- Member Since 10th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Kiernan
I left for eight years. Now I've returned, a changed beast.
Kiernan
Joined 10th Dec, 2011 ·
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Excited for this!! Keep the updates coming!!
Awww yissss that's exactly what I was hoping for in this story, thanks for delivering! No need to waste a slave through excessive injury or gore, disobedient slaves like AJ instead are best put to use as toilet slaves, filth slaves, what have you, through debasement and humiliation at serving the lowest desires of their masters, disposing of waste into their mouths, using their tongues to clean their bodies of filth, etc etc will put them in their proper place until they may better behave and with much more humility. Looking forward to more of Applejack's breaking and training.
10445821
Glad to hear you're enjoying it.
Indeed, one of my main themes for this story is the duality of the two most effective techniques of training sex slaves, in specific reference as to when to best utilize the techniques involved. Namely, to reward good behaviour, as with Fluttershy, and to punish bad behaviour, as with Applejack. There is also a third technique that I plan to incorporate later, no spoilers as to what that is. The idea is to show the different results that come of the different methods.
As far as the idea of a toilet slave goes, I hold that it's a much better and oft neglected step in the punishment process. Granted, I sort of skipped a few steps, some might say, but really, there are several low-grade tortures that can be used in its place, and in the long run, I find that forcing a slave to drink urine is less harmful than, say, hanging them upside down or slowly dripping water on their forehead. It should also be stated that if your goal is to make them sex slaves, as is the intention here, you can increase their tolerance for the taste, texture and size of your lower extremity, making them more likely to accept it later without as much fuss. If they're not used to it, they may bite. That's a big no-no. It's best to take on both fights at the same time, and be done with both fights at the same time. In short, it's much the better technique for these particular purposes. And yes, it will rehydrate someone in a pinch.
Now, for the reason I chose that one specifically, I would posit that too many people who fancy themselves slave trainers are perhaps too violent with their slaves. I see the slaves being punished, and I think to myself, "Is that really the best course of action? That slave is certainly bleeding a lot. It's going everywhere. I hope you bandage them up, that could cause infection. You do realize that if they die, they're useless, right?" And I know some people are into the whole necrophilia thing, and I understand why, but once they turn cold and start to rot away, you stop and think to yourself, "I could have had that one for another six years before I did that."
One could also point out that one of the most primal ways of asserting ownership of something is to urinate on it. Dogs do it, cats do it, and I'm sure I could find more examples, but I don't really need them at the moment. Pissing on something to mark it as your property is an ancient method. It also serves as a display of dominance, something that was certainly going through Jaxton's mind as he did it. It shows who really has the power in that relationship much clearer than any amount of arguing or fighting.
Now that I'm done agreeing with you, I have some news you might not want to hear: I'm not entirely sure that I'll do this particular setup again. I might, as I haven't actually written out the whole thing yet, and in my notes on how the story should proceed, I'm mostly working on Fluttershy at the moment, and just tackling Applejack as I go for now.
At any rate, I've waffled on for far too long, as I had to go back several times and edit out large swaths of this response because I realized I had posted several spoilers as I was ranting. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, as most people have not. As such, it's a good thing that I'm not writing this for them. I hope you have a wonderful day. I'm going to bed.
Hi! I'm one of the thumbs up.
10455159
Glad to hear you're enjoying it
There's something fascinating about how this is written. The descriptuons are quite basic, but it gives the work a sort of unembellished, documentary-style flair.
Enjoying this so far, good work
10460078
A piece of advice I was given five years ago reads as follows: If it isn't important to the story or interesting in its own right, skip it. In the explanation, the commenter said to me that if you describe a scene too well, you leave nothing to the reader's imagination, and they're insulted. Describe too little, and you place all of the work on their shoulders. It's also a sign of a poor writer if you use too many descriptors in an effort to puff up your word count.
Now, I could have told this entire story in one sentence if I wanted to be very brief. In fact, when I was given the originalmoutline for this story, it was exactly one sentence long. If you would like to know what that sentence is, I direct you to the short description of the story.
I'm really enjoying this story!
I am loving this story. So many others out there have good concepts or interesting starts, but never get past the first 4-5 chapter. I know you mentioned earlier about only inluding what's important and not to be too vague, but how do you stick with it well enough to have 23 chapter and more to come? Not to mention daily updates.
10471547
Sticking with it wasn't particularly difficult in this story. When I wrote Patricide (a story you won't find on this site, because it hasn't been posted), I did run into an issue in that I had this one chapter that I couldn't write because it was phenomenally boring. The second main character, who is capable of flight, needs to climb up the side of a cliff while his uncle, the main character, essentially just watches him while hovering just behind him. The cliff is a metaphor for his adoptive father's recent death. He needs to get over it, and when he fails and tumbles off the edge, his uncle catches him and places him right back on the mountain, letting him climb the rest of the way up, rather than simply flying him to the top. I tell you that story because it's the only time in recent memory where, despite the advice I'm about to give, I was unable to continue writing.
