginnings of "IRON MARE" :duck:
:moustache: who'd A THUNK
:facehoof: Now comes the arch villain


Was this story inspired by Kai'sa from League of Legends, by any chance?

Scabbard Bloom is adorable!

Fun concept. And with the two of them working together, they could fill the role of a single super-soldier, really. Earth Pony strength, flight, some magic - working together they are basically an alicorn, but with a few weird quirks and ability to split back into a pony and a changeling if need be. Powered by love, too. The story of Scabbard and Sphincter could make for a cool action story with weird romance, too.

“Darn right you can’t,” Scabby growled. She then gestured at him with a hoof and continued, “I mean, you still have that black carapace and cheese-legs thing going on. What’s up with that? I thought changelings had reformed!”

“Oh. That,” he muttered, suddenly baring his teeth, though it didn’t look like his ire was directed at her. “Well, I guess I didn’t get the memo.”

Huh So he did not change Even though the other changelings did but he doesn't want to hurt anybody I guess some just like their old looks i guess I don't know how that works but OK

Unfortunate Changeling name aside, this was a really fun read! It's the kind of story that only really makes sense in the MLP universe, and I very much appreciate stories that try to make the most of the unique features of said universe.

“Whoa!” she cried when Sphincter rewarded her with a barrel roll.

Wow That was a very interesting story an Earth pony and a Changeling working together to be The Royal guard It kind of reminds me of how to train a dragon How they work together and trusting with each other That is pretty awesome idea

I giggled, smiled, and laughed with this.

Fun and amusing, i had a great read with this!

Love your stuff.

Perhaps I've been on the Internet too long, but I kept expecting it to devolve into something smutty.
I'm rather glad it didn't. This was genuinely fun and wholesome and a laugh the whole way through.
Here's hoping for the continuing adventures of Scab and Sphinct (oof, not the greatest team name).

He then scooted a little closer to her and stretched out his hoof, grinning conspiratorially. “So, what do you think? Partner?”

Scabby matched his grin and bumped his hoof. “You got it, partner!”

Looks like it's the start of a beautiful friendship 😊

Seriously though I hope we see more of these two.

Wow. Clouds were racist to earth ponies.

Cloud: No, we are not racist. You just don't have the permit.

Wait, it's over? :fluttercry:

Funny that he referenced Iron Mare. Mar(e)vell had concept of character much closer to this.

Or a little of how to train your dragon

I loved the dynamics between Daring Do & Maxilla, and while I don't mind seeing Max again in the future, you know this could totally spin-off another Action/Adventure epic and you probably can guess the unspoken request in this statement, right?

Thanks though, that's a very fun and enjoyable read. It does sound like the setup for Iron Mare or thereabouts, just saying...all that's missing is an unprecedented kidnapping and the right motivation to turn into Equestria's next non-rainbow-nuke hero. :scootangel:

Downloaded just for the Aliens reference in the picture.

Oh, I love this kind of fic!

“Changeling chainmail”

Was this Thorax's idea? Did he come up with this? This seems like an idea he'd have. :rainbowlaugh:

“Hi, I’m Sphincter"

Okay, I know there's a precedent for this considering changeling naming conventions...but still, that's a rather unfortunate name even for a changeling. :trixieshiftleft:

Clouds were racist.

They really are--seriously, they need to get with the times already. :trollestia:

While this definitely works as a self-contained oneshot like this...I have to echo the others and say I can totally see this getting a continuation of some sort...maybe cover Scabby and Sphinct's (yeah, that name's just never going to be not awkward :rainbowlaugh: maybe they need to decide on a good nickname for him instead) adventures trying to pass off the "armor" while on inspection by her superiors and whether or not they need to explain, or maybe their first adventure putting the "armor" to actual practical use as intended in the field dealing with some pesky troublemakers or something...mixed in with some of the usual flatmate drama of trying to figure out how to coexist in the same living space, perhaps.

Seriously, there's some potential there. :twilightsmile:

Well, technically, it's really an aileron roll. :raritywink:

“In the event of a water landing, I can be used as a flotation device.”

More, please. This really does have potential to be expanded. :)

0 #28 · Sep 23rd, 2020 · · ·

The only bad thing is that it only has one chapter.

Really enjoyed this.

Dear sweet heaven... Moar please! These two getting up to shenanigans (NO I swear I didn't smack em upside the head with the butt of my pistol... Really! I promise!) in Canterlot can only guarantee hilarity to follow.

Is good, me like. More please.

Well that was awesome! There are just sooooo many possible shenanigans that these two could get up to!!!!! Here's to hoping that there's more to come!!!!!

yeah, this should be a series

An entertaining story, and a sequel might be nice. What I say below might or might not be good facets to include.

<SNIP> though Scabby really should clear this with her superiors.

