To Have and To Hold

by Freglz

The Best Worst Night Ever

Canterlot could be deceptively beautiful from the railing of the palace gardens, so high above it all. You get to see the city not for the ponies that make it up, but as a vibrant tapestry of lights and tiled roofs. The garden itself paled in comparison to a nighttime view like this. The architects and urban planners certainly knew what they were doing when they designed this place.

It’s just a shame that all things in life couldn’t go as smoothly.

I lowered my gaze to the bouquet in my hoof, dangling over the edge of the balustrade. If I’d just let it go, it would’ve fallen, and I’d have never have had to see it again, washed away into a gutter on a street outside the palace grounds, forgotten on a rooftop, or picked up by some passerby who needed it more than I ever did. One pony’s trash is another’s treasure, after all.

But for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Somehow, the very thought of letting go felt cruel. The bouquet never meant to hurt my feelings, it simply predicted that I’d have a happy life ahead of me. How could something so benign be wicked?

But that was precisely the problem. It was wicked because it was benign; the most hurtful relationships are the ones you find it hard to say no to. At least Rainbow and I respect each other enough to know when to give each other some space. Society at large ain’t the same.

I sighed and flopped onto my haunches, chin resting on the cold stone railing. Without the dress on, I felt far more free, but now I was beginning to miss my hat left back at the hotel. Nothing was really keeping me from fetching it, but I couldn’t just leave. Sure, I’d left the main hall, but at least I’d be around if anypony needed me.

“Quiet out here, huh?”

Languidly peering over my shoulder, I saw Rainbow emerging from the hedges. She still had her gown on – no reason to take it off, if she still planned on being a part of the ceremony. “More or less.”

“Wanna talk about what happened?”

“What’s there to talk about? I explained myself well enough, didn’t I?”

She hesitated, then wandered toward me and sat down by my side, folding her forehooves on the railing too. “I suppose you did.”

“Right.”

“But the thing is, Jackie… well, how long have you been feeling like this?” Rainbow turned to me and swathed her wing around me, sheltering me from the cool night air. She’d always been better at that than any dumb blanket anyway. Time permitting, I can easily stay nuzzled in her embrace for hours. “Do you really think everypony is out to get us?”

“No.” I shook my head, ears pinning themselves rearward as I settled my chin on the balustrade again. “But they ain’t bein’ considerate neither. And I’m sick and tired of havin’ to compromise with everypony, especially when what they’re concerned about ain’t none of their business.”

“Us, you mean? Like, you and me?”

“Yeah.” I sighed once more, heavier this time, and brought the bouquet up to view the purple and blue flowers – the only splash of colour from that starsforsaken celebration. “Whatever happens between us, it should be because we want it to happen, not because anypony else expects us to.”

She shuffled closer and pressed her wing tightly against me, her body touching mine. “I don’t think they meant to pressure you.”

“That ain’t how it feels.”

Another silence fell over us, with only a gentle breeze, the rustle of leaves and the distant echo of an orchestra of strings from the main hall whispering through the garden. Sounded like a waltz. Me and my four left hooves wouldn’t have done too well at that. At least Twilight could freestyle when the mood struck her. As for me, the most I can do is a hoedown. Anything that requires an imbalanced routine where somepony gets to be the leader, I’m like a newborn stumbling about on shaky legs.

Rainbow was much better at that kind of thing. She had to be, what with her job as a Wonderbolt and all, taking her around the world and back, meeting foreign peoples and their kings, queens and various other heads of state, dancing in a formal setting. She’d kicked up plenty of fuss about it, practically threw a tantrum one night after returning from the academy, but she had talent where I had none.

She turned her head and buried her snout into my mane, drawing in a deep breath, then planted a long, tender kiss on my temple.

As much as I wanted to, for as much warmth as she filled me with, and as many delightful shivers that trickled down my spine like fresh snowmelt, I couldn’t bring myself to smile. “Why did you want to come here?”

“Hmm?”

“The mornin’ you arrived to give me the news.” I angled my head towards Rainbow and soberly peered up at her from the corner of my eye. “You’re not the sort who comes bargin’ in at such an early hour to say that there’s a weddin’ goin’ on. Firstly, because it’s a weddin’, or a pseudo-weddin’, and secondly, because the next thing you’re known for after your ego is your ability to nap and sleep through almost anythin’.”

Even through the gloom of night, she was beautiful. Rarity had worked wonders when she’d styled her multicoloured hair, and accentuated her features with golden earrings that glistened in the moonlight. Nevertheless, there was no mistaking the surprise on her face as she closed her mouth and cleared her throat. “I just… wanted to spend time with you.”

