Tales From Twilight Town

by iisaw

Molly's Toffee

"What in the name of the Dark Goddess are you doing, youngster?"

The young earth pony colt jumped guiltily and then tried to place himself between the disapproving glare of his grandmare and the case of empty bottles he had been filling with paint thinner.

"Nothing," he said.

The old mare swept her gaze over the bottles, cans of thinner, funnel, and box of shop rags that rested on the workbench in the old toolshed. "Firebombs? Really, Cobbler?"

She walked past her grandcolt, picked up one of the bottles, and examined it closely. "I thought you were taught better than this," she said sadly.

"We weren't going to hurt anycreature, Ma Mo!" the colt protested. "These are for the yateveos. There's supposed to be a treasure in the old mine that's overgrown with them. Zen and Gar and I were going to go and—"

"And burn yourselves to a crisp so those carnivorous trees would have a nice fried snack to eat!" the old mare snapped.

"Uh… what?" That wasn't the sort of reply that Cobbler had braced himself for.

His grandmare shook the bottle in his face. "That's exactly what would happen if you tried to use this thing! You've stuck the rag in this bottle like it was a wick!"

"Uh… yes?" The colt said, still confused. "That's how you make a—"

"Who says?" the old pony snapped at him again.

"Uh… well, everypony knows—"

"And everypony's an idiot!" She shook her head again and sighed. "Mostly. Bring a couple of those rags and empty bottles and follow me. You got some corks for them?"

The colt nodded and pointed to a discarded pile under the workbench.

"Bring some of them, too."

Cobbler did as he was told and followed his grandmare out to the pump by the garden gate of their farmhouse. They had once lived outside the town, but the village had eventually grown large enough to encompass the little steading. The family had sold off their fields but kept two acres for a large vegetable garden and chicken yard.

Selling eggs and specialty produce, along with their matriarch's famous toffee, provided the family with a comfortable living. It also provided the children enough leisure time to get in trouble, it seemed.

"Now fill up one of your bottles with water."

"Water, Ma Mo?" The colt just stood and looked at her. "But that's—"

Mother Molly gave him a look. This particular look included a cock of her head and a squint of her eye that gave him the choice of listening to her lecture and following her directions exactly and immediately, or regretting his choice for the rest of his very short life.

Cobbler gave the handle of the pump two vigorous pulls and got enough water to fill the bottle.

"Now put a rag in the neck like you did with the others. Good. Now pretend you've just lit it up and chuck it at that sack of chicken feed over there."

The colt obeyed her instantly, the look still fresh in his mind. A moment later he was wet all over and an empty bottle thumped into the bag of feed.

"Congratulations, boy!" the old mare cackled with glee. "You're on fire!"

"But… I…"

"Don't tell me; it works perfectly well in all those adventure books you're always reading?"

The chastened colt flicked his wet forelock out of his face and nodded.

"That's because those writers never threw a proper firebomb in their lives. All horn and no sparkle! Now pay attention."

Mother Molly filled a second bottle and stomped a cork into the mouth. She lectured as she worked. "Centrifugal force wants to push out the liquid as you throw the bottle, and a nice, oily rag doesn't hardly do anything to stop it."

She tied a rag firmly around the neck of the sealed bottle and wet it a bit from the pump. "Now I've just lit this, and I can wave it around a bit without too much risk." She demonstrated. "It still isn't safe, but safe enough. I aim for something hard enough to break the bottle, and…" Ma Mo proved that she still had a pretty good throwing leg on her, and the bottle arced across the yard to smash on a wheelbarrow that was propped up against the side of the barn. The water from the broken bottle splashed against the wall, making an impressively large wet patch.

"Right about now, that barn is sorely regretting making an enemy of your old grandmare," Ma Mo said, beginning to laugh. "Too bad it can't stop, drop, and roll!"

Cobbler echoed her nodding, wide-eyed. Mother Molly's gleeful laughter sent chills up his spine.

"Now, if you're a good boy and clean up that broken glass for me before you go back to your project, I'll give you a nice big piece of toffee."