Yes. Several reasons.
*The biggest thing is that the first time she wears him anywhere she couldn't bring a guest she is guilty of allowing an unauthorized person into a restricted area. For all she knows he is still loyal to Chrysalis and is planning to try to assassinate Twilight or Flurry Heart as vengence for Chrysalis getting turned to stone. Depending on the timeline he could even be a child of hers laid (or even conceived) after her defeat by Starlight, Thorax, Trixie, and Discord.
*Next there is the fact that he DIDN'T tank that sledge-hammer hit but dodged it. What would happen if she was unconscious and that strike was an enemy's attempt at a coup de grace before turning to face or run from her back-up? If she would survive in regulation armor but not in him then it would be something that her commanding officer would have a right to know since they are responsible, in certain ways, for the risks that come with the orders they give her.
*The converse of the above is that she can now fly and cloud-walk. That is a relevant skill that she probably has a responsibility to inform her chain of command about.
*Technically she's guilty of skipping out on discipline by not needing to care for her armor (trivial... if her commanding officer really cares I'm sure he can find something equivalent for her to do). A particularly appropriate punishment if she got caught would be to repeat bootcamp, since he hasn't ever been, and he can't practice his role correctly without her to wear him.
*Related to the above she is hoarding equipment she doesn't need by not returning her rusted set.
*In the long term, this could look bad in that he is being "underpaid". Regardless of the fact that he is currently willing to work for "warm fuzzy feelings", it might be a violation of ethics or at least good Public Relations. Best to nip this in the bud by giving the people in charge of pay-roll, legal, and PR a chance to review the matter, and say "sorry, but you gotta accept standard salary and benefits" or draw up some sort of form for him to sign waiving such things.
*Lastly, and this is a bit of painful point, from a military perspective, she may not be the one who he is best partnered with. If he isn't a soldier see my very first point. If he IS a soldier, then, in the real world he would need to accept orders as far as who he is assigned to work with. Of course, in a country ruled by the Princess of Friendship, the rules on that might be slightly different. I could certainly see Twilight granting them an exception even if it required appealing to her after being denied by (multiple layers of?) the chain of command.

Factual question without emotional loading: Was that a joke about my verbosity?

You know something that might be funny is if you make a sequel make it at one point (maybe in a dream if you don't want the changeling to go colour mode) because he eventually shows platonic love for her and he goes colourful (though changelings don't need to go colourful to not be hungry his wings could just go sparkly while he stays a black changeling)

If he can't take a hit from a sledgehammer, how's he supposed to be trusted to stay put in the heat of battle?

Sphincter has an unfortunate name...

Scabby muttered as she crouched on the roof’s edge.

You know, poses like this are how you end up being a superhero. Just sayin’.

when Sphincter rewarded her with a barrel roll.

Aileron roll, but then again Scabby wouldn’t necessarily know that due to lacking flight experience.

Just because it’s s a common misconception doesn’t mean barrel rolls aren’t a thing. It is possible to do a barrel roll, it just not what most people think.

10446600 Also typically what bards say when they find themselves in frontline combat. :raritycry:

10446610 Possible, but not the most likely thing in the world, unfortunately. Got other ideas competing for time. :twilightsheepish:


Huh So he did not change Even though the other changelings did but he doesn't want to hurt anybody I guess some just like their old looks i guess I don't know how that works but OK

Not all changelings were necessarily in the hive when Thorax sparked a revolution. And much like Pharynx, some of those who returned were repulsed by their new looks and refused to adopt their new philosophy.

10446822 The original script did involve Sphincter hinting that he could mimic the texture of rubber or latex :rainbowderp: :trollestia: (I'll leave the rest to your imagination), but the story was already long enough without it.


and you probably can guess the unspoken request in this statement, right?

Oh yes. Can't make any promises, though. :pinkiesad2:

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Ooh, so that's the proper term for the manoeuvre. Learn something new every day. :twilightsmile:

10446723 Afraid not. I've never played League of Legends.

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There's definitely quite a few things I hadn't considered in terms of how her superiors would react to this, especially the part about unauthorised equipment and military rules concerning optimal pairing of squaddies.

If they're to serve as standard infantry, they'd probably get more value out of having them as two soldiers with regular armour instead of one being inanimate for most activities. Having armour with special properties, one of which is the ability to turn into an extra squadmate in a pinch seems like the kind of thing more suited to special operations.

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*Next there is the fact that he DIDN'T tank that sledge-hammer hit but dodged it.

If he can't take a hit from a sledgehammer, how's he supposed to be trusted to stay put in the heat of battle?

Fair concerns, and definitely something that Scabby needs to clear up with him in the future. It's just outside the scope of this story, and I didn't want to bog down the pacing with a detailed interrogation of his commitment.

The idea is that he can survive a hit from a sledgehammer, but it would hurt like a bitch and he'd decided that preserving his secret wasn't worth the pain, especially when he had no idea if Scabby would give up after just one strike. :pinkiecrazy:

...I ship it.

Gif series?

So it's like fusing with sand trout...

Scabby has tons more cherngelerngs fuse into his armor and mutates into God-Emperor of the Badlands...

Wait... maybe cherngelerngs ARE sand trout! And they eventually fuse into the giant Tatzlwurms! :pinkiegasp:

We have a crossover... :pinkiecrazy:

I think in this case Scabby can get away with it by pleading Friendship. No way Twilight is going to want to punish one of her guards trusting a changeling (an unreformed changeling at that) so much she quite literally trust him with her body.

10447892 "Friendship, eh?" The Princess of Said Power eyed the nervous changeling and the similarly nervous guard next to him without her hornglow diminishing one iota. "So you--" she pointed with her horn at the cringing changeling "--spend all your day wrapped around her--" said horn changed targets, still glowing "--including her most intimate parts. Do you sleep with her too?"

"No," said Guard Bloom at the exact moment Sphincter said, "Yes."

"What!" Now the changeling had two sets of irate eyes glaring at him, and he visibly wilted.

"It's just as your pillow, dude!" he protested. "The softest, warmest pillow you've ever had. And it keeps you from snoring," he added.

"Keeps you from snoring," said Spike as he continued to take notes. "Heh. We should get you a changeling, Twilight. Since you turned into a Princess, you practically shake the whole castle at night."

Thankfully, Spike was fireproof. Mostly.

Sphincter, you think of pleading to Twilight so easily, but are you prepared to be… SCIENCED?

Because you will be. Count your days. :pinkiecrazy:

I think this is a brilliant idea tbat can very well be turned into a much longer fanfiction. The idea alone is interesting, of course, but Sphincter and Scabby's dynamic is very fun. :twilightsmile:

That. Was. Awesome!

Reminded me The Changeling of the Guard in some ways.

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