Soul Bound
It took buying the young(?) colt the super extra-large sundae deluxe supreme (premium edition) at Sugarcube Corner before he stopped panicking. Luckily, Pinkie seemed to have noticed how grave the situation was, pun intended, and had cleared out the bakery of all its usual customers. Yes, they had 'usual customers' at 4am in the morning.
"So..." Death spoke, taking another bite from the scoop of Chocoholic Crunch that sat halfway up the 27-flavor sundae in his bowl. "You eat souls. And... you still have a little on your mouth, right there."
Twilight blushed, wiping off a tiny bit of ectoplasm stuck to her mouth. "That appears to be the case." She replied, examining her rejuvenated hooves. "Is that going to be a problem, the whole soul eating? I was mostly running on instincts at that point, hadn't had a bite to eat in weeks."
Death shrugged, now biting into a scoop of Honey'd Almond Haze. "I honestly don't know. This goes so far above my paygrade, that I have no clue if you're in trouble, if I'm in trouble, or what. I'm going to have to call it in to figure out exactly how bad this is."
Twilight nodded slowly. "Call in to who? Is there like... some bigger death? Or a council of deaths? I have no idea how the structure of your job looks like."
He shook his head in response. "No, I'm practically self-managed. Only person I answer to at my job is Reality themselves, and they don't really bother with the day-to-day stuff... though they can be grumpy if you catch them at a bad time, so I probably won't bring this up with them. Nah, I'll probably just bug Disease until she tells me what I should do. She's got a pretty good head on her shoulders, unlike Pain. He's a total slacker."
Twilight raised her eyebrows slightly. It seemed the natural aspects of the world also had a sibling hierarchy. "This goes way above your paygrade, but there is no one above your paygrade who can help? Why does your job feel more and more mundane and tedius the more I hear about it?" Twilight asked with a sigh.
"Even the Aspects of the world can't defeat bureaucracy." Replied the small colt, looking around for any more White Chocolate Whiteout in his bowl.
Twilight gently lifted a napkin down and wiped some of the ice cream off his face. "Okay, but... what were you doing there at Fluttershy's anyway? I thought you didn't show up right when creatures die, only if their souls remain floating around for too long. Stu died while I was there, so his soul couldn't have been out for more than a few minutes when you showed up."
The colt blinks in slight confusion, tilting his head to the side. "Stu...? Oh! You mean the squirrel. No, I wasn't there for him. I pop into places where lots of animals die quite frequently, it's one of the big things my job involves."
"That's... really kind of dark. And not how I want to think about one of my best friend's cottages." The lich remarked. "But why animals specifically? I'd think you'd have more problems with ponies refusing to pass on.
"For some reason, pets have a habit of not realizing they're dead, and hanging around their owners for far longer than they should. It's really kind of sad, actually." He replied with a distant expression.
Twilight just blinks at him a few times. "Yeah, that is depressing. Also, isn't there like, several movies about that exact plot?"
The colt shrugs again. "Sometimes life imitates art." He said around a massive mouthful of Pistachio Pizazz.
Once the colt had finished licking the bowl of the last trace of Cinnamon Sin, she walked him out of the store. "So, just to double check, you're not upset with me? Isn't taking souls to their resting place... sort of your job?"
Death blinked at her, before laughing. "Nah, as far as I'm concerned, you're good. My job is just to make sure souls don't hang around in the living realm. Whether they pass on or not isn't in my job description. That's why I have to ask someone else to figure out if there is some other problem. I'm not really well versed on whole soul-cycle thing."
Twilight just shrugged and nodded. "I guess that makes sense? So... are you going to head off now? I can walk you to... uh... wherever you need to go before you can do that whole fiery-portal thing."
"Uh, I'm not sure. I can go back There any time by going to a nearby bend in the barrier between realms... but I didn't really have any other assignments for today, so I have the rest of the day off. I don't really know what I should do." He idly kicked a pebble down the road as he walked beside her. "Do you mind if I just follow you around?"
