• Published 14th Aug 2020
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Queen Of The Wasteland - Jest



Twilight awakens to find that she is no longer an alicorn, nor a pony for that matter. Rather she has become the fearsome queen of the wasteland.

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Booted Part 2

“So,” Twilight tapped out on a piece of metal taken from a dilapidated shelf. “What happened to the others?”

“Are you sure you wanna fuckin know that?” Rick asked, shooting the deathclaw a sidelong glance.

Twilight hesitated a moment before nodding.

“Well the ones who aren't either strung up out there or on the end of a pointy stick are probably out east by now,” Rick replied.

Twilight was about to respond before things clicked with her, and she laid her hand back down.

“Almost there,” Janey remarked, giving the bandage a sharp tug.

Twilight winced and grabbed at her hand.

“Oh quit being a baby,” Janey retorted. “You didn't complain about getting a fresh hole punched in ya but your gonna whine about getting it bandaged?”

Twilight snorted in the courier’s face.

“You’re welcome,” Janey retorted.

Twilight looked over her body and noted that the good majority of her wounds had been dealt with to some capacity. The smaller ones had closed up after a liberal use of stimpacks, and the larger ones had begun to heal or had at least been bandaged. Only the hole in her hand and the wound in her leg still caused her significant pain though the fresh burns covering a good portion of her body continued to annoy the deathclaw.

“How ya feelin?” Rick inquired.

“Like swiss cheese,” Twilight replied.

The courier and the ex-powder ganger exchanged a dry chuckle.

“But I’m on the mend, not nearly as exhausted, and alert at least,” Twilight continued.

“Well that's good, cus we are gonna need it,” Janey replied.

“Fuck. Never thought I’d end up in one of these things,” Rick remarked, grabbing the handle of the wheelchair sitting next to him.

“Do you want a hand?” Twilight offered.

“Fuck no,” Rick retorted. “I’m pretty sure at this rate if you help me anymore my dick will fall off and I’ll turn into a chick.”

“You’ve got some weird, misogynist ideas about manhood,” Janey pointed out.

“Just me let me fucking have this,” Rick demanded.

Twilight shrugged, and watched as the ex-powder ganger hefted himself into the wheelchair with a thunk. He took a moment to get himself situated before giving a confident nod.

“Right, I’m about as good as I’ll get,” he exclaimed.

“I’ll help you over the lip,” Janey offered.

The man wanted to complain, to decline, but bit his tongue, and allowed the woman to push him over the threshold. Twilight followed them to one of the crosses which bore an unconscious woman with red hair. Though injured, and sporting large metal spikes driven through her hands, she didn't seem to be on the verge of death. While Twilight observed her, Janey dropped her backpack and a load of guns onto Rick’s lap.

“Right, before we get moving I figured we’d do something about these bodies,” Janey began, gesturing about the area.

“What exactly were you thinking?” Rick asked.

Twilight cocked her head, silently sharing Rick’s curiosity.

“We dump ‘em all in the wreckage of the town hall,” Janey answered, pointing to the still-burning heap at the end of the road. “Along with all the legion battle standards, and the dead soldiers.”

“Why the fuck do you want to do that?” Rick demanded.

“To spite the legion,” Janey retorted. “They want to scare people, to hit the NCR in the morale, but if we dump em all in there, and tell everyone it was a raid gone bad-”

“Those legion fucks will have done all that for nothing,” Rick finished. “Fuck that's funny.”

“Exactly,” Janey concluded. “We circulate the story that some powder gangers tried to take over, the NCR showed up, things went sideways and nearly everyone died in the crossfire. Literally.”

“That's basically what happened too,” Rick agreed. “Powder gangers tried to kidnap some NCR when the legion showed up and made everything worse.”

Twilight wanted to oppose the plan but couldn't help but find herself agreeing despite morally objecting to the lie. She also didn't like the idea of disrespecting the bodies, but even that wasn't enough to make her outright disagree.

“So, what do you say?” Janey pressed.

Twilight reluctantly nodded.

“Great, you dump the crosses in the pit while I drag the smaller ones over,” Janey exclaimed. “Rick here can keep watch.”

“Fine, but I get to keep the gun,” Rick demanded.

“So long as you don't use it to shoot me in the back I don't care if you use it to go fuck yourself,” Janey retorted.

