• Member Since 10th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Twilight Adept


Comments ( 81 )

Ok this is interesting beginning I can't wait to see where this goes.

Why do I imagine, instead of clinking beer bottles, rattling bottles of little blue pills?

10428101
If only Shiny was so lucky...*sinister chuckle*

Now all I can think about is Cozy Glow experiencing certain "side effects" during her time as an alicorn.

Shining, you are going to need help, quick get big mac!

10428215
*Off in the distance, deep in the orchard, you hear a lonesome, fearful. EEEENOPE!!*

I'm liking it so far, but I did notice a few small technical errors every now and then.

Plot twist this isn’t just for the Equestrian royalty but all Royalty. Look out here comes Chrysalis, Ember, Rainshine and Novo to join the fray.

Just wish ye was more detailed in how they look like

Shining, it was an honor. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten. RIP

10428241
Oh, that's on purpose, that will play an important role in the upcoming chapters.

For reference they are anthro stage 4 if you are familiar with those charts.

10428225
Shining: Oh um, THorax tag in! You can fuckl my wife!!
Thorax disguises himself as a mare, "Fuck that I'd rather be fucking Chrysalis!
SHining: oh ok, Braeburn!
Braeburn: Sweetheart, I'll help but bend over,
SHining; "I need an adult"
Braeburn: I am an adult

10428291
Shiny is in enough danger, let's not add a wrecked rectum to the list shall we?

Also BAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

"I am an adult"

Shiny: I need an adultier adult.
Celestia: Hello dear Shiny, you called?
Shiny: SHIT!!!

10428255
Just so you know the popular pony anthro scales by shepard0821 go up from 1 pony to 5 fully human. But the even more popular furry charts on know your meme go the opposite way from 1 fully human with animalish characteristics to 6 talking animal.

So that 4 could be complete opposites depending on what scale a reader is familiar with.

As to the story itself you have some issues with tenses switching mid-sentence. I recommend going to a group like Looking For Editors and finding a prereader.

10428339
I actually didn't know a different set existed. I was referring to the first set you mentioned. Mainly humanoid but with animal characteristics. Casting spells with their hands however even when they have horns just makes more sense to me from a writing perspective.

As to the tense changes you mentioned, can you give me an example? I've read through it four times since I wrote it this morning and I cannot spot them.

10428402
Sorry I got my terms confused tenses was inappropriate. When the story starts:

It was a mostly normal day at the Castle of Friendship, MOSTLY. After all Rainbow Dash referring to getting Called by the Map as a "booty call" was a little odd. Twilight just couldn't get it out of her head, no matter how many treatises on ancient arcane philosophy she rearranged on the shelf.

Then later.

Sighing into his quickly emptying cup Shiny looked at his sister with a withering look. "what's the first rule of Law you learned?" Earning a shocked look from the Element of Magic, his own sister, and a fellow Princess to his Cady.

It feels like the narration is a bit confused like it can’t decide if it’s 1st person or 3rd person.

After reading the chapter title, all I thought of was this:

Good start.

10428414
The word you're looking for is 'perspective'.

A voice cut through the Castle, one they both knew but had never heard sound like this, it was almost sultry. " Shining Armor! Come out to plaayyy! Come greet your wives!

When the does come you need an epilogue where an alicornified Sunset (due to friendship games) comes back, gets hit with the heat and is trying to understand what the heck's going on :rainbowwild:

i need more just to see how freak out shiny can get

10428520
As a SMALL teaser. I will neither confirm nor deny a random, multi location, panic teleport sequence in the works.

Flurry's birth has woken something in the other Princesses, HEAT. Thankfully it's only Celestia and Luna that are always trying to get him alone, flirting with him, conspiring with his extremely-willing-to-share wife. Thankfully it's just those two, right? RIGHT?!?

My incest senses are tingling.

10428537
You're senses are quite acute, or maybe not. I'm not telling. :trollestia:

10428402

I was referring to the first set you mentioned.

This one, in other words:

i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/729/859/0cb.jpg

Death by snu-snu Shinning, death by snu-snu :pinkiecrazy:

Shining just RUN and head for the Library and JUMP through the Mirror Portal, once there the spell that your wife put on you should break.

Quick tip: when characters address one another, embed it via commas. That helps us, the readers, immensely. For example:

"I want to come inside, Rainbow Dash!"

Is a lot different from

"I want to come inside Rainbow Dash!"

10428957
The question is, would it break cutie mark related effects???:trixieshiftright:

The power of the Cutie Mark seems to be absolute. Look at what it did to the girls when they all got switched.

10428993

Ah, but you forgot that Magic seems to act wonky when in the Equestria Girls world so I think it would break, also maybe Anthro Pony Shining could find his Human double and send him through then so he could end up being jumped by the Alicorns, also I know ONE type of magic that can trump Cutie Mark Magic, that is RUNE Magic, after all Runes are the language of magic.

also try a knife to the jugler when they catch you. they can't rape you if your dead and this would consult as rape.

10429050
I can see where you might think so, however let me assure you of two things. One, and this is a big one I'm a victim in real life of that crap, I take no pleasure in writing actual rape scenes. You can look through every story I have, there are things I won't do without a purpose and things I won't do at all. This is one of the latter.

And Two, Even heat addled Twilight would never hurt her brother like that, especially given the already touched upon subject of Chrysalis and the implications of what that did to Cady and by extension him.

I ask that you give this a chance, by the end you won't think that way.

I understand if there is a little too much of an issue.

This is getting Wilder and wilder I hope there's a stamina spell or poison.

Wrong place to go Shining Armor. I hope he can find some clothes and make an escape. Hopefully he can bargain with Discord to get his sister out of this.

10429249
There's a way out alright but I can assure you Discord has nothing to do with it. *Set evil grin to maximum* :trollestia:

10429259

Who said it had to be Shining Armor who had to breed Twilight? How about changing her target to human Flash Sentry? I think Discord would enjoy the chaos in two universes as Shining Armor in one must dodge the royal sisters and in another Twilight goes and try’s to get her man while the human 7 react to her want for sun-snu.

10429778
That might be fun, but not my plan. It'll all make sense.

10429063
I would respectively disagree at this point in the story; by a common definition of unlawful sexual activity through force or being incapable of valid consent, include through acts of deception, luna would be considered to have raped shining armor already. This is assuming this isnt actually sexual fantasy/roleplaying between them.

I'll wait and see where this leads but I'm rooting for shiny to escape unscathed beyond what has already happened.

Before reading i'm hoping Shiny becomes a father multiple more times in the very very near future! XD

I like the story idea honestly. the only reason why I won't reed cuz it has Anthro in it.
I just do not like Anthro story’s ..
I don't mind temporary transformation story’s .

10428426
Dang it, i was just about to leave the same comment and clip XD

Run Shining Run!!!!!!!! :rainbowlaugh:

Fs in the chat for our boy. If he'd taken them one at a time as they came, he might have made it. By dragging it out this long he's certainly doomed himself.

F

Wait? He turned down Luna? And he had a good excuse? What's wrong with that boy! Well he does have one option. He can go through the magic mirror where magic doesnt work, or st least that one spell should fail.

Oh come on, why didn't he make a run for the Mirror Portal, Twilight has it set up in the LIBRARY so all he would have to do was find the Library and jump through it.

So it begins :moustache:

Godspeed, Shining Armour

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