Twilight Sparkle
"Take me on, take on me, I'll...be...gone..."
Twilight could not get the song out of her head. It was her own fault, trusting Pinkie to use whatever strange Pinkie magic she had that allowed her to warp about to get them both home. The moment she had been pulled into the potted plant Twilight had found herself in a strange world where her and her friend looked like they were pencil sketches. They'd been chased through an empty hallway by ponies in black outfits and helmets, all the while the song that currently was buzzing through Twilight's brain cells had played overhead.
Once they had reappeared in the library Twilight had shooed her friend away and went about getting ready for bed. The long day had left her utterly exhausted and Twilight was so happy to find the note Spike had left, stating he was spending the night at Rarity's place.
'Finally, a night all to myself...no crazy theories, no insane stories about Scootaloo, no talk about me and Princess Luna or brownies or tables...just sleep!'
"By Celestia you are boring!"
'Well...me and apparently my reflection which has suddenly become sentient,' Twilight thought as she slowly turned towards the mirror.
Mirror Twilight looked at her in disgust, rolling her eyes. "Geez, we look so boring! Would it kill you to put on some makeup? If not for you then at least for my sake!" The image in the mirror rippled, Mirror Twilight altering herself to be 'less boring'. Twilight gasped at her doppelganger's transformation, her mind suddenly doing loop-the-loops.
Mirror Twilight's mane and tail were now in cornrows, each braid capped with a glittery bead. She had slathering makeup on till she looked like a Manehattan wild-filly. She wore gaudy golden shoes and earrings in the shape of her cutie mark dangled from her ears. Topping the entire look was the look of utter disdain that graced her features.
"What...you think that actually looks good?"
"Tartarus yes!" Mirror Twilight said, using her magic to pull out a cigarette. Even her voice had changed, dropping an octave and losing all sense of proper dictation. "All the stallions love it when we dress like this!"
"I have NEVER dressed like that."
Mirror Twilight laughed. "Oh Twilight, Twilight, Twilight...did Celestia get you good!"
"What are you talking about?" Twilight snapped at her reflection. "Wait, why am I arguing with you...you aren't real! You're not scientifically possible!"
"You sure about that?" Mirror Twilight asked. "Who is to say what is real and what isn't real? You didn't think time travel was real and now you know better. Maybe I've spent way too much time watching you ruin our life that I gained sentience just to slap some sense into you!" Mirror Twilight licked her lips lewdly. "Or maybe you're just crazy. Could be both or neither."
"Let's assume you are real," Twilight said darkly, trying not to think about the prospect that she might be nuts. "Why would my reflection look so..."
"Beautiful? Gorgeous?"
"Slutty."
Mirror Twilight gasped in glee. "Why thank you! I was going to for slutty but you can never tell if you managed to pull it off. Especially since I can't exactly look in a mirror since, duh, I am a mirror."
"Still haven't answered my question," Twilight grunted.
Mirror Twilight cackled. "Oh, come off it, nerdy bird! I can't believe Celestia managed to rattle your brain so much that you don't remember the real you."
"I am the real me."'
"But ya ain't, Twi, ya ain't!" Mirror Twilight mocked. "I am."
"Ponyfeathers."
"Gasp!" Mirror Twilight said sarcastically, placing a hoof on her chest. "Do you kiss your dictionary with that mouth?"
"You leave Mr. Dictionary out of this!"
"Please, he isn’t that special. You do know that 'thine' is a word, right? It’s rather old and not used often..."
Twilight turned from her reflection, huffing in annoyance. "We are done here."
"You think it will be that easy?" Mirror Twilight said, now talking to her from Twilight's reflection in the window. "I am not going to go away that easily, not after finally getting free."
Twilight tried to turn away but found no matter which direction she turned, her reflection was always there. Finally she shut her eyes, deciding that if she didn't see the other her that she would disappear.
"No I won't," Mirror Twilight taunted just off to her left. "Come on, bookworm, just listen to what I have to say...then I'll leave ya be...scout's honor."
