Life had been peaceful in the world of Fœnum. The inhabitants of this world – furry, four-footed, hooved – had thrived for generations, creating culture, building societies. They lived happily, with sweet, grassy pastures at their disposal and great, expansive fields to gallop across. They were free. But everything changed when the fire nation attacked
A chance magical occurrence from Twilight and Oleander has thrown the time-space continuum out of whack, throwing the universes of My Little Pony and Them's Fightin' Herds together (And BFDI, because why not). And the threat of the predators still looms on ahead, threatening now not one, but both dimensions (And BFDI)! And with the ponies no longer having a reliable insta-kill option, what will befall them?
Join all your lovable ungulates (and dragon) (and random household objects) as they race against the clock to save Equestria! And Foenum! And like three people from BFDI! Man, is this confusing.
On hiatus until Story Mode: Chapter 2 releases.
Nice
Have to say, I love the start to this story with how well done the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up is. Yeah, I can definitely see both Twilight and Oleander allowing their curiosity to override their common sense when it comes to learning new magic. And I also enjoyed Twilight's chats with Discord, Starlight, Spike and Sunburst.
Now, on to the next chapter.
Again, wonderful job on the exchanges, characterizations, humor and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Loved Twilight's first meeting with Oleander, with Oleander learning a bit about alicorns and Twilight learning a bit about Foenum and their predators. And this is apparently set pretty early in Twilight's first year as ruler of Equestria. And Twilight, Starlight, Sunburst and Fred's first meeting with Fred was pretty well done. Okay, now the adventure has officially begun. It's going to be intriguing seeing the Mane Six and their counterparts from Foenum working together against the predators. Maybe seeing Twilight and her friends in action will convince Arizona, Oleander, Paprika, Pom, Tianhou and Velvet that they stand a better chance against the predators by working together. And I am ALSO hopeful that Spike will get to contribute to the adventure in a positive manner.
And, not much to say other than I'm definitely looking forward to more of this.
Don't forget Shanty! She's in here too!
And yes, Spike will help out a fair bit, as well as the recently dubbed "BEP Squad."
Maybe seeing Twilight and her friends in action will convince Arizona, Oleander, Paprika, Pom, Tianhou and Velvet that they stand a better chance against the predators by working together.
Sort of, but I feel that Pom and Paprika would sort of get that from the start.
VERY good job on this latest chapter. Again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. LOVED Applejack's first meeting with Arizona (especially with them both recalling what they were doing before the dimensional displacement) and Arizona's scenes with her family before she and Applejack set off on their adventure.
VERY much looking forward to more of this.
And, Discord, I would keep an eye out for an absolutely adorable sheep with a Scottish accent. If you see HER, I VERY seriously doubt Fluttershy will be far behind.
10381932
Thank you! Third chapters are always the WORST for me, so I wanted to push out something good this time!
10381983
You definitely succeeded as far as I'm concerned. :-D
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, action, humor and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I especially enjoyed Twilight and Oleander's chat (with Oleander's backstory and Twilight's recap of the adventures she and her friends have been on). And I ALSO really liked the fight with the Foenum wolves AND the encounter with the Timberwolf (yeah, makes sense Twilight fared better in her fight as she has the Pegasus flight and Earth pony strength along with the unicorn magic AND is more used to fighting her own battles [Fred stayed behind at the castle, meaning Oleander was at less than half strength]). All in all, really good work in showing Twilight and Oleander's differences as well as their similarities.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this.
Rarity: So, Velvet, after we are done here, do you want me to make you a great wardrobe?
Velvet: So, what are we talking about?
Rarity: Well, a gorgeous gown, obviously. But also a quality cloak and hat. All ice blue of course.
Velvet: Tempting. But you will forgive me if I'm reluctant. I'm reminded entirely too much of my cousin Cashmere. She does quality work, but she charges WAY too much for it.
Rarity: Well, my prices are considerably more reasonable - especially when I'm making outfits as gifts for friends.
Velvet: Even so, Foenum's currency is salt not bits. I'm not certain about the exchange rate.
Rarity: Well, that's a fair point. Consider the gown, cloak and hat a gift then. But that's AFTER we get done with saving both of our worlds.
Velvet: But of course.
one gripe:
holy fucking jesus on a snowmobile, the phonetic accent
oh you
REALLY good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places here. Yeah, I DID really enjoy seeing Rarity and Velvet's reactions to some of the side effects of the dimensional merger (Rarity the difficulty in finding her gems and unseasonal snow, Velvet the appearance of certain landmarks and new neighbors). And, yeah, I could definitely see where they could get off on the wrong hoof (though at least they didn't take it past mutual insults), but I was glad to see Cashmere helping them both out.
Anyway, definitely looking forward to more of this.
10392308
Any suggestions on how I can improve?
Another couple of possible bits for later:
Pinkie: (after meeting Arizona) I don't know whether you remind me more of Applejack or of Twilight doing a VERY GOOD Applejack impression.
