• Published 27th Aug 2012
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The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo - defender2222



Everyone wonders what Scootaloo's story is. Apparently, everypony in Ponyville has their own answer

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Spike

No one would ever say that Spike had a normal life. The mere fact that he was a baby dragon who lived with ponies shot that idea right out of the water. If one were to add the fact that he was the '#1 Assistant' to Princess Celestia's protégée, then normal became an utterly laughable concept.

The fact that said protégée was Twilight Sparkle...well, that made the idea of calling Spike's life normal more outrageous than saying Princess Celestia was secretly Discord's baby mama (though, if one were to listen to a certain gossipy baker…).

Said baby dragon was about half way through the checklist Twilight had left him when the door to the library slammed open and the purple unicorn stomped through, muttering about gossip and where foals came from. Spike, being a wise little assistant, quickly hurried down the ladder he had been standing on and dashed into the kitchen to get Twilight some water. Whenever his friend went on a tear it was always wise to get her something to drink, lest she blow out her vocal cords from screaming in frustration.

Setting the cup of water on Twilight's desk (and clearing away the many scrolls and papers that had accumulated on its surface over the last few days) Spike went back to cleaning, knowing that Twilight would talk to him when she was ready. Pressing the subject would only turn her frustrations on him and the baby dragon was not interested in becoming a bucking-bag for the upset unicorn.

Ten minutes ticked by before Twilight finally stopped grumbling to herself. All the energy seemed to leave her and Twilight sat down on the floor with an unladylike "pwomp!", her head slowly drifting down and her eyelids growing heavy. She wasn't sleepy, of course; Spike had come to learn early on in their relationship that Twilight had stages of frustration much like there were stages of grief: Disbelief, Mania, Rage, Reflection, and Acceptance/Alteration. She was firmly in Stage 4, which was the best time to ask her about her problems. If Spike waited too long Twilight would either decide to brush the problem aside, or worse, come to the conclusion that she had to ‘fix’ the issue herself.

That...would lead to bad things.

"Hey Twilight," Spike said softly, setting his feather duster aside and walking over to his friend, patting her on the shoulder. "You ok?"

"Yeah...just a tiny bit frustrated, Spike." Wisely, the young dragon decided not to make one of the hundred jokes that were begging to leap off his tongue. He hadn't survived being around 6 powerful mares by shooting his mouth off.

Instead, Spike sat down next to her, playing with his tail (which wasn’t as naughty as it sounded) as he waited for her to work up the nerve to talk about what was bothering her.

"I kinda...blew up over at Sugarcube Corner."

"...did your mane catch on fire?"

"No, nothing that bad." Twilight missed the grin that burst onto Spike's face; Lyra had lost their bet about Twilight’s next freak-out and she owed him 10 bits. "I just got so mad at the Cakes...ooohh, I'll never be able to show my face in there again!" Twilight (gently) laid her head on the table and whimpered, a blush creeping along her cheeks as she remembered all the eyes staring at her as she screamed about reproduction.

"So what made you lose your cool? Did someone insult you mane?"

"No," Twilight said sullenly.

"Did they point out that weird thing you do when you eat a brownie?"

"No, they...wait, what weird-"

"Did somepony make a crack about your weight?"

"Are you saying I'm fat?!"

Spike, realizing that he was stepping onto unsteady ground quickly backpedaled. "Because they would be wrong to do any of that! You want me to give them a little of the one-two-one?" He did a quick shadow box move and Twilight laughed at his gusto.

"No need for that, Spike." It was clear that Twilight felt a bit better after the giggle and Spike couldn't help but beam. "It's just really silly. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"What did the Cakes do?" Spike asked, scooting a bit closer to her.

"They said Scootaloo was Rarity and Applejack's daughter. Can you imagine that?” Twilight scoffed at the notion and the ‘evidence’ the two had offered. “They even begin describing the two of them making out in Applejack's kitchen…kissing each other and playing with their manes and-“ Twilight blinked, seeing that Spike was stared into nothingness, a droplet of drool leaking out of his mouth while he stroked his tail (which was just as naughty as it sounded). "Spike? Spike? SPIKE!"