"I was never a scout."
"...smarter than ya look, Twi, smarter than ya look." Mirror Twilight sighed, sitting down on her haunches. "Come on...you know you want to hear what I have to say...it's about Scootaloo."
"What?" Twilight whispered.
"That got your attention! You know, some ponies are going to get the wrong idea if you keep stalking that filly."
"It isn't like...forget it. Just tell me your stupid theory about Scootaloo and then leave me alone!"
"It isn't a theory and it isn't stupid, Twi; it's all true." Mirror Twilight tilted her head to the side. "Do you know who Scootaloo is?"
"No," Twilight admitted.
"She's...you."
"...pull the other one."
Mirror Twilight laughed. "Oh, you are getting a bit testy...I love it!" Clanking her hoof against the glass, Mirror Twilight continued. "Let me paint you a picture Twilight of your past, your real past. You don't remember what you were like when you were a teenager, do you?"
"I was Celestia's student...I was learning how to perform spells and she was grooming me for a life in court-"
"WRONG!" Mirror Twilight shouted. "Let me remind you who you really were...before Celestia interfered..."
~Years Ago~
Princess Celestia knocked on her faithful student's door, concerned. She had been waiting for nearly an hour for Twilight to meet her in the library and when she hadn't shown the Princess had become concerned. Twilight had always been a model student, ever punctual and willing to go the extra mile just to make her mentor proud. For her to miss a study period was simply unheard of and Celestia feared that her precious little Twilight might have come down with-
"Pardon me!" a stocky stallion grunted as he threw open the door, staggering past a startled Celestia. The princess shook off her surprise and used a blast of magic to pin the stallion to the wall. "Whoa, you want a piece of Bed Rocker?"
"Who are you and what are you doing in my student's bedroom?" Celestia nearly snarled. "Answer me now or-"
"Aw, come on-HIC!-Tia...lay off Bed Rocker!" Celestia turned, the stallion forgotten as the princess stared at her student. Twilight's mane had been cut into a Mohawk and body piercings littered her body. Her room looked like a liquor store had exploded and the smell of cigarettes, cheap booze and sex clung to everything...including the lavender unicorn that was lewdly rubbing her flank. "After all...I did give him quite a hard night!" Twilight called from the bed.
"Twilight...what..."
"Keep your mouth open like that and I'll shove something in it...or let Bed Rocker do the shoving. He's good at that...among other things."
Celestia felt her knees buckle at the sight of her student. What had happened to the sweet little filly she had talked to just hours ago?
"Spike...Spike!" Twilight howled, rolling off the bed with a thud. "Ugh...room is spinning. Spike! Bring me my medicine."
Spike entered and Celestia choked back the scream that threatened to burst from her lips. The baby dragon was covered in tattoos and his bloodshot eyes made it appear as if he hadn't slept in weeks. He brought Twilight a bottle of booze and the unicorn used him as a bottle opener, shoving the cap in his mouth and jerking him up. She then used her magic to pop the bottle in her mouth, which she suckled like a baby.
"Help...me..." Spike whimpered.
“I would NEVER act like that!”
~MC~MC~MC~
“But ya did, Twi, ya did!” Mirror Twilight mocked. “You’ve just forgotten…thanks to Celestia.”
“What are you talking about; why do you keep saying that?”
Mirror Twilight sighed in disgust. “You really are dense, you know that? Did no one ever explain to you unicorn puberty.”
“…you mean how every month I-“
“No, not that,” Mirror Twilight complained. “All ponies with a horn, be they unicorns or alicorns, go through a wild child phase during their teens. Their magic simply becomes too much for them and they…well, their egos go into overdrive. They become reckless creatures obsessed with sex and drugs and rock-n-roll.”
“Rock-n-roll…really?”
“Hey, I didn’t come up with this stuff, I’m just the messenger!” Mirror Twilight complained. “Anyway, think of it like how most teenagers are, only boosted to 1000%.”
Twilight frowned. “If this happens all the time, why haven’t I heard about it or read about it?”
