Princess Anxiety
Guy Talk
Princess Anxiety
“I’m Snips!”
“I’m Snails!”
“And I’m Spike! This is Guy Talk where we objectify females in a society dominated by them for the sake of entertainment. This is sort of a return to basics for the show. The last couple of episodes I was the one being objectified. I’m just happy that I’m no longer the focus of the show. Snails also has some news to share.”
“Yeah, you kind of ran out of here like some crybaby last time.” Snips pointed out.
“Lay off, Snips. Tell them the good news, big guy.” Scratch encouraged him.
“After the show, I ran into this filly and she recognized me. We started talking and we really hit it off. She even asked me to be her boyfriend. Can you believe it?” Snails said borderline giddy. Snips wasn’t so ecstatic.
“I don’t. Who is this filly? Why won‘t you introduce her to us?”
“She’s shy. She doesn’t really do well around new people.”
“Snips!” Scratch said glaring at him. The colt decided to back off lest he incur the wrath of Scratch. “That’s great, Snails. I’m glad you found somepony.”
“I actually wanted to apologize to you, Scratch. I got a little carried away last time and… made things awkward.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad everything worked out.”
“So what’s this filly like?” Spike asked.
“Her name’s Dusty. She has all black fur and yellow eyes. She’s not a fan of crowds or public places. I shouldn’t even be talking about her. She doesn‘t like that either.” He laughed.
“Wow! Dusty‘s sounds really shy.” Spike said amazed that their was a pony out there more bashful than Fluttershy.
“We talk about the show all the time. We even talked about that crazy filly who‘s after Spike.”
“What ever happened with that nutjob, Spike?” Snips asked.
“Ashley hasn’t been caught, but she also hasn’t tried to make contact. I can only guess where she is or what she’s planning, but I’m not really worried. My roommate is one of the most powerful ponies in existence. She couldn’t set a hoof near me even if she wanted.”
“You certainly don’t seem worried. Aren‘t you the least bit scared? I mean Twilight can‘t protect you all the time.” Scratch pointed out.
“She doesn’t have to.” Spike snapped his fingers and a team of royal guards burst in forming a tight circle around the dragon. The group consisted of several tough pegasi and unicorns wearing purple armor with Twilight’s cutie mark emblazoned on the surface.
“Spike, I told you not to these guards are not playthings. At ease, soldiers.” A voice said causing the soldier to about face and salute as the guest of honor entered the room. The alicorn entered the room with an almost natural grace
“Excuuuuuuse me, princess!” Spike said greeting Twilight.
“You’re dismissed,” She said sending the soldiers away before turning to Spike. “As for you, I don’t want anymore false alarms. They’re here for your protection, not so you can show off.”
“Your highness.” Snips said bowing along with Snails and Vinyl Scratch.
“You don’t have to bow. Honestly, it makes me very uncomfortable.”
“Spike said we had to, your majesty.” Snails said.
“I’m also guessing we don’t have to address you as ‘your majesty’ either?” Scratch asked.
“I thought I told you to stop telling people to act a certain way around me, Spike.”
“Princess Celestia said you had to get used to this sort of thing. I’m just helping out is all.”
“Then why don’t you bow or act differently around me?”
“I’m your roommate, Twi. Do you really want me to bow every time you come out of the bathroom?”
“I guess that would be kind of awkward.”
“Speaking of which, why am I still sleeping in a basket in your room when you have a castle full of empty bedrooms?”
“You don’t need that much space, Spike. Besides, it’d just be another room that needs to be cleaned up and it’s not really our home anyway. ”
“Apple Bloom has her own room! Do you know how embarrassing it is when I show her around this huge castle and I have to tell her I still sleep in a basket next to your bed?”
“Apple Bloom doesn’t care where you sleep and neither should you!”
“Whatever!” Spike said crossing his arms and turning away.
“Okay, so what’s it like suddenly gaining the ability to fly, Twilight?” Vinyl Scratch asked.
“Flying is pretty draining, especially when you get your wings well past foalhood. I have to practice flying just to get where most pegasus my age are. Once you get past the development issues, it’s a great way to get around.”
“Can you do any cool spells?” Snips asked.
“I actually learned one spell that would make a certain dragon I know very happy. I don‘t really know if I want to cast it though.”
“What kind of spell?” Spike asked slightly dropping his standoffish façade.
“A spell involving gems. I could cast it if a certain dragon would stop frowning.” Twilight said temptingly. Spike dropped his arms as his anger turned to curiosity at what Twilight’s new gem spell might be.