She gave him a gentle smile. "That's fine by me. I'm sure we can find something to-"
"Twilight!" Her comforting words were interrupted by an excruciatingly familiar country twang.
"Applejack?" She questioned, seeing the pony running up to her in the dark.
"Twilight, Granny just broke her hip bad and I need to take her to Canterlot quick. I'd ask Mac, but he's out in Appleloosa. Can you please take care of the crusaders? They're having a sleepover in the barn." The farm pony practically begged her, her entire body leaning away as if to make a mad dash for the train station at any moment.
Twilight blinked a few times in response. "Um... sure?"
Applejack sprinted off with a shouted "Thanks!", not even turning around to look at Twilight as she made a rush for the train station.
The lich just sighed as she watched the farmer sprint away, shaking her head. "Well, if you're not planning to head back any time soon, want to come with? You can hang out with some ponies you're own age... er... well... you know what I mean."
Death scrunches his nose. "Are they girls?" Twilight nods in response. "Ew. Cooties."
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that last line cracked me up
11522631
It got me to
Yeah, there's a limit to how phonetically you can write the Apples without it looking awful. (Personally, I think writing I as 'Ah' is a bit too much.)
Nice
Introducing Death to the CMC sounds like a good time, and can absolutely have no repercussions.
I see somebody likes Terry Pratchett
Why doesn`t Twilight just... teleport Granny to Canterlot? Would the teleport hurt her?
11522778
Never read a single one of his books. Was referencing something else, which was referencing another thing, which quite potentially was referencing his book.
11522780
For once, that's not a plot hole, it's foreshadowing! :D
nice chapter
The CMC, hangout and 'your own age' when meshed together usually produces um... hmm... interesting results.
So, this should be interesting.
This version of Death is just adorable...
Also, Twilight might have some trouble finding more souls to eat. Better hope Fluttershy never figures this out!
Next chapter: How the CMC accidently gained immortality.
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Personally I just figured that teleports with wounded ponies is not a good idea due to strain, so, uh, thanks for saying it's actually foreshadowing? X3
11522864
Ah, yes. That probably would have been a smarter thing to say, had I been running on more than 2 hours of sleep and could think.
Discord: I forgot to warn my nephew about the CMCs. Let's hope he can survive them.
Hah
How's this gonna backfire, I wonder. The soul eating is still really disturbing, but I guess it wouldn't be a comedy fic if it took that seriously
11522802
If anyone can create vegan soul-substitute through magic, it's Twilight! Soul tofu, yum?
great chapter
CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SOUL REAPERS!! YAY!!!!!
Mort meeting new friends. This will not end in soul reapers being formed, no sirree.
Getting away from phonetic Applejack is a good call. My southern brain kept getting thrown off by it. Lots of me saying to myself: "I do not think I have ever heard someone pronounce it that way unironically." or "That is not a word I expected to drawl.". It is a lot easier to hear her voice in my head uninterrupted from normal text.
Aside from the incredible appleness of the apple, I am glad this is continuing. Thanks for making this.
Oh god that's what led to my grandma dying
Also so happy this is finally continuing
Still seems like a comedy. Though it may become a tragedy with the crusaders involved.
Why is every chapter funnier than the last?
Please keep it coming!
The ice cream flavour changes every time.
White Chocolate Whiteout
Pistachio Pizazz
Cinnamon Sin
Definitely intentional though. Interesting...
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I mean, it is a stack of like 27 different scoops.
Also, Cinnamon Sin.... that deserves an adult fic on its own.
CMC+Death=Lots of Tree Sap Covering Everything.
11524734
Okay, that makes more sense, I only noticed past Pistachio Pizazz. But I didn't check back up and so didn't notice it was a 27 flavour stack. I still find it a nice detail that he's onto a different flavour with each mention.
11523023
Something tells me he'll be there just to stop the chaos because it will be to much even for him