“No pony talks about it because it is embarrassing. You think Prince Blueblood wants ponies knowing he went a few years wearing faux-leather and listening the speed metal? All unicorns just keep quiet about it. Heck, most of the time it isn’t even that big of a deal. The strength of the ego is related to one’s magic…take our brother, Shiny. He hardly changed at all, just got a bit more crazy and he focused a bit more on sex than most stallions do.”
“First, ew. Second, you honestly think our…I mean MY brother was like that? Shining Armor is a true gentlecolt and would never be obsessed with sex.”
~Meanwhile, in Canterlot~
Shining Armor stood on top of Canterlot Castle, staring out at the city. After Twilight had left, he and Cadence…well, the things his wife had done…sometimes something beautiful happens in this world…Shining didn't know how to express himself…so…he just had to sing…
Shining Armor
I JUST HAD SEX!
And it felt so good!
A mare let me put my junk inside of her!
I just had sex!
And I’ll never go back!
To not having sex is a thing of the past!
Celestia looked up from her balcony, frowning before she turned to her sister. “Should we tell Cadence about this?”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Who do you think is singing backup for him?
Princess Cadence and Shining Armor
WE JUST HAD SEX!
And our dreams came true!
If you just had sex in the last 30 minutes
Then you qualify to sing with us!
Celestia sighed. “Utterly disgraceful…wait…why is that gray pegasus up there…?”
Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, Derpy, Doctor Whooves, Tydal, half of the Wonderbolts, Gilda and Trixie
WE JUST HAD SEX!
And it felt so good!
A mare let a stallion put his junk inside of her!
We just had sex!
And we'll never go back!
To not having sex is a thing of the past!
~MC~MC~MC~
“Yeah, he’s a saint,” Mirror Twilight said drolly.
“None of this makes any sense and I don’t see the point to this…silliness!”
"The point is, Twilight, an increased sex drive and a need to rebel is perfectly fine if you are a regular unicorn. The problems arise when you are as powerful as we are..."
"We go into overdrive?" Twilight questioned.
"Ding ding ding!" Mirror Twilight said sarcastically. "Right on the bulls-eye. But that isn't the worst problem."
"And that is...what exactly?'
Mirror Twilight grinned. "Have you ever heard the saying, 'Once you go black, you never go back?'"
"Of course. It refers to the idea that once you go down the dark side of magic, forever will it dominate your destiny. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
"And suffering leads to really bad country songs," Mirror Twilight snarked.
"So you are trying to claim...what, exactly?"
"Nothing. I claim nothing. I am stating for a fact that we got a taste of being bad and loved it. Would have become like mom and been the new Nightmare Moon...or a stripper. Really they are the same thing when you think about it..."
"Nightmare Moon is not our mother," Twilight snapped.
"And we eat brownies in a perfectly normal way," Mirror Twilight stated. "Well, that is what WAS going to happen to us, until little goodie four-shoes Princess Molestia got her hooves on us..."
~MC~MC~MC~
"Are you sure this is necessary?" Twilight Velvet whispered, tears in her eyes as she watched her little filly struggle against her restraints. Princess Celestia had let her and Night Light (seriously, Night Light? Who hates their kid that much?) know what was happening to their little girl and had promised that, with the right spells and procedures she could bring their Twilight Sparkle back.
Spells and Procedures: Otherwise known as occult magic and invasive surgeries.
"Trust me, Velvet, this is for the best. Do you know I caught your daughter jaywalking?"
"Well...that doesn't sound too bad..." Night Light (ugh...hate...that...name) said.
"She had just burned down an orphanage."
"Wait, why didn't the Princess lead with the orphanage thing?"
"Tartarus if I know."
Celestia gave Twilight's parents a sad smile. "trust me, this is for the best."
"Ok...do it."
Thankful they were going along with her plan, Celestia walked up to Twilight, who was cursing and ranting up a storm. "Don't worry, my faithful student, we've hired the best doctor a tiny bit of money could buy: Dr. Nick N. Cut."