“Fine, what is it?” Spike asked licking his lips already.
“I need you to set something on fire first. Try this.” She said levitating a random sheet of paper for a target. Spike let out a small blast of fire catching the corner of the paper. Twilight zapped the flame immediately crystallizing the small heat source. The former flame fell onto the table with a thud as Spike squealed in joy.
“You have a spell that turns fire into gems! I thought you said it was impossible.” Spike said grabbing the little green flame shaped gem.
“When I was a unicorn, it was. Changing the physical properties of matter is a snap for my new form.”
“So you could turn stuff into other stuff?” Snips asked.
“Yep!”
“So you could turn stuff into fire?” Snails asked excitedly.
“Yeah, turn something into fire!” Snips told her.
“Spike could set something on fire. I could turn anything into anything.”
“Boo! Are you going to turn something into fire or what?” Snails said becoming impatient.
“Make with the fire already!” Snips added. Twilight just sighed and took the remainder of paper that hadn’t been turned and lit it for the two of them. The two of them just watched in amazement as the scrap of paper was reduced to ashes.
“Awesome!” They both said impressed by the display.
“I could do that when I was a unicorn, you know.”
“They’re easily impressed, Twi. Watch this.” Spike finished licking fingers of the recently devoured treat and blew a plume of flame that drew the same reaction as Twilight.
“Anyway, we have some questions from Equestria’s newest princess from your subjects. Are you ready?” Scratch asked.
“Of course, I’d be happy to answer any questions ponies might have about me, even though I‘m still kind of figuring this alicorn thing out myself.”
“Alright, we got two questions from Rodrigo, a longtime fan of the show. First question is about your new powers. Since you became an alicorn has your magic increased tenfold or do you have to build them up like a muscle and learn new spells that will surpass Celestia?”
“First of all, I’d like to say that I don’t really think I could ever surpass Celestia. She’s everything I aspire to be. If I actually surpassed her one day, I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Besides, it‘s been pretty challenging adjusting to an alicorn‘s power. The amount of magic I have access to now take a lot of skill and concentration to get used to. It‘s really hard to do simple spells without overdoing it.”
“Tell me about it. I remember you tried to pull a book off the shelf and it ended up going straight through the wall and into a pie across town. I don‘t know what ruined that book more, the wall or the blueberry filling?” The princess shot a look at her assistant for giving the details of a story she preferred to keep under wraps.
“Anyway, I’m much better at managing my magic now so it’s not an issue and no one has to tell any embarrassing stories about me.” She said glaring at Spike who put his claws and chuckled.
“Oops! How about that next question?” He shrugged nervously.
“Do you have any sexual kinks or fetishes?” Twilight blushed as she tried to maintain her calm composure.
“That’s kind of personal, but I can say that I honestly don’t have one.” Snips wasn’t buying it though.
“Everyone has something. I bet Spike might know.”
“Yeah, you must have noticed something, Spike.” Snails goaded the dragon.
“I don’t know if I call it a fetish, but ever since she became a alicorn, she has this spot on her back below her left wing that makes her-”
“Spike!” Twilight shouted blushing furiously.
“Come on, Twilight! I told you there’d be some tough questions.”
“You didn’t say you’d be revealing my personal information, Spike. I want your word that you won‘t reveal anything about me without my consent.”
“Fine, I won’t.” Spike said reluctantly.
“Alright, what’s the next question?” Twilight asked calming down.
“This next question is from Chocolatebunnyhunny. Why aren’t you letting Spike tap that flank?”
“Tap my flank? I don’t get it. Is that some sort of punishment game?”
“Forget about it! Next question, Scratch!” Spike shouted as Snips, Snails, and Scrratch snickered.
“Okay, but you better tell me what tapping my flank means later.” Twilight said.
“Yeah, Spike! Show her how to tap that flank.” Snips laughed.
“How about asking something a little more wholesome?” Spike sighed
“Alright, this one’s pretty wholesome and it’s from Dragonz’s Wrath. As a princess, have you received any marriage proposals?” Scratch asked. Almost immediately Spike burst into an uproarious fit of laughter. Twilight quickly used her magic to zip Spike’s mouth shut, but the dragon was still laughing even with his mouth forcibly shut.
“I have received a proposal, but it’s really no big deal. I turned him down and that’s the end of it.” Twilight said. The magic zipper on Spike’s mouth broke open as Spike literally fell out of his chair and rolled on the floor laughing.