"Don't stop girls! I'll just watch!" Spike quickly exclaimed.

"Ewwww!" Twilight squealed, shoving him away. "That is sick Spike!"

The baby dragon hauled himself up, shaking his head in a desperate attempt to clear the visions of Applejack and his beloved Rarity rolling about the floor, lips pressed together...maybe some honey fell over and poured all over their flanks and they had to lick...

"SPIKE!" Twilight roared.

Shaking his head, Spike stored the daydream away for another time. "Sorry Twilight, didn't mean to doze off. Just…thinking how vile and horrible that thought was!"

"Sure," Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

"There is no way though that Scootaloo is Rarity and Applejack's kid,” Spike said casually, climbing up onto the table. He figured that was a better resting spot, as it would make it difficult for Twilight to shove him if he did something stupid.

Twilight grinned, glad somecreature was FINALLY on her side. "Exactly! I mean, the biological-"

"Well, that is true," Spike interrupted, not wanting another lecture on the creation of foals. Twilight had given him ‘the talk’ a year ago…it had involved a slide show, several Venn diagrams and Twilight stuttering through the entire thing (when she wasn’t running back to her books muttering “No way is that right! Who would put THAT there?”). It had taken three private letters to Princess Celestia before the dragon finally understood half of what the unicorn had been trying to tell him. "But I meant that I know all about Scootaloo and I never heard about her being related to Rarity or Applejack."

"You know about Scootaloo's past?" Twilight asked, interest piqued. "I mean, I never really thought about it before, but it is kinda weird...she just showed up one day and we all accepted her as Applebloom and Sweetie Belle's friend. But I've never seen her parents or heard if she had any brothers or sisters..."

"Well, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that she was raised in Canterlot."

"I didn't know she lived there! Did you run into her on the street or something, Spike?"

"No way, Twilight! Scootaloo was too busy training."

"Training?"

"You know...to be a spy."

Twilight blinked and Spike launched into his story before she could protest.

~2 years ago~

My name is Scootaloo. All my life I have been trained for one simple task: to serve and protect Equestria. I do this not as a soldier or a politician but as a covert agent in her Majesty Princess Celestia's secret service. I work in the shadows, protecting the innocent so that they might never know about the true danger that lurks within this land. It is better that way...if they knew even a fifth of what I did none of them would ever leave their homes.

I began my training when I was just a foal. I was selected by the Princess herself and every day my instructors forged my body into the ultimate weapon. My mind was strengthened too; I learned to out-think my opponents and lead them to believe that the pony they were battling was something beyond the norm.

"Wait, why is this in first person?"

"Because it is cooler that way, Twilight!"

"What does cool-"

I had just gotten back from dealing with a terrorist cell located on a nameless island in the Mareatine Sea and I had been looking forward to a well earned break. Fate, it seemed, was not on my side, because I barely got to my apartment ("She's only 10 years old and she has an apartment?") when a scroll magically appeared in my hooves. Only two ponies know the counter-spell to get beyond my wards and I knew it wasn't my landlady sending me yet another past due notice.

A picture of a fierce looking albino lion in a business suit slipped from the scroll and landed at my hooves. I barely glanced at the photo before focusing on the message pertaining to it.

'Agent Scootaloo: This is The Ghost, a rising warlord in Zebrica. He has recently been attacking trade routes within Zebrica's northern desert. Equestria relies upon these routes to bring in the finest silks from Camarabia. It has been determined that removal of The Ghost would result in instability within the region, something neither we nor our allies can accept. The Ghost has made, through agents of ours, offers to turn a blind eye to our trains in return for funds. We are not authorized at this time to make such an offer publicly. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to travel to Zebrica and deliver an unauthorized payment to The Ghost. You are scheduled to meet Luna at 1400 hours. If you are captured or killed Equestria will deny all knowledge of you or your acts. This scroll will self destruct in 5 seconds.'

"Uh, Spike..."