A yellow unicorn with a black mane and a goatee entered, his white lab coat rustling slightly. "Hi everypony!"
"Hi Dr. Nick!" Everpony, even Twilight, called out happily.
"Now then Twilight, I have been informed you wanted a sex change operation."
Celestia shook her head. "No Doctor, Twilight is suffering from unicorn puberty."
"Uh oh...no wonder that pegasus next door was so mad...eh, Rainbow Dash will just have to live with being a mare. No worry, I'll have ya fixed up in a jiffy! Now, you might feel a slight tickling sensation..." Dr. Nick used his magic to grab what looked like a club covered in razor blades, "...when I jam this down your throat!"
"You're joking."
"Only a little, that's the screwed up thing!"
After several hours of surgery (during which Twilight was legal dead for only 3 minutes) Dr. Nick happily declared the operation a complete success.
"The most fulfilling part of all of this...is when you'll hand me my bits."
Celestia passed the cash over before walking over to her student. "Twilight, can you hear me?"
"The mirror."
"What are you-"
"THE MIRROR!"
Celestia nervously passed her student the mirror...who merely shrugged at her reflection. "Not bad...hey, can we go do some studying?"
"My little filly is ok!" Velvet exclaimed happily, rushing over and giving Twilight a hug.
"Yes, Twilight Sparkle is completely cured," Princess Celestia said, before reaching down and grabbing a small orange pegasus foal with a shock of purple hair. "Now, how do you want us to kill her evil half?"
"WHAT?!?!" Night Light and Twilight Velvet exclaimed.
Celestia frowned, setting the foal down. "I...I thought you understood: this operation took all the evil and dark energy that was growing in Twilight and turned it into a foal. Now all we have to do is throw it in a blender and Equestria will be ok."
Night Light shook his head. "You...you can't be serious...we can't kill an innocent foal!"
"But you must!" Celestia sighed. "I once thought as you did...my evil half was removed from me so I could be the goddess of the sun and she became an evil monster that nearly destroyed the world."
"You mean Princess Luna?"
"What? No! What are you, drunk? No, my evil half was called Lord Piccolo. Luckily a monkey-boy defeated him...but he then spit out an egg that became Piccolo Jr and...you know what? It's a really good story but it gets really complicated so we won't go into a lot of detail...my point is that it is a bad idea."
"You can't seriously think that innocent little foal is evil!" Night Light said.
The foal gurgled before launching herself at Dr. Nick, swallowing him whole.
"Do you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?" Velvet complained.
"It's weird, I wasn't always wrong until I got married...I wonder if there is a connection?" Night Light groused as the baby burped out a thigh bone and began to destroy lab equipment.
In the end Night Light and Twilight Velvet couldn't kill the foal, as it was a piece of their daughter...it was like her daughter, making the child, who they named Scootaloo, their granddaughter. So, they did the only decent thing they could do: They abandoned her in the Everfree and hoped for the best.
"...ok, now I know you aren't real."
~MC~MC~MC~
"How can you say that?" Mirror Twilight snarled. "What's your proof?"
"I'm not as stupid as you clearly are."
"...shoot."
Twilight blinked, realizing her reflection had gone back to normal. "...that's it, no more finding out about Scootaloo! I am done, you hear me, done!" She looked at the sky (well, her roof) and shook her hoof in anger. "You hear me! I am done and there is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise."
~1,000 years later~
"-and as you all know," a professor at the Canterlot School for Gifted Unicorns said, "those words would go down as being the dumbest thing Princess Twilight would ever say."
"Wait, I'm confused," a little pink unicorn called out. "I thought we were learning about Princess Twilight, Princess Applejack, Princess Pinkie Pie, Princess Rainbow Dash, Princess Fluttershy, and Princess Rarity..."
"We are," the professor said kindly. "The search for the origins of High Priestess Scootaloo is a very important part of the history of the Immortal Bearers' history."
