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madhat886
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madhat886
Joined 12th Jun, 2012 ·
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Don't give up on the stories it seems going to be really funny
Ratings on your stories seem decent. I'll add to read later
Needs work the large info dump and descriptions make the chapter rather clunky
HiE has already been done to death, even in creative ways. This is not a creative way. Sorry but downvoted.
A which sandwhich. All which, not much not-which.
10395862
You can literally say that about everything on this site.
Although there was such a large info dump in one chapter, I still think that it was a good chapter. However, please try to refrain from such a large info dump in future chapters; Yes it is fine a couple of chapters here and there, though I become painful to read if done too continuously.
10395955
So what you're saying is the site is creatively bankrupt and should be liquidated?
This is in serious need of good editing -- it's interesting, but it's very tough to read it like this.
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10395862
Nah, I disagree. The problem is that bad habits have snuck into the stories and people write things just because that what you do, rather than asking why the hell they are writing it and if the thing even helps the story at all.
For example
1. Shows up in the Everfree.
2. Instantly attacked by and defeats a mythical creature that no normal person would have a chance in hell to defeat.
3. The ridiculous, pissing their pants terrified, overreaction on first contact. Which is absolutely ridiculous if you really think about it..
4 Those fucking apples. Those god dam apples. ITS AN APPLE, SHUT UP AND EAT THE DAM THING. Your not getting a blow job, so stop going on, and on, and on, about how great they taste.
5. The neurotic touch-shy OC with the crippling sexual phobia.
6. The OC who spends over half the story whining and balling his eyes out over missing his family like a socially stunted shut in.
My point is that new and different stories are very posable to write. Authors haven't even come close to reaching the end of HIE plots and ideas. The problem is that, for these new stories to happen, the Authors HAVE TO STOP ADDING ALL OF THE ABOVE TO THEIR STORIES.
Authors also have to start asking themselves why. "Im writing a MLP story, i have to have the mane six in it."
"Why?"
"Well it at least need to have a cannon character!"
"Really, Why?"
"Well, Im writing my character back story. "
"Oh, Why does your story need it?"
"Well, I got to write how he got to Equestria."
"Why?"
When Writers begin asking themselves "How does this help my story." You will start to see massively different and creative stories coming out.
All that I listed above are bad habits that have spread across the site and the main cause why things feel stale.
The Monk
“They may have been a pair of idiots, but the true test of intelligence is how you stick the landing!” -The Dimensional Traveler
I have to say that I have come across several comments on at least six stories in the last two days where people comment about the story needing editing.
If I like a story, I edit it myself and submit it to the Author as a private message with my comments and edits underlined so he can spot them easy. I don't ask, I just do it. Ive done it 5 times this month so far. Two of the Authors used my edits and said thank you, three of them either didn't respond at all or just out-right told me to pound sand.
My point is that if you see something that needs editing, rather than complain about it or just sit there annoyed, pick two or three chapters, edit it yourself and submit it to the Author. No one is going to hunt you down if the Author decides not to use your work. To be honest, Ive found that most big issues come from Authors where English is a second language for them, and most of those appreciate the help. Ive met several nice German Authors here just by doing that.
The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan
Are you going to finish this story
First things first, holy exposition dump.
Isn't that a bit excessive. I mean I get the aesthetic of giant anthro ponies, I'm just not a fan of the fetishes that go with them.
Huh, y'know I was considering a similar idea...except I was going to use Dipper Pines as the human.
So is the human an OC? Or maybe from an obscure anime or cartoon I've not heard of?
Anyway, interesting concept and the paper dragon bit is still funny...was uncomfortable with you having sunset suck her (sorta, kinda, in a twisted way) Mom, sorry. But that was just weird. But other then that one thing, loved the chapter!
I wonder how Twilight is handling the fact that Celestia is no longer the ruler anymore? I can see her trying to convince Sunset to let Celestia be the ruler again.
Also, is the human one of the students that Sunset bullied? If so will he have a grudge against her?
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She will Fail miserably! Since Sunset is being a WAY Better Ruler than Celestia ( Albeit she is still her "Bad" Self, but is more of a Grey Area Anti Villain in a sense.).
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I hope NOT! I just like to see the Human Protagonist and Sunset being an thing. Along with other Ponies in the Herd.
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While you have some Good Points. I do want to Defend HIE (Since I like them), and they should be at least have an Counterargument. So that there are Not really Bad Habits, IF you think about it in another mindset.
