• Member Since 29th Dec, 2017
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

Mystic Sunrise

Why am I still in this fandom?


This story is a sequel to Tales From the Crystal Empire

In an Equestria much different from what we know, Princess Luna has ruled the young nation fairly for several years now and has recently earned her cutie mark when she raised both the sun and moon together.

Now though, a letter has come from the Crystal Empire, a country that is still little known of. It seems that the reigning monarch's daughter is soon to come of age, and her mother is eager to help establish ties with Equestria.

Now more than a little curious, and also eager to establish ties with a country that is much older than her own, Luna accepts the invitation to the young mare's Royal Crystaling.

But Princess Mi Amore Amicitia is much more than her mother let on. A fact that will shock and surprise Luna when they finally meet.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 37 )
Comment posted by Zelda777 deleted Sep 14th, 2020

interesting... will be tracking and watching to see where this goes.

The only problem I have is how does Amicitia translate to Twilight? I get that it means friendship, but I dunno how it translates to Twilight.
For example. Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadence. How exactly does Mi Amora Amicitia become Twilight?

Eh, I'm just driving myself mad with this much thinking. I should just enjoy the story for what it is.
Good idea for an AU, though.

Eh, I'll give this a shot.

Dunno. It is apparently Latin for Friendship

Is Rose Quartz's name a reference to SU?

Nope. Just sounded like a crystal pony name. Honestly, a gem related name doesn't mean it has anything to do with Steven Universe.

It doesn't. But I'm not throwing out Twilight's canon name just because it's an AU. Personal Names don't always line up with their Throne Name. Why?

Because everything making sense is dumb.

mhm okay at least you have an explanation :D

this has potential and I cant wait to see what you do with it, have a like.

Great. Now say that again in English for those of us who don't speak the language.

The story is very interesting. Keep it up!

(At least I think so. Also; Spanish)

LOL the big reveal! Definitely following this now :D

The cover did kinda give away Amicitia is an alicorn. I just never said as much till now in story :P

yeah, i know, But the way you revealed it was very different from other alicorn reveals I've seen. I commend you for it :D

Thanks. I tossed back and forth in the first chapter a few things with Amicitia. Namely, whether her horn would act up, showing she had unicorn magic, but wouldn't have mentioned her wings until chapter 2.

But wings are harder to hide than a horn, so I went the way I did. And with Twilight's mane being poofier than her normal mane (more like how Cadance's is), plus her crown, is a good way to hide her horn if she wants too.

"Not a little curious, and also eager to establish ties with a country that is much older than her own, Luna accepts the-"

Do you mean "Now" a little curious?

I've seen 'Not' used in place of 'Now' before in other stories. And Grammerly let it slide, so I guess either one could work.

In this context, you are telling us that she is not curious. If you are trying to say that then congratulations. This is grammatically correct. If you were instead trying to say that she was indeed curious, then I am afraid you are not correct and this sentence is need of some work.

Also, not is never a synonym for now. That's not how words work I'm afraid. What you've seen were likely mistakes made by other authors, which should not be repeated.

Edit* I feel like you were going for something like "Now more than a little curious."

That's what I was going for. Fixed it now, so it should make more sense.

Not terribly written but all of the backstory being given to us in such a heavy handed "This is the state of the world." type narration is not only boring but feels like a missed opportunity. It would have been amazing to learn all of this information in a manner that was more natural. Maybe have Twilight exploring outside the castle and getting the details on the world from freinds and passing individuals.

I never planned this to be more than a one story universe, hence all the exposition. I might go back and one day have Twilight do just that.

But I want to finish this first, and my other stories, before I even think about that.

But you planned to do at least this story in this universe. Meaning you cant escape handling exposition in an organic manner just because it may take a little more effort. Personally I feel as though you could have simply avoided it entirely and simply encorporated the key points at later points in the story because you simply dont need to dump it all at once in such an unseemly matter. Readers are smarter then people give them credit for, and they can fill in the blanks without being told "This is how the world is."

It's a bad writing habbit I admit. But having characters do the exposition in a way that feels natural has never been something I've been good at. And it shows.

Comment posted by Nightflight406 deleted Dec 11th, 2021

Its difficult at first, but the best way to think of it is by writing down the key points you need to get across. Like for example that there is some distrust between north and south. You could have Twilight in a bar or reswtaraunt chatting with freinds who happened to be a bit more gossippy then she likes, and they dish out some pertent details along with some wild speculation which would give us an idea as to how the crystal ponies think. Once you create a bullet point list of what you need to say its just a matter of finding a way to give that information in one or two scenes then just plotting the diologue.

Um. No. You got none of that right. I don't even know where you got any of that for this story.

Thanks. I honestly probably will do more with this universe, once this story is finished at least, in the future that will expand on this story. There's a lot that I can work with.

Granted, the next chapter will have the characters do the exposition on several things. Namely, what the Royal Crystaling is since this isn't the same as what we saw in Season 6's premiere.

All I'll say for now.

Don't assume that at first. Please. What you just did his rude and mean.

On the cover, Luna looks like,

"Whatever Bitch.":rainbowlaugh:

It does, doesn't it? I never really thought of it that way. Now I can't get it out of my head.

that was pretty good, do you plan on doing more stories in this universe in the future? :pinkiehappy:

The prequel is in the works. Basically just expanding on things that were said in this, and showing more of Twilight's life in this universe.

Login or register to comment