~MC~MC~MC~

Spike looked at Twilight, brow furrowed. He had just been getting to the juicy part of his tale when his friend had decided to interrupt him mid-stream. "What's the matter?”

"Spike, none of this makes any sense."

"What do you mean?"

Twilight gave him a cool look, one normally reserved for only the most evil of beings: ponies that brought back overdue library books. "First off, I doubt Princess Celestia would use children as spies."

Spike wagged his finger at her, a sly smile on his lips. "But that is the beauty of it, Twilight! No one would suspect a child to be a spy! It is the perfect cover!"

"Spike..."

The baby dragon folded his arms over his chest, giving her a cocky look. "Just admit it's the perfect cover."

Twilight rolled her eyes, the headache she had gained from bashing her head against the table coming back with the rage of a thousand hammers. "Alright fine, it is the perfect cover." She jabbed at the dragon with her hoof before he had a chance to get too smug. "But there are other problems with your story."

"Such as?"

"Equestria doesn't have any trade routes in Zebrica. No one in Ponyville even knew what a zebra was, remember? And suddenly they are our biggest trading partner and require child spies to go and help them out? No Spike…there are simply no trade routes."

"...that's what the government would want you to think,” Spike said quickly, clearly pleased with his answer. “Of course we would have trade routes there; no one would suspect-“

“-and that makes it the perfect cover,” Twilight droned. She gave her #1 Assistant a glare so icy that had a polar bear seen it he would have screamed in agony before turning into a Popsicle. Spike, luckily, was too naive to realize just how much danger he was in and continued on with his story, while Twilight looked down at the table and wondered if it would be wise to grab a pillow before she began slamming her head against it.

~MC~MC~MC~

Tech people always creep spies out. They never go out into the field, they never shoot a gun, and they are more scared about one of their precious gadgets getting broken than you taking a bullet to the flank.

“We ask thee to get out of thine quarters!”

“Thine? That isn’t even a word.”

I rolled my eyes as I entered Luna’s lab, sidestepping all the gadgets and gizmos she had in various states of repair. Wagons, flying machines, various bubbling vials and mystical elements all fought for space on her crowded shelves and I knew that if I wasn’t careful I’d accidentally turn myself into a frog or blow a hole through the castle wall. There were already several such holes the lab, each one boarded up in haste so Luna could get back to her experiments in peace.

“I’m here under orders, Luna,” I told her, making my way towards the back of the room. Luna was standing near a twisted frame that looked like a cross between a bunny rabbit and a wagon.

“We demand thee leave us, Agent Scootaloo, for we are thinely working on our masterpiece!”

“Again, thine is not a word and neither is thinely. Hold on, I’m going to get my dictionary.”

“That’s great, but I really need my gear and I doubt your sister will be happy if I can’t complete my mission…”

“Fine fine…to the secret lab!” Luna led me over to a large statue of Celestia that at once was terrifying and breathtaking. “Thinelestly pull the lever!” I did as I was commanded, knowing that not doing so would only lead to pouting on the part of the Princess/mad scientist. The two of us fell through a trap door and landed in a small cart with a bar in the front that secured us.

“Please stay seated at all times,” a voice droned as Luna licked her hoof and then made sure her mane was sticking straight back. The next instant we were plummeting through darkness, the cart spinning and rocking as we rode the track down deep under Canterlot. With a final jolt we were thrown in the air, landing in her lab now donning white lab coats, long black hoofgloves and dark-tinted goggles. Luna held up her hoof and I clanked it with mine-

“Ha! Just as I thought! Thine is not a word!”

“OW!”

~MC~MC~MC~

Spike rubbed his sore nose, pushing the dictionary away. “Ok, Twilight, ok…thine is not a word, I get it…geez. Don’t need to shove the book in my face.”

“Glad we could get that settled,” Twilight said, giving the book a once over. “Spike didn’t hurt you, did he little dictionary? Shhh, it’s ok, I’ll put you back in your home.” Still happily murmuring to the book, Twilight trotted back to the bookshelf and placing the dictionary where it belonged (and Spike began to question his friend’s sanity). “Now then…” She turned, one eyebrow raised as she zoomed back over to Spike and examined him about as carefully as Rarity would inspect a diamond for flaws. “Spike…just how much of this story do you know is 100% true?”