1. DUDE or GAL! ( Sorry, don't know your Gender.) HOW else would the Human Protagonist land in Equestria WITHOUT scaring the Crap out of the Ponies. Think about it. If our Human He/She have just Crash land in the middle the Ponyville, or Canterlot. Ponies will surly PANIC by seeing an "Unknown being" ( The Human Protagonist), and our Human Character in Trouble. Entering the Everfree Forest sounds Logical, sure the Forest has Mythical Creatures and Monsters. BUT, the Forest is Mostly Similar to an Normal Forest on Earth (But has a little magic in it).
That way, our Human will know a familiar setting from our planet, and address the situation. And will plan to make an First Impression with the Ponies ( Just as long their NOT Racist/Xenophobic/Misanthropy in the first place). Plus, they don't always go to Ponyville or the Everfree. I see they go to the Crystal Empire or the Badlands for example.
2. UNLESS they have a Gun, other Weapons, know Fighting Moves/Hand to Hand Combat, have Powers from Anime/Video Games/Movies/Shows/Series, Know how to Tame/Befriend/know Mind Control Powers on the Creatures/Monsters. So, it's NOT that hard to beat them. Plus, NOT every Human Protagonists win. Some do win but got hurt/injured during the fight. Or Run away from the Creatures.
3. It's NOT really ridiculous if you rethink it. For the Ponies, they are a bit Paranoid, and Worse Case Scenario ( Racist/Xenophobic). I mean LOOK what happened to Zecora. I don't really blame them for JUST for a little bit. I mean, IF an Alien Race visit our Planet. Would we all panic, and be a bit Paranoid too? For the Human Characters, This is LITERARY the first time to see another intellect "Alien" Species. Not to mention Real Life Characters from our Favourite Fictional Stories.
Are you really gonna make a straight face like this: 😐 😑. And NOT freak out when you see an REAL Life Alien? Or seeing your Favorite/Wafiu Character? The ONLY thing that works is IF your a Robot, or have Less to NO Emotions like a emo or some rare case: A Psychopath. I HIGHLY DOUBT any of us can keep a straight face, after going to another world and see your Favorite Characters.
To Be Continued. DON'T Comment yet, since I'm not done yet. Thank you.
Just realized that I never actually listened to this. So I did.
Interesting start and i'm interested in seeing where the Author is going to take this.
As for the down-votes, Im not seeing it. The writings fair, the plot is Ok, Its no work of Mark Twain but its alright.
The Monk
“There are many ways to create a monster, and the one the girl knows best is rather basic: you tell someone they're a monster over and over again, then wait to see how long it takes before they agree with you.” -Estee
hay when will the next chapter come out?
See these are the fetish I'm talking about. This kind of thing always leads to domination and emasculation for the human character.
nice work
10607316
Me too!
I DON'T want that to FRICKIN happened!!! I want the Human Male Protagonist to be the Dominant one for once!!!
I kinda don't mind your "Sunset's Herd" Futa Ponies Story. With only Females doing the sex with their Futa Parts.
But having a another "Futa" Ponies Story of some sorts? BUT on a Male Human on ALL PEOPLE!!! And possibly Humiliation and RAPE!!!!! Deserves for them to get Nuked, and Annihilated! 😡
P.S. This part:
This Overused, Cliche name calling from the MLP Characters to Humanity.
No Offense. But while our very ancients ancestors are from Ape/Chimpanzees. It still feels insulting with the stupid "Hairless Ape/Monkey" calling. It's better to be called the proper name of Human/Humanity.
Plus how would the Ponies feel if they are called "talking Anthro animals with Bimbo and Sexy Bodies". I doubt they will like that. But, that's WHAT Every Human in Equestria Characters feel with the Stupid Hairless Ape thing!
10608207
It’s not the ponies thinking he’s an ape. And we are mostly hairless compared to our cousins.
10608353
True. It's just I seen those same words over, over, and OVER again in many stories that involves Humanity in Equestria, Displaced, and Crossovers. And most of them are Insults from Xenophobic OOC Ponies, or other MLP Characters being A-Holes for No dang reason. It's probably all because the Authors/Writers did that in their Stories. Is just so the Human In Equestria Protagonists beat up the A-Holes and show everyone NOT to underestimate Humanity. 😈
Did you also see on how me, and another commenter name TinMan. Were talking about this potential issue for your story:
10607316
10608192
10608390
He’s not the one going to be fuck by dicks
10608540
Thank God! Thank you! Me, and TinMan ( If he sees this) will be glad and thankful. So, what does Sunset want with Dan here? While Dan will NOT have Futa. Thank goddess again. But, Reverse Rape by a crazy Pony Female is Bad and Terrible either way!