“I think I’m going to bust a gut!” Spike said clutching his sides.
“Alright, Spike! You got to tell us what’s so funny.” Scratch said.
“Spike, you are not to tell them anything. You hear me!” Twilight told him.
“You can’t just laugh like that and not explain why. Come on, Spike!” Snails urged him.
“I’m sorry, Twi. I got to tell them before I die laughing. You guys know Prince Blueblood, right?” Spike said wiping a tear from his eye.
“Octavia told me about him. She says his horn’s so far up his hindquarters that the Royal Pony Sisters couldn’t pull it out. He proposed to Twilight?”
“You bet he did and it had to be the most pretentious proposal in the history of wedding proposals. I swear it was like he thought he was doing her a favor by asking for her hoof in marriage. Let me see if I can remember it.” Spike coughed before he started speaking in a tone that was dripping with self importance.
“Dearest Princess Sparkle! I’ve come to rescue from a life of loneliness and whisk you away on journey of beauty and romance. Please give me your hoof and allow me to make you the happiest mare in all of Equestria.” Scratch, Snips, and Snails all burst in to laughter at Spike’s over the top performance.
“A life of loneliness! He couldn‘t be that dramatic!” Snips laughed.
“What crappy romance novel did he pull that cheesy line from?” Scratch chuckled uncontrollably.
“It gets worse. Twilight turns him down obviously, but he doesn’t give up. That’s when he gives the lamest reason ever for why she should marry him.” Spike got on his knees and pretended to beg in front of Twilight.
“Please reconsider, Princess Sparkle! With my incredible good looks and your… err… power, we could beat out Shining Armor and Princess Cadence for most powerful couple in all of Equestria. I could finally make Cadence pay for picking that boorish lout of a captain over me.”
“Did he seriously insult your brother?” Scratch asked.
“In his defense, he didn’t know we were related at all. In fact, he didn’t really know much about me at all. He thought I got my cutie mark for friendship and he didn’t even know I studied under Celestia until I brought it up.”
“So what happened next?” Snips asked.
“Well, she turned him down again and that’s when things got really good. Apparently, Prince Blueblood doesn’t take rejection well because he flips out.”
“Do you know who I am? I’m the most eligible bachelor in all of Equestria. I look in the mirror for hours at a time admiring how gorgeous I am. I’m so into myself that I make Trixie seem modest. I‘d marry myself if it was physically possible. Blah, blah.. I‘m so great.” Spike mimicked the whiny suitor’s weak case.
“After that I decided it was time for him to leave, so I asked him to leave and that only made it worse.” Twilight said.
“At this point, he stops talking about himself and basically goes after Twilight. He starts calling her nothing special and that he was only even asking because she was alicorn. It‘s like he doesn‘t even know Twilight could send him to the moon without the slightest effort.”
“So what’d you do?” Snips asked.
“She pulls his tail of his jacket over his head and through his horn. She drags him out of the castle by his coat in front of everypony. All the while, Blueblood was complaining about his clothes and mane being ruined. She took him all the way to the door and threw him out like the bum he was.” Spike recounted with great glee.
“I’ll make you pay for this, Princess Sparkle. You haven’t heard the last of me.” Spike reenacted Blueblood’s pathetic last words before he ran from the caste with his tail between his leg.
“In retrospect, I feel I didn’t handle the situation as well as I could have.” Twilight sighed. Scratch just laughed.
“What are you talking about? If it were me, he would have had way more to complain about than a ruined mane and a destroyed coat. Besides, he totally deserved it.”
“I know, but I’m a princess now. I should have held myself to a higher standard. I owe him an apology.”
“Are you serious, Twi? He deserved everything he got and then some. As far as I‘m concerned, he can burn-” Spike was interrupted by a huge explosion from the hallway. One of the guards pushed open the door and stumbled in. His purple armor was cracked and scorched as he fell to the floor.
“We couldn’t stop her, your highness. Forgive us.” He said fainting as the shadowy figure of a filly stood in the doorway.
“Dusty?” Snails said as the filly stood there with a smile on her face.
“Umm.. How did your girlfriend just beat up a four royal guards?” Snips asked.
“Because I’m not his girlfriend and Dusty doesn’t exist. I made her up so I could get close to Spike.” The filly’s black fur started to evaporate as her body became engulfed in flames. The flames faded away revealing a yellow filly with her eyes set on Spike.
“Ashley!” Spike said as terror filled his heart. The filly sighed as she laid eyes on Spike.
