• Published 19th Aug 2020
  • 1,880 Views, 19 Comments

Fourth Best - Shaslan



Daring Hooves is the best filly racer around. She can outfly ANYPONY! At least, she could once...but something is wrong with her eyes, and things keep getting worse.

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Fourth Best

Fourth best

“Go!”

Daring Hooves, poised like a sprinter on the very rim of the starting block, reacted instantly. She launched herself from the block, her tiny wings pumping like pistons, and hurtled past the other foals.

She drew away from the pack immediately. Keeping pace with her were the usual challengers — the green filly with a streaked yellow mane, and the pale blue colt. Daring Hooves narrowed her golden eyes and pumped her wings harder. She was going to beat them, just like she always did. She knew she could do it.

Winning had never come easy to her. But Daring Hooves was a determined pony, and she knew how to work until she got what she wanted.

They took the bend bunched tightly together, each pair of little wings thrumming, each foal desperately straining to outdistance the others. In the stands, their parents howled.

Daring Hooves practiced every day. Her father, though he didn’t quite understand her obsession, had built Daring Hooves her own race track out of clouds behind their house, and she trained there every night after school. She was getting stronger all the time, she could just feel it, and one of these days, when she stood on that first place podium, she just knew that her cutie mark would come. A racing cutie mark — a medal, or a ribbon, or even a number ‘one’ — something that would show her nemeses once and for all that they could not hold a candle to her inferno.

The thought of that cutie mark gave fire to Daring Hooves’ faltering wings, and all at once, she soared past the colt and filly, who were still neck and neck. The red finishing line was coming up, and Daring Hooves gave her all to one final burst of speed and tore past the post .

“First place goes to Daring Hooves!”

Daring Hooves felt her heart swell as she stood up on that heady height, looking down on everypony she had bested, for all the world like Princess Celestia on her throne. No cutie mark today, but it would come. Soon, it would come. And for now, all she needed was this feeling.

____________________________

Daring Hooves grunted with effort, straining to catch up with Lightning Dust. The green filly had overtaken her on the first lap and she just couldn’t seem to catch up. Something had been off about the bend — it had been closer than normal — or had it been further away? — and Daring Hooves had wildly misjudged the distance and collided with a cloud.

She had scrambled out and thrown herself back into the race in time to stay ahead of the main pack, but she just couldn’t catch Lightning Dust.

The green blur that was Lightning was streaking across the finish line, and Daring Hooves panted in close behind her.

“First place is Lightning Dust! Second place is Daring Hooves!”

Her father cheered as loudly as ever, but as Daring Hooves looked down at him from the podium, his face swam in and out of focus. Everything seemed a little strange. The only thing that was clear was Lightning Dust’s mocking laughter, coming from above her, from the lofty perch that Daring Hooves had somehow believed would always be her own.

As she clambered down from the podium, she tripped on something — had the step really been so close? It had seemed much further. She landed heavily on the cloud at the race coach’s feet.

“Hey, are you alright, Daring Hooves?” he asked, kneeling to help her up. “Your eyes look a little funny.”

Daring Hooves blinked hard. The world swam in and out of sight. “I’m fine,” she said uncertainly, and then again. “I’m fine.” She was Daring Hooves. Daring Hooves was a determined pony, and she knew how to work until she got what she wanted. With a little more training, she’d be back on form.

____________________________

Daring Hooves pumped her wings as hard as she had ever done, but every time she thought she was close to overtaking the pale blue colt with the midnight-blue mane, he was somehow much further away than she had imagined. It was confusing, and it made her head hurt.

Alone on her own race track, the one her father had but for her with his own hooves, she did as well as ever. She knew the track, she knew the bends, she knew she could do it. But here, with the noise, and the sun beating down, and the other foals always hot on her heels, it was somehow different. And she had fallen behind again.

“Lightning Dust! Soarin! Daring Hooves!”

When she tripped climbing down from her podium, nearly at the bottom of the stack, Lightning Dust laughed in her face. “Look at your eyes, Daring Hooves! You look so weird now — more like — more like Derpy Hooves!”

____________________________

Derpy Hooves wove in and out of the slalom course, every wingbeat sure and steady. Her father maintained the cloud structure of her racecourse for her every night, so it was always the same. She could have done it blindfolded. Even if the clouds swam before her eyes, even if she saw double, she could still win this race.

____________________________

“And Daring Hooves in fourth! Good job, kid!”

“You mean Derpy Hooves, coach!”

Derpy Hooves hung her head a little lower, but she let the words wash over her. She was still dreaming of a cutie mark — a little golden medal, or a rush of wind. It would come to her, she was sure. She would work and work for it until she earned it. She was determined.