Arizona: What are you talking about?
Applejack: Don't mind her, Ari. That's just Pinkie being Pinkie. She means pretty well, though.
Arizona: Yeah. She reminds me quite a bit of Paprika, though quite a bit more talkative.
Applejack: I'll take your word for it.
Pinkie: You don't have to. Pap is right behind me.
***************
and
Twilight: (to Fred) You know, despite your role as Oleander's aide reminding me a little bit of Spike, your abilities and personality remind me EVEN MORE of Discord.
Fred: You KNOW Discord? He was an old friend of mine back in the day. We kind of lost track of each other when he and I discovered Equestria and Foenum respectively, but we used to have so much fun together.
Twilight: Why am I NOT surprised that you two already know each other?
Spike: Because we do have actual experience with other universes. Mainly Sunset Shimmer's adopted universe and those divergent time lines that we found during Starlight Glimmer's attempts to stop the first Sonic Rainboom, but it is still enough to serve as proof that the multiverse DOES exist. And given that we know the multiverse does exist and given the similarities in Discord and Fred in abilities and personalities -
Twilight: That was a rhetorical question, Spike. I wasn't actually looking for an answer.
Spike: Sorry, Twi.
Twilight: But thanks for answering anyway.
************
Sorry about that. I let my imagination run away with me. If you don't like the exchanges and/or already have other/better ideas, I will completely understand and profusely apologize for wasting your time.
10392856
Already got some planned, but that was REALLY similar to what I was thinking anyways. Except in this AJ+AZ meets up with R+V first.
10393625
Fair enough. Thanks for the response.
naming Arizona 'AZ' to play as an abbreviation for her name being the same used for the state of Arizona feels nice to read.
10413534
It only made sense.
*megalovania intensifies*
Again, really good job on this latest chapter. The exchanges, characterizations, action, humor and future chapter set-up are all wonderfully done. I REALLY liked Arizona admitting that she wouldn't object to the Key Seekers working together, but with the rules being as they are and being in no position to change them yet, well - . And, yeah, this bit of a recapturing of the first chapter of the actual game, just with Applejack backing Arizona up was great (especially with AJ's understandable confusion concerning the tutorial portions and the stats on the collectibles).
VERY certainly looking forward to more of this.
10414741
:) Was waiting for you.
Even here Sans finds a way to appear.
10392308
)
Phonetic accent as opposed to...syntactic or grammatical accent? (No criticism, just being silly
10424100
Yeah, I had trouble understanding the original comment as well.
10424100
10424155
what i mean to say is that it's hard to read the way you write aj and ari's accent
if you could find a way that's more legible, that'd be great
Again, really good job on the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. LOVED Spike AND Pinkie's first meeting with Paprika as well as the explanation for how the alpacas first met the yaks. And, yeah, those fights with the snakes was pretty well done too. And, yeah, the run-down of the next two chapters definitely makes sense.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this.
10426718
Yeah! Somehow came up with a backstory that included "generosity."
Here's all of Paprika's "lines" translated in order for no reason.
"T︎H︎E︎ O︎C︎T︎O︎G︎O︎N︎ I︎S︎ A︎N︎ A︎M︎A︎Z︎I︎N︎G︎ S︎H︎A︎P︎E︎ I︎T︎ H︎A︎S︎ 8︎ A︎W︎E︎S︎O︎M︎E︎ A︎N︎G︎L︎E︎S︎"
"P︎E︎A︎N︎U︎T︎ B︎U︎T︎T︎E︎R︎ J︎E︎L︎L︎Y︎ T︎I︎M︎E︎ W︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ A︎T︎ W︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ A︎T︎ W︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ A︎T︎ N︎O︎W︎ T︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ G︎O︎ T︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ G︎O︎ T︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ G︎O︎ T︎H︎E︎R︎E︎ Y︎O︎U︎ G︎O︎!︎"
"I︎ L︎I︎K︎E︎ Y︎U︎R︎ C︎U︎T︎ G︎"
"P︎I︎R︎A︎T︎E︎ G︎O︎T︎E︎"
Dear Discord, Are you messing with the story again?
Dear Discord, If you have this letter read to you, I'm going to ban you from the rest of the chapter.
Dear weird unspecified italic writing, You're welcome.
Excellent work on the exchanges, characterizations, humor, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I ESPECIALLY loved Rarity and Velvet's teamwork against the Predators, the work that went into giving Velvet a sympathetic backstory, the added bit of humor with Discord's interruptions, the extra detail concerning the origins of the Predators' gateway, Applejack and Rarity getting Velvet and Arizona to agree to a truce, and the teamwork of ALL FOUR OF THEM against that bear.
VERY definitely looking forward to more of this.
