Twilight Needs Light Bulbs
The carriage landed towards the back of the lot, taking up a couple spaces due to it's size. It would mean a longer walk into the store, but it couldn’t be helped.
“Alright everypony! We’re here!”
Twilight looked at her friends with a smile. All of the girls and the Crusaders had been happy to come along, though Twilight wasn’t sure why. She was just here to pick up some light bulbs.
The girls all squirmed in their seats, ready to exit the cramped carriage. Applejack spoke up.
“This thing looked roomier on the outside.”
Rainbow Dash nodded.
“I can’t stretch my wings at all.”
“Imagine if you had larger wings.”
Twilight turned to look at Celestia and Luna. She was even more perplexed as to why the former Princesses had agreed to come along.
Twilight opened the door to the carriage and bodies spilled out into the parking lot.
“Ow! A little warning would have been nice!”
“Wee! Let’s do that again!”
“Could you move your elbow out of my ribcage? If it’s not too much trouble that is.”
“Does my mane look okay?”
“Is that my hoof or yours Scootaloo?”
Twilight sighed as she stepped around her pile of friends.
“Come on girls. We don’t want to waste any time.”
Celestia stepped out of the carriage, took a deep breath, and stretched her wings.
“That’s much better.”
She looked at Twilight and smiled.
“Ready to get some light bulbs?”
Twilight smiled back.
“You really didn’t have to tag along Celestia.”
“Well, I needed to get a bulb for my reading lamp. Since you were already planning a trip, I thought it would be easier.”
Twilight chuckled, looking around at all her friends.
“I still don’t get why everypony came along. It’s just a hardware store.”
Applejack piped up.
“A home improvement store Twi. It’s not just hardware inside. There’s lumber, floorin’, garden supplies, doors, windows, appliances-”
Rainbow put a hoof over Applejack’s mouth.
“We get it AJ. There’s a lot of stuff. Besides, it’s just fun to browse in a store like this!”
The girls all nodded. Twilight had to hold back her laughter. They all looked so excited over such a trivial thing. But she wasn’t going to deny herself time with her closest friends. Every second she got to spend with them was a treat.
Twilight glanced back at the carriage and noticed somepony was missing.
“Luna? Aren’t you coming?”
Luna leaned forward, appearing in the doorway.
“No, no. I’m quite fine. There’s a nap with my name on it here.”
Pinkie jumped back in the carriage and spun around a few times.
“I don’t see anything! Were you hiding it?”
Everypony laughed as Pinkie jumped back out of the carriage. Luna waved them off and the group moved toward the store.
Twilight really was so happy to have her friends around. Even for the mundane. She let out a content sigh as they crossed the threshold of the store.
And then all Tartarus broke loose.
Everypony, besides Celestia, dashed away from Twilight. The Princess wasn’t sure what had just happened.
“Wow...I guess they were really excited to browse?”
Celestia chuckled.
“These big stores tend to bring out the filly in everypony. It’s like you’re seeing all these things for the first time in a way.”
“Well at least you're old enough-“
“Sweet Me!! Are those hedge-clippers?!”
Celestia was gone.
Twilight stood there, alone, wondering what she had just witnessed.
“Ooooh-kaaay. That was weird.”
She shook her head to clear it and focused on her task at hoof.
“Light bulbs, daylight, four of them.”
She trotted down the aisle in front of her, starting her search. When she reached the end of the first aisle, she placed a hoof out into the intersection.
That’s when a flatbed cart nearly ran her down.
Twilight yanked her hoof back as Rainbow Dash flew past her, pushing the flatbed down the walkway.
“Dash takes the lead! The fastest pony in all of Equestria proves yet again she can’t be beat!”
Dash threw the cart into a Cloudsdale Drift, which is when Twilight noticed a body on the cart. She watched in dismay as the cart disappeared down another aisle, the frightened voice of Fluttershy crying out from the flatbed.
“How did you talk me into thiiiiiissssss!”
This was much worse than she’d realized.
Twilight raced to another aisle to discover an employee shouting at his rolling staircase.
“This is for employees only!”
“But you weren’t here to get this doohickey for us!”
Twilight looked up to the top of the staircase and found the Crusaders attempting to pull something off the top shelf. The employee looked about ready to have a conniption.
“The stairs are for employees only!!!”
Suddenly, another set of stairs appeared at the other end of the aisle. Twilight watched in horror as Pinkie pushed the staircase over to the others.