She gazed up past the podiums, past Lightening Dust at its apex and the bright-maned blue foal beside her, at the blue sky that looked the same no matter what sort of eyes you looked at it from. Somepony’s baby brother was blowing bubbles from the stands, and they drifted across her vision like little blurry rainbows. They were wobbly and unsure, but they were still flying. Still beautiful.

Derpy Hooves’ mismatched eyes drifted shut, and her blank flank flared into light.

Comments ( 19 )

I always had an idea to flesh out those photos. But I wasn't into writing then, so I never did. This story, I think was handled well. That experience of slowly losing rank in something you thought you could do is portrayed well. A good use of my time.

I loved this story. Do you have any idea on a sequel?

Really do think that this establishment of the pony named as Derpy is underrated. Again, I find myself repeating what I said before when I reviewed this.

Goodness, the pain of origin stories. At least she manages to get it in on the go-kart circuit! But yes, this atmosphere is amazingly engaging and Derpy's always bursting with character.

I only wish to add that this is an amazing work of progress that you've shown with Derpy, especially with her name. To think, we could have had two Darings in Equestria. The adventures they could have had!

Anyways, thank you for a fantastic FIMFic!

I think you made a continuity error, describing Soarin but naming Thunderlane.

Aside from a couple of typos, this was really good! I’m wondering now... would it be better to refer to her as Derpy or Daring? What does she prefer?

I have strabismus, the medical term for Derpy's condition. I'm no optometrist, but, like many folks with a chronic medical problem, I know a bit about it. Short version: It don't work like that.
Strabismus is the term for "your eyes don't point the same way" It includes "cock-eyed" (Derpy), "cross-eyed" (me), & "wall-eyed". Your eyes each send a slightly different image to your brain. A baby's mind learns to put the 2 images together, giving them "stereoscopic depth perception" - a 3 dimensional image. Those of us with strabismus, the images are so different our minds couldn't do that. So, our minds learned to ignore one image and we develop amblyopia ("lazy eye blindness"). We do NOT see double. The biggest difference is that without reference points you can't tell "How far away is that?" & even more important (for flyers) "How fast is it getting closer?" This was first detected in WWI, when various flying forces started doing individual eye tests. You can see the world as Derpy does by covering over one eye. Now try catching a ball. Now you know why people with this problem ain't allowed to be pilots.

You are born this way. This problem can be corrected surgically. Medical insurance doesn't cover this because:
1) It's purely cosmetic. It won't change your eyesight.
2) The correction often wears off.

This, obviously, is what happened to Derpy. She had the surgery, & it wore off. It wouldn't affect her flying at all.

Oh my goodness, I love that story for her cutie mark. Very well done :twilightsmile:

10394600
Experience is a teacher
But here's what makes me learn
It's always teaching me
What I do not care to learn

I stand sit corrected :derpyderp1:

But, only PARTIALLY incorrect

When strabismus is congenital or develops in infancy, it can cause amblyopia, in which the brain ignores input from the deviated eye. Even with therapy for amblyopia, stereoblindness may occur.

Which is what I've got.

Still, this shouldn't affect Derpy's flying, just her ability to dodge obstacles & land.

10394641
Her ability to dodge obstacles is what I wrote about it impacting - she struggles to take bends.

Regardless, as Derpy isn't formally diagnosed with a specific condition, I didn't base the story on any particular condition. My sister developed problems with her binocular vision when we were children that resulted in issues with depth perception and a lazy eye, and all of the issues Derpy experiences were ones my sister struggled with.

10393585
No ideas for a sequel yet, but who knows? Inspiration may yet strike!


10393909
Ah, good catch! I always seem to get those two confused. And this was written in 30 minutes, so I was bound to slip up somewhere :derpytongue2:

I quite enjoyed this. The description of Derpy continually winning and being confident with her place at the top of the podium, and it slipping out from under her because of her new vision problem that she doesn't know about, was done well! There were some issues with the tense of things, and it was a bit repetitive, but overall, I think you did the idea justice!

God that scene. :fluttercry:

10393370
Yeah I had the same idea - flesh out the story a bit more - but I couldn't be bothered. Glad someone could though.
I like to imagine that Spitfire and Derpy/Ditzy/Muffins/Daring still maintain a strong friendship back from their racing days,

I had a similar idea to this before, but never got around to writing it. Still intend on incorporating it into some story at some point. About how Derpy was nice a top notch racer who dreamed of being a Wonderbolt- easily outperforming every filly, then one day something went wrong, and all that slipped away- just like her vision. I never fleshed it out, but I like your take on it.

fleshing out those four very sad photos where she gets lower and lower on the podium.

I've never seen those photos. Could someone (or somepony) tell me where to find them?

11155666
It's the rainbow dash parents episode, when they are showing photos of rainbow winning races. As rainbow climbs the podium, Derpy sinks down it, and her eyes' difference gets more and more pronounced.

11155752
Thank you.
Good job on the story.

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