“Spike! I’m sorry I couldn’t get you help, but I’m glad you’re okay.” The filly’s smile seem to fall away as a scarier expression took over. “The people at the hospital lied. They said you had me committed and that you weren‘t injured at all.”
Her voice lacked any sort of emotion as she spoke. She only looked down for a second before popping her had back up and smiling again. Spike felt chills from the way she looked at him.
“So you singed the edge of your fur using magic to turn it black. It’s a pretty impressive trick, but it’s over now. Stand down, Ashley!” Twilight said standing in front of Spike. If the filly was scared of an alicorn, it didn’t register at all as she continued to address Spike.
“I never believed them, Spike. Even when they played the recording of your call, I knew it was fake! I never gave up on us! Spike, I-” Ashley took a step forward and found herself blocked by a magical force field.
“I won’t ask again, Ashley! Stand down!” Twilight shouted. Ashley continued to look through her and at Spike.
“Spike, tell her to stop. Tell her that we belong together!” She said putting a hoof on the barrier trying to reach out to him. Spike stepped out of Twiight’s shadow and looked at her. He couldn’t hide from the truth from her any longer.
“Ashley, we need to talk.”
“About what?” She said as Spike took a deep breath.
“A long time ago I promised you’d that we’d always be together, but I was so young at the time that I didn’t think about what I was saying… or how it might affect you.”
“W-what are you talking about, Spike? You‘re the best thing to ever happen to me! Your promise got me through some dark times. It was the only thing I had when things got bad. When my parents would pressure me, you were all I clung to.”
“We were so young when you told me and I wanted to make you happy so I made a promise. A promise I couldn‘t possibly keep.”
“What are you saying, Spike? You told me we’d be together… that’d everything would be okay.” Ashley looked like she was barely holding it together. She was visibly shaking with an emotion and one of her eyes had a slight twitch. Spike knew she was coming apart. Whatever thin thread of hope, he had given her was about to snap and he would be the one to cut it.
“We had some good times back then, but I’ve moved on and you should too.” Spike told her, and for a moment, everything seemed to go quiet. Ashley didn’t react at all. She just looked down . Her red and yellow mane obscuring her face. Spike was about to call out to her when she suddenly started to laugh.
It startled off as a bit of chuckling at first. The filly stepped back from the shield as her mane starting to rise into the air. Suddenly, her laughter stopped as she stared at Spike with a look that could have pierced the steeliest of dragons.
“I won’t move on. We will be together, Spike. If it means we have to be a pile of ash, so be it. We will burn together, my love!” She shouted as an explosion of magic energy emanated from her body blowing Twilight’s shield to pieces. The filly’s entire body was burning as if it were the sun itself.
Everyone in the studio was knocked against the wall of the recording booth. Spike and Twilight had been pinned under the unconscious guard who was thrown back as well. Snips was out of it as well. Besides Scratch who was in the booth, Snails was the only one who wasn’t knocked unconscious by the explosion.
“Guys, are you alright?” The deejay shouted from behind the glass.
“I’m okay, but everyone else is out.” Snails said rubbing his head.
“Okay, we need to find a way out of here!” Scratch said trying to formulate a plan, but it was easier said than done. She couldn’t teleport and the only exit was blocked by a living, breathing pony inferno intent on barbecuing everyone in the room. There was also the matter of carrying a royal guard, an alicorn, a baby dragon, and a colt out of here. Scratch was running out of ideas when she saw Snails walking towards the filly.
“What are you doing?” She cried out to him.
“I.. I think I can reason with her.” Snails said looking forward with his hoof blocking the intense heat.
“Are you crazy, Snails?”
“What other options do we have? Besides, I think I understand her.” Scratch hated sending Snails in, but the alternative was waiting for Ashley to fricassee us.
“Fine! Just be careful!” Scratch gave her blessing as Snails walked forward.
“Ashley, I get it!” Snails shouted.
“You don’t understand me! No one understands!” The flames fluctuated wildly lashing the table clean in half. Snails remained undeterred though as she continued to destroy everything around her.
“It hurts! You feel like your hearts shattered into a million pieces. You wonder if you can ever be happy again. I felt the same way,” Snails looked up to see a tendril of flame coming towards him. “before I met you!” He cried out causing her to stop just short of splitting him from horn to tail.
“Explain.” She said as her blind rage was overtaken by curiosity.
“Remember when we met? I was totally heartbroken too, but then I met you.”
“But I lied. Are you saying you hate me!” She said preparing to strike him down again.
