• Published 29th Aug 2012
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Bros in Equestria - Mandroid

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Strangled Me with Science.

Year 2204 in Equestria.

The Broken Leylands. Mother fucking summer. You hated summer. You especially hated summer in the sea of sand and heat that was past the Appelosian desert.

You looked down at the valley below. According to Anon, leylines are supposed to glow pink at almost all times. Not this one, this one just looked like dirt and dust.

But then again, you were here to fix that.

The camp around you was a bustle of activity. You watched as everything from Pony to Zebra to Griffin was carrying out their tasks. Made sense, everybody wanted this project to succeed.

Some Zebras were fumbling with one of the battery charges. You holler at them in their native tongue as they scurry back to work.

"Since when did you speak Zebra?" Anon asks from the desk behind you.

"Since Celestia decided that I was apparently her number one choice for dicey diplomatic sessions."

You turn to look at him. "It helps to know when somepony is calling you an ass."

Anon rolls his eyes as he pours over the paper in front of him. "I'm sure you heard it often enough."

You walk up to the desk and look at the blueprints on it. "Less then you think. Explain to me again why we're setting mana batteries to explode out here in the middle of nowhere?"

Anon does some math on the side of his paper. "Because, we're going to re-ignite this ley line for the good of the planet and send more power to Canterlot?"

"To power your pet project. Do you even have a name for that hunk of junk?"

"Annoying Brother?"

You scoff. "Two hundred years of working on it and he can't even come up with a proper name."

"Hey, this is complex magic. I fuck this thing up and I send Equestria into an ice age. Not too much time to brainstorm names."

You roll your eyes and go back to overlooking the workers. "Okay, I get the why. But how is a bunch of mana-bombs supposed to help?"

Anon steps away from the desk and points you over the horizon. "It's simple really. This leyline got severed from the leyline about a thousand or so miles to the North thousands and thousands of years ago, probably because the magical flow just changed course."

Anon points to the charges. "What we're going to do, is set off these charges via radio signal in succession, that'll hopefully simulate a proper mana flow and link this one back up with the main line."

"And if it fails?"

Anon sighs. "Then I'll have wasted the last eighty years."

Not like you didn't have the time.

"And it'll explode." you say.

Anon winces and half turns to you. "There...might be a -slight- chance of a backfire, but that's less than a thousandth of a percent."

"But it could still happen..."

He gives a nervous chuckle. "What's science without risk?

The radio back at Anon's desk beeps and calls the two of you back to it.

Anon picks it up and holds it to his head. "A-huh. Alright. Perfect! Get everyone back to minimum safe distance and we can get this going!"

Anon looks up at you with the smile of a kid on Christmas.

"Don't break my continent." you say.

-Music-

You walk back to the main control tent with Anon practically skipping ahead of you. He ran into the control tent and began checking readouts and flipping on machines in the back.

"All stations checking in?" he asks.

An assistant spoke up. "Yes sir, everypony is online."

"Capacitors set to handle any feedback?"

"Check, sir."

"And how's our bleed?"

"Within .01%."

"Good, good..."

This was all a bit mad science-y...

"Alright! Green across the board! Mister Steele, give me master control!" Anon says.

The stallion in question fiddled with his instruments. "Ready, sir."

Anon moves to a large red lever at the end of the tent. "Alright, everypony! Moment of truth! Be ready to report any back-ups!"

Anon grips the lever with both hands and yanks it back as hard as he can.

A series of lights and beeps emit from a nearby machine.

Anon runs over to it. "Alright, we're about halfway across the sea. Stay frosty everypony..."

You walk up to him. "Is sea bad?"

"Sea was where we had to fashion mana depth charges. They've been down there a while, and if they have any leaks, it's game over man."

Brilliant...

"Sir, we have hit land." a technician says.

You watched as the lights on the machine traveled ever further inland.

After a minute of watching, Anon jumps up. "We should be close enough for a front row view now!"

With that he ran out of the tent. Towards the encroaching explosion.

"Anon! Dammit, that's what I do!" you shout.

You chase Anon out to where his desk was set up.

You could see the cloud of dust off in the distance as the batteries detonated.

"Anon, this isn't safe."

"It's fine, I accounted for everything..."

Dammit, he wasn't listen-

Your thoughts are interrupted as the mana batteries at the start of the Ley Lands began to detonate and sent shockwaves through the ground. The rest follow shortly thereafter, sending up clouds of dust that can probably be seen from home.

You can barely breath in this.

"Anon! *cough* Anon!" you choke out.

You wander through the dust until you find him exactly where he had been standing. As the dirt clears, you see another sight. The ground below you was glowing an ever steadying pink.

You can see Anon grinning from ear to ear. "Haha! It worked!" he shouts as he jumped in the air.

He grabs you by the shoulders. "It worked!"

With that he was off back to the tent. "How're we looking?"

"We have steady magic flow in all checkpoints, sir."

