Luna is a detective and here to solve the case
Credits to the person who created the art and My Little Pastafarian for giving me this idea to write.
And based on detective noir and wait for more episodes.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 12th Jul, 2020
- offline last seen Oct 11th, 2022
Phantomdude333
I am a fanfic writer and I write mostly about Luna
Phantomdude333
Joined 12th Jul, 2020 ·
Offline
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English
I like it
Aww you did use my idea. Yay! Have fun writing!
I was thinking of reading actual Noir today, but I'll just read this instead and save myself 900K words.
Basically the same anyways, why was the dog stolen?
Hell if I'll ever know?
Important thing is that I'm dead inside, and it's all thanks to you!
You spelled tail as tale, somewhere in that masterpiece and I adore you for it!
10/infinity.
My ass has been stolen and I love it!
As others have said, this story needs work, lots of it. However, I’m not going to yell at you how terrible the story is or that you should get an editor—even though getting an editor is always a good choice, and I highly recommend every author does so. Many editors lurk in this group.
However, there are many things that you can fix about the story yourself. The idea behind it is somewhat simple, yet funny. The main issue is the execution. First and foremost, make sure to start every new standalone sentence with a capital letter and end it with a proper punctuation mark. That alone will extremely improve the text’s readability. Furthermore, names of characters and places as well as other proper nouns are always capitalised, always. Also, make sure that paragraphs are fully separated from each other, like I’m about to do now.
Another issue that your story has is that it moves forward so fast that the readers struggle to grasp what’s going on, and thus they cannot get invested in the story and truly enjoy it. The basic trick to this is simple. Slow down and include some extra details to make the scene more vivid and give it time to set in. Use varied sentence length to affect how fast the story moves forward—short, almost choppy sentences make the pace faster, which is great for tense moments. Moments of calmness benefit from longer sentences with more information.
Of course, this doesn’t cover all of the issues, but it should give you a decent idea of what you can do to improve so that you’ll not get as much hate in the comments. Let me know if anything I said above was unclear or if you have any additional questions.