“You girls have the right idea! I tried climbing the shelves, but they don’t like that here apparently. Then I found these cool moving stairs!”
Pinkie began climbing her staircase and the employee lost it.
“No, no, no, no, no!!! Employees! Stairs! Only!”
Twilight had never seen a grown pony throw a tantrum like this. It was rather terrifying.
“Ow! Ow! Ow!”
Twilight’s ears stood up straight at the sound of a pony in pain. She ran toward the gardening area and skidded to a halt as she spotted the pony in question.
“Starlight?! What happened?!”
Starlight Glimmer was stuck in the middle of at least two dozen small cacti plants. She had needles sticking out all over her body.
“I just wanted to get a friend for Phyllis.”
“But how did you-?”
“What did you do to the lights?!”
Twilight spun around. She wanted to help Starlight, but there was too much happening at once. She followed the new voice, scared of what she might find.
“I had them set up just right!”
“Surely you’re kidding?”
Twilight reached the aisle. Rarity was having a heated argument with another employee.
“How can I take a good photo of myself if the lighting is just hanging there?”
“It’s meant to hang there! It’s for display, not actual use!”
Twilight looked up at the lighting display. The lights had been adjusted to shine on Rarity, putting her in a (Twilight hated to admit it) flattering light.
“You can’t just move things where you want them!”
Twilight realized the comment wasn’t coming from the employee in front of her. It was from somewhere else!
She raced over a few more aisles, finding Applejack with two employees.
“Look, y’all have this place all kinds of mixed up. But if you put these screws in the proper order, like we do on the farm, then you wouldn’t have ponies bein’ all confused tryin’ to find these things.”
One of the employees was rubbing his temples while the other responded.
“We have a specific system for our inventory! It’s going to take hours to undo this!”
“Why in Equestria would you want to undo it? I told y’all this is the right way!”
The sound of breaking glass made Twilight flip around again. She ran towards the source, only to discover Rainbow Dash had crashed the flatbed into the display of windows. She and Fluttershy were lying in the middle of a sea of broken glass.
“Tsk tsk. You really should watch your friends closer Princess.”
Twilight slowly turned her head. What she found would haunt her dreams forever.
Discord was reading a newspaper.
And he was on one of the display toilets.
Twilight felt a lump in her throat beginning to grow.
“Please tell me you’re not...”
He flashed a wicked grin before disappearing in a flash.
“OKAY, THAT’S ENOUGH!!!”
Twilight covered her ears. Who in Equestria was that?!
She turned her gaze back towards Rainbow and Fluttershy to discover they were being picked up by employees. In fact, all of her friends were reappearing, escorted by employees. And in the center of this gathering, a large pony with a tag that said ‘Manager’.
“Please escort these ponies out of the store.”
The employees nodded and led everypony away. Twilight approached the manager.
“I’m so sorry! I don’t know what happened!”
The manager held up a hoof.
“Trust me Princess, this isn’t my first rodeo.”
“I can’t begin to apologize for everypony’s behavior.”
The manager smiled.
“It’s okay. A few windows got broken, but that’s the worst of it. I’ve dealt with much worse at this store. But I will have to ask that you and your friends shop elsewhere for a few weeks. It takes my employees some time to get over these events.”
Twilight nodded.
“Of course. I understand.”
The manager walked her to the exit, where her friends were all sitting. They all looked ashamed of themselves. What Twilight didn’t understand was why Celestia looked more ashamed than the rest.
The manager cleared his throat.
“You’ll all be welcome back here in a few weeks. Maybe by then you’ll all have learned a little self-control?”
The girls nodded. The manager suddenly pointed to Celestia.
“Except for you! You’re banned from this store permanently.”
Twilight looked at the manager in shock.
“What could she have done to deserve being banned?!”
The manager shook his head.
“I couldn’t say.”
One of the employees behind him began sobbing. Twilight glanced back at Celestia, but the alicorn wouldn’t meet her gaze.
Twilight returned her eyes to the manager and lowered her head.
“I apologize again for everything that happened here.”
The manager nodded back.
“Thank you, Princess Twilight. I appreciate the gesture.”
Twilight spun around, glaring at her friends.
“Carriage. Now!”
They group tripped over each other as they raced out into the parking lot. They all piled into the carriage before Twilight. A she stepped in, she found they were all silent and avoiding her gaze.
Luna was stretching and yawning.
“Hello Twilight. Did you get your light bulbs?”
Twilight’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. The one thing she’d come for!
“HORSEFEATHERS!!!”
