Deep Rock Equestria: Into The Abyss

by The Atlantean

7. [Pinkie Pie] Orbit

Pinkie Pie smiled as she poured another batch of pancake mix into her cooker and pulled a cake out of one of many ovens in the kitchen, placing it down on the granite counter with uncharacteristic care. She hummed a tune just loud enough for her to hear over the racket around her, smiling still, and idly flipped a knife through the air.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve tossed that blade, Pinkie Pie,” grumbled a grizzled old dwarf with a long, bushy silverfox beard and a dark gray handlebar mustache. “Keep testing your luck, and you’ll cut your skinny little finger right off.”

“Don’t worry about me, Greg,” Pinkie chirped as she caught the knife and held it out with a confident “I got this” look. Her ear twitched, and she grabbed another from behind before it landed in her cake, delicately handling the blade caught flat between her fingers and thumb. She carefully set the second knife on the counter.

“What’s the cake for this time?” Greg asked, stirring a giant pot of soupy… stuff. Pinkie wasn’t sure it was even a proper soup.

“My friends were on their first Egg Hunt yesterday, but I didn’t have the ingredients for a cake. Now I do! So, when they get back from today’s trip to get Morkite, we’ll have a party to celebrate!” She almost ran in place, giddy with excitement.

Greg sighed. “I remember my first Egg Hunt well. My first training mission, Mining Expedition, Salvage Operation, Point Extraction, and Elimination, too. They are memorable moments in a miner’s career, their first missions. Their first promotions, Deep Dives, and forged items.” He stopped stirring and let his big spoon slide partway down into the soup. He then raised his sleeve to reveal that his entire left arm was prosthetic, and it bore a shining pickaxe “tattoo” imprinted near the shoulder. “Your last mission, however, is always the best remembered.”

Pinkie practically deflated at his somber tone. “What happened?”

Greg pulled his sleeve back down. “That’s a story for another time.”

“Okay.” She went back to her cooking, mixing a bowl of fruit to add to her next batch. Her humming slowly returned, bringing an upbeat tune back into the strange mixture of sounds and songs emanating from the kitchens.

A minute later, her hand shot up to a temperature gauge and tuned it slightly. Her eyes narrowed as she monitored another dish in the oven, and she ticked the gauge again. She smiled. The chicken was coming along nicely.

“Where did you gain your experience, Pinkie Pie?” Balef, a fellow cook with a clean-shaven face and large mohawk asked. His blue uniform, reminiscent of Sunset Shimmer’s own armor rig, looked dirty and worn but proud and well-maintained.

“Me? Oh, I just worked at the Cakes’ bakery. They are really nice and totally the best cake-makers you’ll meet. I helped with cupcakes, muffins, cakes, pies, bread, shortbread, pancakes, waffles…” She stopped working and rattled on, using her fingers to count how many things she’d listed. After nearly a minute of talking, she took a deep breath. “I think that’s it.”

“That’s an impressive memory you have, Pinkie Pie,” Greg grumbled.

“I know, right?” Pinkie glanced at her chicken before continuing. “I know everyone back at CHS and still meet up with them every now and then despite graduation being almost three years ago, and I also know everyone there now, and Canterlot University, and… I think you get it.”

“What’s the university for?”

“Studying, silly! I never went, but Sunset Shimmer did, and I visited her every now and then, so I met people there.”

“Your friend is currently down on Hoxxes, and you’re here.”

Pinkie opened the oven and pulled her chicken out, setting it next to the cake. “Yeah, but I still talk to all of them with my phone. Why wouldn’t I? They’re all awesome friends, and it helps me plan my parties.”

The announcement speaker crackled. “Attention: Drop Pod 17-B is inbound. Maintenance crews, to your stations.”

“Ooh! They’re just in time!” Pinkie cheered. She bounded out to the counter near Lloyd with the chicken on one gloved hand and the cake on the other and set them both down, pulling four CHS-themed mugs from her hair like it was an infinite storage and arranging them in front of each chair.

A few minutes later, the four girls dragged themselves to the counter and sat. They were much more tired and much less talkative than yesterday, and Rarity’s arm looked like it was a little sore.

“Heya, girls! How was it?”

Sunset folded her arms on the counter and let her head fall into them. “Remind me to never do an Egg Hunt again.”

“We succeeded, darling, and that’s what matters,” Rarity assured her as she rubbed her arm.

“But I feel so bad about it. I’m pretty sure every single one of those screams we heard when we took an egg was its mother calling for help.”

“I don’t particularly like it either, Sunset, but I want to go home, and we had to do it. We’ll likely have to do it again.”

Sunset lifted her head and took a long drink of water. “I know. What’s our next mission?”