"Ma Mo?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Yes, Cobbler?"

"Where did you… I mean… Did you ever…"

She looked at him sidelong for a moment and considered. Yes, he was old enough. "Giant warthogs mutated by dark magic," she said, flatly. "Mean customers, and a spear couldn't hardly puncture their thick hides. Pretty flammable, though. The Town was an exciting place in those days. You know, I met your grandfather when we were fighting off those monsters. Did I ever tell you…"

Cobbler usually found any convenient excuse to escape when his grandmare began reminiscing, but that time, he stayed and paid close attention.

= = =

That evening, Molly made her way up to Vagabond House, the Queen's official residence. There was a very old donkey asleep in the little guard hut beside the gateway to the grounds. Molly didn't bother to wake him, but she paused and looked down at him fondly for a moment, and left a small cloth-wrapped package of toffee next to him before she went on.

Molly walked slowly through the front garden, enjoying the sight and scents of the unusual plants. She climbed the broad steps to the big veranda that surrounded most of the main building and peered through the open double doors at the deserted room beyond.

Molly clopped a hoof against the floor and called out, "Anypony home?"

A part of the long shadow of the wall beside her flowed outward and solidified into the form of Princess Luna.

"Molly, 'tis good to see you again," Luna said to the completely unsurprised earth pony mare. "I fear Twilight is away and will not return until the week is ended."

"Well, it was you, Highness, that I was wanting to talk to at any rate." Molly replied, giving her a nod by way of a bow.

"Indeed?"

"Yep. Y'see, I've got a bit of trouble brewin' with my grandcolt, and I figure a bit of magic in the dreamlands would set him to rights. I hate to ask—"

"Nonsense!" Luna interrupted her. "You are a friend and a hero of the nation! Ask freely and without concern. In any case, 'tis my duty to keep the horrors of the Night Realm from the young."

"But that's exactly why I'm a bit hesitant to ask," Molly told her. "See, I don't want you to stop him from havin' nightmares; I want you to give him one!"

Luna cocked her head and raised an eyebrow at the old mare. "I'sooth? 'Tis most curious. Perhaps you will explain the matter to me?"

"Well, he's in need of a bit of discouragement, and if I or his ma outright forbid him, he'll only be that much more set on doing it. Y'see..." And the old mare told her the story.

= = =

Before sunrise the next day, Cobbler jerked awake, screaming, "It's on fire! The whole forest is on fire!"

His mother calmed him down and told him it was just a dream. But he knew it wasn't. It was something more real and true than that.

He spent the rest of the morning pouring the paint thinner back into the big can and washing out the bottles.

= = =
=

Author's Note:

Granny Smith, she ain't. Don't try this at home, kids.*

In a not-unrelated aside, Finnish history is fascinating! Those MFs are not only wicked scary, they're sarcastic. Look up "Molotov Meals" if you don't believe me.

Thanks again to Jordanis, who is quite capable of smacking me upside the head for using obscure agricultural terms. You may not know it, but you owe him a debt of thanks.

------------------
* [insert heavy, world-weary sigh here] I can't believe I have to say this, but it has been forcibly pointed out to me that there are people (i.e. idiots) out there who might try to make dangerous/deadly weapons based on an obviously fictional story about cute magical ponies. So let me make this perfectly clear:
DO NOT DO THIS!
You don't want to be at the Darwin Awards dinner, sitting next to the dumb-ass weeaboo who chopped his own leg off with a gift shop katana, do you? Get your pyromaniacal kicks vicariously by reading some Finnish history. Seriously. Feaking. Amazing.

Comments

[Daedalus Aegle]

So Molly's continuing the time-honored tradition of "Anything named after Molotov is Very Bad News, Run The Other Way", then? Good good.

[A.P.O.N.I.]

10424173
Yeah, but it's all about who the news is for.

[Secundum]

It's fun seeing how far in the future these sorts of things are set.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Implying Granny Smith doesn't have her own tales of defending against dark magic-infused monstrosities. I wouldn't be surprised if she could put together a mean firebomb herself. Applejack's named after something, after all.