Anon looks back to you beaming.

You sigh. "Yes, yes, you fixed the planet. Can we go home now?"

The two of you sat on the main deck of the Delphinus. You were busy pouring sand and dust out of your clothes while Anon sat next to you in silent wonder at the events of the day.

This silence was irritating.

"If you ever get this much sand in me again..." you mutter.

Anon sighs. "Can't hear ya. Too wrapped up in the moment."

Heh. It was quite the feat...

You looked out across the plains and mountains of the Mild West. The sun bobbed in the sky for a moment before it went that final distance across the horizon. Over all your years, you had begun to notice the tells when Celestia lowered the sun.

One step closer...

"Well, now that my day is more or less over. I guess I have to think of something fun to do."

Anon perks up at that. "Hey I heard something you may like."

"Oh?" you ask turning to him.

"Mhmm. There's this new museum in lower city, see?"

You nod.

"Well, they opened an exhibit about us." he says as he slides his head.

You try to wrap your head around that.

"Just us?"

"Yep."

"The two of us?"

"A-huh."

What the-

"Did they just steal stuff from the apartment?" you ask.

Anon laughs. "I dunno, wanna find out?"

Shit kid. Of course you wanted to find out.

The two of your made your way to the museum as soon as you landed. A quick elevator ride down to the part of the city in the valley below put you right in front of the museum.

Turns out that subjects of museum exhibits get in free.

Walking into the hall they had you located in was like walking back in time.

"By the Emperor..." you exclaim.

They had them all in a case the size of the royal dining table. Every last one of your little models, each expertly posed inside and all trying to kill each other. Lotus had said there wouldn't be enough room for them once you had moved to Canterlot. So it was with a heavy heart that you locked your little voyeur gallery away in a trunk and kept them at the apartment.

Seeing them here again was like a dream come true.

Most of them were you standard: Yellow and angry. But you could see a few of the alternate schemes you had come up with. The royal blues. The blood reds. You even saw a few with grey and yellow in there.

"Projected account of ancient Earth warfare." you hear Anon say next to you.

What?

"They think this is what they thought war was like on Earth?"

Anon shakes his head. "Seems that way."

That...that was fucking awesome.

The two of you continued to inspect the gallery. They had collected a few of your super old movies and thrown them onto a T.V. That still didn't excuse them picking The Room, however.

Even two thousand years later, Tommy Wiseau is annoying.

"Like a fucking time capsule..." Anon says.

"Got that right..."

You glance over at him. "Better then a night with the moon Princess?"

Anon stumbles and blushes. "Uh...you know about her, huh?"

Oh please. He had known you knew that he was seeing someone, apparently he doesn't know how obvious the two could be together.

"It's been over a thousand years since you two started this little whatever of yours dude."

Anon rubs the back of his head.

"I know you kept it a secret, but come on. I'm me. I knew before you went off to play explorer."

You walk to the next exhibit to give him a break. He had probably been trying real hard to keep that a secret.

Hell, it's not his fault you knew him fo-

...No. No no.

No no no.

Not you. Not again.

Not here.

Not now.

Anon walked up to your frozen ass in the middle of the floor. "Dude, what is it?"

What is it? Just the return of your most hated foe.

THAT. MOTHERFUCKING. DIDGERIDOO.

IT'S HAUNTED.

IT HAS TO BE HAUNTED.

ONLY IN DEATH WILL WE KNOW PEACE.

You grab the nearest museum worker. "HOW MUCH FOR THAT."

"U-uh...well, sir. I uh..." he stammers as he tries to get his bearings. "Uh...letmegoaskthecurator!"

Anon puts a hand on your shoulder. "Dude, what are you doing?"

SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE LONG AGO.

The two of you stand in the park after midnight. Burning wood fills your ears and noses. The silence of the park is split by the last pathetic whine of The Accursed One as the flame consumes in.

You dump a bucket of water from the lake on the blaze, condemning It to ash.

"It is done."

Anon just watches you as he had done since you bought the damn thing. Most people don't spend a years' salary on something they intend to burn.

"Well, that was...dramatic. Are you feeling better?" he asks.

You breathe in the air, laced with a trace of the smell of burning wood. "Yes..."

Anon looks down at the pit of ash. "Makes you yearn, ya know?"

"Hmm?"

"All of this. The museum, your...little friend here."

Fuck you.

"Makes you yearn for the old days, you know? Back when it was just you me and Rainbow, trying to do some stupid thing in the middle of Ponyville."

You looked up at the city you had been protecting for the past two millennia. "Things definitely took an unanticipated swerve..."

Anon nods with you. "Wanna re-live some of it?"

You look down and meet his eyes.

"...Movie night?"

Anon grows a wide smile. "I've got Star Wars."

"I got beer."

Anon chuckles and heads for the park entrance. "Come on, we need to hurry if we're getting through all three."

You laugh as you run to catch up with him. Same shit, different night.

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