“Well,” Pinkie said, “you girls are on the third mission of the first assignment, so it’s a Mining Expedition. Just another trip to get Morkite, then you unlock Salvage Operations.”

“Sounds pretty standard,” Rainbow said. “When do we do, like, crazy awesome stuff?”

“Eh, the last mission in the assignment is what’s called an Elimination. I don’t know too much, but Greg said you gotta kill a couple Glyphid Dreadnoughts before they turn into something worse and halt operations in the area. Shouldn’t be that hard, though. Greg made it seem easy.”

“How long has he been here?” Sunset asked.

Pinkie’s eyes narrowed, and she stared directly into Sunset’s eyes. “Long. I’ve heard rumors that he was part of the original batch of dwarves sent to the caves.”

Sunset retreated a little, putting some space between them. Meanwhile, Applejack ate a sausage and smiled, encouraging the others to eat, too.

“So he has experience,” Rarity said. “It can’t be too difficult. When the time comes, I’m sure we’ll ask him for advice.” She stretched and yawned. “It’s been a long day, I’m sure. And Pinkie Pie, dear, don’t fret if we’re not hungry right now. Parasites are disgusting creatures.”

“No, no, no, you’re all totally fine. I can just use the fridge.” She glanced at each of the girls worriedly. Sunset seemed broken from the last mission, Rarity had entirely lost her appetite, Applejack looked dejected, and Rainbow Dash was excited but tired. The missions were already taking a toll on her friends.

Luckily, Twilight sat down next to them, but the first thing out of her mouth was completely unexpected. “Lloyd, an Oily Oaf, please. Take it from my paycheck.”

The robot chirped, saluted, and produced a handful of mugs styled to look like mugs, and poured a drink into each one. He then slid the mugs to each of the girls and chirped again.

“Twilight dear,” Rarity admonished, “what would Fluttershy say if she caught you drinking?! She’s already so worried about us as it is!”

“It’s fiiiiiiine,” Twilight said. She took a long gulp and set the mug on the counter. “R&D is hard, okay?”

Pinkie grimaced and took stock of her friends again. Rainbow was experimenting with the beer, while Applejack had no qualms chugging it down. Sunset took tiny sips, and Rarity refused to drink--at first. She eventually took a sip, seemingly to avoid offending her friend, but drank in moderation, like Sunset.

Twilight suddenly leaned back and took a huge swig from her mug. “Oh, before I forget, Rainbow, your lighter gun will be ready with the mods you’ve ordered in the morning for your next mission. Any other special requests, girls?”

“Does my L.U.R.E. need to be a dwarf?” Rarity asked. “If not, I’d like to have something a little more appropriate for my tastes.”

“Like…?”

Pinkie felt a smile growing. “Ooh! Ooh! I have this video of Principal Celestia at last year’s Fall Formal! She was with Dr. Hooves during a slower song. Somebody changed the song, but she adapted pretty well.”

“Principal Celestia can dance?!” everyone asked together.

“Of course she can,” Pinkie said. “She’s an alumnus of the Canterlot Dance School downtown. You know, the one with the big recital every winter. I thought everybody knew that.”

“Pinkie Pie, darling, you’re the only one of us who could have ever known that,” rarity said over her foaming drink. She took a quiet, polite sip before continuing: “I also feel that it would be quite funny, if a little inappropriate. The Glyphids may not even go after her hologram if it’s a slow dance.”

“I also have her in a dance-off against Dean Cadence, as well as a video of Bulk Biceps from the party at Camp Everfree at the end of our senior trip. He’s got some moves. Oh, and Flash Sentry tap-dancing next to Trixie. Don’t ask.”

“Where did you get these?” Rainbow asked. “These are awesome!”

“The storyboard, duh.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be difficult,” Twilight said. “It’s a programming thing, so I’d need Edlin’s help, but it wouldn’t take longer than a night. We can have them done before your next mission if you give me the recordings.”

Rarity took a long sip. “Very well. I’ll trust you to make the decision, Pinkie Pie, but nothing too inappropriate, please.”

Seeing her friends light up with energy and fun, Pinkie’s smile grew even bigger. “You betcha, Rarity! Now, who wants some cake?”

Author's Note:

Had to do some magic to make Pinkie's timeline add up, so Twilight's been changed to 20 years old (turning 21 in three months as of this chapter), and Chapter 2 has been edited to reflect the change. As far as DRG is concerned, she's in the clear.

...and I question the Dice Gods' motives, but who am I to disappoint them? They've ordered more difficulty for our girls. I imagine we'll be seeing Fluttershy in action before long.

Comments

[Cyrus Colter]

i foresee stupidity from someone.

[The Atlantean]

10491521
Rule #1 of history class: People are stupid.

[Cyrus Colter]

10491604
true