“Uh…what do you mean?” Spike asked sheepishly.

Twilight leaned in even closer, forcing Spike to bend back so far he was sure his spine would snap. “How do you know about the secret labs and spy missions?”

“Well…I heard bits and pieces…but for the rest I just…assumed…”

“You’re guessing.”

“Scientists call that creating a theory. So I made a theory! You do it all the time!”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “So you created a theory…that Princess Luna…who had been trapped on the moon for a thousand years until two years ago…is a genius inventor who is building gadgets no pony has ever thought of before?”

“…well, yeah.” Spike began to talk quickly, realizing he only had moments before Twilight snapped. “I just figured she had to be really smart! I mean, look at all the inventions you have in your lab!”

“What does my lab have to do with Princess Luna?”

“Well, I figured since she’s your mother-“

“Princess Luna isn’t my mother!” Twilight roared, the ends of her mane beginning to sizzle.

“Oh…right…right…” Spike said hurriedly, before whispering, “Nightmare Moon is.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing! Now, back to the story…theory...back to the theory!”

"And by the way, that isn't a theory, that is a hypothesis. A theory-"

~MC~MC~MC~

If you are looking for a place where you can relax, have a good drink and see a show, I would recommend Manehattan’s east side. They have plenty of bars and while most of the plays I went to were merely a chance to get information about a target, what I did manage to retain seemed rather positive. And the hotels are to die for.

However, if you’re looking for a place to get eaten up by mosquitoes while Celestia’s sun burns your skin to a crisp and the water gives you the trots, then I guess Zebrica is the place to go. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’d been waiting in The Ghost’s hotel room for about 15 minutes. That’s the thing about being a spy all the books and plays don’t tell you about: 90% of it is waiting. You wait for your contact, you wait for a target, you wait for your ride and you wait for the doctor to dig a bullet out of you. The trick to keep yourself from cracking is to find something to keep your mind occupied. I try and remember all the words to Boarhemian Rhapsody. A bit silly, I admit, but better than nothing.

The Ghost was an up-and-coming warlord and I didn’t need Celestia’s scroll to tell me that. Warlords are a lot like the rich spoiled brats in Canterlot: they have way too much gold in their house, they wear horribly impractical clothing, and they have a ton of ponies that hang around them doing nothing. Of course, the friends of the snobs aren’t packing spells in their horns designed to turn a pegasus into a pincushion.

“Ah, I say hello to Ms. Scootaloo! How wonderful it is to be seeing you!”

“Spike, not everycreature from Zebrica does the rhyming thing.”

~MC~MC~MC~

Spike blinked, looking at Twilight like she had just revealed that Celestia didn’t move the sun and in fact the world rotated around the fiery orb (which was crazy talk). “They don’t?”

“Of course, Spike. Did you honestly think every zebra talked like Zecora?”

“….no…” Spike said, before muttering, “Thank Celestia, I didn’t know how I was going to come up with more rhymes.”

“Why would you have to come up with more rhymes?” Twilight asked, giving him a critical eye. Spike wondered if she was truly believing his awesome theory or if she was just humoring him, letting him dig himself deeper and deeper before rolling a rock over the hole and leaving him to die. “I thought you were telling me about Scootaloo’s origins…not making up-“

“Well, like I said, no one but her was there for most of it, so I have to… fill in the detail. Give it some color,” Spike said quickly. “Now then…”

~MC~MC~MC~

“How are you, my new friend!” The Ghost said, giving me a hardy pawshake (“Considering how small she is it must have left her rather dizzy…”). I, for my part, did all I could not to wipe my hoof in an attempt to get whatever lotion The Ghost used off my body.

“I’m not your friend, Ghost. I’m just a filly delivering some bits.”

“Of course, of course,” The Ghost said, leaning in close. I could smell the odor of death on his breath and I forced myself not to gag. “Now…about my bits?”

