After Tree Hugger introduces her to the lifestyle of nudism, Fluttershy finds a new understanding of herself, her friends, her animals, and people as a whole. She learns to accept herself more than she thought would be possible. She decides to introduce the lifestyle to her friends, and while not all of them are on-board with it, they all love and support their friend unconditionally.
Note: Not a fetish story, but Fimfiction wanted me to add the tag just to be on the side of caution.
A good start, though I had a bit of difficulty figuring out who was talking near the end.
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Thank you, and I will go back and try to fix that after I finish this next chapter. I appreciate the feedback and hope you enjoy what comes next!
Agreed that nudism isn't specifically a fetish, but I think Fimfiction has to err on the side of caution when it comes to nudity. It may be worth noting in the description that this is not a fetish story, so that readers know what to expect.
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Thank you for the suggestion, I'll be sure to add something along those lines in the description.
Loving it so far. Looking forward to the rest.
W. What?
When is the next chapter coming?
Story is going good
Only one question. What's with the sweating? I'm guessing it was mentioned that it's the middle of summer, or otherwise hot, but the detail stuck out to me.
Not a bad start! I can tell you're new to writing, but you have the basic building blocks to make something great.
The opening line of any story needs to be a hook for the audience. It needs to be an emotional starting point to ensure we're invested, so stating an action like this is quite bland. Try shuffling it into a second paragraph after you've set the scene. You can also start by describing why Fluttershy likes the spring. What is she feeling, other than a bit chilly?
This is good, if a bit repetitive. You mention how Tree Hugger's house is secluded twice in the same paragraph, and "solidarity" is an odd word choice. Perhaps try something like:
Winding her way down the long forest trail, Fluttershy shivered as the crisp morning breeze bit at her skin. Tree Hugger had always been the reclusive type, so now that spring was finally dawning, Fluttershy saw it as the perfect excuse to trek through the woods and visit her. Already, the shrill chirps of baby birds filled her ears, all just as eager for the arrival of warmer weather as she was.
I've highlighted in bold the key words that help set the seen. "Show, don't tell" is a general rule in writing when it comes to emotion. Here, you can see how I've shown the effect of the breeze on Fluttershy, and given the reader more specific context as to why she's here. You even get a small opinion, backed up by an action.
This is good, but has a few unnecessary details. Why does she need to knock on the door louder if she knows Tree Hugger is coming? Try something like:
Tree Hugger's home was a simple affair: little more than a modest, wooden shack. Upon arrival, Fluttershy gently knocked on the door, stopping only once she heard the sound of approaching footsteps.
"Ah, Flutter Butter. So nice to like, see you again." Wearing only a simple bathrobe, Tree Hugger flicked back her red dreadlocks and gestured for Fluttershy to enter. "I was just finishing up my morning meditation. Gotta align my chakras before I start the day, y'know?"
Here, I've cut the paragraph down to its bare essentials, then moved Tree Hugger's description between her dialogue. Also, I know Tree Hugger is a hippy type, but try not to overdo it, as it can bog down the dialogue.
I've re-arranged the action tags so the subject is clearer. You don't need to mention that Fluttershy is yellow, since we already know that. Why is Fluttershy nervous about meeting her friend? Also, the last sentence feels like too much information, not to mention invasive.
This is very good! Aside from a few word choices, which I've corrected. This both gives us an emotional contrast, in addition to showing us more about Tree Hugger.
HOW did Fluttershy look shocked? Describe her body language in more detail. Perhaps move the "not for the reason Tree Hugger expected" to another line?
I could show more, but then I'd end up re-writing the whole thing :P. Hopefully you can re-edit this based on what I've given so far!
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I think it's supposed to be nervous sweating, but yeah, it does feel a bit out of place.