“No! I mean… maybe a little, but I realized something!” Snails said cowering in fear.
“Realized what?” She said holding her fiery attack inches from his face.
“That no matter how many times I get my heartbroken, it’s being in love that makes it all worth it. I know it may not seem like it, but the way I felt about Scratch and you was something I’d never want to take back. Even I get hurt a million times, I’ll always treasure that feeling I had when I was with you.” Snails said staying down. The filly walked over to the trembling colt. Her aura of burning fury was close enough that Snails could feel it singing his fur.
“Stand up.”
“Huh?”
“I said stand up!” She shouted as her temper flared dangerously close to his face. Snails jumped up and stood at attention to face the filly who seemed to be appraising him. “Did you really mean all those things about treasuring what we had and never wanting to take it back?”
“Y-yeah, I totally did.”
“If I’m being honest, pretending to be your girlfriend was just a way for me to hideout and get close to Spike, but it was nice to know that someone was actually looking out for me.” She said as the fire around her started to dissipate.
“Aww, it was no big deal. I mean bringing you food and telling you about what was going on outside was pretty fun for me too.” Snails admitted. Ashley took a step closer to him.
“I want to apologize for my behavior. You’ve been nothing but nice and understanding to me. I haven‘t been very nice to you at all. I was wondering if you weren‘t too mad at me… maybe we could give it another shot… for real this time.” She asked blushing a bit.
“Really? You mean it?” Snails asked incredulously.
“If you’ll have me.”
“Of course, I will!” Snails nodded.
“Oh, Snails! I think this the start of something really special.” Ashley said leaning forward.
“Me too!” Snails said closing his eyes and preparing for his first kiss. After a few seconds of waiting, Snails opened his eyes to find Ashley on the floor unconscious, a dart with red tip sticking out of her flank. Before he could look up, a team of guards had started to file into the room.
“Put out any remaining fires and assist the injured, I’ll take the firestarter into custody.” The commanding guard said slapping a pair of cuffs on Ashley.
“B-but,” Snails stuttered.
“Good job, kid! With all that fire, we couldn’t get a clear shot. Nice work, Bullseye!” He said waving to a pony holding a small crossbow.
“Wh-what’ll happen to her?” Snails asked anxiously.
“If it were up to me, I’d throw her in the deepest, darkest dungeon and throw away the key for assaulting Princess Twilight, but considering her mental history, they’ll probably give her a slap on the wrist. I’d say she’s looking at a least ten years in a maximum security asylum. With good behavior, she might be out in five.”
“Sn- Snails…” Ashley said weakly.
“Huh? You’re still up. There was enough tranquilizer in that dart to take down a minotaur. Well, it’s not like you can hurt anyone now. Come along quietly.” The stallion said preparing to take her in, but Snails jumped in between them.
“No, I won’t let you take her!” Snails shouted. The guard dropped his happy go lucky attitude and stared at the colt with a thin expression of barely concealed anger.
“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t just do that. Now be a good little colt and stand aside!”
Snails was too scared to speak as the soldier took a menacing step forward. He was frightened out of his mind and he knew they had every right to take her away but he wasn’t going to just let it end with them carrying her off. The guard was standing face to face with the colt now and more enraged than ever at his disobedience. He was about to raise his hoof to put an end to this pathetic display when he found himself interrupted by a white unicorn hugging him.
“Oh, I was so scared! Thank you for saving us, sir!” The guard blushed at the unexpected praise.
“Well, it was nothing, ma’am. Glad to help!”
“So modest and strong too! I bet you get all the girls.” Scratch winked at Snails as the guard ate up the attention.
“I do alright.” He laughed boisterously.
“Why don’t we talk somewhere else for awhile? I don’t think she’s going anywhere.” Scratch said pulling him away and giving them some privacy. Snails knew he didn’t have long and silently thanked Scratch for running interference for him.
“Snails, it looks… like I’m going away for awhile.” She said fighting to stay awake. Snails turned and knelt down next to her.
“I know.”
“Before I go, I’d like to get that kiss. I‘ve never kissed anyone so it‘d be nice…. if it were you.” The filly could barely lift her head and was fading fast. Snails had to act fast. He carefully wrapped his hooves the back of her head and slowly lifted her head up to his till their lips met. Snails had never felt anything softer or warmer at any point in his life. He started to tear up as he pulled back.
“Thank… you, Snails.” She said finally succumbing to the effect of the tranquilizer. A look of serenity fell across her face as Snails carefully lay her on the floor. He stepped back as the guard from before walked back over.