"Then why did we have to learn about Prince Shining Armor and Princess Cadence singing about having sex? That had nothing to do with Princess Twilight or High Priestess Scootaloo. And why was the Dark Queen Derpy even mentioned?"
"Yeah," another student said, "and what is with that OC Tydal always popping up?"
"...shut up."
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This chapter is a perfect example of 'Things you never scripted out suddenly appearing in the chapter'. Take On Me, Slutty Twilight (originally I was going to do a Gollum parody but found the image of Jersey Shore Twilight too funny), Shining Armor's song, and Doctor Nick were completely unplanned and only occurred to me in the writing of this chapter.
I want to take a moment and let you guys know that tomorrow I plan to upload a new story that is COMPLETELY different from this one. Tentatively entitled 'Whispers in the Dark' or 'Faith and Doubt', it will be a dark drama that is the polar opposite of this story. Here is the summary:
'After her outburst at the dress rehearsal for her brother's wedding, Twilight is left alone, her friends and family abandoning her. But instead of going to talk to Cadence, Twilight returns to her room and thinks of all that has happened...and discovers a fire within her, fueled by hate and anger. Deciding she can't trust anypony, Twilight decides to go it alone, cutting all ties and seeking to prove them wrong.
As her friends watch Twilight spiral down a dark path, all of them will attempt to help her...but when their words and actions only seem to feed the growing fire, all of them realize that if they do not save Twilight soon...the next great evil in Equestria will be her. But how do you help someone that has no faith in the world?'
The story will see what happens when Twilight decides to look at everything her friends and family have done only in a negative light and decides she doesn't need them. It all stemmed from the fact that I think all the ponies got off too easy in Canterlot Wedding (especially Shining Armor...god, I really hate him). Think of it as a dark version of Dark Link's 'Post Nuptials'.
As always, any errors please let me know about.
Infinite Improbability...
Pinkie's secret is Infinite Improbability...
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FFfffff more!!!!!!!!!!! This completed my day!!!!!
......Well, I'm going to try and be dignifiphhhhhhhahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
YOU.
ARE.
A.
COMEDIC.
GENIUS!
Have a Trollestia as a trophy.
1291032
Actually she uses a Bistromath Drive. Or she would if she wasn't actually an immortal eldritch horror from beyond the beginning of time itself.
1291091
Bistormath Drive? Impossible... does Sugarcube Corner look like a quaint Italian Restaurant?
This is my favourite chapter!
Dark Queen Derpy?
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Can't find one with Derpy. Damn.
1291097
As I said, Pinkie Pie is actually an eldritch being whose body was hewn from the living bones of the First World as it was rent asunder in the creation of our current universe. She was there when the firmament took shape, and laughs at our petty mortal concepts. "Causality", "time", "space", "too much cake", these are the veils with which we shield our minds and our fragile sanity against the horrible truths of reality, and the Pink One, the Muse of Muses, the Wallbreaker, Laughter Incarnate, mocks them mercilessly and relentlessly.
So no, it doesn't look like a quaint Italian Restaurant because she's quite capable of breaking reality without Bistromath Drives or SEP fields.
1291110
Well that explains it...
Also for the author: Dark Queen Derpy? Well, she IS the Storm Queen of Equestria, the Iron Mare, Duchess of Yoke, and Baroness of a city-state on the planet Antallos (the locals are as confused at this as she is) so I guess "Dark Queen" fits into it.
1290992
I don't normally read Dark stories...
But -DAMN- if that doesn't sound interesting!
Can't wait for more :3
*Sees chapter title - first thought* Say wha?
*Second thought* Did she find another time spell?
*Finishes reading chapter - only thought - epic movie trailer voice* Who will tell Scootaloo's story next? What will their story be? Will Twilight ever get to the bottom of the whole "Nightmare Moon is Twilight's mother" thing? All these questions (except for that last one) and more will be answered next time on "The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo".
*get's halfway through typing the above questions - only thought* Wait, "Dark Queen Derpy"? This I gotta read!!!
Okay, Twi has officially lost it.