10450876
Yeah, the only way I could see Rarity working with Velvet for an extended period of time is if Velvet had some sort of sympathetic backstory, and the only way I could see Arizona and Velvet even remotely tolerating each other is if they were to work together to defeat at least one large enemy (and even then, it's only an armistice).
Excellent job on this latest chapter. Absolutely loved the work that went into the exchanges, characterizations, action, humor and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Yeah, greatly enjoyed the check-up on Twi and Oleander (including Twi reassuring Oleander about the other ponies' reactions. And I greatly enjoyed the interactions with Trixie (particularly with Oleander pretty much creaming her). And that set-up scene with Sunburst was also wonderful stuff.
And, well, it will probably be quite a while before Chapter 2 of the game is ready, but considering this is Alternate Universe anyway, nobody would think any less of you just winging it on a few areas (after all, I, unfortunately, doubt the actual game is going to go with the "teamwork" route against the Predators, even if it would considerably improve the characters' odds of success).
At any rate, very certainly looking forward to more of this.
Eyyy, love the new banner for the fic!
10462436
Thanks! Wanted to establish that this was more than just a displacement; their entire universes are combining. Felt that doing the same with the logo would help drive that point home. Also, I kind of stole the old one.
What's BFDI?
10493505
Basically Total Drama Island, but with anthropomorphic objects like pens, erasers, and building blocks, and people can commit murder without consequence because of Recovery Centers. Also, viewers get to vote. Check it out on YouTube; it’s in its fourth season! I only use them as an end gag for now, so the story’s mostly Them’s Fightin’ Herds.
Excellent job on the exchanges, characterizations, humor, action and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Positively adored the teamwork of Pinkie, Paprika and Spike (and later Daring Do) against all those predators (especially with Spike initially trying to play Only Sane Man) as well as the interruptions by Discord and the Squad, the comments on the collectibles' stats and the fight with the Oleander clones (and, as for the reason Spike's Oleander clone held back ,well, I would like to think it's a combination of BOTH of the reasons you gave in the author's notes [that way, I'm certain to be at least HALF right]). And, yeah, as you pointed out in the author's notes, this is an alternate universe anyway.
Definitely looking forward to more of this.
Excellent job on this latest chapter. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Again, the exchanges, characterizations and future chapter set-up are all quite well done in all the right places. Loved the scenes with Fluttershy and Angel as well as Pom and her pups, before they all finally met. And, yeah, I can see where Fluttershy would get so excited and Pom would feel so overwhelmed. Plus, yeah, I can see your point in the author's notes about how predictable and overpowered Fred and Discord meeting would be.
DEFINITELY looking forward to the next few chapters (actually the rest of the story in general). And, if Chapter 2 of the Story Mode takes too long, don't worry. As aforementioned, this is an alternate universe anyway, so it's completely understandable if you decide to just go your own way and wing it (which would probably be for the best anyway as you seem to be going for the more logical route of the Mane Six and [most of] the Seekers eventually working together, which I, unfortunately, seriously doubt the actual game is going to go for).
What are the cmc up too also is starlight gonna act like a pirate when we see her again
10558916
1. May make an appearance, but not any major one since they do not have a counterpart. All I can say for now is that they’re separated.
2. Perhaps
Thanks immensely for getting this next chapter up. Again, I really appreciate you going to the effort. Again, the exchanges, characterizations, action and future chapter set-up are all quite well done. Really enjoyed Rainbow and Neighsay working with the kirin to investigate and meet the logma. And, yeah, also greatly liked the showings of Rainbow and Tianhou's differences and (a couple of their) similarities. At least they managed to get a dialogue going. And, yeah, the end cameo by the Block Squad and their brief meetings with Apple Bloom and Madision were also quite good.
Definitely looking forward to more of this.
10493513
I don’t like Battle for BFDI. It feels too far from the old days.
I’d much rather see a continuation of IDFB or Battle For Dream Island Again... or the continuation of similar shows like AnimationEpic’s Inanimate Insanity 2, Katie Holt’s Mystique Island (a lesser known show I stumbled upon,) or Xanyleaves’ Object Overload (either the reboot or the classic OO.)
(I decided to do a partial speed-through of Anko6TheAnimator’s Brawl Of The Objects’ “show” finale. The Grand Prize was worth the wait... of course, now there’s a wait to the aftermath episode.)
This is very well written, especially since you're juggling so many characters and keeping them consistent.
Paprika is the best character without question, and she juggles with Pinkie too well, natural even.
Pom and Fluttershy are adorable together. I for one want to see all the champions working together. Though the Queen toughest left to convince will be Oleander, but Twilight already has good rep with her.
Why does something inside of me tell me there's a code here?
10379471
I don't know who any of those characters are because I've never played the game. I know about a character named Arizona, but I'm pretty sure it's not the same Arizona you're talking about.
Isn't ******** the name of that one bunker in Fortnite?
Uhhh... What kind of "simple Python code" can screw with the memory like that? Also how does Python even exist in the universe? Is everything a simulation?