“We do that every day, though. Right now, we could be doin’ what I said we could’ve been doin’, if only we hadn’t gotten ourselves dragged into this mess.” I shrugged and lethargically gestured in the direction of Ponyville, so far to the south that it couldn’t be seen beyond the mountains and rolling hills. “What makes a vow renewal so special? What could we possibly do here that we can’t do any other day back home?”

She appeared lost for words, stunned as if she hadn’t considered planning this far ahead. That was quite typical of her, honestly, even today. She’s gotten better, but sometimes you get to see the rigid, inflexible mare she used to be, so dead-set on getting things done that obvious hiccups don’t become apparent until it’s already too late. But for as much trouble as that kind of outlook has put us in, it’s still endearing, because it reminds me of me – how similar we can be.

On that night, all I could do was smile empathetically and give her a quick peck on the tip of her nose. “Look, I appreciate the gesture, Dash, I really do. And you know I love you. So, so much. But we gotta face the facts. Some stuff just ain’t for us.”

Rainbow met my gaze with a forlorn sense of hope. “I thought it would’ve been a welcome change of pace.”

“O’course you did, you lovable goof.” I snacthed another kiss from her, this one on her cheek, then slipped the back of my hoof up to her chest. “And like I said, your heart’s in the right place. It’s just that I’m not cut out for it. Not their interpretation, anyway.” Then I bought the bouquet over to our side of the ledge, chuckling. “And besides, what’s with all this fascination over a bunch of silly flowers? It’s not like it actually means anythin’, or could even predict the future.”

Evidently, she couldn’t see the humour in it, or at least wouldn’t acknowledge it. That was fine, I figured, so long as she knew I was alright.

But then as the good humour eventually faded, like a sweet perfume dissipating in the open air, I exhaustedly sighed once more and leaned into her, staring off towards the horizon. “Sometimes I wonder if we could disappear and get away with it,” I mused aloud, half-joking, half-serious. “Leave. Start again. Whatever. But no matter what’s possible, one thing’s for certain: I’m not lettin’ anypony tell me how to live my life.”

Her wing twitched, briefly pulling away from me as if I’d given her an electric shock.

I can’t lie to save my skin, and she ain’t the best at telling them herself, but if there’s one thing I am good at when it comes to secrets, it’s knowing when somepony is keeping one. It certainly helps that her two most expressive appendages have a mind of their own.

“Somethin’ wrong, Dash?” I asked, taking my weight off her shoulder and looking at her directly.

She refused to meet my gaze at first, frowning anxiously down at herself, then pinned her ears back yet again and shared her shy, apprehensive expression with me. “Well, you said you don’t want anypony telling you how to live your life, right?”

My own brows furrowed, uncertain where this might be going. “Yeah?”

Rainbow lingered on me for a few seconds more, hesitant, then let her breath go and retracted her wing from around my withers, folding it at her side. She swung her head left and extracted something hidden within the folds of her dress. And when she returned to me, her face had grown sullen.

Resting on the flat of her extended hoof was a golden chain and a wooden ring.

My eyes widened, and I swear that my heart skipped a beat. “Oh.”

“Yeah…”

I blinked once, then twice, then limply shook my head as if to wake myself from dozing off. I’d missed plenty of sleep, sure, but daydreams couldn’t be that vivid, could they? But still, the ring remained, and a lump was building in my throat. I coughed to remove it. “So, uh…” I tenuously began, gawking back and forth between her and the trinket, “that’s why you wanted to come here, isn’t it? To propose?”

“Yeah…”

It figured. She ain’t exactly the most imaginative type, so even though both of us have always steered away from big, elaborate displays of affection, especially in public. and reject clichés wherever we can, she’d try pulling off one of the oldest, most overused tricks in the book. “And that note you were writin’… that was for me, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah…”

She may have been lost for words before, but I feel like I’ve been stranded in the middle of nowhere – a miniscule island in a giant ocean. I’m not upset, but neither do I feel warm nor cold. It’s just… stillness. Calm. As if the entire world has shrunken down to this single, tiny object. “Huh.”

Rainbow looked up at me, confused. “What, that’s it? Huh?”

I shrugged, still staring at it. “Can’t think of anythin’ better. It’s all kinda… unexpected, I guess.”

“You don’t seem very surprised.”

“And you don’t seem too eager to ask.”

She recoiled somewhat, wings flaring a little. “Should I?”

I looked up at her. She seemed bewildered. Stupefied. Adorably so. She could’ve been the gosh darn cutest thing in the whole universe in that moment, and that alone would’ve made me the luckiest mare. But I wasn’t going to put her on the spot like that, no way. So, instead, I let my attention wander southwards again and held her forehoof in both of mine. “What’s it made from?”