Everypony flinched as the lavender alicorn screamed at the sky.
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What did Sunbutt do to get herself perm-banned from the store?
LMAO. Poor Twilight. It was supposed to be a peaceful shopping trip yet all of her friends and her former teacher ruined it all in one day.
Possible outcome:
Twilight( to Applejack, RD, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie): As punishment for your reckless behavior in that store, you are all temporarily taxed at a double rate for all of your businesses.
"TAXES??!!!" Every pony shrieked in unison.
"They'll be sent directly to my bank account from your gross income until it is enough for me to pay for all the damages caused in that store!!!" Twilight continued in anger. "Until then, you might as think about what you have all done!!"
"Uh oh?!" Celestia gasped in horror.
"And besides, I owe their manager a really big reimbursement because of you imbeciles!!!"
Great story!
Will Twilight be shopping for a hammer next?
10416438
I can’t....I can’t think about that right now.
*shudder*
10416470
Maybe if no pony else was with her!!!
"Don't worry," said Celestia. "I bought a multi-pack of light bulbs, so you can have one of mine."
"Oh, thank goodness," said Twilight with a deep huff of frustration. "You can't believe how much this means... Wait a minute. Is this some kind of joke?" She looked at the giant head-sized lightbulb that Celestia floated over to her. "A terawatt bulb? That's insane! You could light all of Equestria with a bulb this--"
Her eyes slowly tracked up to the sun above, then back down to Her Royal Highness, Princess of the Sun, who was passing a bag containing some smaller boxes over to her sister. "No."
"Oh, good," said Luna with her nose in the bag. "You got the twinkly kind. And enough to make three or four new constellations, too. Thank you, dearest sister."
LOL poor Twilight
Yes! This is what I needed!
I'd imagine Celestia would've been the Karen to end all managers.
I'm convinced you work at a home depot.
Very silly fun, bravo.
10416844
Never have actually! Though I did apply a few times when I was younger.
Btw do you need any assistance today?
10416972
Nah, you just captured a Home Depot employee's everyday life.
10416479
All ponykind need to sknow the truth...
You can also find allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tacks, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers!
10416438
OK who did she sat on with her big ass
10417426
A classic!
10417426
I cannot begin to imagine how long it took you to write all that.
Now this is fun for the whole family! Sweetness, adorableness, craziness, absolutely everything just put in and mixed for one heck of a great resulting story! Awesome! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a lil' reading on this fic of yours! :D
Audio Linky!: https://youtu.be/fAyHl8oOK_M
(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)
As someone who works in a hardware store, I can't help but sympathize for those employees. This is especially the case because I'm a janitor in a hardware store, and as a janitor, I'd be the one who had to clean that mess up. Okay, everyone would clean it up, but I'd be in charge of cleaning the most unpleasant parts. This is in addition to the normal duties of cleaning the bathrooms, too.
10417656
Omygosh really?! I'm so honored!
Darn. I went to watch/listen and it hasn't premiered yet
But I will definitely be checking that out.
10416438
10416479
WE NEED ANSWERS BOI!!!
10417790
The Truth
10417209
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FwtC-1bpx0
Because the prior link to the song was insufficiently equine.
Another great one:
I really think you should put the
in a authors note at the end of the fic, it kinda spoils some of the jokes if ya look at it beforehand.
P.S.-
10418618
Noted. Didn't think of that.
10416438
Something that made an employee cry. Probably with a trauma to add as well.
10417426
you forgot the full bridge rectifiers.
Tia what have I said about playing with the 26 TeraWatt bulbs in the store?
Waaaaaaaaaaaaat
10416479
Think about it for us. Or we'll have to think it for you.
... Who knows what depraved horrors our mind might bring upon you?
At least the Crusaders didn't find the automatic circumcisers.
Fillies don't need cigar cutters, after all.
Alondro is welcome in all stores, for he is perfectly perfect in every way.
Except for that ONE store... it knows which one it is!
There were more characters in the meme so we need a part two where twilight sends the young 6 to get those light bulbs and almost the same thing happen but smolder actually buys the bulbs
10417656
I think I know what celestia did... It involves the toilets.
10416438
Maybe she did something to one of the employees that convinced their manager to sue her big time.
Such unreasonable hilarity. Thank you for this!
10421149
They can just ask Snips. He has a mohel cutiemark.
10490006
Fun fact: Al didn't make up the tool name. They really are used for cigars.
And sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar. :)
So silly
10417426
I am so glad I’m not the only person who immediately thought of that.