Twilight rolled her eyes and got to work carrying one of the bodies over to the burning mound at the end of the road. As she got close, the deahtclaw took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes nearly all the way shut, and then flexed. With a heave, she threw the body into the pile, and turned back around, repeating that same motion several more times. Within an hour all trace of the legion was gone, as were the presence of nearly all of Nipton’s residents. They met back at the sole remaining cross, and the still living person bound to it.

As she stood there, Twilight tried not to think about how the majority of the people on the crosses had likely been killed by Janey. A clean round had been placed between the eyes of most, while others that had been alive over an hour ago had perished. Twilight wanted to raise an objection, but reluctantly withdrew it, and told herself that it was for the best, though the thought rung hallow.

“Right, so how are we going to do this exactly?” Janey inquired.

Twilight hummed thoughtfully, moved around the cross, and began to inspect the wood.

“I know you got a bleedin heart, but I don't think you can-” Rick began, only to be interrupted.

When Twilight grabbed the cross and hefted the entire thing out of the ground and onto her back. Though heavy, the deathclaw didn't seem to mind the weight and began walking away, leaving her companions to gawk.

“Well I’ll fuckin be,” Rick muttered.

“Godamnit Princess,” Janey added.

Twilight stopped at the crossroads and huffed loudly as if asking her associates if they were coming.

“Yeah yeah, keep yer pants on,” Janey retorted.

The next few hours were spent pushing Rick’s wheelchair down the broken road, dodging potholes and the occasional curious critter. Be it a giant ant, or a golden gecko, a loud bellow from Twilight scared the thing off without a shot needing to be fired. Throughout it all the woman bound to the cross remained unconscious, only groaning or grunting in pain every once and a while.

The entire process took far longer than it normally would have, but in the end, they ascended the hill by the time the sun reached its apex. With the angry red orb beating down on them, even Rick was happy to see the NCR outpost emerge from behind the hill. This time when they returned the guards stared in awe but didn't make any movement to their rifles. In fact, none moved to stop them, even when the trio reached the main NCR offices where two of them stopped to rest.

“I’ll be just a sec, gonna radio ahead,” Janey offered.

Twilight nodded and gently placed the cross against the wall in order to relax her muscles.

“I can't believe you really did that,” Rick remarked. “You’re bleeding heart really is gonna get ya killed out here.”

Twilight snorted, and looked away.

Her gaze immediately latched onto a group of powder gangers that were standing in a long line for one of the few existing outhouses. The preacher of the group had begun to rile them into a frenzy and was making repeated gestures in Twilight's direction. The deathclaw winced, and looked away, mentally making a note to talk to him about toning down the zealotry.

“You're mighty popular around here. If I didn't know any better I’d think you're some kinda wanna-be cult leader,” Rick stated before lowering his voice. “Lucky none of my former buddies survived, otherwise they mighta recognized me.”

Twilight groaned and shook her head.

“Alright,” Janey declared, stepping out of the NCR headquarters. “There was a wasteland doctor who was about to leave Primm when we called. They’ll stay there but we gotta move out immediately.”

“Yeah I’ll just go ahead and pick up the pace here,” Rick muttered bitterly.

“It's fine. So long as we go now we should make it before they leave,” Janey replied.

Twilight gestured towards the highway leading back towards Primm.

“I’ll meet ya at the top, just gotta tell Ghost the uh, news,” Janey muttered, adding air quotes to the last word.

Twilight nodded and hefted the cross to her back while Rick awkwardly pushed himself over to the shade given by the statues. There he sat in silence, staring up at the twin behemoths towering over him.

“Fucking ugly bastards,” he remarked.

Twilight agreed but decided to not let the man know that.

“Hey uh, don't worry about the girl. I’ll make sure to swear her to silence the moment she's up and at 'em,” Rick offered.

Twilight nodded, and smiled slightly, diligent to not show her sharp teeth.

A few minutes later Janey arrived and wiped the sweat from her brow.

“Well it took a lot of talking to convince everyone that the legion had not, in fact, come out this far and that a particularly vindictive psycho did this to our friend here. But in the end they bought it hook line and sinker,” Janey exclaimed, gesturing to the groaning woman lashed to the cross.

“That's good, now let's go before people start asking too many fucking questions and we run right out of med-X,” Rick declared.

Janey grunted and began pushing the male down the hill at a slow, patient pace. Twilight followed behind, the deathclaw careful not to jostle her passenger too much during the journey. Which was itself uneventful, with neither man nor beast daring to cross paths with the deathclaw. Even one carrying a large cross, and accompanied by a crippled person.