“Right…” I closed my eyes, quickly whispering the transporter spell that Luna had given me-

“Oh, so it isn’t enough that she is a spy, she also has magic?”

“Of course! Would be silly if she didn’t!”

“Yeah…silly.”

I was giving the hangers-on one of my normal “please don’t blast me” smiles when the scroll appeared in a flash of light. I blinked, not quite sure what to make of it. I had been expecting a bag of bits, not a scroll. Quickly opening it, I felt something I had not felt in a long time: Fear.

‘We have just received a burn notice on you, Scootaloo. You’ve been blacklisted…I’m sorry

-Luna’

A burn notice. When your government wants to get rid of you they don’t fire you or throw you a retirement party. They burn you: freeze all your assets, cut you off from all your contacts and, if they are feeling really mean about it, leave you in a room full of killers.

“Uh…those funds might be a bit late,” I said with a grin. As a sea of angry faces and glowing horns began to swarm me, I quickly reached into my bag and pulling out my only means of escape: my trusty scooter. My wings buzzed as I took off, smashing through a window and onto the street-

“Ok Spike, just stop.”

~MC~MC~MC~

The baby dragon looked down at his friend from where he stood on the table, pretending he was riding an invisible scooter. His lips had long since stopped making engine noises and he was wondering why Twilight had paused such a killer story to just stare at him.

“Spike…that is the most ridiculous story I’ve heard in a long time.” Twilight used her magic to lift him off the table and set him back on the ground. She then gave the table a look usually reserved for the spotting of long-lost lovers. However, she managed to fight the urge to let her rage out and instead turned back to stare at her friend. “I have never heard a crazier, more outlandish story in my life and anypony who thinks THAT is true needs their head examined.”

“…but it was cool, right?”

WHAM WHAM WHAM!

Apparently her resolve wasn’t as strong as she thought.

“Twilight, you ok?”

The unicorn looked at Spike, her eyes swirling a bit. She stumbled slightly, a delirious grin gracing her lips. “Per…perfectly fine Spike…actually s-starting to enjoy it!”

“Uh…whatever you say Twilight…” Spike said, slowly backing away from the obviously deranged unicorn. The great whomp she had taken had caused all the smaller bumps on her head to pop back out and to Spike it looked like Twilight was suffering from some horrible disease…of course, considering the fact that she was reacting to his cool story by banging her head against a table…

“Dear…Dear Princess…Celestia…did you know you need a stallion and a mare…to make a foal?”

“Twilight…what are you…”

The unicorn, dazed by her repeated blows to the head, slowly began to wander towards the door, mumbling about ‘shipping’ and ‘spies’ and ‘Scootaloo’. Spike cringed as Twilight walked straight into a wall and just kept trotting forward, as if trying to burrow her way out.

“Uh....let me get the door for you Twilight…” Spike said quickly. Twilight mumbled something about ‘rumors’ and began to stumble away, her horn every once and a while letting off a spark of magic. It reminded him of Berry Punch after the last Ponyville Singles Mixer. “Hey Twilight, if I can have the day off…smash into that tree,” he whispered.

WHAM!

“Yes!” Spike exclaimed, pumping his fist, only for the feather duster to magically return to his hands. “Awwwww…”

Author's Note:

Director's Commentary: As I stated in the comments below, this chapter was the make or break chapter for the entire fic. I knew that this would set the tone and either see it become a wild success or have people demanding I only do different shipping stories. Honestly, I did consider just focusing on shipping but decided that I had too many good ideas to focus on just shipping.

How I set up this story is rather interesting. I have a small notebook I carry in my pocket and whenever I came up with a new origin I'd write it down, roughly about 5 words or less. Then, I would go through and list which ponies I wanted to play with... and then I would match them to the story. There are several I wanted to include (such as Mayor Mare and Big Mac) but I just never got around to it.

As I write this, I can think of some fun ones I would have loved to do... Granny Smith would have probably told a Shaggy Dog story that had nothing to do with Scootaloo and ended with Twilight just leaving.

References: Burn Notice and Emperor's New Groove are the main two