More crazy Scootaloo theories!!
R.I.P.
SkiddleZIzKewl
Found dead at his computer desk holding his sides with a massive grin on his face.
who will be next.? of the six theres still 3 left the tell a story.
. and still quite a few others
......... The Dark Queen Derpy?
I want to know more about that!
i wonder if Sweetie belle and apple bloom will share a story or have separate ones
...how do you put a mane in cornrows?
Whoooooooo! Dragonball and ponies!!!!!!!!!
Man... Celestia's evil side was kind of pathetic for a sun goddes, don't you think?
I'm in physical pain from laughter, my chest and throat hurt, last my voice and my brain also hurts at how this story actually works. Seriously I've seen no holes or problems yet and still insanely weird at the same time whats next Discords failed experiment, I dunno just . . . keep up the crazy, ya doing a mint job.
This is gonna end with scootaloo telling a story isn't it?
I guess it was only a matter of time before twilight completely lost it. MORE. I DEMAND MORE!
There should be commas around Twilight
Great, thanks a lot, jerk. Now I have Take on me stuck in my head!
1290992 hey Doctor Nick
Hello everybody
Simpsons
Call on me
1291326
Nah, it'll end with Scoots telling two or three stories, and somehow setting up a doomsday device if Twi chooses the wrong one - but she's evil, and they were ALL lies! Mwahahahahah!
... And then it explodes with cake, because she borrowed it from Pinkie and gave it a new paint job.
My reactions are as follows...
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Also the whole Princess Luna is Twilight's mother thing needs to happen as often as possible.....and the "I Just Had Sex" part was epic
The disturbing thing is that this scenario is actually quite plausible in a magical fantasy setting.
The idea of Scootaloo ultimately being the High Priestess of the Bearers of the Elements makes me laugh for all sorts of reasons. I can just imagine present day Scoot's reaction to being confronted with a berobed and jewelry-encrusted vision of her adult self. "I CAN'T LOOK LIKE THAT! I'M A DWEEB!!!"
I am completely lost.
The image of the huge chorus in canterlot...
...well, this was disturbing. I get that you're mocking some of the fandom's stupider ideas, but... even so, Twilight's sex-crazed evil reflection talking about Shining singing about having had sex, along with a whole host of random people? Call me crazy, but that's kinda disturbing.
I'm just hoping we get back to funny soon...
Oh silly Twilight, of COURSE you're not getting off that easy!
And well, at least Shining's getting SOMETHING out of being married to a walking clopfic.
As soon as I read the Lonely Island parody, I fell out of my chair. You,my good sir, are a genius.
RIP my sides, you held out for as long as you could.
What the hay did I just read?
Not that it's not good, mind you, but... what?
Sounds like what happens when I write. I only have a basic idea of what I want to happen in the story and write as I go so I tend to end up with things I never expected happening. never to this degree though xD
1291091
Immortal elderich horror from beyond the beginning of time itself? Seems legit. Pinkie's new name will forever be, , ,PONYTHULU!
So let me get this stright: if Part of the many stories and rummors is true then this would mean that
Fluttershy is secretly in love with Twilight
Cadance Is Discord, Tydal, Celstia and Luna's littlest sister
Iron Will's Therapy Group does actually exist and is actually conformed by Smaug the dragon, Gilda, Trixie, Flim, Flam and Blue Blood
Trixie and Gilda are a couple with a serious relationship (and many benefits *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*)
Twilight is Celstia and Luna's daughter, she actually Became Twilust thus Equestria was in danger of being raped by her for the third time in its history(The First time was Molestia, The Second time was Lunaughty, and now the fourth time is with Cadance new nynphomanic tendencies, NOTE: SOMEPONY THINK A KNINKY NAME FOR HER SEX OBSESSED SIDE! because we have now Molestia, Lunaughty, Kinkie Pie, Twilust, Sluttershy and Mistress Rarity, only remains Rainbow Dash *althought I belive she would be called Candy Vag*, and Applejack Applejack-off* )
Twilight eats brownies in the weridest way possible that has yet to be explained
Rainbow Dash was originally a Colt but due to medical negligence his rib repair surgery after an accident just became a complete sex change with plastic surgery to turn him into a mare... along with several magic permanent gender change spells to make sure that everything in his new female body actually works like a real mare...(so tecnically Rainbow Dash is actually straight by liking mares and may be aiming for Twilight)
Applejack an Rariy are secretly a couple
AM I MISSING SOMETHING ELSE?