They made it to Primm just as the sun was beginning to dip beneath the distant mountains. Twilight guessed that it was nearly six in the evening when they walked up the on-ramp and approached the town. They were greeted by the sight of the mechanical deputy as he awkwardly trundled into view from behind a house.

“Howdy partners,” it greeted after standing still and scanning the small group. “How are you doing today, Princess, Deadeye Janey, and guests.”

Twilight shot a glare at the courier out of the corner of her eye.

“What? I had to make sure it didn't see you as hostile, so I changed a few settings while I was in there,” Janey replied, answering the unspoken question from her traveling companion.

“Is the doc still in town?” Rick asked.

“Doctor Santonas is staying at the Vicky and Vance casino,” Primm Slim declared in an excited tone. “Come on down and enjoy our famous- ERROR, weekly promotion not found.”

“We still got time, let's hurry,” Janey encouraged.

Together they made their way to the casino, drawing the eye of nearly everyone they passed in the process. Without a word they were allowed inside, an awe-struck young wastelander holding the door for the strange troupe. Though the stares and whispers didn't bother Janey, Rick and Twilight both felt a bit uneasy under all the attention.

A hushed question answered drew Janey to the back of the casino where the doctor had laid out the contents of their packs. Supplies were sitting in neat rows, and a battered sign listed the prices for various services in caps. At the center of it all stood a grey-bearded man with glasses, and the garb of a doctor, alongside a young female who looked like a raider.

“When they said you were bringing in a crucifixion victim I didn't imagine all this,” exclaimed the doctor.

“Can ya help us, doc?” Janey inquired.

“Yes I can but you sure are lucky I stocked up on supplies, otherwise this may have been beyond even me,” declared the elderly man.

“And my legs?” Rick pressed.

“Heard all about what happened to ya over the radio, so I got everything ready,” he added.

“Before that,” interrupted the rough-looking bodyguard of Santonas. “We should talk about payment.”

“Yeah, yeah gimme a minute,” Janey retorted, turning to Twilight. “Hey, I know all this attention ain't your thing so feel free to step outside for a bit. I’ll let you know when everything is done.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and nodded.

“Just put her down over there on that low table,” Santonas interrupted.

The deathclaw did as she was asked before hastily stepping outside and sitting down a few meters from the door. Exhaustion and pain nagged at her, threatening to sour her already dour mood. It was buoyed by the realization that she had saved two lives that day, which was enough to make her smile despite the sting.

As she waited several people came out to either gawk or talk at her. A few of them were even from Goodsprings and had made the trip after hearing about how the road had been cleared and that Primm was safe. It was a pleasant distraction in Twilight's opinion, though it was a bit annoying she could only nod or shake her head.

Still, the pleasant company outweighed the fearful stares of those she hadn't met before and all the talk helped to pass the time. One particularly friendly, and familiar face even gave her a home-cooked meal. She also delivered a reminder to find some more rad scorpion poison glands, after thanking the deathclaw for finding a few already.

Eventually, the crowd lost interest, the visitors returned inside, it began to grow cold, and the sun vanished behind the mountains. Left with nothing but her thoughts Twilight looked up at the sky and let her mind wander to her friends. She wondered if they were okay, where they were, and what had even happened for them to end up in the wasteland in the first place.

The laugh Twilight recalled was malicious in the extreme and reminded her of Chrysalis. Even the changeling queen didn't have the power to teleport someone to a different dimension however so that didn't seem right. Her magical musings were interrupted when a dark thought entered Twilight's mind.

Are they even still alive? She contemplated.

Shaking her head vigorously, Twilight refused to entertain the idea.

“Ya’llright over there?” Janey questioned.

Twilight sniffed and nodded hastily.

“Good, cus the news is in, and it's surprisingly good. All things considered,” explained the courier.

Twilight gestured to the empty spot next to her, which the woman took, plunking down on the ground.

“Right, so first things first. Rick’s gonna walk again. Probably won't ever run mind you but he’ll walk,” Janey declared.

Twilight gestured for Janey to hurry up.

“Yeah yeah. The girl will live. She’ll be in a coma for a while, but she’ll probably even regain the use of her hands after some physio and time,” Janey continued.

Twilight sighed.

“It was pricey, but the doctor’s a decent fellow, and I managed to get a good amount for our loot,” Janey began digging around in her pockets. “Even won a bit at the tables while I was eating my dinner.”

Twilight was about to reprimand Janey for gambling when the courier dumped a small mountain of caps into the deathclaw’s hand.

