• Member Since 31st May, 2020
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Shaslan


I make both fanart and fanfic. I draw all my cover images myself, and I take art and writing commissions!

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Daring Hooves is the best filly racer around. She can outfly ANYPONY! At least, she could once...but something is wrong with her eyes, and things keep getting worse. An origin story for our favourite little grey pegasus, fleshing out those four very sad photos where she gets lower and lower on the podium.

Winner of the Quills and Sofas 'Fourth Best' panic fiction contest. Written in 30 minutes, unchanged in its current form.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

I always had an idea to flesh out those photos. But I wasn't into writing then, so I never did. This story, I think was handled well. That experience of slowly losing rank in something you thought you could do is portrayed well. A good use of my time.

I loved this story. Do you have any idea on a sequel?

Really do think that this establishment of the pony named as Derpy is underrated. Again, I find myself repeating what I said before when I reviewed this.

Goodness, the pain of origin stories. At least she manages to get it in on the go-kart circuit! But yes, this atmosphere is amazingly engaging and Derpy's always bursting with character.

I only wish to add that this is an amazing work of progress that you've shown with Derpy, especially with her name. To think, we could have had two Darings in Equestria. The adventures they could have had!

Anyways, thank you for a fantastic FIMFic!

I think you made a continuity error, describing Soarin but naming Thunderlane.

Aside from a couple of typos, this was really good! I’m wondering now... would it be better to refer to her as Derpy or Daring? What does she prefer?

I have strabismus, the medical term for Derpy's condition. I'm no optometrist, but, like many folks with a chronic medical problem, I know a bit about it. Short version: It don't work like that.
Strabismus is the term for "your eyes don't point the same way" It includes "cock-eyed" (Derpy), "cross-eyed" (me), & "wall-eyed". Your eyes each send a slightly different image to your brain. A baby's mind learns to put the 2 images together, giving them "stereoscopic depth perception" - a 3 dimensional image. Those of us with strabismus, the images are so different our minds couldn't do that. So, our minds learned to ignore one image and we develop amblyopia ("lazy eye blindness"). We do NOT see double. The biggest difference is that without reference points you can't tell "How far away is that?" & even more important (for flyers) "How fast is it getting closer?" This was first detected in WWI, when various flying forces started doing individual eye tests. You can see the world as Derpy does by covering over one eye. Now try catching a ball. Now you know why people with this problem ain't allowed to be pilots.

You are born this way. This problem can be corrected surgically. Medical insurance doesn't cover this because:
1) It's purely cosmetic. It won't change your eyesight.
2) The correction often wears off.

This, obviously, is what happened to Derpy. She had the surgery, & it wore off. It wouldn't affect her flying at all.

Oh my goodness, I love that story for her cutie mark. Very well done :twilightsmile:

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Experience is a teacher
But here's what makes me learn
It's always teaching me
What I do not care to learn

I stand sit corrected :derpyderp1:

But, only PARTIALLY incorrect

When strabismus is congenital or develops in infancy, it can cause amblyopia, in which the brain ignores input from the deviated eye. Even with therapy for amblyopia, stereoblindness may occur.

Which is what I've got.

Still, this shouldn't affect Derpy's flying, just her ability to dodge obstacles & land.

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Her ability to dodge obstacles is what I wrote about it impacting - she struggles to take bends.

Regardless, as Derpy isn't formally diagnosed with a specific condition, I didn't base the story on any particular condition. My sister developed problems with her binocular vision when we were children that resulted in issues with depth perception and a lazy eye, and all of the issues Derpy experiences were ones my sister struggled with.

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No ideas for a sequel yet, but who knows? Inspiration may yet strike!


10393909
Ah, good catch! I always seem to get those two confused. And this was written in 30 minutes, so I was bound to slip up somewhere :derpytongue2:

I quite enjoyed this. The description of Derpy continually winning and being confident with her place at the top of the podium, and it slipping out from under her because of her new vision problem that she doesn't know about, was done well! There were some issues with the tense of things, and it was a bit repetitive, but overall, I think you did the idea justice!

God that scene. :fluttercry:

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Yeah I had the same idea - flesh out the story a bit more - but I couldn't be bothered. Glad someone could though.
I like to imagine that Spitfire and Derpy/Ditzy/Muffins/Daring still maintain a strong friendship back from their racing days,

I had a similar idea to this before, but never got around to writing it. Still intend on incorporating it into some story at some point. About how Derpy was nice a top notch racer who dreamed of being a Wonderbolt- easily outperforming every filly, then one day something went wrong, and all that slipped away- just like her vision. I never fleshed it out, but I like your take on it.

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