10608540
Is he just going to be like "oh you're rapist monsters but you're sexy so it's ok"? Like if I found out what the alicorns did to the sirens, even after all the sirens did. Even though the sirens are "ok with it" because they had their mind broken I wouldn't want to associate with the royal family if I could help it. Or at least make sure they couldn't get what they wanted from me. I've seen too many stories like that. I get it's a very different culture due to the low birth rates and extremely sexy bodies, but I still don't think that would be acceptable to excuse them in the humans eye when he just got there from his reality.
When I looked it up on google, it said that a moon cycle (how long it takes the moon to orbit the planet) is roughly a month (27 days). Using that measurement, 30 moons would be about 2.5 years.
10631687
Yeah but I looked it up for my little pony and it’s not that.
10631687
The one who made the 30 moon thing really didn’t care to explain how long it is
10631703
Oh, I see.
10616420
Dunkle Dank has a point. I do LOVE very sexy/bimbo-like Bodies of the MLP Females. BUT, the Raping, and the Femdom happening all the time. And especially the Raping again, but with Futas???!!!!!
Yeah, that's a MASSIVE Blueballed, and a BIG NO-NO from me!
nice work
10631938
I got another question: WHY is Sunset so interested with Dan Tome ( The Human Male Protagonist) the whole time?? He is nothing special or anything?? NO OFFENSE against him, or Humanity itself. It's just he have just got here. And Sunset and the Royal Family is just have very suddenly gotten interested in him??!!
I do get it that he ( Along with his Car) have just suddenly appeared in Equestria is alarming. And he is now the First Human ( And Human Male) ever to be in and walk Equestria/Equis. But, I just think their is some 'hidden' motive from Sunset.
I don't know??!! I just DON'T 100% trust Sunset, the 'Dark' Queens or even the Dazzlings ( Despite the Dazzlings becoming the Sub. Playthings to the Dominant Sunset and the 'Dark' Queens.).
Despite I like Sunset is now making a BETTER job to rule Equestria, than her 'mother': Celestia. To not only that she 'reformed' Day Breaker, Nightmare Moon, Heart Breaker, and the Dazzlings somewhat. Fired the Old, Pathetic, Worthless Pony Guards and Wonder bolts. And Hired/Trained Better Guards and Soldiers for Equestria. Help make Equality with the other Non-Pony Race Kingdoms. And get rid of the Nobles is a nice bonus!!!
But, She didn't get blasted by the Elements Of Harmony. Which is a Good Thing. Since she was in a terrible and weakened State. And they instead separate the Princesses 'Dark' Halves. But, A Bad thing!!! Since she is still in her 'Bad/Naughty' Self somewhat, before the Fall Formal. NOT Reformed! Despite her making Equestria a 'better' place.
And despite having what she truly wants to being Equestria's Ruler. She 'might' have her Manipulative Personality from the First Equestria Girls Movie somewhere in their.
I just have a BAD feeling about this. And I just DON'T want the Human Protagonist ( Dan) to become a Spineless Doormat, or a another 'plaything' to Sunset, the 'Dark' Queens, and the other Ponies.
I really wanted him to be a Maledom CHAD !!!!!!!
10632351
She’s genre savvy in knowing what usually happens when someone from another world just suddenly shows up.
10632435
Smart, and Knowable. Nice Trait for Sunset. Sorry, IF I 100% don't trust her judgement. Considering she didn't mind breaking the Dazzlings into her Sex Playthings. Along the fact, that I sadly am just Paranoid.
Since I have seen TOO MANY 'Bad' MLP Stories from this Website. Where specifically the Human Male Main Character/Protagonist in the Stories for some reason. Is a Doormat, or Spineless against the Female Ponies. And it involves a LOT of Femdom, sometimes Abuse, and slight Reverse Rape!!!!!
I don't want to sound offensive to everybody, but reading those stories almost is a bit Sexist against Male/Guys/Masculism by getting hurt by the MLP Characters for Stupid and Unnecessary Reasons. And they using the Bad Side of Feminism and the 'Dark Side' of it from MLP. 😰
Futa rape huh? It's gonna be one of those stories then.....
Update?
Update soon.
Will you come back to this?
Honestly, I wouldn’t do anything.
Ohh. So that’s the reason why celestia hasn’t blasted sunset to tartarus.
I’m pretty sure that human world is different from his.
I like your story keep it up it's great work