Orphaned at an early age, Flitter and Cloudchaser discovered their true callings as mercenary treasure hunters. Now, they are once again risking life and limb for gold, glory, and fame while an ancient evil conspires to finish what it started all those years ago.
Finally, after battling bandits, surviving rockslides, and deciphering runes, they uncover a different kind of treasure than what was originally marked on their map.
Inspired and encouraged by the amazing pony veteran The Blessed One and his incredible F/CC story Sweet and Salty
I hope you all like the new cover-art. The amazing artist NixWorld drew it, and I am blown away by its quality. Check him out if you want high quality art!
Partially edited and proofread by the incredible writer, EverfreePony
FEATURED: 10/4/20
The alert you'll be getting at the same alert time as this comment, telling you that this story is now in my favorites section, should be a good indication of my opinion on this story, but let's get into details, because without those a review is boring.
Many writers, new and old, fail to get characters to convey the level of comfort and knowing of each other that you do with Cloudchaser and Flitter in just the first chapter alone, and you only strengthen that sibling bond as you go along. The characters themselves almost immediately tell the reader exactly who they are and how they think, mean you as an author know who they are meant to be, which is always brilliant to read in character development. Skyfall is similarly developing, but he still has quite a few question marks around him since we, the readers, mainly are following behind the sisters. Having solid star characters is great, but having co-stars with hidden motivations to go with them is even better. And all that is just the detail of the characters.
World building is coming along well, as you've shown us a bit of their home/base and we've seen their type of adventuring grounds. This will build as the story gets longer, understandably.
Finally, the writing itself. Lad, I don't know who you are, I've never seen you before, and you come into the story saying you're a rookie. You set the bar in the middle, and you blasted clear over it like you had grenades in your shoes. The grammar is dang near flawless, your vocabulary seems to allow you to not re-use words too much, (Always good to see that) and the style itself is very traditional of a loose third person perspective of the star characters. I don't what your definition of a rookie or novice is, but this is far more then most new recruits on FIM can deliver for a first story.
Well done, Mr Mechawrecker, well done. We will watch your career with great interest.
10388644
Thank you so much for your kind words and consideration. I always enjoyed reading MLP fics, but your story, Sweet and Salty, was so incredibly inspiring that I had to try and create one of my own. The way you used just words to paint such a compelling (and satisfying) story gave me much of the courage needed to venture into the world of literature and storytelling. I can't say I'll ever make a story that wins a Nobel Prize, but I can say that if I'm ever even half as good an author as you, I'll have accomplished more in my life than I thought I would.
Many thanks and prayers, Blessed One.
Come on y'all, let's see some guesses! There's no shame in being wrong. Unless of course you consider the internet having a permanent record of your failure as being shameful. :)
Lol that authors note. Wouldn't mind that though...
Is it a lie?
Yes! I was right!
10397923
Nice work, Nexus! We'll make a fine treasure hunter out of you.
10397901
Sky: PLEASE don't give him any ideas... I'm already feeling enough pain as it is.
10397916
Maybe?
'cause
It's a shortened version of because so you add an apostrophe.
10397957
Fixed it. Thanks for being my editor m8!
10397985
Yw
I hope you all like the new cover-art. The amazing artist NixWorld drew it, and I am blown away by its quality. Check him out if you want high quality art!
So does that mean this story has sex in it?
10401644
Not quite. It has plenty of dirty jokes and references, but there's no explicit content planned for this story. (Although a separate M-rated story full of saucy times isn't off the table)
Hmm. Not bad. I like ponies in a knight like universe, though eating meat is going a little far in my book since horses are herbivores.
10403357
I get that. I hesitated about the meat eating aspect, but decided to add it in to give Cloud and Skyfall something in common.
Sky could have premonitions or foresight. Don't know what else.
Cloud could have increased strength or stamina. Maybe even some magical enhancements to her sword.
Can't quite remember but assuming Flitter is the defense; maybe a healing touch, better eyesight, or again, magical enhancements.
10403371
Sky is the defense with his shield. Cloud is the close quarters combat with her sword. Flitter is the ranged attacker with her bow. Thanks for the ideas though!
10403374
I was mostly basing it off the artifacts they collected.
I couldn't remember what the Diadem represented so I went with the closest thing.
Why not both? I mean, it will maybe drive him crazy or he will drive them crazy. Either way, it'll be entertain!~
Like my last comment said, A three some, or a Herd if you want to call it that, of them together. I mean, seems right, and it be hilarious, too. So ya.
And about powers... Give each something that works what they already know how to do. I.E for Sky, some healing spells/abilities should go good with his defense way of fighting. Like that.
Anyways, I'll keep a eye on this story, let's see where it goes!~
10403729
Hmm... Now that you mention it...
10403874
Thanks! I really wanted to give them all an ability that wouldn't seem to OOC.
Nice. I sense a love hate relationship.
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Love and hate between who though...
10405330
Cloudchaser and Sky, maybe a love triangle as well. Also, is it necessary for you to have Cloudchaser and Flitter tags twice? I just look up and I saw that you had them as a duo and separately in the tags.
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I mostly did that to help boost its searchability.
10405353
Just wondering.
10403357
horses have been know to eat small birds
This has got an interesting start to it. I wouldn't expect those two characters to be the adventuring type, but I like it. It's different in a good way and their characterization is enjoyable to read so far. I didn't think I'd get hooked when I started, but I like where the story is going and I can't wait to read more of it. Keep up the great work!
Now, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that last bit with the slap and kiss was a how to train your dragon reference. Good in ya pal! Love the fic so far.
10410360
Thanks for the kind words! I wanted to break away from the cute, cuddly theme that's pervasive with these characters, and the more rougish atmosphere was interesting to me.
10410414
I definitely think it was a good move. Gives you a chance to reinvent them a little and make them your own. I'm excited to see where the adventure goes!
10410364
Trust me, there's a lot of references to various forms of media hidden throughout the story. Comment them if you are in the culture loop.
This chapter was hysterical!
Although it might warrant a sex tag for implications; not even considering the vast innuendos there are in this story.
10418719
Trust me, this is nothing compared to the stuff I wrote in the second story linked here.
10418720
I know; I've read it.
Still, it mentions the consequences of the act in pretty high detail. Specifically, the talk about fluids
Don't have to add it, but thought I'd mention it
10418725
I hear you. I want to keep this story and the clop apart. That way, people who don't want to read about ponies going at it can still read.
I really enjoyed this chapter. I’ll say it again, this felt like an unconventional situation for those two characters, but I really enjoy it so far and I’m definitely looking forward to reading further!
10423275
Thanks for the kind words! I really hope you enjoy the future chapters as much as this one.
Just caught up, and wow, I can't get enough! The characters and their interactions are great, so adorable and heart-warming. Not to mention enough action to keep the plot moving along (and providing more opportunities for cute moments). The story isn't super complex, but I think that's part of its charm. The pleasure is from seeing the characters grow closer together.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
10423499
Thanks for the encouragement! I really hope you enjoy what else I have in store.
10423443
I'm definitely looking forward to it, you've hooked me for sure!
10423877
Awesome to hear that! Feel free to comment if you have any ideas you'd like me to consider.
10423884
Definitely will do!
The awareness of surroundings and what affects then would be nice to improve for sure. Still the loght action driven way of writing is alright.
All authors know this, 'this will be just a few hundret words for sure... 5k words later.'
10425474
What do you mean by that? Are you saying they should be more observant or just know more stuff? I want to keep the characters somewhat ignorant so that they can learn alongside the readers.