In any case, lovely snippet. I'm going to have to go check out Finnish history. Any recommendations beyond Molotov Meals?

[iisaw]

10424227
That is an excellent point!

As for the Finns, it seems that damn near any point in their history is fascinating. Right now I'm reading A Frozen Hell: The Russo-Finnish Winter War of 1939–1940, but I've got the Cambridge Concise History of Finland up next, and that came highly recommended.

There was an MST3K episode on a movie based on a Finnish legend that was absolutely hysterical, as I recall. I don't remember the title, but f you've ever seen it, the word "sampo" should bring it to mind.

[iisaw]

10424173
Well, there are Molotov Meals and Molotov Cocktails, of course ponies would make Molotov Desserts!

[Daedalus Aegle]

10424291
Just make sure Molly doesn't go anywhere near Ribbon Top please

10424289
Looks like the movie was simply called "Sampo", loosely based on the Kalevala. I think I watched that MST3K like twenty years ago. Y'know, I should watch more MST3K

[iisaw]

10424309

I really want to watch that again now that I've thought of it. The cheerful, "Loser! Loser! He's a total loser!" song always cracks me up!

[Walabio]

Creating incendiary devices is a very dumb thing to do. If Grandma had not caught that colt, he probably would have incinerated himself. Unless he is a T800, that would have ended very badly for him:

If one goes back to the scene in the movie where they built the bombs, the recipe will make a mess. That is common in movies for keeping idiots from blowing themselves to pieces. The only exception I know from recent years in the Martian:

They needed to blow an hole in their ship, so used liquid oxygen and powdered sucrose. Unfortunately, at that screening, I discovered that teenagers do not know that we walk on the Moon:

¡Teenagers Do Not Know About Project Apollo!

[iisaw]

10424533

Creating incendiary devices is a very dumb thing to do.

Using them to announce what sort of genitals your child has, is even dumber.

In slightly related news, we just got our evac warning.

[Love Moth]

Instructions unclear, my house burnt down

[Walabio]

10424567

I am sorry about the fire. Here, the smoke gets better, although the heat is terrible. I wore out my N95Mask from the Pandemic, but my new mask has a pocket for PM2.5Filters, which seem adequate (I neither smell nor taste the smoke and do nor feel the ill effects of the smokes. Here, the smoke was far worse in 2017 and 2018. I saw BladeRunner 2049 in 2017 and the sky outside looked just like the sky on the screen. That was the day after I saw the MLP-Movie.

I hope that your home does not burn. Please be careful. I hope that you and your wife should be safe.

[LunaticBZ]

I remember as a teen learning from a friend a lot of neat little fire tricks you can do with rubbing alcohol. He was a good friend and also taught me what not to do. Years later I'm bored and look up some of these tricks on YouTube. So many videos of people being terribly burned.

I imagine many of the fails had seen others do the trick and then tried to replicate it. But just seeing it done doesn't teach you some important details. And the details are very important.

[Prado]

How to use a molotov cocktail in practice.
Skip to 1:56 if you are short on time.

[iisaw]

10438694
Yep! It's a little hard to see, but that looks like one of the later ones made with a match-like lighter included (kind of like a modern road flare). According to the book I'm reading, they were so effective that an entire distillery was retooled to manufacture them.

[Herald of Opera]

10424533
And the exception in that case is reasonable because those aren't exactly things you can find around the house.

[Walabio]

10477150

It is true that I do note have sucrose (I am a diabetic); but nonetheless however, ¿who does not have liquid Oxygen? Also, I could go and buy a bag of sugar. It would be more effective to buy charcoal, grind it into a fine powder, and mix the powder with liquid Oxygen.

[Herald of Opera]

10477261
The sticking point is liquid oxygen. That's not something you would ever need around the house unless the house in question is on Mars.

[Walabio]

10477276

When I wrote " … , ¿who does not have liquid Oxygen?", that was an attempt at humor.

[Herald of Opera]

10477284
World being what it is, there are too many stupid questions being asked by people who legitimately don't know the answer for me to be sure.