“Applewood,” she said after a stunned pause, then blinked and shook herself out of her stupor, beaming a small, wistful smile down at the ring. “It’s got this enchantment on it too, courtesy of Twilight. Whoever wears it, so long as we, uh… y’know…”

“Love each other?”

“Yeah, that. So long as we love each other, whoever wears it can walk on clouds.” Rainbow giggled bashfully, and even though it was dark her blush shone through like a glowing hotplate. “I want you to have it. The first thing I want to see every morning when I wake up is you. The second is this. And I want you to keep wearing it, even when I’m not around, because then you’ll know every second of every day that I’ll never, ever stop loving you. Never.”

I met her eyes once more, those mesmerising, delectable pools of magenta and suddenly found myself overwhelmed by a tingling, insatiable itch – a yearning emptiness that begged me to latch onto her and never let go. “Dash…”

“Please, Jackie.” She stole a peck of her own from the tip of my nose. “Would you have me?”

My mouth hung open, caught on the precipice of that fateful word.

I wanted to say it. I really, truly did. My heart pleaded for me to just give in and let the emotion, this wondrous state of complete euphoria, sweep me away to that inevitable response. But for as much happiness, as much sheer joy as I felt, it would’ve been too predictable. And we, as a couple, were meant to be anything but.

“Tell ya what, Dash,” I said, barely keeping the shakiness out of my voice as I lay one of my hooves over the ring and gently lowered it, smiling at her all the while. “You keep it for now. You keep it, and then you spring it on me again sometime when we're back in Ponyville. We both know what the answer's gonna be. The real question… is how you'd surprise me.”

Rainbow appeared to be a little discouraged at first, but the more I went one, the more she began grinning like an idiot. It took every ounce of self-restraint I had not to hug her right then and there.

“Think you can do that?”

In the blink of an eye, her forehoves cupped my cheeks and she pressed her lips to mine. I barely had enough time to squeak, and when I realised what was happening, what could I do but sink into her embrace, humming blissfully.

The kiss may as well have lasted hours for all I cared, and it would’ve been nice if it had, but both of us required air, so it broke apart was we knew it inescapably would, and we lay out foreheads against one another, snout to snout.

“Yes,” she breathed, quiet as a mouse yet without a shred of doubt. “Absolutely.”

The ring wouldn’t matter much in the long run.

She was all the magic I’d need.

Comments

[Reese]

Very nice. :)

[TwilightSparkle484]

Sweet. I like the way you made the plot revolve around Lyra and Bon Bon's vow renewal and still perfectly portrayed the real central theme -- Applejack and Rainbow's relationship. This was a great perspective of Applejack's thoughts. She, Rainbow, Rarity, and the others are in character and realistic, and the dialogue and descriptions are enjoyable. Good job writing. You have talent. ;)

[jammr]

Dashie, you goofball. Well, that's one way to go about it, silly little airhead that she is. Appul is a refined mare of the earth, who don't need no big Changeling / Canterlot wedding. Really liked the character portrayal, feels like they actually matched their personalities.

Applejack is a mare of few words, but surprisingly deep perspective (Who sometimes takes the world on her shoulders, and needs to take some time off, and maybe get some good snuggles), and Rainbow goes fast, thinks faster, and sometimes forgets to think past her actions. Almost could be an episode of the show. Nicely done, Freglz.

[Voidwalker]

Well, that was an interesting one. I would suspect that there'll be at least some aftermath with Rarity and Twilight, talking things out and all that. RD apparently grew enough to feel more comfortable with her girly side, which is nice to see.
Entertaining story.

Thank you.

[The Red Parade]

Hi there!

Quite a while ago, you submitted this story to be reviewed by the Pens and Couches Review Group. This group has since undergone some changes and rebranding, and we finally reviewed your story!

Check out your review here!

[LurkingToRead]

“Tell ya what, Dash,” I said, barely keeping the shakiness out of my voice as I lay one of my hooves over the ring and gently lowered it, smiling at her all the while. “You keep it for now. You keep it, and then you spring it on me again sometime when we're back in Ponyville. We both know what the answer's gonna be. The real question… is how you'd surprise me.”

Wow. This has to be the least romantic proposal… proposal ever. Not that Rainbow’s reveal wasn’t a mood killer, but man… “Do it later. We both know what I’ll say”… Oof. Just say yes, you stupid horse!

[AppleBunker]

Short and sweet! Also, I don't think I've read a first person perspective on AppleJack but you did a really good job captivating her character. Love the flow of the story and the dialogue was superb. Good read!