“Well, I should be on my way, but if you’re ever in Canterlot, look me up.” He said smiling at Scratch as he picked up the tiny prisoner and slung her over his back. Snails was too busy watching her being carried away to notice Scratch rejoin him.
“Hey, everyone is going to be okay! I talked with the guard and he told me no one suffered any serious injuries. It‘s all thanks to you, big guy.” Scratch informed him.
“Yeah, that’s good.” Snails said just staring at the doorway.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“I guess.” He sighed.
“How about we go get that ice cream?” Snails was quiet for a moment before answering.
“Can I get a triple scoop?”
“You can have as many scoops as you want, big guy!”
“Don’t we have to end the show though?”
“I forgot we’re still on the air. How about you do it this time?”
“Really? I never ended the show before.”
“First time for everything. Give it a shot!”
“I’d like to… say I’m sorry for entertaining everypony… and umm… you’re welcome. This is Snails and Guy Talk signing off. How was that?”
“Ehh… close enough. Let’s go”
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I daresay that line was even funnier than Spike's contingency of Royal Guards.
The dumb colt saves the day, Scratch backs him up and shows concern for everyone in every capacity, and Spike and Twilight demonstrate their dynamic. I enjoy the way you write these characters.
Ah, and my question for the next broadcast is: Did Twilight ever learn what "tapping her flank" means?
Are any of the mane six lesbians I wonder.
Are they in any relationships?
Does pinkie like bondage?
All ? I want answered
So what's next for them?
2732755
This chapter was win. ...
My question got answered VICTORY!
Pity, I actually liked Ash as a character.
The line sounds odd. I think it should either be a comma after 'to' or a period. So it would read-
or
Or completely rewrite the line to something like:
*sees title*
...
Hmm?
Hey, now that most of you are in relationships... Have you thought of lending out your services as wingponies?
awesome
The next episode HAS to have spike injured because twilight kicked him THROUGH the library walls after he explained what "tap that flank" meant.
He explains it, she gets worked up over it, spike tries to calm her down with that 'base of the wing' thing he mentions, and he goes through the walls and down the street.
He goes in tries to start the show but needs some pony else to do the intro and then he explains all of this to them.
I've said it once, I'll say it again; WE WANT MORE!!!
Am I the only one who resprcts Blueblood as being tge only one, in a wirld based on harmony, to be an absolute asshole. Granted I wish he was more of a badass asshole and not a pussy asshole.
BEST COMEDY FIC I'VE EVER READ,
SO INTENSE, HILARIOUS, AND VEEEEEERY DRAMATIC,
IF U NEED ANY HELP WHATSOEVER, PLZ DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK ME,
I WANT THIS TO GO ON FOR AS LONG AS YOU WILL MAKE IT GO!!!!!!!!!
2739147 you go sir
When Snails said that he met a pony who was shy and that they really hit it off, I was like "no...no. No, he didn't. NO HE DIDN'T, NOT FLUTTERSHY! Not after what JUST happened with Scratch! NO. HE. DIDN'T!"
And then two lines later, I'm like, "okay, he actually didn't."
Well. I can honestly say I didn't see that coming.
Dusty...was Ashley. And that scene. Those feels man. Those. Feels. 
Also, two broadcast questions: How was a small filly able to overpower four elite guards as well as an alicorn?? Second question is: Snails, how are you holding up with your girlfriend being in an insane asylum? Do you visit her regularly? Are you counting down the days until she gets released? Or are you going to try to get over her? If so, are you worried she'll go berserk again on you like she did on Spike?
More pleas
Ashley: I'M NOT A PSYCHO!!!!
2790245
I don't know if Snails knows, since apparently he doesn't even know what "tap that flank" means (Off topic, I get a suspicion that this is what Twilight and Spike have done at some point, but that's just me). But I bet after the show, Scratch lets Snails know that there are items called "conjugal visits" that can happen while Ashley's in jail (i know they say asylum, but it's basically a prison for crazy ponies.)
2790245 non lunar guards are weak because of the regimented way they fight. They pretty much stand there and look intimidating... Or using the "vigilant watch" spell, a glorified illusion that locks the joints and creates the illusion of being awake
And he does, a friend of mine works at the mental hospital that does not exist and she was released after a pardon from Luna and she became a new element, the element of binding, basically, she burns with the strength of broken promises and uses it to fight... But she also has the disharmonic element of dejection which makes her instinctively hunt down those who have Broken promises and brands them with magic fire