Keep Me Comin'

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LILDASHIEGRINGO

LILDASHIEGRINGO #1 · Sep 20th, 2020 · · ·

You know, I haven't read a fic over 5k in a while. I got more interested in the story than in the clop part it. Not to say it wasn't fresh, I had my fill in it.

Some paragraphs of the story I notice didn't have a good structure in the sentences.

The same also goes for there being dashes in areas that didn't need them. They're pretty much the same thing as parenthesis because it's the author talking in them. It's okay to have a couple, but I'd recommend not overdoing that amount for any upcoming stories you may have.

Also, I'm finding interest in the characters themselves. what is the lore behind everyone? not just the main, but the sister included as well? Or was she just an addition to further the plot? I'd like to know if you don't mind.

BlueFin

BlueFin #2 · Sep 20th, 2020 · 2 · ·

10443531
Thank you for the critique! I will make sure to keep that in mind for future works. And I'll be honest, this story took me way longer than I thought it would(it was supposed to be out in mid-August), so everything may have not turned out as streamlined as I thought they did lol.

As for your questions, the most basic way that I can describe Obsidian and Pixel Bit's relationship is "Classic childhood sweethearts who start out as friends, then turn into friends with benefits, then...things get messy." Pixel in particular has a bit of a stubborn streak and holds grudges, while Sid is sensitive and emotional-but tries to hide his feelings more often than not. They hook up, break up to find someone else, fall for each other again, and the cycle continues. Obviously there's a change in the fic, but that's the gist on how things were before.

Andante was just thrown in to advance the plot here, yes, but she'll be popping up again sometime with more background on her side of the puzzle soon~ She also has a little story of her own that takes place sometime in the future: Backstage Pass if you want to check that out!