“Here,” Janey exclaimed. “Your half, minus chipping in for the medical fees.”

“Chipping in?” Twilight asked, tapping out her question on a large rock. “I didn't think Dead Eye Janey was such a bleeding heart.”

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” Janey muttered bitterly. “Just don't go spending all your caps immediately. It’ll be a while before we get a score this big again.”

Twilight nodded and gave her companion a wave while she departed. The deathclaw followed after taking a moment to count her caps and find that there were nearly three hundred of the things. After making a note to thank Janey for her excellent bartering skills, Twilight set off as well, pushing her way inside the casino.

It didn't take long for Twilight to locate the older dark-skinned woman working near the chip redemption counter.

“What can I do for you, princess?” Ruby Nash inquired.

Twilight paused, only now realizing that she had no idea how to communicate with the human woman. Thankfully there was a sign that displayed a list of prices, including lodgings, food, and every other service offered by the casino. Pointing at the first two of those things, Twilight then pointed at the two beds at the back of the place where Santonas’ patients were resting.

“You want to get those two some room and board do ya? We can do that,” Ruby declared.

Twilight placed a hundred and fifty caps on the table, and pushed them forward.

“That's a bit too much for just the night but from the look of ya you know that,” Ruby Nash gently inquired.

Twilight bobbed her head.

“Your fixing to pay it forward for them, ain'tcha?” Ruby Nash pressed.

Again, Twilight nodded.

The old woman chuckled. “Shoulda known you’d do something like that. That’ll be enough to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies for two months or so.”

Twilight blinked, and cocked her head.

“You counted right. I’m just giving you the princess discount is all,” Ruby Nash exclaimed.

Twilight blushed slightly.

“Well, I’ll be. I’ve made a deathclaw blush. I think that husband of mine owes me a foot massage,” Ruby Nash declared before erupting with laughter.

Twilight blushed harder.

“Now you go on and enjoy yourself there youngun. Oh, and don't you worry about that Rick fella. Johnson was fixing to offer him a job keeping an eye on the place after hearing all about how good Rick was at spotting a cheater,” Ruby Nash pressed.

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief and was about to turn away when she noticed that among the items for sale behind the counter there was a mauve scarf. It reminded the former pony of her mane color and made a sharp sting of longing stab deep into her heart. Pointing to the scarf, Twilight grunted softly, catching Ruby Nash’s attention.

“Ya want the scarf do ya?” Ruby asked. “Good choice. To be honest I’m not sure what was going through my head when I was making it. A scarf, in the Mojave? Who would want that.”

Twilight chuckled.

“I’ll give it to ya for two caps,” Ruby offered. “It's just been gathering dust up there for months. I’ll be glad to be rid of it.”

Handing over the requisite two caps, Twilight retrieved her purchase, and as gently as her claws would allow, tied it around her neck.

“Well, would ya look at that? It suits ya,” Ruby Nash declared.

Twilight offered one last wave before walking away from the counter and over to where Rick lay resting on a dirty mattress. The man cracked open an eye and looked up at Twilight with a mix of dark amusement and utter bafflement.

“I can't believe you did that,” he muttered, opening his eyes fully. “Dragging us all the way back here, paying to have us patched up now this… I keep waiting for you to demand I start chopping off my own limbs to feed you or something.”

Twilight recoiled in disgust.

“You're too damn good for the Mojave, you know that, right?” Rick half asked, half stated.

Twilight shrugged.

“I’m not good at thanking people, but uh… thanks. I guess. I’ll pay ya back eventually, bet on it,” Rick muttered.

Twilight grinned and was about to hug the man, only to be stopped.

“Yeah that's not happening,” he interrupted. “I appreciate it, really I do, but if you hug me I will either die of crushed lungs or complete embarrassment.”

Sitting back down, Twilight chuckled to herself.

“Either way you better get moving as I’m about to pass out. These drugs are amazing, and if you wanna get patched up before hitting the road you better do it now,” Rick explained.

Twilight gave the former powder ganger an awkward wave, which he ignored before promptly closing his eyes. There Twilight lingered for a moment, the ex-pony allowing herself to feel a small amount of pride for her success.

I’m sure my friends would understand the delay. She thought to herself. I hope I find them soon though.

Author's Note:

This is part of the 12 days of christmas, head over here to keep track of all the cool stuff coming down the pipes. If you want to ensure I can afford to keep doing stuff like this, consider backing me over on Subscribestar or Patreon.

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