Oh, we're speaking about the lesson of the Harmony Crusaders Alliance and nine legendary princesses in the Great Cutie Mark War?
High Priestess Scootaloo, Grand Archimage Sweetie Belle and Commander in Chief Applebloom, Also know as the Cutie Mark Crusaders, latter known as Harmony Crusaders Alliance, were the greates heroines of the Cutie Mark War along with Sir General Pipsqueak "The Dark Knight" of the Lunar Guard, Sir Colonel Feather Weight "The White Blur" of the Solar Guard, Princess Dinky also known as "The Shadow Princess" of the reciently Separated at the time kingdom of Galopfery, The Great and Powerful combat duo of Sir Snips "Blade Master Supreme", Sir Snails "The Wise Gladiator Sage", Sir Rumble "The Spartan Berseker", Lady Pepermint Twist "The Amazon Goddess" and Lady Ruby Pinch "The Unpredictable Drunken Hoof Master"; All of them fougt Before the begining to after the end of the Cutie Mark War to stop and vanquish the Self Proclaimed "Supreme Empress of the Universe" Diamond Tiara, her sexslav-I Mean Pet pon-I mean Rape Toy-I mean Playthin-I mean "Lover" Queen Silver Spoon and their army of Cutie Mark Supremasists who were enslaving each and every foal without a Cutie Mark to work into their diamond mines or used as cannon fodder and pony shields to her troops, burning towns, raping mares and stallions alike and were advancing dangerously fast towards Canterlot had it not be for the Harmony Crusaders Alliance who stoped them dead on it's tracks in what history now reffers as THE GREAT FINAL BATTLE OF PONYVILLE (The Bloodiest and most destructive and also the final battle of the Cutie Mark War), just thre days after THE HEROIC DEFFENSE OF CLOUDSDALE and one week after GENERAL BAREBURN'S LAST STAND in Applelooosa and THE SIEGE OF STALLIONGRAD
You know what that means? All country music singers must be evil sorcerers, and by extension all republicans are evil apprentice sorcerers! Republican presidential nominees ofcourse being The Dark Masters! I wonder when my dark powers start coming in? I feel the need to spread the evil and disharmony!
1291922 So many rumors, so many things that are probably not true, all of which could have been avoided if Twilight had just gone straight to Scootaloo and asked her herself, but then it wouldn't be any fun for us.
I did a double-take when I saw the name Twilight Sparkle on the chapter heading. I knew everypony else would get a chapter, but Twilight?
Than I read it.
By Celestia, you have a talent for comedy!
This needs to continue. At the very least an epilogue by the future guy with the true origins of scoots.
That song is one of the greatest things I have ever read. I also couldn't help but read it to a tune similar to "I get knocked down", or rather "knocked up" in this case durr hurr hurr.
1291937 and this explain that scientific analisys about the relation of country music and suicides... AJ is going to be pissed
It had to be done.
For the ones that may or may not say "I don't get it"
1292095 AJ probably used her dark powers to beat the super speedy cider squeezy 6000, poisoning Flim & Flam's cider.
1292337 ... and suffer a slow, painful and disturbing death in front of everypony
The best part of this story is the amount of content that could easily be made into their own stand alone stories. You've given me at least eight ideas that I'm going to try to write in the future. The past few chapters have been getting a bit random, but somehow it works. I wonder if you're going to do a call out to Lauren Faust's original intention for Scootaloo. But it might be too serious for this fic.
1291922 Kinky Cadance name... uh... Clopdance?