• Member Since 6th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 11th, 2017

StressmanFIN


T

Almost a year has passed since Haj-Ei the Dragonborn defeated Alduin in Sovngarde and Skyrim has enjoyed the era of peace and prosperity. But when Sanguine the prince of Debauchery invites him to a party to celebrate the anniversary of his victory, he quickly learns that alcohol and Oblivion-gate spells do Not mix as the following night he has a strange dream about colorful horses.
He only wished it would've remained but a dream...
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A/N: First attempt at fanfic after reading some amazing stories at this very site, vote fairly and tell me where i screwed up if i so did. I am trying to learn here afterall, peace.
Also tags/Characters might be subject to change as story progresses.

Feeble cover art made by me.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 34 )

Welp, there you go, my first story.
Decided to publish 2 chapters at once to get you your daily dose of Skyrim AND ponies in one dose. Do tell me what you think and if i screwed up somewhere, let me know.

I already have the idea for 3rd chapter but i decided to stop here for awhile to get some feedback. so HIT ME. :pinkiehappy:

PS. This story was inspired by Even farther from home by Techwolf

Gotta say skyrim got me intrigued you obviously know your videogame I saw no real spelling errors nice pacing as far as im concerned a clear antagonist as well as some foreshadowing all in all I gotta say great job im looking foreward to more

Although I do have one complaint WOOD ELVES ALL THE WAY

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Let it be known I am a HUGE fan of the Argonians, I even play as one, named Calls-In-Fury. Your story seems pretty good, a few grammatical mistakes but a solid premise. Also, screw the Altmeri Dominon. BTW, did you know there are Altmeri dissidents, who openly serve the Empire and hate the Altmeri Dominion? :pinkiehappy:

I will read this later.

And personaly, it is geting a bit boring whit having the dovakiin caracter whit armour everytime as story picture.

Why is it always armour?

You know what time it is kids?

IT'S REVIEWIN' TIME
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Alrighty. Let's start with the technical standpoint.

Spelling seems to hold up okay. Your grammar needs a bit of a touch-up, though. Capitalising your I's are the biggest fault, with occasional slip-ups throughout. Run-on sentences are fairly common too. Might wanna break them up a bit, yeah?

On a story front, it's... mixed.
I've read several Dohvakiin In Equestria fics, and I don't think I've ever really liked one. Most because of the way they portrayed the Dohvakiin, and quite a few due to technical limitations.
The arrival due to a mischievousness Daedric Prince has been done before, but not that often (usually Sheogorath too). The fact that he arrived drunk is a nice twist that I don't think I've seen before.
As for the characters, the Dohvakiin I'm okay with, but the ponies seem... odd. Not out of character mind, just odd. Robotic, maybe? It's hard to put into words.
Also, the main character talking to himself seemed out of place. Internal monologues are better for that sort of thing, methinks.

Overall Judgement:

Decent. Grab yourself a pre-reader/editor to help catch the Grammar problems. Story itself is okay, but be wary of becoming generic.
There are plenty of groups out there who are willing and able to help new authors like yourself. Don't be shy in asking for their help.

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Choo Choo (softly) Motherfuckers
~ TWE Co-founder

1307592 Pacing was good? :rainbowhuh:
I was worried that i might've actually dragged it on needlessly, thx for the comment. :twilightsmile:

1307660 To each his own, but yea, Argonians are my favourite too and yes screw those superiority complexed elves all the way to oblivion. :twilightangry2:

1307779 What's wrong with armor? :twilightsheepish:
Daedric looks as kickass as ever but i understand that sometimes you make choices not everyone will like. :scootangel:

1308101
Common clothing on the caracter atleas once is to much to ask for?
I have not anything big against armor but it is geting boring to only see that.
Why always having the armour on ones caracter? It is not needed all the time.

You have my attention....Proceed.

More of a kahjit fan myself but still good story add more make him be sligtly drunk when he wakes up its funny to see him drunk

1308101 I wasnt bored while reading you didnt stop to talk about some random thing for ten minutes like some other people most everything was plot relevant

1311294 Tell that to the business end of my bow

There are some problems, mostly technical. For instance, the letter "i", should be capitalized when referring to the first person. From this fic:

'Am i dead?'

would be more properly rendered

'Am I dead?'

Also, when you have dialogue, the next word, unless a proper noun, is not capitalized. And unless the dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point, you're supposed to put a comma at the end of the dialogue. For instance

"My faithful worshippers." He began

should be

"My faithful worshippers," he began

There are situations where this does not hold true, but for the most part, this is the case.
That aside, the story seems good enough.

MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When is the next chapter coming out?! HUH HUH HUH:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

especially the part about a female Dunmer mage practicing her spells on him.

Oh gods, that was a nightmare. :rainbowlaugh:
Also, 1307592 and 1311294 , Argonians can breath underwater. Your arguments are invalid.

1832057 im like 98% sure arrows can pierce the water

What do those words he use do again?
Anyway, this looks good so far. Keep it up.

please let there be more chapters coming soon.

if not then Fluttershy will cry and you dont want that.:fluttershysad:

Ist official, I want MOARRRRRRRRRRRRRR:flutterrage:

Comment posted by trickypentagram deleted Oct 25th, 2013

1308101 Wait an actual dragon born who has a great story line and good pacing? :rainbowhuh:
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Can i please have some more?

You sir have earned my like/favorite. keep up the good work! that is no option.:ajsmug:

this looks to have great potential. i very hope to see more of it.
that said, judging by the date of the last update i can only assume it is cancelled. it would be nice to know for sure though.

1832079 well you're wrong because arrows cant pierce water as they uselessly float away

3611654

I know this is somewhat pointless given that you posted this message over 7 weeks ago, but I cannot help myself.

When I see stupidity that Overwhelms me as much as This I feel it my duty to point it out.

I'd like to first start off by making sure you don't think arrows can't pierce water in real life as well as in skyrim, because that would be sad.

I'd also like to say that I doubt your skyrim experience, you're more than likely a novice(game difficulty) scrub who can't even use a bow properly, I however am not.

So let me just say, Yes. Arrows can pierce through water in skyrim, and In real life.

It's not as Effective No, and it's very difficult to get an accurate bead on what your aiming at in the water 99 times out of 100 But It is none the less, possible.

God, what a waste of my time... thank god I have so much of it to throw away.

3887893 i was making a reference to the games physics and i honestly did not know arrows can't pierce water as archers never seem to hit me underwater

Wen will the next update be out?

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