The first piece of advice I can give you is to never break the chain. Keep at it, no matter what. When you wake up in the afternoon, tell yourself you're going to put a piece together. Even if it's nothing important, give yourself a quota. A hundred words per day is pretty easy to match. I refuse to stop until I have at least a thousand. It's also important that you complete your thought. When you finish for the day, ask yourself if you've found a good spot to stop.
Another piece of advice I can offer is to have a set of goals. Always keep your ending in sight, as well as the next two story beats. Every completed story beat is one step closer to the ending. That said, sometimes you need to make a sidestep. When I was writing Trial and Error: Second Edition, there were several times when I sat down and said "Today, I'm going to tackle this part," only to find that by the time I'd set it up, I'd already reached the end of the chapter. I find that I'm no closer to my goal, but I'm very ready to take that next step tomorrow.
As far as setting the scene goes, imagine it's a movie, and you need an establishing shot around the room. This really helps with "Show, don't tell." Anyone can say "I'm a golfer." We tend to believe it more if we're introduced to a shelf with a third place plaque for a golf tourney.
Lastly, I would tell you that you should listen to your comments section, and not your likes to dislikes ratio. If one of your readers is confused about something, it's fair to say that others might also be confused. Unless doing so would spoil the story, answer any and all questions. In doing so, you learn what details you may have left out. In extreme cases, it may inspire you to go back to a chapter you finished ages ago and add an extra paragraph for the sole purpose of clarifying your statement. It also aids in typo correction.
I hope you found this to be helpful. If you have more questions, I'd be happy to answer them to the best of my ability.
I see three major problems with this story. Problem number one is it kidnapping abuse and sexual assault of two of the ponies on Princess Celestia's Court. How the hell are you letting that go under the radar. Problem number two the kidnapping abuse and sexual assaults of two of the members of the Apple Clan. How is the Commerce in Ponyville with two of the main people that take care of Sweet Apple Acres still afloat after 7 years. Number three and the most important problem of them all is the abduction abuse and sexual assault of one buttercream Pegasus who if I am correct is still very close friend to one said draconequus. How in the world Discord has not found out about this and basically turned that zebratown into nothing but a speck on the planet?
10476638
In response to your first point, they were well-hidden by the king until Big Mac bought their "freedom." After that, they didn't want to be found, so they kept their heads down.
In response to your second point, way back in chapter four, Big Mac told Granny Smith to call Braeburn and Cosmic Crisp in for assistance. I doubt the remaining four of the mane six would be so callous as to let Sweet Apple Acres fall into disrepair, even after the two cousins returned to their own orchards. This only has to last for four years, until Apple Bloom is old enough to take over. Even then, she's not completely alone, as I'm sure Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle would be willing to assist.
In response to your third point, I'd say it all depends on where you place this story on the timeline. If it's any point before Season 3 Episode 10, your complaint would be invalidated because Discord doesn't care for Fluttershy in the slightest until then. At any point after, I would question whether or not Discord really is omnipotent. He's certainly powerful and resourceful, but if he could destroy entire countries with just a thought, then why do we bother worrying about anything that happens after his reformation when he can just snap his fingers and make everything alright?
Judging by the fact that you repeat the words "kidnapping, abuse and sexual assault," I'd be willing to bet you have even more problems with the story than you're letting on.
img.ifunny.co/images/77fa554508be437c7ecfbefbdd24e7fc503656fa76cd9712d20d5a8935817aee_1.jpg
10476803
Nope. Just looking at the legality of the whole thing. Your counters are accurate. I just had to bring the elephant in the room and see how well you would react to the facts. Also I am not a fan of open ended stories. There should be a conclusion to a finished story. Be it good or be it bad.
10476887
While I share your appreciation for the clear cut ending, I would argue that many stories are better off with an open end. It sparks a question in the reader's mind, asking them to draw their own conclusion. Horror stories and operas are perhaps the most common users of this idea. That's one of the reasons why they stick around for awhile. Would "The Blaire Witch Project" have been as good if they told us before the credits rolled that there was no witch, and that Josh and Mark had killed Heather? Would "The Wall" have been as good if we were told at the end that Pink had been committed to a psychiatric hospital and would spend the rest of his life in a straightjacket? I don't think they would.
There's also an argument to be made that art is meant to be interpreted, and can mean different things to different people. It's all a matter of opinion.
Was surprised about the vote ratio on this one as I started reading it. But as I continued to read it I think I know what the problem is.
It's page after page after page after page with (boring) situations mixed with Slice of Kink, but no actual porn. There simply isn't any real sweaty high-lights of massive emotional passion. It's sexual depictions alright, but the porn tag should probably be removed.